A/N:
Well, here I am...
Summer is out and I think I'll have more time to update fics, but then there's also the laziness.
I have a LiveJournal now if anyone is interested:
yagurt (DASH) .com
Also check out my tumblr:
pink (DASH) tinted (DASH) .com
On my tumblr, I also post fanart so feel free to make something if you want :3
The cover of this fanfic is made by SophiexSkittles.
Now to update The Evil Within...
"I cannot believe you did this!" Mother yells.
She was standing up, pacing back and forth behind the couches. Father was seated, his legs crossed and his crooked to look at Mother. Mother right now paused in her pacing and looked at me with an angry expression on her face.
The two of them got off work early because they wanted to talk about the fight. As I came home, they were promptly inside, comfort clothes on. They ordered me to change and to come back down to the living room quickly. All the while, my rapid heartbeats didn't cease.
Should I answer back to her?
"I-"
"How could you Matthew Williams? A fight?" Mother cuts me off, glaring at me.
I bite my lip and my sight bounces back from Mother to Father. Father right now just looked at me with an irritated look, but nothing as bad as Mother's. Her face was red with resentment, her veins clearly visible under her skin and she keeps on clenching her teeth.
Mother leans against the back of the couch, stopping her rant to allow me to speak.
"I-I told you! H-He just came out on me!" I squeaked.
I just wanted to melt in my seat and hide.
Mother straightens and she starts the livid pacing again, both of her hands running through her hair. She turns to me again and points at me.
"Obviously you kept something important while you were explaining yourself! A college student? You fought with someone older than eighteen and you knew and didn't tell us?" Mother says quickly out in rage.
She continues her pacing and I hear her tsk.
"Matthew, why didn't you tell us?" Father asks firmly, but his tone was much gentler than Mother's.
I can feel tears start form at the corner of my eyes. I clear my throat, trying to stop the tears from forming and falling down my face. Everything just made me so guilty. Lilli's brother, Vash, might be taken to prison! I didn't know someone can get charged over a fight! She also said that her brother was all she had. I don't know her personal life so I can't tell the meaning behind that. Is Vash her only support? Does she come from an abusive family?
"I-I…w-well…I didn't know something s-serious like this w-would happen…" I say softly, my head hung.
Father sighs and Mother takes a deep breath.
"Well now you know, and he has hurt you. As an adult himself, he should know the consequences. Even we didn't know until now…" Mother says softly.
"Do you even know this person?" Father asks, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward towards me. "He can't possibly just hurt someone randomly, especially knowing he would get in trouble."
I bite my lip. Father and Mother don't even know who my girlfriend was. I never got the chance to tell them because Lilli now obviously was keeping a low profile and didn't want to hang out as much, so I couldn't show her to my parents.
Should I tell them the truth?
"Ah um…" I start off awkwardly.
The two of them immediately lean. Their eyes bore into my and I shift uncomfortably. My eyes nervously glance back at them, then at my lap.
"Y-You know uh…my girlfriend?" I ask slowly.
"What does she hav-" Mother's annoyed voice starts off, but I stop her.
"Well, while I was dating her…she was getting a little distant…" I say, taking a quick glance at my parents.
Mother looked at me with complete confusion, with a mix of her anger. She obviously didn't like to be cut off. I shift in my seat and clear my throat. Father looks confused as well and he motions his hands in a circular motion, signaling me to continue on.
"T-Then…I found out she was keeping our relationship a secret, and her brother, which was the same guy, got angry about that and…uh…here we are now." I conclude lamely.
Mother gasps a little. She turns her head to Father and Father can only purse his lips. She turns to me and finally, finally! she sits down on the couch. Mother places a hand over her chest and she pouts.
"That poor girl!" Mother gasps.
Father sighs and he sits closer to Mother.
"That still doesn't change the fact that this boy hurt our son…" Father says, mostly to Mother.
I let out a small whine. Just when I thought Mother would forgive me and possibly, if I asked, to drop the charges, Father comes in and ruins it! She sounded like she had a bit of sympathy, and maybe pity.
Mother turns her head to Father and she grabs his hand, squeezing it and nodding at him.
"That's right," Mother says, and she turns to me.
"Now this girl…Lilli was it?" Mother asks me.
I give a short nod, my heart dreading what Mother is going to say next. I really thought I was in the safe zone now.
Mother sighs and she runs her fingers at the bridge of her nose.
"Her situation, I can sympathize but that won't make me stop from pressing charges." Mother says firmly, looking at me with a sad expression, her brows scrunched together.
"B-But Mom w-"
"I'm sorry, but what's done is done." Mother says, cutting me off.
I feel tears of frustration form at the corner of my eyes. I clear my throat to stop my voice from cracking.
"A-After we left the principal office, Lilli begged me to c-convince you guys not to press charges," I say, my voice trembling.
Mother was about to open her mouth but I stop her from uttering one word and continue.
"S-She was crying Mom, crying. She told me that her brother was all she has…please…" I beg, wiping a lone tear that started to fall.
"I-I'm sorry Matthew…but we ca-"
"Please Mom!" I cut of Mother again, the tears now falling.
I use the sleeves of my sweater to wipe my tears, pushing my glasses up.
"I-I just feel so guilty! She practically blames me! J-Just…" I pause as a shuddered breath escapes me.
My eyes sting from constantly rubbing. I clear my throat multiple times and sniffle a lot. Mother must feel sad right now. Whenever I cry, she would always kiss me and comfort me. Not that I take advantage of that, but it's nice to know I'm not invisible.
And Father…
He must feel uncomfortable.
He must want a son that doesn't cry like this…
`A son that isn't a fag…
"We'll think about it." Father announces, and I quickly shoot my head up.
Mother has a shocked look on her face and she opens her mouth, about to say something, but Father puts his hand on her knee and squeezes gently.
"Your Mother and I will discuss this," Father says, glancing at Mother.
Mother furrows her brows and Father ignores it, turning back to me. A spark of hope washes over me. Father might convince Mother not to press charges! Oh I hope Father does that.
"Matthew, please go to your room." Father orders.
Obediently I follow his orders and rush up the stairs. The awkwardness is finally over! Since Mother pulled me aside as soon as I entered the house, I didn't get to change my clothes. Taking off the uniform quickly, I change into something more comfortable and crawl into my bed. I close my eyes and pull the blankets over me. I am too tired to do my homework, nor do I care.
I think back to how all of this happened.
This whole mess…
It's all Gilbert's fault…
I was quite comfortable accepting my sexual preferences, but it was Gilbert who crushed that confidence and started feeding black coal to it. Then I wouldn't have had to lie to everyone, and to Lilli mostly. She's getting most of the bad side of this. One, she's being used and once she finds out I didn't like her, her feelings will be crushed. Also, her brother is at risk as well, because of my lies.
Tears squeezed through my eyes. Why did this happen to me? The bad things always happen to me. I wish I was invisible again, like the time at the other school. Just be invisible and not noticed. Taking off my glasses, I squinted my eyes to place them on my drawer. Quickly, I buried my face into the covers, sniffling. I fall asleep, crying and sniffling tiring my out.
I really don't want to go to school. Sighing, I got off the train and made my way towards my destination. I didn't want to face Lilli at school. There's just too much going on. Walking slowly for about ten minutes, the view of the school entrance meets my eyes. Frowning, I make my way inside, passing through students. I can hear their murmurs very clearly. To sum it all up, they are just gossiping about me again.
Wow, I'm talked about now. First it was me wearing the maid's outfit, which everyone hopefully forgotten, and now this fight. Shaking my head, I enter my class and sit at my desk. Today was the day I also start my detention. I frown and rest my head against my palm. I see Ivan enter the room but I don't move an inch.
Ivan sits down next by me and looks my way. "Something the matter Matvey?" Ivan asks.
I sigh and turn to face him. "E-Everything is awkward now Ivan…" I admit to him.
Ivan's face softens and he leans forward. "What do you mean Matvey?" he asks.
I was about to open my mouth but then I closed it as more students entered the classroom, as well as Mr. Wade, making his usual entrance.
"Alright losers, take your seats!" Mr. Wade said loudly, clapping his hands.
Groans and some witty comments at Mr. Wade fill the room. Everyone takes their seat but Ivan is still near me.
"I'll tell you later…" I say, turning forward.
Ivan nods his head and he does the same.
Ivan and I were back out in the courtyard, eating out lunch. Elizabeta ditched us and left for Roderick, well, at least what I heard from Ivan. I'm looking down, munching on a sandwich while Ivan is drinking out of a juice box. I promised him I was going to tell him if something was bothering me, but I don't know how to start. I'm grateful Ivan doesn't say anything now.
"I feel so guilty…" I start, swallowing my sandwich and looking at the grassy floor.
From the corner of my eye, I see Ivan put down his juice box and lean closer. He doesn't say anything at all.
"I-If my mom actually press charges…I don't know if I can face Lilli again…" I say slowly.
"She should understand да?" Ivan says. "She must know the pressure you're under…"
I shake my head. "I don't know…all I know is that I don't want to press charges." I sigh.
Ivan nods, and keeps quiet.
"But at least my dad will try to convince her out of it." I say.
Ivan sighs. "In all honesty Matvey, I think he should be locked away."
For a moment, I stay still. Slowly, I look up at him, confused. "W-What…?" I say softly. "N-No…he shouldn't!" I raise my voice a bit.
Ivan purses his lips. "Think about it Matvey. He hurt you and partially for no reason."
I shake my head. "There is a reason, but he doesn't deserve to be put away and Lilli all depressed because of me!"
Ivan raises an eyebrow. "What reason is that then?" Ivan asks.
He must be bluffing. Ivan already knows why, so how come I have to say it out loud? I stay silent, turning my head away. The embarrassment of saying why is too much.
"Well…?" Ivan drawls.
Sighing angrily, I turn back to Ivan. He has an eyebrow raised but relaxes his expression to something softer. I soften my face as well, finding strange comfort in telling Ivan. Ivan is always nice to me and he understands. I wouldn't dare tell Elizabeta because she'll just have a nosebleed over it. But Ivan, he can actually take it seriously and give me advice.
"I-I…I'm a liar…a dirty liar…" I say lowly, hanging my head in my arms. I squeeze my eyes shut.
"I'm," I lower my tone. "I'm gay," I whisper and then bring back my normal volume. "And I'm tricking Lilli's heart. If it wasn't for my pathetic self…Lilli wouldn't have to be put in this situation…"
Lifting my head a bit, I see Ivan frowning.
"Then tell her. Tell her everything." Ivan says.
I widen my eyes and straighten my posture. He has to be joking, right? I mean, he really thinks telling Lilli everything is going to fix the problem?
"I-I isn't that simple Ivan!" I exclaim. "T-The things I-I went through…I-It's just too much!" I say, tears in my eyes. I clear my throat, trying to stop myself from crying.
Ivan opens his mouth, about to speak but the bell signaling lunch is over ring through the courtyard. Small chatter echoes off as other people get up from the wooden benches and head to their next classes. I stay immobile, frowning as I stare at an ant crawling. Ivan stands up, getting out.
"Matvey, are you coming?" Ivan asks, standing by my side.
Pressing my lips together, I nod. Getting up as well, Ivan and I walk towards the building.
"I want you to tell me…" Ivan starts.
I stare up at him, confused.
"Tell me the things you went through." Ivan says, pushing the doors open.
I hide my shocked expression and start walking down the hall. The hall is filled with other kids and I maneuver my way through. Ivan does the same.
"How you feel about all of this…" Ivan says, about to part.
I look at the floor, fidgeting.
Should I tell Ivan? I already confessed to him about Gilbert. But about everything? Tell him I'm repulsed by myself? Even that evil voice in my head? What would Ivan feel if he heard everything? This is just too much, I'm involving him more than necessary.
"Matvey, I'm serious." Ivan says sternly.
I look up at him and sigh deeply. His eyes are hard, staring intensely at me. It makes me blush a bit and I nod slowly.
"O-Okay." I say softly.
Ivan's face expression softens and he comes over and pats my shoulder. "It must feel bad, having everything bottled up inside…" Ivan says lowly.
I raise my eyebrows at him, wondering how he experiences the same thing. Before I can say anything, a teacher shoos us away, saying we are going to be late for class. As we part, I turn my head back, taking one last glance at Ivan. Can I really trust him with my secrets? He is nice, but like they always say, ignorance is bliss.
The end of the school bell sounds the whole school and makes me shudder. Today was the day I have to report to Principal Smith's office and I haven't forgotten. She's seems like a scary woman, even with that smile she gives at times. Everyone gets up quickly, like any other day, and rushes out of the classroom. Pursing my lips, I follow after them slowly.
Maybe I should ditch…
No, I would get in more trouble. But what kind of detention would I get? I really don't know how things with punishments go with this school so it can possibly be anything. I can help the teachers, which I'm hoping for, clean around, or worse, do nothing. I wouldn't like that one bit. As I open my locker, Ivan comes up to me.
"So Matvey, you're going to Ms. Smith, da?" Ivan asks, a small smirk on his face.
Frowning, I nod. "Yeah…do you know what kind of detention I'll have?" I ask Ivan.
Ivan shrugs. "Well it depends on what you do…" Ivan trails off. "Like with fights you help around teachers."
I raise an eyebrow. "You have gotten into fights?" I ask.
Ivan nodded. "Sadly yes. I regret it." Ivan says, furrowing his brows.
Nodding, I put my stuff away. "What happened?" I ask out of curiosity.
Ivan does look buff but he's too nice to fight anyone, right? I wouldn't be able to imagine it.
Ivan shook his head. "I rather not." He said slowly, looking away.
I imagine a bloody fight between that person and Ivan. If he doesn't want to talk about it, then it's probably really bad. Frowning, I nod. I still want to find out, but I will ask later. Slamming my locker shut, Ivan and I walk slowly towards the entrance, but the office was near it. As I pause in front of the office doors, I look up at Ivan.
"I'll see you tomorrow." I say, fiddling with my shoulder bag.
Ivan nods. "Well, I'll still be in the school…" Ivan trails off.
I raise my eyebrows again. "Are you in trouble too?" I ask.
Ivan shook his head. "No I am not."
Before I can ask any more questions, Ivan starts to walk away. "I will see you around, da?" He says with a smile.
Sighing, I nod. "If I can…" I frown. They might put me to work nonstop.
Ivan chuckles as he pushes the door to the stairwell. "It won't be that bad."
I shrug my shoulders. Before I can say anything else, I hear the door behind me click open. Turning around, I see the same secretary from before.
"You're Matthew Williams right?" She asks.
"Yeah."
She beckons me over with an index finger. "Principal Smith is waiting for you."
Biting my lips, I enter the room slowly. Principal Smith was in her room, talking softly on the floor. Being polite, I quietly made my way over to the chair and sat down. The door shut closed behind me and Principal Smith talked some more. I wonder what she has up her sleeve.
"Okay, thank you for your time..." Principal Smith ends the call and gently places the office phone down. She turns to me and smiles, folding her hands on the desk.
"Matthew, glad you could make it!" Principal Smith smiles.
I only nod curtly. Principal Smith clears her throat and scoots closer to the desk, a bit embarrassed by her attempt of a joke.
"Well then, we should get down to business? There many things you'll be doing today." Principal Smith smiles lightly.
I frown a bit, not too happy to hear those words.
"Now then, what should you do...?" Principal Smith ponders, tapping her index finger on her chin.
Widening my eyes, I gawk at her. "You mean...you haven't thought this through?" I ask.
Principal Smith looks at me and smiles. "Honestly no. We haven't had an incident in a while..." She says, back to thinking.
I wonder if she's talking about Ivan and that mysterious fight. Now I really want to know what happened. Ivan looks like a sweet guy, I can never imagine him in a fight. He's just so nice and I can never imagine him doing that.
I force myself not to stare at Principal Smith while she 'thinks'. Instead, I stared at the framed certificates she has. Principal Smith clears her throat after a few moments, making me jump a bit and I turn my head abruptly towards her. She has this evil grin on her face and it makes me want to look away. Principal Smith must have something really bad up her sleeve.
"I got it!" Principal Smith exclaims, her index finger extended outwards.
I press my lip in a thin line, not amused by one bit. I wish she would stop this cruel teasing and just give me my damn detention.
"You'll be assisting the teachers." Principal Smith says, crossing her arms and nodding her head, leaning back in the chair.
I wanted to flail my arms and say 'that's the best you can do?' A punishment that easy and she didn't want to tell me in the first place? Principal Smith is acting like 'assisting' a teacher is the worst thing for a student to do. Well, maybe it is, for some students but not me.
"You can start by helping my secretary, Evelyne, or if she doesn't need it, she can tell you other teachers that could possibly need help." Principal Smith say, pointing towards the door.
I stand up, nodding my head. "Uh...thank you..." I say awkwardly.
Principal Smith only nods and I find that my cue to leave her room. Grabbing my bag, I walk towards the door and open it slowly, walking out of Principal Smith's office and spotting the same secretary that hands around Principal Smith.
Now that I notice, she always has her chamoisee colored hair in a messy braid, some strands sticking out, with a big, floppy red bow to the side of her hair and her bangs pulled to the side with a few bobby pins. I see her push her thin rim glasses upward as she continues to over look files, not noticing, or in other words, not paying attention that I'm somewhat staring at her.
Taking a deep breath, I walk towards her desk. "Um...Ms..." I look for her name tag, not comfortable with calling her by her first name, as Principal Smith did.
"Ms. Bonnefoy...?" I say, raising one eyebrow.
Is Ms. Bonnefoy related to Francis?
Mr. Bonnefoy lifts up her head and stares at me, adjusting her glasses. She closes the folder she was working on and puts it to the side, folding her hands in the same fashion as Principal Smith.
"How can I help you?" She says, her voice somewhat similar to Francis, a french accent, but a little more...southern if that's the right word.
"Um Principal Smith," I point behind me, towards her office door. "Er she wanted me to help you," Her face stays bland. "I-If you need any help that is!" I say awkwardly. I blush a little, finding this situation a little embarrassing. Ms. Bonnefoy's face just looks grumpy and serious.
"I gladly appreciate the offer," Ms. Bonnefoy starts. "But as of now, I don't need the help, sorry." She apologises.
I nod my head. "Oh then. Well Principal Smith also said that if you can find my a teacher that needs help, since you don't need any." I scratch the back of my head. I just want to get this over with.
Ms. Bonnefoy nods. "I can do that. Would you mind just sitting over there?" She asks, pointing to a leathery armchair next by a fake plant.
Nodding, I comply with her request and sit. The leather made a loud squeak and I try my best not to make any distracting noises as Ms. Bonnefoy picks up her office phone and dials some numbers. I bit my thumb and finally take a good look around the office. It has pictures of teachers and classes, but mostly pictures of Principal Smith in some events. I look over to see Ms. Bonnefoy's cork board. She had some sticky notes and such, but a few pictures of someone dancing, more like a ballerina.
A loud click of the phone snaps me out of my thoughts. I look up to see Ms. Bonnefoy looking at me. "Mr. Kasheem seems to be needing help."
I nod my head and stand up. "Thank you." I politely say.
Ms. Bonnefoy smiles lightly and I'm taken back. Her smiling is kind of nice. She only nods and I take my leave. Mr. Kasheem is my English teacher and I'm in his honors class. Walking towards the stair case, I make my way towards Mr. Kasheem's class on the second floor.
Walking down the hall, I see that the doors to some classrooms were still open, probably some teachers were still in there. Trying not to look in, I make my way to Mr. Kasheem's class that was dead center of the hallway. Walking in slowly, I knock on the wall, trying to catch his attention. He was sitting at a desk, his body turned. There seemed to be another student with him, a book and notebook open on the other desk. As Mr. Kasheem turned around, I looked at the mysterious student who happened to be Ivan.
I look at Ivan with a confused expression and Ivan looks down at his paper, not meeting my eyes. Mr. Kasheem looks at me, as if he doesn't know me. I feel my heart squeeze a bit, the same feeling I get when no one remembers me.
"Can I help you...?" Mr. Kasheem asks slowly.
I frown and a red tint showing embarrassment spreads across my cheek. If only Ivan wasn't here, then I would have thought nothing of this. My focus jumps to Ivan and I'm surprised to see any signs of anger in his face. He was about to open his mouth but I clear my throat, his attention snapping back to me.
"Um...you needed help..." I said slowly.
A blank look was left on Mr. Kasheem's face.
"I'm Matthew, in your class...?"
Now a raised eyebrow. I can almost feel tears starting to form.
"Ms. B-Bonnefoy called you..." I say, my voice dropping a bit.
The look of realization comes over Mr. Kasheem's features and I loath it so much. I been sitting in the front of his class the whole time and he can't remember me?
"Oh yes Matthew! One of my top students!" Mr. Kasheem stood up and went over to his desk.
I couldn't help but look back at Ivan. Ivan looks away from me, staring out the window. I wonder why he's here. He hasn't done his work or something like that? Mr. Kasheem comes back with loads of papers in his hand.
"You wouldn't mind ordering these? It's okay, they're colored coded so it should be easy." Mr. Kasheem says, gently placing the papers into my hands.
They come up all the way to my chin! Couldn't Mr. Kasheem do these himself a bit and lower the amount of these papers? I nod my head and couldn't help but to look at Ivan again. He meets my gaze but quickly looks away. Why is Ivan acting like that?
"You can sit at my desk if you'd like." Mr. Kasheem suggested.
Nodding, I make my way over to his desk and place the piles of paper on it. Mr. Kasheem goes back over to Ivan and still, my eyes just can't stop glancing back at Ivan as I worked filing the papers. Him being here just makes me really curious. They were cautious of their volume and I can only hear murmurs. A couple of minutes later, a loud sigh breaks my concentration and I look back at the group.
"This is too hard..." Ivan says in an irritated tone, his head supported by his fingers as his elbows rest upon the desk. The only thing visible from here is his frown.
"Ivan this is basic stuff!" Mr. Kasheem exclaimed, his tone matching Ivan's. He pointed to the textbook. "This is easy!"
Ivan looks at Mr. Kasheem angrily. "Obviously not for me!"
Mr. Kasheem looks back at Ivan, straightening himself. "Listen Ivan, I don't even have to do this. You could just fail English but I'm considerate enough to even offer to help you and I don't appreciate this attitude." Mr. Kasheem lets out a sigh.
"How about we take a break?" Mr. Kasheem suggests. He stands up and stretches a bit, walking towards the door. "I'll be right back...okay?" He says, walking out of the room.
Another sigh comes from Ivan and he puts his head in his hands, biting his lips. I look down at my work and see that I was already done. Looking back at Ivan, I see him peek at me.
"Hi." I simply say, giggling a bit.
Ivan takes his hands away from his face and I think I catch a pink tint on his face. He turned his head away and I pout. Is Ivan embarrassed for getting help? Getting up from the desk, I make my way over towards Ivan. Ivan flinches as I sit in the seat next to him. I scoot closer and over look the thing Ivan was working on but Ivan covers them with his arms.
"What are you working on?" I ask Ivan.
Ivan frowns. "It's nothing important." He says.
A small whine escapes lips and I pout a bit. "Come on, just show me!" I exclaim. "I've been sitting there, listening to you guys...I think I've been curious enough."
Ivan sighs. Slowly he removes his hands and I look down at the desk, raising my eyebrows. All there was were worksheets of stuff I learned in 8th grade, Verbs, Pronouns, etc. I glance at Ivan but he has his head turned around, the blush spreading to his ears.
He actually looks cute blushing...!
"Are you in ESL classes?" I ask him.
Ivan nods, not speaking.
I press my lips together. "But you speak perfect English..." I say, a bit confused.
Ivan turns his head towards me. "Da I do, but speaking English and interpreting English are two different things."
Nodding my head, I take the worksheets in hand. The worksheet was just fixing spelling errors. But the work wasn't the only error on the paper. Ivan has written on it so much, that the pencil markings and the red ink of Mr. Kasheem collided together, making the original text hard to see. There were many eraser markings and I have to squint, even with my glasses on, to see the original text.
"How about I help you?" I suggest.
Ivan widens his eyes slowly. "I rather you not..." He said slowly, recovering his shocked expression.
I frown. "Why not? Are you embarrassed?" I ask.
Ivan frowns. He looks down at his lap, not saying anything for a few seconds. He slowly nods. "I'm stupid." He says softly.
I place my hand on Ivan's shoulder and grip it not to tight. "No you aren't Ivan," I start, picking up the worksheet. "You're just having difficulties understanding. That doesn't make you stupid." I say sincerely, looking into Ivan's eyes.
Ivan stares back, as if doubting what I'm saying. He bites his lips and nods. "Okay." He simply says, looking back at the work.
Smiling, I take the worksheet and overlook it again. Then I widen my eyes. "You only got to number five...?" I said in disbelief.
Ivan shrugs and pats the textbook. "Doesn't help when you don't know the correct spelling and try to look it up in the dictionary."
I laugh a bit and look at his paper. "Well how about you start by rewriting it?" I suggest.
Ivan and I began to work, rewriting the sentences. I told him a trick when not knowing how to spell a word and you just try to sound it out. We were working for a few minutes before walks into the room.
"Sorry about that, got a little sidetracked." Mr. Kasheem says, laughter dying down. He then walks over to us and raises an eyebrow and looks at me.
"Michel right?" He says in a questioning voice.
I sigh and shake my head. "Matthew sir..."
Mr. Kasheem nods. "Oh Matthew!" He takes Ivan's worksheet in his hands. He nods slowly, turning the sheet over to the other side.
"You helped Ivan?" Mr. Kasheem asks, folding his arms.
I swallow thickly. Was helping Ivan while Mr. Kasheem was gone a bad thing?
"Y-Yeah...it looked like he was struggling when you left..." I say slowly.
Mr. Kasheem smiles slowly. "You helped him more than I did!" Mr. Kasheem laughs.
Raising an eyebrow, I glance over at Ivan and he only shrugs and I look back at Mr. Kasheem. Mr. Kasheem grins. "How about tutoring Ivan in my place?" Mr. Kasheem.
I widen my eyes and look at Ivan then back at Mr. Kasheem. "A-Are you sure...? I have detention though..." I slowly say.
Tapping his chin with his index finger, Mr. Kasheem looks up at the ceiling, thinking. A short 'aha!' escapes his lips and he grins down at me. "How about you tutor Ivan as punishment?" He says, snapping his fingers. "Just a small, white lie." He grins.
I too smile a bit. "Yeah, I would like that!" I say happily.
It's better than helping the lazy teachers out.
"Great!" He exclaims, going over to his desk. "I'll speak with Mrs. Smith, she'll gladly take any offering of labor for you." Mr. Kasheem says, looking up as he organises his stuff into his bag. He took the bag and hung his coat over his arms. "I'm going to go now so when you're done, just close the door." With that he leaves.
As the sound of walking fades off of the hallway, Ivan groans out loud.
"Does he really think I'm stupid...?" Ivan says slowly.
I blink at him and frown. "What do you mean?" I ask.
"He really thinks low of me... Punishment?" Ivan stares at me, an angry expression on his face. "Really?"
Frowning, I slowly place my hand at his back. "No no Ivan, you're not stupid, you're not low. He just made a mistake..."
Ivan looks at me and frowns. "I don't even know English."
"It's okay not to know English Ivan...that's why you're learning now." I say, tapping the papers on his desk.
Ivan sighs and looks up. "We should go..." He says, pointing to the clock.
I look up and nod. "Okay." I say and help Ivan with his papers.
The two of us leave the classroom and Ivan closes the door. We walk down and down the stairs till we were on the first floor.
"Thank you." Ivan says out loud.
I turn my head and smile at him. "No problem Ivan. Tutoring you isn't a problem to me."
Ivan shakes his head and stops. "No Matvey...thank you. Thank you for everything." Ivan says slowly, looking at me with a serious expression.
Blinking at him, I stop and stare at him for a couple of seconds. "Your welcome..." I say softly.
I don't understand what kind of thank you this is, but Ivan looks very serious and I'll just play along with it.
"I'll see you tomorrow, da?" Ivan smiles, starting to walk off towards the doors.
Smiling back at him, I wave. "Of course."
He smiles back and pushes the door open, walking out. With I sigh, I was about to walk off when I felt a finger tap at my shoulder. Turning around, I face Ms. Bonnefoy.
"So, Mr. Kasheem has told me about tutoring?" She quirks an eyebrow.
I laugh sheepishly and nod my head. "If you don't mind...or really, if Principal Smith doesn't mind."
Ms. Bonnefoy only nods. "Well, Principal Smith doesn't mind, in fact, she encourages it." She crosses her arms. "Guess you're off the hook of doing labor now." She huffed a bit.
Smiling a bit, I nod my head. "I can still help around if anybody needs it..." I offer.
A laugh erupts from Ms. Bonnefoy and she covers her mouth with her hands in a ladylike manner. "Oh I'm sure I'll be needing your help." She smirks.
A pout forms on my face. "Okay okay..." I say in a mocking dejection.
"See you later Matthew." Ms. Bonnefoy says, waving me off.
Nodding to her, I start to walk of. "Have a good night." I say.
"You too dear."
The couple weeks of community service weren't bad, but of course I did all of them with a scowl on my face. I did trash pick ups along with other workers, I helped in the elderly, which wasn't so bad, and couple of other things.
So now I'm wiping graffiti down. The worst part of all was that I'm in my old neighborhood. I had my red hoodie up to cover myself. I just hope no one sees me. Just why this neighborhood? Is it that bad? Well I didn't think it was, just that the people living here makes it seem bad.
Every time I hear voices similar to teenagers, I would sort of stop. Luckily every one of them didn't seem to know me or bother to look. One group even bumped into me and just continued on walking. Guess my invisibility works today.
Wiping the last spot of the graffiti off the wall, I let out a big sigh. This was the last of the community service I had to do today and I'm grateful. Just as I was going to pick up the cans and rags I used and put them in a bag, I hear another group of teenagers. I flinch a bit and freeze but relax as I just continue to clean up. It's not like they can notice me now and besides, I just want to go home. I'll have to go to the community service office and drop these off, then I'm done.
I feel a shoulder bump into me but instead of a light shove, I find myself connecting with the floor.
"Hey! Wat-"
Groaning a bit, I look up to see why they paused mid sentence and widen my eyes.
It feels like everything stopped in slow motion.
Their eyes widen and stare at me, while I stare back.
My heart beat quickens and I could already feel the dread seep into me.
"Isn't this the gay guy from last year?" Another guy says and I had to turn my head around to see who was talking.
I remember each and every one of these faces.
"Oh god that's right!" One laughs.
An arm pulls me up painfully and I bite my lips to keep in a painful yelp. No way am I going to show weakness now.
"How you be- Hey...what's his name again?" The guy holding my arm asks.
The group, which looks like to be about five or six people, murmur together and I feel a pang in my chest. Even if I dislike them, why do people forget my name?
"Miguel?" They look down at me. "Is that your name?"
"I-I-It's Ma-Matthew..." I squeak out.
"Right right..." One replies but all of them still have a confused look.
Do they only remember me as the fag...?
I frown a bit and try to shake the arm off of me. "Please let me go..." I say softly.
"What was that?" One hums. "Gotta speak up dude."
Frowning, I try to pry his hand off my arm. "I said let go." My tone on the edge of annoyance.
The grip tighten and I yelp a bit, not able to contain it.
"So how you been fag?" One says and the others laugh.
I could feel tears forming at the corner of my eyes. "I-I'm not a fag! L-Let me go!"
The group laughs and my chest tightens painfully. "Sure sure, whatever you say..."
Furrowing my brows, I retch my arm from them and hiss in pain as I feel the other's nail dig across my skin. They were too busy laughing and were slow to notice that I broke away. I was already around the corner when they decided to chase me.
Through the busy day, it was no obstacle for me to run past these people. My invisibility worked for the most part and the people walking by didn't seem to notice me but from behind, I could hear annoyed yells like 'Careful!' or 'Watch where you're going!'.
I was turning corner after corner, running across the streets and in front of cars, all to get away from these guys. Fear was beating in my heart and I didn't want another incident like Gilbert and the daycare center, even if they weren't going to kiss me or anything. It's possible, but I didn't hope for it. But I didn't want to get beaten up or anything.
As I run around another corner, I couldn't help but look back to see if they were on my tail. Just as I turning back around, I bump into someone. With a loud 'oof' from both us, I fall on my ass and groan a bit. Recovering a bit, I see the guy pick himself up, cursing.
"Verdammt..." He curses and I stare wide eyed at him.
The blood boils under my skin and my mind is telling me to run but I just can't move.
"Matthew...?" Gilbert says slowly, staring at me with his red eyes.
"Where did he go...?" A voice calls out and I know they're close.
What's better, to be in the hands of a group or just stay here with Gilbert? Immediately I scramble to my feet but it feels so slow because I'm still in shock.
He grabs my hand and I stay frozen, my eyes widen. He starts to run forward and I cant' help but follow him.
My body won't listen to me...
"Wha- What are you doing...?" I ask, finding my voice again.
"Saving your ass." Gilbert says, gripping his hold around my wrist.
"B-Bu-"
"There he is!" They yell but we just made turn around a corner.
Gilbert sped up his brisk walk and I wasn't ready for it. I feel my glasses slipping off and just when I grabbed to fix them, they slip off of my face.
"My glasses!" I call out, looking back.
"No time now." Gilbert says, tightening his grip on my wrist.
I'm a bit far sighted so it's okay but still, my glasses...
Gilbert stops somewhere and I bump into his back. He doesn't say anything and starts walking up steps to an apartment. My heart beats fast and I slowly try to pry my hand out of his hold but he tightens even more, making me bite my lip as I try to contain the painful yelp.
I'm going into his house..
Without letting go of my wrist, Gilbert digs into his pockets and opens the door. He pushes the door open and drags me inside, closing the door behind me. My wrist still in his hand, Gilbert jogs up the stairs as I follow behind. He opens another door and walks inside shoving me in.
I push pushed onto his couch and sit quietly as he shuffles from one room to the other. His apartment looks nice, just normal. But it looked really tidy, not really fitting how Gilbert lives.
Not that I think of how he lives!
Gilbert comes back with two glasses of juice and hands one to me. He sits down as well, taking a sip.
"Oh um...thank you..." I say softly.
I'm afraid that Gilbert will pounce on me and rape me. It's too much for me.
"Stay here for a couple of minutes until those guys forget about you." Gilbert says, glancing at me.
I only nod, gilding the drink in my hand. The two of us fall silent, not once attempting to start a conversation. I keep my head down, not wanting to keep looking at Gilbert. I could hear a clock ticking and it's so annoying, reminding me that time is going slowly.
"S-So hows um...how's Alfred?" I ask.
I secretly glance at Gilbert. He's sitting too comfortably on the couch, but he is in his own house. I sit at the edge of the couch, afraid where Gilbert's hand is.
"Alfred's good. He got himself a girlfriend." Gilbert says as he takes a sip of the drink.
I bite my lip. Why would Gilbert mention something like that? Is he trying to make me feel bad? A moment of awkward silence passes between us. Gilbert takes more loud sips and I play with the dew that has formed on my glass, wetting my hands. Each passing tick of the clock up on the wall makes me more uncomfortable.
Gilbert's sudden movement catches my eye and I flinch hard. Gilbert places his drink down on the table. After he pulls back, I do the same. I haven't taken one sip of the drink. I don't trust Gilbert.
I shouldn't be here...
Mustering all of my will power and confidence, I stand up. My heart is beating frantically and my throat suddenly feels dry.
"I...uh -"
"Sit." Gilbert orders, cutting me off.
The straight forward, harsh command doesn't make me feel any better. Reluctantly I sit down, a frown on my face.
Another long pause and I listen to the ticking of the clock. Once again, I listen to the ticking of the clock. I swallow thickly, my throat dry.
"How've you been?" Gilbert asks suddenly.
I take a quick look at him the look back at the floor. "Um...I've been good..." I say softly.
Gilbert only nods and finished the drink. As the clock makes one more tick, I furrow my brows and stand up briskly.
"I'm sorry but I have to go." I say, annoyance in my voice. I glare at him as he stands up.
"But-"
"But what?" I interrupt him. "You obviously hate me and I don't see why I should stay here! You're a bully!" I turn around, making my way to the door but Gilbert grabs my wrist and turns me around painfully.
"L-Let me go!" I say, glaring at him angrily.
"No." Gilbert glares back, tightening the grip
I couldn't help but yelp out, not containing the cry of pain. Biting my lip, I still keep my glare with Gilbert. My heart was beating so hard and I'm afraid Gilbert is going to hurt me. Shaking my arm side to side, I try to make Gilbert let go.
"I said let go Gilbert! I'm tired of your-"
Once again this day, I and reconnected to the floor. A hiss of pain escapes me and I open my eyes and widen them as I see Gilbert on top of me.
Oh god...
Oh god...
He's going to rape me...
His legs were at each of my sides and his hands were right besides my head. We stared at each other for more than a couple seconds and each passing second makes my heart beat faster in fear. Just waiting for Gilbert's move makes me feel afraid for my life because I don't know what he'll do. If he does do something, I won't appreciate any of it at all.
I loath this boy...
Pressing both of my hands on his chest, I push weakly. The fear is making my jittery and I grip his shirt. "G-Get off m-me..." My voice trembling and I curse myself for showing it so easily.
Gilbert grips one of my hand and brings it over my head, pinning me. The look he has on his face is predatory and I think I see a pink blush on his face.
No no no no no!
It seems as if it all happened so fast. My hand went over to his neck and my right knee nudged him to the side, making him fall on his back. He was probably too distracted and that's why I could push him so easily. All of my actions now happened without thinking and I get on top of him.
Quickly I take my hands and grip his, taking it over his head. The fear quickly diminishes and now I have confidence to even attempt this also anger to keep me fueled. Gilbert snaps out of his daze and he tries to shake me off but I too keep a strong grip on his wrists.
"What the fu-"
"Do you even know the pain you even caused me?" My voice was low and dark and I was glaring at him.
Either from the question or my tone or even my harsh gaze, Gilbert froze and just stares at me. I take this as a saying to continue speaking.
"You just thought it was fun and games but not for me..." I say slowly, watching for any reactions.
"W-"
The grip I have on his wrists tighten and I lean forward. "I'm talking and you're going to listen." I hiss.
Gilbert's facial expression turns to shock and he keeps his mouth shut.
"Before I left, it was hell because of you! You ruined my life!" I yell in his face and Gilbert flinches.
My chest tightened and I could feel tears forming at the corner at my eyes.
"I-I am gay... so what...?" I said slowly and watch my tears fall down to hit his face.
Gilbert flinches and widens his eyes.
"Y-You made me h-hate myself..." I sobbed silently.
I let go of Gilbert's hands to cover my face, wiping the tears away and trying to contain the sobs. Gilbert makes no move and once I was done, I placed my hands at the sides of his head, supporting myself.
"J-Just why? Why Gilbert?" I ask silently, sniffling a bit.
Gilbert blinks at me and we stare at each other for god knows how long. It felt good to release all of my feelings to him but at the same time it was uncomfortable that I was on top of him.
"Because I like you." Gilbert says softly and I widen my eyes.
A loud click of the door snaps both of our heads and I feel the breath in me stop.
"Bruder? I'm ho-"
Ludwig was just turning the door open when he stops midway, staring at us. My heart beat quickens and my confidence is thrown out the window, now replaced with fear, embarrassment and a whole lot of emotions I can't be naming right now.
"W-West..." Gilbert replies slowly.
"Matth-"
"S-Sorry I need to go!" I rush, stumbling up.
A small 'excuse me' squeaks from me as I try to get pass Ludwig but I can hear him follow after me.
"Matthew? What did bruder say to-" Ludwig calls out but I cut him off.
"I-It's nothing okay...?" I say, already going down the stairs.
"It doesn't look like nothing! I know he isn't the nicest per-"
"Oh..." I stop and stare at him. "You have no idea..." I say and Ludwig stands there, a shocked look on his face.
I take that as my chance to run out of the complex and tried to imitate the steps I took. After a few moments of walking around senselessly, I sigh and look at one of the street sighs and call one of parents. Mother picked up and I told her I got lost and that she'll come here.
A few minutes later, Mother's car came into view. I went over to the front seat and closed it gently, wrapping the seat belt over me.
"Matthew where's your glasses?" Mother asks, and then she grabs my face. "Why are your eyes so red?"
"I dropped them somewhere," I lie and pry off her hands of my chin. "And I guess the chemical was getting in my eyes."
Mother pouts a bit. "Ok then..." She says, driving off. "So how was today?"
I know she was just attempting small talk but the question itself makes me want to crawl under a rock and die. Why does everything bad happen to me? This incident just builds up.
And Gilbert...
He likes me.
"Matthew...?" Mother breaks me out of my daydream.
"Oh? It was normal." I say with a shrug.
Mother accepts the answer and later just turns on the radio. Good for me either way.
How can Gilbert like me? All I known him for was the torments he did and not once has he showed me any type of affection. Besides, I don't think I would accept his crush or liking anyway. He's an arrogant fool and the fact that he hurt me so much just proves how much of a horrible person he is.
This has to be a lie...
The sound of the radio shutting off snaps me out of my daze. When I turn my head over to Mother's side, I see that she's giving me a concerned look.
"Are you sure you're okay?" Mother asks.
Frowning, I nod. "Yeah I'm fine. Just tired." I half lie.
Mother stares at me for a bit before nodding. "Okay, guess you can take a nap then."
Nodding, I get out of the car and walk towards our house, opening the door and quickly making my way to my room. I jump into bed and bury my face into my pillow, crying silent tears.
I bring trouble all around.
A/N:
Oh god...
THINGS ARE GETTING INTENSE.
Oh what would happen next?
PS; If I post something important like an urgent message, PLEASE message me instead reviewing the fic.
I hate that, use your common sense.
I get giddy when I get a review but then it's something regarding the message.