Title: The Three Paths of Jack Donaghy

Author: Mindy

Rating: T, sexual references

Disclaimer: Please see first chapter

Spoilers: Up until and including "I Do Do".

Pairings: Jack/Avery, Jack/Nancy, Jack/Liz, Liz/Carol

Summary: He'll always wonder about that unopened door.

II.

And all my friends are saying it's not right

I want to sleep beside you every night

Is this how love's supposed to feel?

Is this how love's supposed to feel?

Their wedding day was the happiest day of his life. They married in the small stone church they both attended growing up. Colleen was present, sat a comfortable distance from Milton, also in attendance. As were Nancy's parents and children and a select few of their old school friends, all middle-aged and pudgy. It was a typical, dignified Catholic ceremony, complete with pious hymns and underlying guilt. The ceremony was followed by an outdoor reception at a picturesque local Inn. Danny sang Danny Boy as the bride and groom entered and all the Irish at heart glowed as they looked on, joining in the song and waving their drinks in the air. A ruckus that made Lemon's subsequent toast to the newly wed couple virtually inaudible.

After this there was dinner and dancing. Jack and his new bride who looked radiant in white, danced every dance, under the stars, surrounded by friends and family. They swapped partners every so often but always returned to each other, laughing and kissing and whispering in each other's ears their eternal devotion. After everything that had happened, after all his indecision and anguish, Jack couldn't have been happier. Although, it might have been nice if the bride was conscious for the wedding night. Unfortunately, as soon as Nancy's head hit pillow, the champagne she'd ingested hit her and she was out like a light. She more than made it up to him the following morning though and Jack finally got to experience that extra fifty percent she'd been teasing him about.

After honeymooning in Scotland and Ireland, Nancy moved into Jack's New York apartment, settling in while he returned to work. She dabbled with the idea of launching her own cosmetics line, which Jack offered to finance. But she was discouraged by the scope of the market she was now in. So instead, as the new Mrs Jack Donaghy, she got involved in the popular charities, befriending some of the other executive's wives. They were a hard group to penetrate though, she told him one evening, if a woman didn't know the right restaurants or wasn't aware of the newest hotspot or didn't wear the latest labels. Most of the time, when Jack came home from work, Nancy was reading a book on the sofa or writing an email to one of her sons. She always stopped what she was doing when he walked through the door. She always smiled brightly, putting her arms around his neck as she asked him about his day, called him her man and kissed his lips. Jack had never had a woman wait for him. He'd never been with anyone whose life revolved around him. He liked it. For awhile at least, he rather enjoyed being the centre of someone's universe. It was gratifying, assuring. And it certainly appealed to his more conventional tendencies.

But he began to worry for his wife when he was at work. He began to think about what she was doing with her days while he was taking meetings and returning phone calls and negotiating big deals. He began to feel guilty every time he walked through the door to find her alone, waiting for him, so pleased to see him. He felt guiltier with every minute he was delayed at work and every night he was late home, which was most. He shared this concern with Lemon who offered to go out with Nancy. They started going out regularly, either for a meal or a movie or both. The two seemed to get on tremendously which relieved Jack. But it wasn't a full solution. Liz's only other suggestion was that Jack arrange for her sons to visit. Which he did. A surprise for her birthday. It was difficult to organize since both her sons loathed and resented him, somehow believing that he had contributed to the disintegration of their parent's marriage and eventual divorce. But they came. For their mother. And Nancy was thrilled. Jack gave them all a little space, deliberately excluding himself due to her children's distinct hostility. Something he tried to overcome with polite small talk and expensive gifts. Nancy told him it would simply take time for them to accept her new life with him.

Jack went all out for her birthday party which was a surprise for Nancy. And as his wife did not have many friends in New York, Jack just shipped some in. He paid for some of her best friends from Boston to join them, he put her parents up in a lavish apartment at the Plaza. And filled out the gathering with some of his own friends. Lemon was enlisted to get her out of the apartment while everything was set up. And everyone was in place by the time the guest of honor came through the door with Liz and Carol who'd given nothing away. Pete and Paula were there and Jenna with a conventionally-clad Paul at her side. Some of the executives and their charitable wives came to see who was wearing what and how much had been paid for the shrimp, which was, of course, the finest available. All in all, Nancy's party was a huge success. The birthday girl was showered with love and presents and spent most of the time clutching one of her sons' arms or kissing her new husband's cheeks, scolding him for being so secretive and extravagant.

For awhile after this, Nancy seemed relatively happy. But eventually, very gradually, she fell into a mild depression. She seemed to have less energy, less to say and smile about. She wrote to her sons less, read less, went out less, even with Liz. Generally when Jack came home from work, she was on the sofa watching television and didn't get up to greet him. She gained some weight during this period, not much but enough to upset her since, excluding her pregnancies, she hadn't gained a single pound since high school. Whenever Jack suggested it though, she had endless excuses not to go to the gym or buy new clothes for herself and seemed offended by his efforts to help her. They rarely had sex and if they did, Nancy didn't initiate it and she didn't always climax. Once, she cried afterwards but couldn't explain to him why. Sometimes when Jack woke in the middle of the night, she wouldn't even be in bed. It was only later that he would realize that was when the drinking started.

At home, she was able to hide it easily. But when they went out, it was obvious to everyone, including Jack, that Nancy was developing a problem. Or maybe she'd already had one. He didn't know. All he knew was as she downed drink after drink, she became more boisterous and inappropriate and sloppy. Jack didn't miss the sly looks cast their way by the socialites he used to bed in his old life. He didn't miss the worried whispers or pitying glances his colleagues offered as he whisked his stumbling, mumbling wife away from each important event. He was ashamed to admit, even to himself, that on such occasions he was deeply embarrassed by her. And not just by her drinking or her bad behavior. But by her lack of style and education, her silly, broad accent and loud, indiscreet mouth. So much so that a few times Jack took Lemon to corporate dinners instead, just to save himself the mortification and inevitable drama. Sometimes he would lie to Nancy, saying she'd be bored and he would attend alone. Then he would lie to Liz, saying his wife was indisposed. Jack always waited to be caught in his lie. But he never was. Sometimes he didn't lie at all. He simply told Nancy that he was taking Lemon for the betterment of her career. And his nights with Liz were as gloriously uncomplicated and enjoyable as he remembered them to be. She generally donned a simple black dress and heels, having years ago established a uniform for when he took her to such things. Once seated, she would make a sly crack about the food, several cracks about the inhabitants of the next table over then a few more about Jack himself. And with that she would effortlessly and unintentionally win over every last one of his stuffy associates before the first course had even arrived.

Of course his and Nancy's issues ultimately had to come out, and they did after a one such black tie event. He couldn't take Liz as she was already attending with Carol and Nancy desperately needed to get out of the apartment and into society. But throughout the night, Jack watched as she got more and more clingy, drinking too much too fast and talking too loudly about things she didn't know anything about. Afterwards, in an awful, volatile argument, she accused him of all of it. Of being ashamed of her, of regretting marrying her, of preferring his friend to her. She told him she could see it in his eyes. And after being pushed and pushed, Jack admitted it. She was a mess, a disgrace, he said, going on to add that she should get her own life and stop relying on him to make her happy and carry the weight of their marriage. The night rapidly deteriorated from there. Things were thrown and not just insults. Nancy was drunk so she had an excuse. But Jack had none and he knew it.

That's how they ended up in couples counselling after barely a year of marriage. Nancy had private sessions twice a week and they never missed their weekly sessions with an imperious lady called Marsha. Each at three-fifty a pop. They talked in detail about their sex life and past marriages and relationships. All of which took quite awhile for Jack to cover as Nancy's eyes grew wider and wider. They went over how he'd been seeing someone else at the time they consummated their relationship and how that affected the trust in their current relationship. Jack relayed to Marsha how he'd come rushing after Nancy following Avery's miscarriage, how he'd proposed on her doorstep and she'd impulsively accepted. After hearing this, Marsha asked Jack why they'd felt the need to jump so swiftly from being friends to being lovers and then from lovers to being married. Jack flashed her a smile and replied that he was an expert at whirlwind romances.

Marsha seemed particularly interested to explore Jack's parental relationships, setting him homework to expunge lingering feelings towards his absentee father and overbearing mother. He did it in bed each night before sleeping, speaking falteringly about past events while Nancy patted his hand and listened patiently. He tried to read all the books she bought for him about connecting to his inner child and finding inner peace. But he didn't know if it was working, or if it ever would. It seemed to be working for Nancy. During these sessions, she cried a lot, confessing more than he did in their now regular church visits. Jack started hearing things about her previous marriage that he'd never known, things that astonished him, things that occasionally, when she'd had a few too many, came out in their clashes. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, she would accuse him of things he'd never said or done and once she even called him Mark.

Marsha suggested they separate temporarily. Advice they both greeted with wary relief. The therapy they'd hoped would bring them closer had only served to emphasise the chasm that had always existed between them. Between who they were before and who they were currently. Between who they were in reality and who they'd wanted each other to be. And between the two separate lives they'd chosen for themselves, many years before. When he told Lemon this news, she just frowned at him. Even when he told her their separation was on the advice of a qualified and highly respected doctor. She still just frowned at him. It was a trial, he'd explained, so that they could get their heads together and forgive the people in their pasts. So that when they came back together, they could start right back at the beginning. They could get to re-know each other before building a whole new marriage and future for themselves. Nancy would go home for awhile to be with her family and support network. She would attend regular AA meetings and write in her gratitude journal. Jack would continue his homework, continue trying to locate his inner child. He would go to church once a week and be absolutely faithful to his wife while she was away.

At least, that was the plan.

Nancy never returned. She stayed in Boston. She kicked her habit. She got a job. Reconnected with her friends. And years later, Jack found out that she'd reconciled with and remarried her husband. In the meantime, they arranged their divorce over Skype. The process was swift and clean and amicable. And the last time they spoke, he and Nancy both apologized to each other for their various mistakes, starting with the decision to get married in the first place. For his part, Jack was relieved and happy, if bittersweetly so, to see something of the old Nancy returned. The light was back in her eyes, the life was back in her life, and he deeply regretted being the one to rob her of that, even for short time.

They didn't stay in touch. After the divorce papers were filed, they wished each other the luck and said goodbye. The night his divorce was final, Lemon came over to his apartment to drink with him. Or rather, he drank while she tried to cheer him up. Towards the end of the evening he kissed her. Or tried to. He didn't get very far. Again, Liz just frowned at him. Then invoked Carol's name, who she swiftly returned home to, leaving Jack alone and melancholy.

After she left, he watched some television, stumbling across Avery chatting spiritedly with some columnist who could not keep up with her. Jack watched the rest of the show, looking at her hair and cleavage and wrists. He listened to her voice and tried to remember what she smelled like, what it was like to look into her eyes or hold her hand or be naked in bed with her. But all his memories of Avery were irretrievably entangled with his guilty memories of Nancy. He couldn't even remember why he'd run when he had, why he'd left such a glorious, gorgeous woman behind at the first opportunity he'd gotten. He had no answer to that question, or to the many others that swirled around his brain in the ensuing lonely evenings. Possibly he never would have those answers. So on such nights, Jack just had another drink and wondered whether he'd married the right woman in the first place. And whether, given another chance, he might do it all differently.

TBC...