A/N:

Hi guys! I'm back!

How is everyone's summer? Good?

Well mine is a bit lazy... so that laziness played in part to why I didn't update as much!

I'm sorry! But I also had writers block!

But I hope you guys like this!

I'm grateful for the few that messaged me on tumblr about my progress and reviews! Sorry I don't reply to reviews as much... I'll try to respond as much as I can.

Follow me at tumblr! - canehdur

I also made a twitter! - canadiantastic

Gilbert is making his way towards me.

So many thoughts appear in my head. Should I run? Did I have to run? Was Gilbert a threat to me? Why was he here? Does he want to hurt me? etc.. etc..

My heart is beating. My legs are stuck to the floor. As confused as I am as to why Gilbert was here, a part of me secretly wants to stay and figure out. Figure out his words that day. Investigate his infatuation with me and much more. How could so much hate back then be love now? Did he even feel love?

I wanted to scoff. Love? Gilbert feels love? Love and Gilbert do not mix. I highly doubt that emotion ever crossed paths with him. Maybe this is another form of torture for him. Maybe it's a pastime. He must've been so bored when I left, I think sarcastically.

Each passing second, the distance between us shortens more and more. I suck in my breath as Gilbert finally closed the distance. Time seems to slow down for me. The seconds stretched and it felt as if it was a million years before I see his lips move to speak.

"We need to talk." Gilbert says before he grabs my arm and pulls me away from my route.

Everything snaps back into motion and I yank my arm from his hold, stepping back and staring at him. "What do you want?" I ask, a little too quickly, letting my fear slip into my voice. My heart is beating in my throat and I now regret my action. I can already see the anger in his eyes forming but Gilbert composes himself.

He reaches forward, grabs my wrist (his hold has more force to it) and yanks me so that now I'm chest to chest with him. I'm resorted to now looking up at him and I suck in a breath. Gilbert's angry gaze stares down at me.

"You're. Coming. With. Me." He hisses and starts to walk, effectively pulling me with him.

The fear was coursing through my blood and I hope my parents wouldn't mind me staying a little longer. What I'm more worried about is; what is Gilbert going to do? Is he... going to be forceful with me? Just like that time in the supply room, would the same thing happen? A shiver raced up my body and makes the nape of my hair stand up.

Just by a few steps we already make it to downtown and its pretty busy. Not once Gilbert lessened his hold on me. Moving our way through people, it hasn't even been a minute before I start to try and twist out of Gilbert's grip. A spark of determination and bravery builds within me. I'm not going to let Gilbert have his way with me, not like that time in the closet. But even with my attempt at being brave, Gilbert's hold becomes stronger. The force on my wrist becomes strong and even painful. I think about fighting against Gilbert but then I realise my surroundings.

I don't want to cause a scene here. Most likely I would start crying due to frustration when talking, or more like argue with Gilbert. And perhaps I can end this once and for all with him. He did say we had to "talk", so this could give me a chance to straighten things out. A sense of hope washes over me. Gilbert can finally be out of my life.

But it all falls on me...

Sighing, I stop my struggling and allow Gilbert to pull me to his desired location. After our long walk we actually go down to a subway station. I forgot that Gilbert and Ludwig don't live around here. So Gilbert took a train just to see me? Considering the circumstances, that's really creepy. Throughout this whole walk-a-thon, Gilbert hasn't let go on my wrist. Even though he loosened his grip, he wouldn't let go. I made a few attempts to escape but he would hold it tight before I stop struggling.

As the train came he pulled me again to walk in. Okay, all this pulling is really making me irritated now. The train becomes full with people and chatter and Gilbert and I become sandwiched between people. It takes awhile for everyone to settle before the train starts moving. After a couple of minutes, I feel my body freeze. Gilbert's hand slides down to interlock fingers with mine. I quickly shake his hand away, flushing bright red and cradling my hand to my chest.

Gilbert makes no move to grab my hand again during the whole duration of the ride.

This is the same spot I'm sitting in.

The same couch.

The same room.

Gilbert's house has stayed the same since I last visited. (That was a joke, you're suppose to laugh.)

But this time, Gilbert doesn't offer me a drink or anything. Well...talk about serving your guests! He was rushing around in his own home, probably looking for something. In my seat, pure awkwardness and desperation falls upon my shoulders. It's the fact that I'm back in his home, would the same outcome happen like it did last time I sat in this very couch? Also, more importantly, would Ludwig come home? Gilbert makes no remark of Ludwig to reassure my worried soul.

The next moment, I see Gilbert leaning against the doorway, diagonal from me. His intense stare makes me uncomfortable and I squirm in my seat. What do I say? What does he want? Why am I here? I bite my lips, not knowing what to do.

"I like you."

My blood freezes and I look up to stare at him. Hearing this for a second time still brings the same shock. Nervously, I turn my head and look to the other side, blushing a bit from embarrassment. So many questions pile up inside my mind that after a minute of being so engrossed in them, I flinch when I hear Gilbert talk once more.

"Didn't you hear me?" He has a sort of tone, maybe angry. Or annoyed. "I said I like you." I look up to see Gilbert, no longer leaning. His fists are clenched tightly. I couldn't help but feel worried.

"Y-Yeah...?" There was a little waver to my voice. "What do you want me to do about it?"

A blank stare was all the reply I got. It's his turn to look shocked. Gilbert opens his mouth, as if to say something but then closes it. "I want you to go out with me."

Did I just hear right?

My jaw clenches and I stand up quick. "Sorry but I have to go." I say with pursed lips. This is utter bullshit! He can't be serious can he?

"W-Wait..." Gilbert says as I try to make it to the door. He grabs my arm.

"Wait, what?" I hiss, staring hard at him as I shake the hand off. "You think this is a joke huh? Playing with me?" I grit with a glare. I speak without caution.

Gilbert gives a glare back. "I'm not-"

"Don't give me lies!" I raise my voice, anger tipping me off edge. "After you tormented me, made fun of me for being gay," I watch him widen his eyes. "Hated me," I take a step closer to him, staring at him with a hard expression. "You want to tell me that all of a sudden, making me feel like shit, making me feel less than a human... that you have a crush on me?"

Wide eyes look back at me, silent for just a moment, before a scowl and a click of a tongue was made. Gilbert pushed me away, gently I note, and turns his heel. He runs his hands through his hair.

"I-I... I don't know."

It was my turn to widen my eyes. He just...

Gilbert...

He sounds so vulnerable...

I stand there in silence. Gilbert sucks in a breath and sighs. I wait for Gilbert to say something else, to add on, but he utters no words.

"Why were you at the preschool?" I ask slowly. The important questions come first. "How did you know I was there?"

He doesn't turn around. It took him awhile before he answers my question. "I..." He clears his throat. "It's not that hard to research those kinds of things," He says.

Maybe that is true, and I'm not comfortable to finding out just how he came to know my location. But he still didn't answer my first question.

"Why were you there?" I ask. It seems the room was getting hotter, nervousness ran down my spine. "W-Why... why did you do those things to me...?" I said low, my voice slightly shaking.

Gilbert gives another sigh and he finally turns around. He makes a grab for my hand but I flinch and step back before he can. His shield goes up again and his brow furrows in annoyance.

"Didn't you fucking hear?" Gilbert snaps at me and I flinch at the cuss word. "I said I like you."

I'm too scared. I don't want to be here. I could feel my lips trembling and all that went through my mind is Ivan. I want Ivan here to protect me.

Gilbert advances towards me again and I couldn't do anything. His hands snake his way to each sides of my face, the fingers at the back of my neck effectively keeping me in place. I'm too slow to react and Gilbert leans down to kiss my lips yet a second time.

A muffled, small sob escapes my lips but Gilbert swallows it up. He greedily moaned and try to deepen the kiss, and I felt a tongue lick at my bottom lip. A shiver of disgust makes me jump and snapping to my senses, I start to panic. I bite down hard on his lip and Gilbert pulls back to my relief.

But soon the relief turns to another fear factor when I see Gilbert touch at his lips. He pulls his fingers back to see blood. His eyes showcases his pure rage. It all happens too quick, for a sound of skin hitting skin resounds the room. The amount of force Gilbert used to smack me was strong enough to send me on the floor.

I didn't have time to nurse my cheek before Gilbert advances towards me. With a scared outburst, I try to shuffle away, but Gilbert would have none of it. He easily got on top of me and grabs my hands, to which I tried to use to keep him off. The back of my head thuds against the wooden floor as Gilbert pins my wrists above my head.

I didn't dare meet his eyes and I turn to the side and let the tears fall. "S-Stop...!" I plead weakly. "Pl-Please... I d-don't want this...!"

"But I want this." Gilbert hisses, as if he was a spoiled child. Maybe he is. Maybe that explains Ludwig kissing up to Gilbert like that. "Don't you understand? I keep telling you I like you!"

"But I don't!" I raise my voice, staring at him with teary eyes. His silence made me feel a bit more braver and I continue. "Stop being one of those people who think bullying me shows how much you liked me all along!"

I spoke without thinking. But my words makes the gears in my head work again. Maybe that's the case all along. Gilbert bullies me for so long, he thinks it's a form of affection. It must be true because Gilbert releases his hold of my wrist and sits up. I would very much like it if he got off of me...

No response from Gilbert again and I continue on. "You were disgusted by me for my sexual orientation." I start. "But look at what you're doing now."

I watch as his eyes go from confusion to irritation. He balls up my shirt into his fists and leans down. "But this is different!" He argues.

"How! Tell me how!" I glare up at him. "A man having feelings for another man! How gay can that be?" I wanted to laugh at my words, but this wasn't a matter to do so.

Gilbert releases my shirt and I prop myself on my elbows. It wouldn't be a good time to ask him to get off of me. "I don't know..." His face looks so lost. He opens his mouth to say something, I'm sure something unintelligent but all he could utter out was another "I don't know."

With pursed lips, I sigh loudly through my nose. "Get off of me." I say, avoiding eyes with him.

I can see Gilbert was about to protest, argue, but he loosens his shoulders and got off. Gilbert didn't speak as he did. Slowly, I pick myself up and stare at him.

"Just leave me alone." I say low, but loud enough for Gilbert to hear me. "I don't deserve any more of your torture, you've done enough," I say with a clenched jaw. All those times of making me feel bad, the self doubt, my self-confidence, everything was at the hands of Gilbert, and he chose to squeeze the life out of it.

My bottom lip quivers slightly as I suck in a breath. "I will never like a monster like you," I continue, adding salt to the wound. That wound better be big one because I'm adding lemon to it too. "You disgust me, all those horrible things you said to me, did to me..." Another wave of tears fall. "How can you believe that I'll like you back? A-Are you clueless?" I rhetorically ask, my voice cracking.

I wasn't brave enough to look at Gilbert. And I wasn't brave enough to stay. My legs worked on their own and I found myself opening the door, thankful that Gilbert made no move to grab me. Knowing that, I rush down the stairs, rubbing my eyes frantically. I really hope Gilbert gets the message and leaves me alone.

But a part of me tells that it's not over yet.

As Father asked me why I was late, another lie escapes me lips.

I feel so ashamed. Why can't I stop lying to them? I don't like it one bit. And that look he gave me... It clenches at my heart. I can tell he's doubting me and either he knows I'm lying and decides to not say anything, or he's just not buying it.

What kind of son am I...?

Guilt clutching at my gut, I eat dinner with them in silence. As they converse quietly, I could only absentmindedly nod my head, act as if I'm following them with their conversation. My mind reels back to the incident with Gilbert just hours ago.

Did I really end things with him? It didn't feel like that. A nagging feeling inside of me just tells me it's not. That he's always going to be around the corner, watching me. Hell, if he knew where I was at the daycare he might as know where I live as well.

The thought strikes fear within me. What if Gilbert did know where I lived? He went as far to know where I was enough to follow me in the daycare. What would he do? Vandalize... sneak in? Or even worse... talk to my parents. What if he tells them that he likes me? They don't even know I'm homosexual, so how can they take the news that another person likes me?

"-ew... Matthew?"

"Huh what..?" I snap out of my thoughts and look up to see my mom and dad staring at me.

"We were talking about the court case," Father starts off, glancing back at Mother.

The dishes were already taken off the table. Was I that spaced out?

"And we decided not to press charges..." Mother sighs.

Silence.

They look at me with waiting eyes.

"I-"

I really don't know what to say. I'm happy, but then my mind trails to Lilli. I haven't seen her in a while, that or I just haven't noticed.

"Thank you," Was all I could manage to say.

"If you dare," Mother starts off sternly, making me jump. She points a finger at me, a harsh look on her face. "Get into any more fights young man, you will never live to see another day."

I nod quickly on the spot. She doesn't have to tell me twice. Father pats my back and Mother relaxes. "Glad we're on the same page." She smiles.

They send my off to my room and I couldn't be any more glad.

But not even the solace of my room couldn't help me from the thoughts of Gilbert recurring. He hit me and I'm afraid of what he's capable of. He surely doesn't like it when things don't go his way. The paranoia within me is nagging me that it isn't over, not yet.

I find some comfort when I strip my clothing and crawl into bed. It really is time that I shut the book with Gilbert. But how? I really don't want to confront him again. For all I know, he can do anything. He can visit me after school, just when I finished tutoring Ivan. Or even my community service, he can go scouting for me. It really doesn't end well.

Sleep doesn't come until hours later, with only my worried mind to blame for the delay.

"Hey, Elizabeta." I call out in the hallway, walking towards her. She was currently at her locker, rummaging through her things, as if looking for something. I expect a smile, but instead her face quickly turns furious and she smacks me harshly on the arm.

A pained gasp escapes me and I try to recover quickly, as well as inch away from her a bit. "W-What was that for!?" I yelp, staring straight at an angry bull.

"What's with you?" She says angrily. "I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks!" She accuses and I feel my heart drop. "Not only that but you seem to ignore me..." Her voice trails off and all of a sudden her angry demeanor fades away to her frowning.

I try to fumble for words. I can't deny it, it's true. The only one I seem to be around with more is Ivan. Last time she tried to approach me, I only cut her off short and went straight to the bathroom to fix my contacts. I guess you can say I had an attitude that day?

Taking a deep breath, I sigh and frown along with her. "I'm sorry okay?" I say solemnly. "These past few days haven't been very good to me..."

"Oh," Was all Elizabeta replies and she slowly returns to rummage through her locker.

"Forgive me?" I say softly, outstretching my hands a bit.

She purses her lips and looks at me, before she ceases her actions and slowly comes into my arms. "It's okay Matthew," Elizabeta says softly. "Buying me ice cream sounds great as a sorry gift right?" She pulls back, giving me her usual devious smile.

I only nod in defeat. "Whatever you say," I chuckle. We pull back from the hug and I feel the guilt quickly wash away. Leaning against the lockers, I could only look at her in confusion as she continues to rummage through her locker.

"So, what is it that you're looking for?" I ask.

She quickly groans. "I lost Mr. Wade's homework..." She sighs.

I was quick to laugh at her to which she replies with a smack on my arm again. "Shut up! Don't laugh at me..." She pouts.

I hold my hands up in defeat. "All right, all right..." I chuckle, and she only pouts more.

The main reason to why I came here pricks me at the back of my mind. "Hey Liz," I start off, getting her attention. "Do you know where Lilli is?" I ask slowly.

Her efforts to finding her homework halts and she slowly retracts her hand. I can already tell this isn't going to end well. "Yeah about that..." Elizabeta says, side eyeing me.

"She hasn't been coming to school at all."

My brows furrow together and I couldn't help but feel guilt. Was it my fault? It probably was... I was too late to receive good news and deliver it to Lilli. Maybe it's my fault after all. She has every right to hate me. The idea of your closest family member going to jail is a scary thought and it's my fault that I couldn't convince my mother sooner.

"But-" I start but then I stop myself. It's no use in sharing the good news if Lilli isn't here. The news was meant for her. Now that she isn't here, what's the point?

"But what...?" Elizabeta trails off, expecting me to finish.

I shake my head and frown. "It's nothing."

She gives a sigh at my lack of response and closes her locker. The search for the homework seems to have ended and Elizabeta had her shoulders slack in defeat. As the bell rang, Elizabeta and I walk each other to class. We converse over unimportant things, but at the back of my mind, I couldn't stop thinking about Lilli. How everything in the end was my fault and my fault alone. The weight of guilt kept on building.

I think the only solace I get from this whole chaos is spending time with Ivan. It doesn't matter what I'm doing anymore, even if it's working on school work, I feel at ease. I'm able to forget troubles like Lilli and Gilbert and everything else. Doing this study session is anything but boring.

"You know," Ivan starts. "Natalia misses you." Ivan says after a short break.

I'm slack in the chair, leaning back and I give a small smile. "I miss her too." I admit. "It's just," I let out a loud sigh and run my hand through my hair. "That stupid community service... But I think it's about to be over soon."

Since the charges are off, I'm guessing they're letting me off the hook. For one thing, I do not want to be in that neighborhood anymore. I want to stay as far away from Gilbert as possible. I really hope they consider this and karma strikes back.

"I hope so too," Ivan leans against the desk, head resting against his fist. "I miss hanging out with you."

A flush I couldn't suppress reached to my cheeks. My lips turn to a tiny grin. "I do too." I say quietly.

Is this normal? I ask myself. I mean - Saying that we miss hanging out with each other? I couldn't help but feel myself heat up in worry. I must be an embarrassment. I always make a fool out of myself anyway...

But I don't want to be a fool in front of Ivan...

"So how is everything?" Ivan asks, going back to writing in his notebook, but his focus was on me.

"W-Well..." I debate whether or not I should tell Ivan about the incident with Lilli. "Actually... I had good news but..." I sigh and furrow my brows. "My mom finally decided to not press charges against Lilli's brother but... but I guess I can't tell Lilli that now..."

Glancing up, I see Ivan making a confused expression. "What do you mean?"

"Elizabeta told me she hasn't been coming to school in a while..."

Placing a finger on his chin, Ivan looks up at the ceiling and thinks. This is one of the quirks I picked up a few weeks back. Whenever Ivan needs to think back to something, he always looks up as if the ceiling or sky has the answer. I find it rather adorable.

No, I stop myself. Don't have thoughts like that...

"Now that you mention it..." Ivan trails off. "I haven't seen her in the halls like I usually do..."

Another sigh is released from my nostrils and I place my head onto the table. "I feel guilty." I admit.

I was met with silence before Ivan spoke again. "Why is that?"

Silence was met at my part before I bury my face in my arms even more. I mumble my answer but I hear the chair scrape against the floor, signalling Ivan has scooted closer towards me.

"Matvey, I cannot hear you if your head is down." Ivan coaxes smoothly. "Do you want to talk about why you feel guilty?"

Slowly, I raise my head and look down on my lap.

"Maybe..." I trail off, trying to find my confidence. "Maybe Lilli left because I took too long... I mean..." I tsk frustratedly, trying to find the right words. "I would be kinda jumpy if I don't know someone close to me is going to jail or not, you know?" I ask, watching as Ivan nods in agreement.

"The wait... just waiting - waiting for the final decision is scary as hell and I just think I took too long."

I glance at Ivan as I see him do that little cute quirk of his, looking up at the ceiling and thinking.

"I would be worried too." Ivan says truthfully.

Ivan being truthfully is admirable, but it doesn't ease the guilt sitting on my shoulders.

"In the end, it's not your fault Matvey."

"But I feel like-"

"Nyet." Ivan silences me and I look at him.

"You had no power over the decision of Lilli's brother." Ivan continues as I listen to him silently. "You had no power over the decision your mother was bound to make. Lilli could be as mad as she wants." He says and I widen my eyes a bit in shock. "She's a fool to think that you had a say in whether her brother goes to prison or not, she's also a fool to feel like it is your fault."

"Remember Matvey, you're a victim in all of this. You were the one who was attacked."

A wave of relief washes over. Ivan's words brings me comfort and it's like the guilt on my shoulder vanishes. I smile at him and tuck a lock of hair beneath my ear. "Thank you Ivan," I say. "I really needed to hear that."

Ivan flashes one of his sweetest smiles and I can feel my heart just swell at that. He seems to lock eyes with me more than necessary and the air was about to feel awkward before Ivan leaned forward.

What happened next was something I never expected.

Lips presses near the corner of my lips and lingers there, becoming more than just a regular peck. No, there isn't anything like pecks regular between friends. I stare wide eyed as Ivan retracts and smiles again.

"You're welcome." He grins and I feel my face flush immediately. "We should get back to work, no?"

I was given no time to think over what just happened but I nod nonetheless. "Y-Yeah..." I say softly, feeling very embarrassed.

I might need all the time in the world if I want to figure out what the hell just happened.

A/N:

Hey again!

I promise to try and update as much... if I'm not lazy anymore.

Also! Regards to people who want to roleplay with me!

My offer still holds up! But I have a roleplay account on tumblr! You're free to follow me and roleplay there!

My rp account on tumblr is - maplemeup

I can still roleplay on skype though; if anyone messages me I'll give it to them uwu

Thank you for reading!

It's good to be back