So this is the morning after...ah... such a lovely feeling.

Did I mention this story will probably not be for Jacob lovers?

I plan to get the first few chapters out as soon as I can to help the story move along and get to the good bits. Because they are coming! But if that doesn't happen and RL gets in the way. Expect weekly updates and anything I can do in between that :)

BPOV

I woke up the next morning and I felt great. I felt calm and well rested. I stretched my arms above my head and smiled to myself. I'd had the best dream. Probably a really inappropriate dream considering my fiancée was sleeping next to me. But hey… if I couldn't get that kind of satisfaction in real life, why not enjoy it in a dream?

I have never really had a sex dream before. But this was so good. So real. It starred none other than Jacob's roommate Dr. Hottie Edward who was taking me against the bathroom wall. It had started when he had walked in on me in a very compromising situation because… I needed a bit of release… because Jacob can't la- oh god. Not a dream. I wiggled around. Muscles sore. I did a few quick Kegel exercises. Yep, definitely not a dream.

I laid back and waited for the guilt to come. I was a horrible, dirty cheater. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath… and nothing. Why don't I feel anything? God, this is worse. I am a horrible, dirty cheater that doesn't even feel bad. I cheated on the man I have been with for the last five years and I don't feel anything… but satisfied.

What does that tell me about our relationship? I can betray the man I love and be okay with it. Do I love Jacob? Yes. Of course. We were getting married for Christ's sake. I have made a commitment to tie myself to this man legally and religiously. Forever. In a few months when my rental lease is up I will be moving in with him until his is up and then we are meant to be moving in together. Alone. Until his is up I would be living with him and Edward. Oh god.

I think I was just driven to the brink. The point of no return. I had to go over the cliff before I could climb back up it. Is that really an excuse though? I need a way to fix this. I could have done more. I should have and now I have to. But where did we go wrong? If I am being honest with myself I think our problems stem from more than just the fizzling out of our sex life, we seem to be fizzling out in all aspects of our relationship. We don't have that easiness anymore. I feel really disconnected from him lately.

Maybe that's why I can't regret what happened with Edward. I need to get it back, I have to work to get it back. I owe that to Jake and maybe more.

God. My inner monologue is going crazy.

This really won't be easy. How do we recapture what we had years ago? When we were both still in college, having fun and living a much more laid back, easier lifestyle. Now we both have to work and pay bills. Jacob is stuck working long hours in his new mechanic business trying to get it up and running. Honestly, it's hard to find the time for the little things and have fun when your always tired or have work to do. You just want to kickback, watch some TV and go to bed early and eventually that becomes a regular thing. A routine of doing nothing.

We have put ourselves in a rut. That's what our problem is. We are both 23 years old and in a rut. We should be out having fun and doing crazy things. Not coming home and watching re-runs on television every night and lounging around in our pyjamas. I cannot remember the last time we went out to a bar or a club. I almost feel like I am missing out on something. We are still young, shouldn't we be enjoying it? Making the most of it while we can? Rosalie is always urging me to come out, but Jake never wants to go. So we don't.

Well that is going to change. I am going to make changes. I am going to commit myself to Jacob, like I should have been already and fix us. I am going to forget about Edward and what happened between us. It was amazing. Yes. But could I ever take him up on his offer of a little help again? No. As much as it's the wrong to keep this from him, I can't tell Jacob about it either, it would devastate him. I would loose him and then I would have no one. Hopefully slowly I can make it up to him.

I will start tonight.

With my new found determination I jumped out of bed and quickly got dressed in my discarded clothes from last night. I opened the bedroom door quietly and stuck my head out. The apartment was quiet. Jacob had already left for work and there was no sign of Edward. This was good. I left their apartment soon after and decided to stop by the grocery store and pick up some candles before going home.

I was going to make Jacobs favourite food. Spaghetti and meatballs and tiramisu for desert. A really lousy way to make up for what I did, but it was a start. I am trying. A nice, hopefully romantic dinner might help us get started on getting some of our connection back. There will be no television tonight. Just us with no distractions focused on one another.

Maybe I'll get some wine and light the candles and I'll also have to kick Rose out of the apartment to give us some privacy. I definitely could not do this at Jacob's apartment. I cannot think of anything more unromantic than Edward potentially walking in. I am going to have to avoid Edward as much as possible, so tonight dinner will be at my place. I realize these are not the most thrilling plans for a Saturday night, but I am taking this in baby steps. We can work up to the rest. Hopefully Jake will be willing.

I walked into our apartment, juggling my grocery bags to find Rosalie flicking through a Cosmo magazine. It was her bible, she reads it cover to cover every month.

"Did you know that a mans body odour turns a woman on? That must explain why I pretty much fucking jump Emmett every time he comes home from the gym" she said without even looking up.

"Well hello to you too Rosalie" I retorted. I dumped the groceries on the table and started unpacking them from the bags.

"Also, people who have sex three times a week are perceived look four to seven years younger. Do you think that would apply at our age? She questioned.

"I don't know, do you really want to look sixteen again?" I said watching Rosalie as she narrowed her eyes at me.

"Well I…You look different" she commented bluntly, studying my face.

I started to squirm a bit under her stare. There is no possible way she could tell. Surely I am not that obvious. "What? No I don't" I said, turning her away from her.

"Yes. Yes, you do… younger almost…" she replied conspiratorially, without even looking at her I could picture the raised perfectly manicured eyebrow that is accompanying that tone.

I rolled my eyes at her and started putting the shopping away.

Rosalie snorted "Oh my god! Did that dog finally manage to get it up or something?"

"Rose!" I yelled.

Rosalie is my best friend in the entire world. She is a an absolute no bullshit person, she always tells it how it is and has since the first day I met her. I like that in a person, but sometimes it annoys me when she is so blunt. I am so easily embarrassed and I can pretty much blush at the drop of a hat and she knows it.

But, it is rare to find a person who will always tell you the truth and that's how I can trust her so implicitly. The only problem is, she cannot stand Jacob. She thinks he is a lazy, ugly, useless asshole who doesn't deserve me and isn't afraid to voice that opinion regularly. Jacob doesn't think very highly of Rose either. Which makes it really difficult for me. I love them both and they wont be in the same room together if they can avoid it. But I knew that would work in my favour tonight. If I told Rose that Jake was coming over tonight, she would be out of here in a flash.

"I am not discussing that with you… But, Jake is coming over for dinner tonight because I am cooking his favourite. So maybe you could…" I trailed off, hoping she would get the picture.

"Say no more. I am not staying around for that shit. I was planning on going to Emmett's later anyway. I'll just stay there" she said sounding disturbed.

"Thanks Rose" I said smiling.

I heard her sigh.

"You know exactly what I think of that asshole, but whatever has you looking this good this morning, you should do more of. I haven't seen you look this good in years" Rosalie implored, looking me in the eye.

Ha. Little did she know what I actually did and that there is no way I was doing more of that. I do feel bad keeping this from her, but I am afraid of what she will say. She would probably be all Team Edward and encourage me to go back for more or something and that is just not happening. It can't.

I quickly send a text to Jacob about tonight.

Hey. Come to my place tonight after work. I'm making your favourite xo

His reply came soon after.

Cool. See you then.

No kiss or hug. Did it bother me? Not sure.

I decided I should get started on making the meatballs and tomato sauce, then while that is simmering I can get started on the tiramisu. I had a lot to do, I have to prepare all this, clean up the apartment, get ready and light all the candles. I may have gone a little bit overboard with them. I decided to put all my focus on

simply preparing dinner now that I was alone again, so my thoughts could not wonder elsewhere… into forbidden territories.

Rosalie had left at about 5:30pm and dinner was nearly ready so I decided to get changed. I decided on a black and grey tunic dress and some wedge heels. It was still fairly casual, but a far cry from the sweat pants and loose shirts I was used to lounging around in with Jacob. Getting that bit dressed up made me feel good. We very rarely went out so I never had a reason to wear nice clothes, but I miss it and the confidence boost and the little extra spring in your step feeling nice gives you.

My hair is naturally wavy so I just used my flat iron to add a few more curls and even it up a bit. I finished it all off with a bit of mascara and some lip gloss. Very simple, but I felt pretty for a change.

I smiled to myself. I had a good feeling about tonight. We need this. Maybe my indiscretion could prove to strengthen our relationship and make us better and possibly turn into a positive thing?

It was now after 6:30 so I really needed to set the table and light candles. Jake closes up shop at around 6 o'clock, so giving him time to go home, shower and come over here I was expecting him pretty soon.

By 7 o'clock everything was done. Dinner was ready, candles were lit and the table was set. I was tempted to have a glass of wine to relax myself. I was feeling a little bit nervous about how it was going to be facing Jacob after what I had done and how heavily I was relying on this dinner to work for us. But I abstained. I need a clear head and I should wait for Jacob before I opened the bottle, even if he didn't really like wine.

By 7:30 I was getting a little antsy. He should be here by now. It really couldn't take him this long. Unless he had to stay a little bit later? But why hasn't he called or something. I sent him a quick text asking when he was coming.

He replied saying:

I'll be there soon.

No apology and no exact time. God he frustrated me sometimes. But how angry could I really be at him after what I did? Screw waiting for him to get here, I am having a wine.

One wine turned into three, when by 9 o'clock he still hadn't arrived. I went around the apartment blowing out the candles and packed up dinner and put it in the fridge. How pathetic. I didn't even feel nice buzz from all the wine I had consumed, I just felt drowsy and heavy. I went into my bedroom and changed into my pyjamas and went out and sat on the couch.

I honestly didn't know how to feel about this. On one had I did feel really hurt and disappointed that I had gone to all this trouble to fix a nice romantic dinner and he didn't even show up and on the other hand, maybe I deserved it. That was nothing compared with what I had done to him. But, how were we going to fix this? It won't work if I am the only one putting any effort in, no matter how much I have to make up for.

I must have fallen asleep because I woke up a few hours later to a loud pounding on my apartment door.

Edward will return soon. I don't like Jacob either.

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