Chapter 5: It is not a date!

When I returned to Gryffindor Tower, I went to my bed and messed it up so Ron won't know that I didn't sleep here for the night. Thankfully I have left the curtains around the bed closed before I left yesterday, so he mustn't have noticed my absence when he returned to the dorm after I left.

Pigwidgeon arrived with two letters. I took the first one, which was from Kingsley. It was full of babbling about laws and new codes, but he promised me that he'll reconsider Malfoy's case, only as a favor to me. Narcissa, on the other hand, has told me to leave her and her son alone or she will hex my arse. Stubborn, like all Malfoys…

I dressed and prepared for classes. Unfortunately, we didn't have any shared classes with the Slytherins today, so I won't be seeing Malfoy until after classes.

I was going to the common room after dinner when I ran into him. "Hey, Malfoy," I said.

"Potter!" For a moment, his face lit up with excitement, but then his cold façade returned. "Why didn't you have dinner with me? You left me sitting alone!"
I chuckled. "I am sorry, Malfoy. How was your day?"

"Good, I suppose… Mom owled me toda_" He stopped talking as if he suddenly remembered that he mustn't tell me that.

"Is she alright?"

"Yeah. She's fine."

"Got any better luck casting your Patronus?" I asked, suddenly remembering that he was able to cast it yesterday in the shower room.

He looked surprised for the random question. "Yeah! Yes, in fact I have been practicing and look… Expecto Patronum!" A strong bright light lit the corridor we were standing in. It didn't make a shape of an animal, though. Still not corporeal, then…

"That's brilliant, Malfoy! Bravo!"

He looked quite pleased with himself, judging by his wide proud smile.

"Come on…" I said. "Let's take a walk." He nodded approvingly and followed me.

We went to our usual place beside the lake shore. For a moment, I stayed silent, not knowing what to say. But then we started to talk. We talked that night about many things. And by many, I mean so many.

"… But she was never my girlfriend," Malfoy finished. We were talking about Pansy Parkinson now.

"So you never dated anyone?"

Malfoy blushed and shook his head. "You?" He asked. "Other than the Weaslette, I mean?"

"Cho Chang. In my fifth year. It didn't end up well. Actually it was a catastrophe. And so was Ginny's."

"Bad luck with women, eh?"

"Yeah…" I sighed. "I am tired. Let's get inside."

"No. You go. Good night, Potter."

"Ok. But don't be late. Curfew is in thirty minutes. Good night."

After six weeks since the incident at the Astronomy Tower, I can tell that Malfoy looked a lot happier. And I became more confused. I knew my feelings for Malfoy were getting stronger. I didn't blame myself, though. It was his fault, he looks so beautiful and charming.

We met every day after classes. It became a habit. Still, I always miss him at night. Sometimes I'd go sleep in his dorm, but only when he asks me to.

Tomorrow is Halloween and that meant that there is going to be a trip to Hogsmeade on that day. The headmistress announced it after dinner. I asked Malfoy if he'd go.

"Are you asking me on a date?" He smirked.

"Shut up! It's not like that. I thought it'd be nice if we went together, it's better than staying in the castle."

"Still sounds like a date… And aren't you going to be with your friends? Why ask me? You know I despise their presence."

"No. I won't be with them. I don't like being with them when we're on these trips. I feel like I'm a third wheel."

"Okay. I will go out with you."

"Shut up, Malfoy! It's not a date!"

"I didn't say it was. I meant I will be going, with you, out." His smirk turned to a grin. "Come on, we'll be late for potions. And by the way, you're blushing…" He said, matter-of-factly.

Am I? Oh, God, why now? I looked away from his gaze, suddenly interested in my finger nails…

"Harry, you do realize you spend so much time with Malfoy?" Hermione asked when we were alone in the Common Room. She had to be the observant and ask me this question. "You spend time with him more than with us."

"That's not true! I only see him after classes."

"Yeah, and stay with him until the evening! You even eat your meals with him."

"I think we both know why I am doing that. We spoke of this before."

"But it's getting_"

"What do you want, Hermione?" I snapped. "No seriously, what do you want?"

"Nothing…" She shook her head, with traces of a smile on her face.

"Where is Ron?"

"In duty. Do you know he's asked me out for tomorrow's trip?"

"Really? That's great! He finally did it!"

"About time, yeah. So tomorrow you're_"

"No, of course, I'll leave you together. Anyway, I won't be alone."

"Really? Why? Are you having a date too?"

NOT A DATE! Why does everyone think it is a date? "No. No. Of course not. That's just ridiculous. No."

"Okay, got it! Who are you going with?"

I looked away from her, "Malfoy…"

I heard her giggle but she stopped when I looked at her sternly.

I woke up early in the morning before everyone else. I didn't eat breakfast deciding it would be better to wait for Malfoy. I was walking by the lake enjoying the cold autumn breeze and staring at the clear water. Suddenly, I felt like swimming. I went to a shallow area, took off my clothes, and took a dip. The water wasn't cold. It was warm and nice.

I was scared to death when I popped my head out of the water and found Malfoy standing on the shore watching me.

"Morning, Potter," he said. "Mind if I join you?"

I wanted to say yes, but that would be rude. I shook my head, and slowly he took off his clothes and jumped into the water. I was awarded with a brief view of Malfoy in his pants and I saved it into my mind for later use. I guessed that I was probably blushing right now, so I sank into the water to hide my face. I was determined to stay away from Malfoy in the water. I knew I won't stand him being near me while we are so naked and swimming alone in a lake without having my head turn into a hairy Quaffle.

"Did you have breakfast?" He asked.

"No, I was waiting for you." I said.

"Good boy."

We swam for about an hour though it felt like minutes. We both casted the Bubble-head Charm so we can dive to watch the fish and the merpeople without popping up every now and then for air. I noticed that Malfoy was determined to come close to me as much as I was determined to be away.

"Come on," said Malfoy once we popped out of the water and cancelled our charms. "I am starving. Let's go."

"Okay," I said, but stood where I was.

"Do you want to stay a little bit more?"

"No. I am coming after you…" I wanted him to go on so I can follow him later and dress without him watching me, but I thought that was impossible, so I went after him.

I fought hard not to look at him at all, knowing that if I did, I will start becoming a tomato. I gave him my back as I casted a charm to dry my body and dressed quickly.

"Can you do this spell on me? I am not so good at it." He admitted.

"Of course," I said and casted it with my eyes on the ground.

"Thanks."

But of course, I can't help but look at him as he dressed, and admire the way his briefs are tightened around his fine ass. I noticed that there were no fresh scars on his arms too. He had kept his word then…

Hogsmeade was as crowded as it always was. I nearly lost Malfoy in the crowd of the street, twice.

"Where do you want to go?" I asked him.

"With you, anywhere is great." My mouth dried. I didn't know why he said that. He didn't sound sarcastic at all. I realized I have been staring at him for so long, so I finally looked away.

"You're blushing." He said.

"Shut up!" That was one of the most awkward moments of my life.

We went to the Three Broomsticks.

"Oh, why here?" Malfoy groaned.

"You don't like it here?"

"Bad memories…"

Now I remembered. Malfoy had cursed Katie Bell in this place. It must have reminded him of the times he was a servant of Voldemort.

"We can go to Madam Puddifoot's Tea shop if you don't like this place," I suggested.

Malfoy chuckled. "And you're trying to tell me that this is not a date? Madam Puddifoot's is for lovers, Potter."

"Shut up!" I felt my face burn again. This is going to be a difficult day.

"It's fine, Potter. It's not so bad in here…"

We sat at a table beside the windows and ordered two Butterbeers. We stayed in comfortable silence until the drinks came.

"Potter, do you know that the Ministry has returned half of our taken properties, including the Manor? They said that there has been a mistake in calculating the required reparations and shit like that."

"No," I lied. "How should I know about that? But that's great!"

"I thought you might have a hand in these turns of events. If someone can convince the Ministry to reconsider our case, it has to be the Savior of the Wizarding World."

"Oh, stop it. You know even I couldn't do that."

"I know you could. Anyway, they are allowing my father to have a fair trial."

Of course I knew about this news. I have nagged and begged Kingsley for the whole past month until he finally did something. I convinced him that Mr. Malfoy has every right to have a trial before getting arrested. I told Kingsley 'not to repeat Fudge's mistake' when he arrested Sirius without a trial, and that was probably what put him into action. "That's very good news, Malfoy. Do you have a lawyer?"

"We had. But I don't know if we still do after, you know…"

"You have to get a good one. Maybe they'll be able to get your father out of jail."

"Why do you care, Potter?" Malfoy asked calmly. "I can understand why you care about me alright, but my father? You should be happy he is imprisoned. He's one of the reasons your godfather was killed."

"Why should I? He didn't do anything bad to me."

"He was siding with your enemy!"

"It doesn't work like that. There are no sides. It's not black and white. If I should hate everyone who sided against me, then I'll have half this world against me."

Malfoy smiled but didn't say anything.

When we got out of the pub, we were back in the crowd. I felt something brushing against my hand and was startled when I saw that it was Malfoy's hand. He took my hand in his. Oh God, he's holding my hand! I was so stiffened to let go, and even if I wasn't, I wouldn't have let go. His hand felt so soft in mine. I was looking away from him, knowing that if I met his gaze, I'll start blushing again. So there we were, in Hogsmeade, walking and holding hands, and I was still insisting that this was definitely NOT a date!

We didn't let go until we returned back to Hogwarts about half an hour later. By then, most of the students had got bored and returned to the castle. We didn't go inside, however. We sat in our spot under the trees in complete silence. I was sitting in my usual position leaning on a tree's trunk and looking at the water. Malfoy rested his head on my lap again, staring not at the sky as he usually did, but at me. I met his gaze and he looked away…

"Where do you live, Potter," he asked, "during the summer?"

"In your mom's house," I said. "Ouch!" He punched me on my stomach hard enough to hurt. "I wasn't joking. I live in Grimmauld Place, Sirius's old house which he left for me after he died. It is the Black family's house. And your mother is from the Black family. So, I was serious when I said that."

"You seem to love your godfather so much."

"I do, but what makes you say that?" I asked.

"There is that look you have whenever you mention him. A very sad look, but also a happy one. Like you miss the days you spent with him but sad that they ended."

"Yeah…"

"I am sorry…"

"Don't be." I wiped tears that I didn't realize I had. "It's not your fault."

I stroked Malfoy's hair like I do when he wakes up shaken from a nightmare and needs someone to calm him down. I stopped when I realized that he wasn't having a nightmare right now, and there was no excuse for me to touch his hair.

"Don't stop." He said.

"Excuse me?"

"Don't stop ruffling my hair! I like it when you do that."

I continued ruffling his hair and trying to ignore the funny fluttery feeling in my stomach.

After having lunch at the Slytherin's table, I left Malfoy and returned back to Gryffindor Tower feeling very excited for no apparent reason.

"You look so happy, Harry," Hermione noted.

"What?" I came out of a trance when I heard Hermione talking to me, and it took me a long time to process what she had said.

"You're so not with us these days, mate," said Ron.

"Shut up, Ron," said Hermione smiling widely, "can't you tell he's in love?"

"WHAT?" Ron and I said at the same time. I might have shouted when I said it…

"Who's the lucky girl… or guy?" asked Hermione. Her tone made me feel as if she wanted to reach some point in this talk. I felt she was talking about Malfoy. Then again, if it wasn't Malfoy, then who?

"WHAT?" I asked again.

"What are you trying to say, Hermione?" asked Ron. "And what do you mean by 'or guy?'? You don't think that Harry is… you know… do you? Because of course he's not. Tell her, Harry. You're not… gay, are you?"

I suddenly forgot how to talk.

"Even if he was," said Hermione, "do you have any problem with that?" She asked Ron.

Ron swallowed, "Well, I don't know… But he's not. Of course he isn't. He was dating my sister! Tell her, Harry!"

"What?" I asked again for the third time.

Ron suddenly looked shocked. "Harry, you don't think you are gay, do you? You aren't, right?"

"I_ I need some air." I stormed out of the common room hearing Hermione shouting at Ron behind me.

I went the Transfiguration Courtyard and sat on a bench under the shadow of the one tree. I thought a lot about what Hermione said, and the more I thought the more true it became. I like Draco Malfoy. A lot. And that was not bloody alright! Because that means that I will never get what I want, because Malfoy will never feel the same towards me. I remembered the touch of his hand on mine, and the way his beautiful grey eyes looks at me from under his great blonde hair. Now I understand why I always had the instinct to check on him on the Marauders' Map, and why I always followed him; because I have a huge, dangerous, unhealthy crush on him. And yet, all I wanted to do is stay here, sitting on the bench and just think about him all day. Only when it got completely dark did I leave the Courtyard and go to the Great Hall for lunch.

"You're late," said Draco. I met him in the Entrance Hall. "Where were you? I was searching for you!"

"Why? Did you want something?" I asked.

"No. Just… Anyway, let's have dinner. I am starving."

"Can we please sit at our table this time? Please?"

"No, Potter. We're not sitting with the Gryffindors. I told you this a hundred times before."

"I am a Gryffindor!"

"You're different."

"And I always sit with the Slytherins. It is not fair."

"No, Potter. You don't sit with the Slytherins. You sit with me."

"If we sat at the Gryffindor table, I'll still be with you."

And the argument went on for minutes until finally, and surprisingly, I convinced him to sit at the Gryffindor table, but only after I promised him that my friends won't be mean to him and "there is another condition," he said.

"What else?" I sighed.

'Promise me that you will sleep in my dorm for 2 days."

It was a surprising condition but I agreed anyway. "Fine, Malfoy, I promise that I will sleep with you_ I mean…" Oh sweet lord, why did I say that. It sounds so wrong.

"Is that a promise, Potter?" Draco smirked.

"Shut up! You know what I mean!"

"I surely do…" He said. I wanted to kiss him so I can wipe the smirk off his face. What did I just think about? Kissing him? Urgh this is just going too far.

"Hey, Harry," said Ron. His eyebrows went behind his hair when he saw who was standing behind me.

"We thought it'd be nice if we had dinner here this time," I said lamely to Ron and Hermione.

"No, Potter," said Malfoy. "YOU thought it'd be nice!"

"Silence, Malfoy," I gave him my best glare and he obeyed.

"Mmm, nice to meet you, Malfoy… I guess…" said Hermione.

Malfoy didn't answer. "And that's as modest as he gets," I told her.

We sat down beside each other, in front of Ron and Hermione. Our table was crowded, unlike the Slytherin's, so we had to stick to each other to give room for the others. As I ate, I tried hard not to think about the closeness of Malfoy's body to mine. It was as if my right side suddenly became extra sensitive.

It wasn't much a difference sitting here or there. We still ignored all the others and engaged in a conversation of our own. I noticed that Hermione was looking at us most of the time, but looked away whenever I looked at her questioningly.

"Harry," said Ron unsurely once we finished our plates. "I need to talk to you."

"Sure. What is it?"

"Alone."

"He's going to ask you out!" Malfoy whispered in my ear.

"Not funny, Malfoy!" I stood to leave, but Malfoy pulled me back in my seat.

"You're not leaving me alone with… Granger and the other Gryffin-dorks…"

I sighed. "Ok! I will meet you in your common room."

"Okay, the password is 'Anilius'"

"Harry?" Ron said.

"Coming, Ron… See you, Hermione." I left, and Malfoy bypassed me and went to the Common Room. Ron and I left the Great Hall behind him. We stopped at the Entrance Hall, and Ron sighed. I knew he is not liking whatever he's about to say. I was sure Hermione was forcing him to.

"Harry, mate… I just wanted to tell you that it's Ok with me if you are… gay. There, I said it." He let out a long breath.

"Sorry, what?"

"Oh, please don't make me say it again."

"No, I perfectly heard what you said. I just can't understand why you said that or what made you say that."

"It was Hermione." Ron admitted, nodding. "She made me say that."

"Why?"

"She thought you thought that I thought that I am not OK_"

"Wait, what?"

Ron sighed again. "I knew this was going to be difficult! Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that I am OK with it. Honestly…"

"OK with what?" I asked angrily.

"You being gay."

"Who said I was gay?"

"So you're not?" Ron asked hopefully.

I didn't answer. I myself didn't know if I was completely bent or not. It is just so difficult. I spent my whole life thinking I was straight, and then Draco Malfoy comes and messes everything up. I stormed back into the Great Hall to where Hermione was sitting.

"You think I'm gay?" I asked. Maybe I was a bit loud, because I got several people's attention.

"Sorry, Harry… It's pretty obvious." She pressed her lips in a thin line.

"Obvious?" Many were watching us now with interest, but I didn't give a fuck.

"Harry, lower you voice, for god's sake, and stop being angry as if I am offending you or something. And yes, it is obvious. To me at least, since Ron was oblivious. Since the new version of Malfoy came into your life, you became attached to him. Past the limit, I must say. I saw the way you look at him. Your eyes jump with glee whenever he enters a room and a smile touches your face. You are always happy in his presence. I know you have feelings for him."

I stood silent for so long, then said something very stupid. "Really?"

She smiled and nodded.

"And what… what do you see in his eyes?" I cursed myself later for being such a… Hufflepuff.

"I see nothing in them and no one, but you. You are the only thing that fills his eyes, everything else is nothing."

I swallowed hard, and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. I hoped Hermione was right, which seemed so unlikely. Malfoy couldn't be… No, that's absurd! This is not right. But I just hope…

I gave her a weak smile and left. I was surprised to see Ron behind me. I had forgotten that he was there. I walked past him and went to the Dungeons.

When I entered Malfoy's dorm, I found him floo-calling his mother.

"Get in, Potter," he said.

"I can come later. I'll give you some privacy…"

"No," he insisted. "Get in."

I closed the door and sat on the bed I usually used when I got here. I tried not to listen what they were talking about, but I can't shut my ears, can I? They were talking about the Lucius's trial, the Ministry, lawyers, stuff like that and me... I felt like I am overhearing, while it was Malfoy who invited me in.

"I love you, too," said Malfoy, and it felt weird hearing him saying that. For some reason, I thought his conversations with his mother would be all formal, something that fits with his character, but I was wrong. "Bye, Mum."

He sighed, and came to lie on the bed I was sitting on. He took a habit of resting his head on my lap, and it didn't fail to make me blush, like, every time.

"Stroke my hair, Potter."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Come on. I love when you do that."

I obliged after adding, "I love when I do it too."

He smiled and looked at me, and here he was… looking all cute and adorable. I knew I was blushing, but I didn't care.

"Mom thinks that I must stay away from you," Malfoy said. "She says that you are the reason of all the trouble."

"Perhaps she is right. Maybe you should listen to her." I shrugged.

"I can't…" He smiled and I smiled back. "Tomorrow is the day of the hearing. Our lawyer agreed to take the case, but there were some conflicts between him and Mom about the money…"

I listened to Malfoy as he repeated what I have already heard, and ruffled his soft hair back and forth, feeling it between my fingers.

"I hope your dad gets out of it," I said.

"Thanks, Harry."

I stopped.

"Why did you stop?" Malfoy groaned.

"You did it again!" I exclaimed.

"Did what?"

"Call me by my name. My first name!"

"Well it's yours, isn't it? It is still your name."

"Yes, but you never do it. You always call me 'Potter'" I mocked the way he usually says this word.

He smiled widely.

"Say it again." I said.

"Say what?"

"My name!"

"Potter!"

I slapped him playfully. "My first name!"

It was his turn to blush. "…Harry. But don't get used to it!" He warned me quickly.

And isn't this the cutest thing ever? My name coming from his lips sounded like the best name in the world. It wasn't the first time he called me by my first name, but the first time he did it, he was kind of drunk. So that doesn't count.

It took me so long to realize that Malfoy had dozed off on my lap.