Chapter 6: I come out of Narnia, which is so deep in the closet

Gryffindor defeated Hufflepuff easily. I caught the snitch in the first five minutes giving my teammates no chance to play.

Before Madame Hooch can even blow the end-of-match whistle, I was surrounded by the whole team and started receiving and giving hugs and high-fives.

"Bloody hell, Harry," said Ron happily. "Give us a chance to prove ourselves!"

"Come on, guys," shouted Ginny. "Time to party!"

The team cheered and rushed to the changing rooms.

I didn't bother even going to the party, so I ignored everyone's protests when they begged me to go, and left, wandering through the castle's corridors not knowing exactly where I was going. Only when I got outside to the grounds did I notice that I have been looking for Draco without realizing that, and I was hoping to find him where we usually met. He wasn't there, so I returned back indoors, and went to the Dungeons. I didn't have my Invisibility Cloak with me, but I said the password and entered the Slytherins' Common Room anyway. What looked like a third year Slytherin boy looked at me with disgust but he didn't dare ask why I was here after I gave him my best glare. I asked him, "Where's Malfoy?"

He didn't answer, but before I can repeat my question, a girl said "in his dormitory."

I ignored the mutterings between them, and went to Draco's dormitory.

He was sitting on his bed looking bored. He didn't look at me when I entered.

"Hey, Malfoy," I said.

"Hey…" His tone alarmed me. He seemed upset about something.

"Something wrong?"

He didn't answer.

"Malfoy, are you OK?" I asked.

"It's nothing of your concern!"

"Why are you acting like that?"

"Maybe because you were ignoring me all day and only now did you remember me! You didn't even ask what happened in my father's trial!"

Oh, God… I forgot all about that. I felt so guilty that I forgot him. "I am so sorry, Malfoy. I for_"

"Forgot? Yeah, I kinda figured that."

I went to sit beside him on the bed, and wrapped my arms around him. He shoved me away weakly, but I thought he only wanted me to try harder. I took him into my arms tightly ignoring his halfhearted protests. "I am so sorry, Malfoy. Quidditch distracted me."

"I hate being ignored."

"I know," I said. "I promise to never ignore you again. OK?"

"How did the hearing go?" I asked

"He was sentenced to two years."

"I am sorry_"

"No, that's good. I thought he would take ten years at the very least. Mum sounded so happy when she told me the news."

"If so then, congratulations..." His smile made my heart skip a beat. This boy was really making me crazy. With a smile, he can make me suddenly happy. Was that a spell? If so, then it is the best magic that has ever been done since Merlin himself.

"Listen, Malfoy, there is a party in our Common Room…"

"If you want to go, it's OK." He assured me.

"No. I want you to come with me."

"No."

"Why not?"

"You know why."

"Please! Do this for me."

"Harry, for the last time, I won't step inside your common room. I don't want to be in a place where I don't belong."

I sighed.

"It's OK. You go."

I nodded. "OK. See you later."

Malfoy looked disappointed, as if he expected me to stay with him, but he didn't say anything.

I climbed back to the seventh floor then descended them and returned back to the Dungeons carrying with me some drinks and food from the party. When I entered Malfoy's room, he looked as if he didn't move at all.

"You came back!" He said happily.

"I thought… If Malfoy doesn't want to come to the party, then the party must go to him."

He chuckled.

"Here, I brought you a bottle of Blishen's Firewhisky to celebrate this good news about your father." I conjured two glasses out of thin air, and poured some Firewhisky for Malfoy and me.

"A toast to the House of Malfoy!" I said and Malfoy echoed me with a chuckle.

I sipped my drink and felt its burning sensation as if there were flames in my stomach. I vowed not to have another drink to avoid getting drunk, but apparently Malfoy thought otherwise.

"Enough drinking," I warned him.

"Don't worry. I don't get drunk easily."

Oh, really? I knew I shouldn't have trusted him on this, but I did anyway…

"Harry…" Malfoy whispered when he laid his head on my lap as he usually did.

"Yes, Malfoy?"

"Ruffle my hair."

I chuckled and did as Malfoy wanted.

"I watched you playing today," he said, "you know? You were fantastic!"

"Well, thanks for the compliment."

"You really know how to sit on a broom…"

Whatever that means, I let it go.

He reached out his hand and cupped it around my cheek. I melted at the touch of his hand and suddenly forgot how to breathe. I don't get drunk easily, he said… Well, obviously he's drunk now. He took my spectacles off. "Your eyes are so green."

My mouth felt so dry. Even if I was capable of speaking, I didn't know what to say. "Malfoy, you're drunk."

"No." He still didn't let go of my cheek. "I am perfectly sober."

His hand moved to clutch my hair. "So soft…" he said. "Harry, you're so beautiful…" He raised his head until it became so close to mine. I can smell the alcohol in his breath. He got closer and closer and OH GOD! HE MEANS TO KISS ME! Oh, God, God, God…

I panicked. I pushed him and got away from his bed ignoring his protests. Then left the dorm and ran back to the common room with my heart hammering against my ribcage. I ignored my friends and teammate's questions and raised eyebrows, and went to my dormitory and locked the door after me. I didn't know what possessed Malfoy to do this. He must be very very drunk.

I calmed down after a couple of minutes and repeated what happened again in my mind. I recalled what he said. Oh gosh… 'So beautiful', he said.

Malfoy thinks I am beautiful!

My skin burned from where he touched me… After thinking about the almost-kiss for about an hour, I suddenly thought foolishly, why didn't I let him? But I knew I did the right thing. Malfoy was drunk. He didn't know what he was doing. I couldn't have taken advantage of his state, especially because I was sober and he wasn't. Yes, I did the right thing.

The problem now is that I won't be able to look into his eyes without remembering what he said and what he'd done. Things won't be the same after today. Another problem was that I was hard now, and that was disturbing because I never knew that one could get hard from an almost-kiss. But I could take care of that… After I wanked at thoughts of a naked Draco Malfoy in my bed, I casted cleaning charms and went to sleep.

Despite sleeping very late last night, I woke up early before everyone else… except for Hermione the early-riser, of course. When I went to the common room, she was surrounded by a pile of books that were scattered everywhere on the floor. "Morning, Hermione," I groaned sleepily.

"Good morning," she said, still not taking her eyes off a book she had in her hand. "Not a habit of yours, waking up early…"

"Bad night and terrible sleep," I said.

"You still didn't tell me what happened yesterday."

"Nothing, Hermione, really…"

"You didn't attend the party, disappeared for nearly an hour, came from outside panting like you were running for your life, and locked yourself up in your room! Is that something you do every day? Come on, tell me what happened! I am not like Ron, you know. I can listen and understand…"

I said nothing.

"Was it Malfoy?"

"Honestly, Hermione, have you been studying Legimency recently?"

"So I have guessed right then?" She smiled. I could tell she got interested, because she closed her book and came to sit beside me on the couch. "Go on… Tell me everything! Is there anything new between you two? Did he, you know, make a move?"

I blushed and turned my head away. "He tried…"

"And?"

"And I pushed him and ran for it," I said casually.

"Oh, dear… Why?"

"Why what? He was drunk and didn't know what he was doing! Even if he wasn't, my reaction would've still stayed the same." Well, I have to admit to myself that this last part is a lie.

"How could you say that? He wants you, and you want him, so why don't you both get on with it!"

"How could you tell if he wants me or not, when I myself can't tell if I want him or not? Maybe I only like him as a friend, nothing more?" I sounded a little bit hopeful, wanting my feelings to be delusional and return to being the person I've known, the straight me who wasn't attracted to, but pissed off by, Draco Malfoy. I was afraid from the change.

Hermione cupped my jaw and turned my head to face her. I was forced to look into her eyes now, as if this conversation wasn't already embarrassing enough.

"We both know that's not true," she said simply. "Why are you trying to deny that you are attracted to Malfoy?"

"I don't know," I sighed and laid my head on her lap, taking a leaf from Malfoy's book. "It is just too difficult to admit to myself that I am, you know, gay… If I admit being attracted to him, then that's it, I'll be officially gay. I won't get used to it this easily."

"I am sorry to burst your bubble, Harry, but this isn't news to me. I think you were always gay, but you just didn't realize you were."

I looked up at her sternly. "You are joking! You got to be kidding me. I_ I was always gay? How could you say that? I snogged Cho! I had sex with Ginny! I_ I never looked at a boy in that way! Well… until Draco came into my life of course." Oh Merlin, I think of him as Draco now? Not Malfoy?

Hermione laughed as if she was keeping this for too long and got out of control. "It was always Draco, wasn't it? Since the first time you saw each other, and you're stalking each other_"

"Stalking? We were fighting each other! I wanted to kill him and he wanted to kill me. And the only thing that stopped him was that he was forbidden from doing it by instructions from his previous master!" As I said those words, I realized how much Draco changed in these past months. I couldn't believe that the one I am talking about right now is the same person who called me 'beautiful'.

"Remind me again, why were you following Malfoy during our sixth year? You were stalking him for the whole year, and you never realized it!"

"I was only curious about why he was disappearing off the map, and I was right in the end! He was up to something! He was the reason Dumbledore died!"

"Oh, please, Harry. Don't start again. We perfectly know the truth behind Dumbledore's death. Even if Malfoy didn't let the Death Eaters in, Dumbledore would still have died! And please don't change the topic. Now, you said 'he wanted to kill me, and I wanted to kill him', right? But that's not true! What happened when you cursed him with Sectumsempra?"

I swallowed. "I screamed for help until Professor Snape came and took him to the Hospital Wing… But that was only because I panicked! The blood was everywhere, and knowing that I did this drove me mad!"

"Still doesn't sound like you wished him killed. And what happened after Professor Snape rescued him?"

"Nothing!"

"No! You came to us crying like a baby. And what did you do this year when he jumped off the Astronomy Tower?"

"I saved him and took him to the Hospital Wing."

"See? You don't actually hate him. You never d_"

"Yes, thank you, Hermione. You proved your point. I never hated Malfoy. Well that's great, because he obviously hates me! Well, not now maybe, but he did. And I acted all Hufflepuff for him until he stopped being a git. And remembering that now, it feels so… humiliating…"

"No, you didn't. You were being good. He would've killed himself again if you didn't_"

"But that still doesn't make me feel any better, Hermione!"

She stroked my head to calm me down. "As I was telling you before we started talking about Malfoy, it's not news to me. You were always_"

"Yeah, gay. I've got it! And still not helping…"

"If you could just let me complete my sentences… Look, it's not a bad thing at all_"

"I didn't say it was!"

"Harry, please!"

"Sorry, go on…"

"If you only think about it, you'll know I am right. You say you snogged Cho, but how did it go? Did you like it?"

"Of course I did! Any lips on mine will be great!"
"No, really? When I asked you about it, all you said was 'wet'! That doesn't sound like you liked it."

"Because she was all crying_"

"No! Because she was a girl, that's why. And Ginny! You were her boyfriend for months, and I can tell that these weren't your favourite days of your life. Were you happy with Ginny? Honestly?"

"There were some problems… But so what! All couples have problems. Don't tell me you and Ron don't fight every day and the other."

"What I meant was: where you happy she was your girlfriend? Was the… sex great?"

"We were inexperienced and young."

"So it wasn't. And no! It wasn't because of that. It was because she was a girl! And if you think hard, whenever there was a hot girl around, like Fleur for example, you never lay an eye or two on her. You weren't as interested in the Veela at the Quidditch World Cup as the other straight boys were. So, I think it's clear now… You just never realized you're gay until the new Malfoy came and triggered those emotions for you. And I can tell, after you broke up with Ginny and started being friendly to Malfoy, you became a lot better. It is obvious that you look happier. You look more alive and energetic, especially after the depression you had after the war... Tell me if I am wrong, but when you are alone with him, do you feel like_"

"Like I am the happiest man alive… Like my life is complete. Like I have everything that I'll ever want there in front of me… Yeah…" I nodded.

She smiled and patted my head. "See?"

"But that doesn't mean that he feels this too. He doesn't show many emotions. Although, I have to admit, sometimes I see something in his eyes. Like when I call him, he gets happy then suddenly his face turns cold. I don't understand him at all."

"Malfoy is so different from you, Harry. He won't let emotions betray him. He might play it cool and everything, but from the inside, he's exploding with feelings! And you told me he made a move and you stopped him, so he must also be attracted to you. The only problem is that you stopped him, fool. Now he probably thinks that you don't like him in this way."

"He was drunk, Hermione. Drunk!"

"Most people show their true selves when they are half-conscious."

"So what do you suggest I do now?"

"I don't know…"

"Seriously? You know things about me that I myself don't, and now you stopped knowing? You have to help me."

"No, I don't have to, but I will, just because we are friends."

"If you suggest anything stupid like asking him out or something like that, then I am telling you now: don't. Remember, we are talking about Malfoy."

"I'll think about your problem, Harry, and when I reach a solution, I'll let you know."

I sighed. "Thanks, Hermione. You're the best!"

She patted my head again, and I laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Ron's face if he saw us right now."

She chuckled. "Don't worry. He knows you're not interested in women, and specifically not in me."

"Is he really OK with it?"

"He was disturbed at the beginning, like he was afraid you'll have wet dreams about him or something." We both laughed. "But then, he started to realize that you have eyes for Malfoy only."

"And didn't that disturb him more?"

"Nah, he is totally OK with it right now. Honestly."

"Good." I didn't realize until now how much I was worrying about my friends' opinions. Suddenly, coming out didn't seem so difficult. Hermione did the entire job for me; I only let her lead me to the final conclusion. Bless her; she is always a saviour…

"Lucius got two years in Azkaban. Draco is happy, though. He thought it would be worse."

"That is good, I suppose. The problem is that the Malfoys aren't the only ones treated this way. Kingsley must diminish the heavy punishments he's forcing on ex-Death Eaters and their families. It's getting over! He just won't listen to us!"

"Thank God he did me that favor in the first place. He would have every right and the full authority to deny me what I asked from him."

"Yeah… I suppose so. Now, I have to finish my research, if you don't mind," she said.

"OK."

"Harry?"

"Yeah?"

"Your head!"

"Oh, yeah… Sorry…" I stood up preparing to leave for classes when I remembered that it is Saturday. Good. I can spend the whole day sleeping then. I returned to my bed which felt so inviting now that I had most of my mind troubles solved, thanks to Hermione…

"Harry, wake up! Come on! Don't waste the whole weekend sleeping!" I heard Ron opening the bed curtains and prepared to be hit by sunlight on my tightly closed eyelids. But that didn't happen. Oh god, have I slept until the evening?

"Ron," said my sleepy voice, which was so not-me. "I sometimes do sleep naked, you know? Don't open the curtains while I am sleeping!"

"Oh, come on. I have seen you naked many times already. It's not like a delightful sight for me to watch… Come on, Harry. It's getting boring without you."

"Alright, alright. I am getting up now." I was lying of course.

"Malfoy asked about you," said Ron.

"REALLY?" I was wide awake now and out of bed.

He laughed. "No, but I guessed that would do it. See? Now you're up."

"I'll get you for this! I will never forget it." I felt so angry.

He chuckled. "Come on! We're playing cards. And by 'we', I mean Hermione, Luna, Neville, Ginny, Terry, Ernie, and me."

"Who let the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs in?"

"We did," said Ron simply.

"Mmm…"

"I know what you're thinking. And no! Please don't bring Malfoy_"

"I wasn't thinking of that. Even if I asked him, he won't agree to come."

"Good…" Ron muttered. I ignored him.

"Where were you all day?" I asked Draco once I finally found him sitting alone on a bench in the Transfiguration Courtyard. "I've been searching for you for hours!"

"And how did you find me?" He asked without looking up at me.

I took the Marauders' Map out of my pocket.

"Oh, yes. The map. I forgot about that…" Draco sounded strange, as if he wasn't happy that I found him. He was still staring at the ground and didn't look at me at all.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Potter."

"What happened to 'Harry'?"

"I told you to not get used to it."

I kneeled down in front of him to force him to look into my eyes. I grasped his shoulders and said "Did something happen? Is it something about your mother? Is she alright? Come on, tell me! We've known each other long enough. You can trust_."

"My mother is fine."

"Then what?"

"Potter, who paid the lawyer's salary?"

I swallowed. "What do you mean?"

"At first, he didn't agree with the money we offered to him. Then, all of a sudden, he changed his mind. You paid him the extra money he wanted, didn't you?"

It was true. I dealt with the lawyer and promised to give him the money he wanted if he agreed to take Lucius's case. When he agreed, I told Mr. Weasley to transfer 300 Galleons from my account at Gringotts to the lawyer's. I didn't want Draco to know about that, because I knew that he won't accept it. But I had to do it. "How long have you known this?" I asked.

"I always knew!"

"Then why would you confront me now?"

"I will return every Galleon you paid, Potter, very soon. We just don't have the whole amount right now, but I'll return_"

"Why are you saying this? If I wanted the money I wouldn't have given it away in the first place!"

"BECAUSE WE DON'T ACCEPT MONEY FROM YOU, POTTER! We're not beggars, OK? Thank you very much!"

"Malfoy, why are you saying this now?" As soon as I said that, I remembered what Hermione told me this morning: 'The only problem is that you stopped him, fool. Now, he probably thinks that you don't like him in this way.' I got it! Malfoy remembers what happened last night. He is either so mad at me because I pushed him away, or at himself for being in a weak situation. He's so mad that he's trying to find another excuse to be mad at me about. Of course he must be mad! He thinks that I have rejected him for the second time.

So Hermione was right again, as always. And once that was settled, my confusion turned into excitement. My heart was bouncing happily knowing that Malfoy would've tried to kiss me even if he wasn't drunk. Now, I'll just pretend that I figured out nothing and see how far he will go playing mad.

"Because I want to! I do what the fuck I want! Have you got a problem with that?"

"No," I said, fighting a smile.

"And I hate you, by the way. Don't think that have changed or anything. I hate your stupid scarred face and your stupid hair!"

"Anything else?" I asked, now smiling.

"Yes. I hate your stupid eyes too. I hate everything about you. You're so annoying you think Oh, I am Harry Potter; I am so famous and everybody loves me. But guess what? I don't_"

I couldn't hold myself anymore. I pulled him from his collar and kissed him fully on the mouth. I can see the shock on his face, but he didn't step away, and neither did I. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the kiss, ignoring the part of me that screamed OH MY GOD, I AM KISSING DRACO MALFOY!

I pressed my lips harder on his until he responded. I felt him melting in my arms and I leaned more into him. There was a loud bang that sounded like we fell from the bench and onto the ground, but I didn't care. We didn't care, and now we were grasping and holding each other tightly, snogging madly as if our lives depended on this moment. I deepened the kiss further and felt Malfoy shudder beneath me. I took advantage of his slightly opened mouth to slip my tongue in, and once our tongues touched, I felt the blood rushing in my lions. Malfoy was clutching my hair with one hand and the other was under my shirt caressing the skin of my back.

It was the need of oxygen for survival that broke us apart. I looked at the cute face under me and smiled widely. "What else do you hate about me?"

He smiled. "Not having your lips on mine."

"God, I've been waiting for this moment for so long," I confessed.

"Then why did you push me away last night?"

"Because you were drunk, moron, and I didn't want you to do something foolish and give me high hopes, then regret it in the morning."

He smiled. "That explains a lot. I thought you didn't want me to, but I think I was wrong, judging by this." He rubbed his crotch on mine and I was relieved yet also embarrassed to know that I wasn't the only one with a boner.

"Shut up." I felt my face burning when I started processing the situation we were both in, and the fact that we were on the ground with me lying on him didn't help at all.

"God," he said. "I love it when you blush." I gave him a brief kiss to shut him up then stepped away from him. I had to loosen my – thankfully long – shirt to hide my obvious erection, although he already knows about my current situation. I gave him a hand to pull him off the grass.

"Oh lord," he groaned, "there is grass in my hair! Eww!" He started shaking his hair and clothes to get the clippings off them. "Next time, I am on top; you on the ground."

On top? Oh, God!

"Oh," he frowned. "You know what I mean..."

I chuckled. "So you're not mad at me now?"

"Um, no," he smirked. "You apologized in the right way. I forgive you."

"Thanks!" I hugged him tightly then gave him a peck on the cheek. He blushed.

We went to the Great Hall for dinner holding hands, while I kept repeating those last minutes in my mind. It was still hard to process that I kissed Draco Malfoy and I bloody liked it! I had no idea what will happen next or what is the course of this relationship now, but I knew one thing for certain: that this is the happiest I've ever felt since the war, or maybe since I was born.

AN: R&R please?