Data lay on his bed staring up at the ceiling. His session with the counselor had only just ended and it did make him feel better. However he still felt guilt and couldn't comprehend what level these emotions would reach when the time came to face Heva's kidnapper. Being human was so complicated at times.
Only an hour ago, Data stepped into Deanna's office to speak with her. She sat in the chair beside her couch with a content smile on her face. "I've been expecting you, Data. Sit down. Let's talk." Data walked over to the couch and sat down facing her. He placed his elbows on his knees and twiddled his thumbs, looking at them as they twirled around one another. "I have never felt so many things at once." he said at last. "I feel guilt at not being able to save Heva when I had the chance. I feel angry at whoever took her from here. I feel concern about her well being. Above all I feel determination at getting her back. But there are so many other things running through my mind that I have never experienced." "Like what?" Deanna inquired. Data shut his eyes. He couldn't put into words the feelings that flowed throughout his system. He knew how he felt, but there was no way to describe it. He lifted his hands and held them open on either side of his head. They shook, twisted, contracted, and spun in the air as he attempted to construct an explanation of his emotional state. Deanna watched him, intrigued at his newest human like behavior. As he struggled to pull a definition out and present it, she merely watched in silence.
"It is like…well…" he said. "It is similar to something I observed while studying the behavior of the children. I was working in the nursery, repairing the environmental system as it had grown quite cold and some of the infants were having trouble sleeping. Suddenly, one of the toddlers began to cry. I looked and saw that one of the nurses had taken a toy away from him. She placed it on a table top where it was too high for the child to reach it. When her back was turned, the boy attempted to get the toy back. He stood at the side of the table reaching up as high as he could to try and reach the edge. Needless to say, he could not. He attempted other things to try and obtain it to no avail. He then discovered that if he climbed on top of a chair, he could reach the top. He did this only to have the teacher take the toy away again and put it away in a cupboard that was even higher than the table. The child had what he wanted at his fingertips, only to have it ripped away again. I did not understand why the child was so upset about having this toy taken away when there were so many others around him to play with. I believe that this situation is best described with the one involving the toddler because it is most similar. Heva was in my reach, if I just went a little faster I could have gotten to her and saved her from being kidnapped. Instead, she was taken from me just when I thought I had her. I now understand the behavior of the child. What he wanted was where he could not get to it. He didn't want it taken from him because it was precious, it was in his eyes different than the others. It was his, no one else's and when it was out of his grasp it troubled him. He wanted it close to him as a source of comfort and joy. Without it, he was distressed. Just as I am distressed not knowing if Heva is alright. I cannot contact her to ask if she is hurt. I had my chance to save her and I could not. I did not understand why her apprehension worried me more than other times when those I care for have been obtained. I do care about you, Geordi, the captain, and all of my friends very deeply and I would be deeply concerned if any of you were taken and put in danger…but Heva is the woman I have fallen in love with. I hold her very closely and feel most comfortable when she is near me. When she is in harm's way, I feel determined to protect her. But she is somewhere I cannot reach, I cannot protect her while I am here. I know that I must help in pursuing the vessel in order to reach her. But I am restless, I yearn for a quicker way to get to her. It is all very hard for me to understand…"
He trailed off, the counselor staring at him thoughtfully. "I think you understand it perfectly, Data. " she said softly. "I do?" Data asked, somewhat bewildered. "Yes. When people have something they hold dear taken from them they feel a large range of emotions. They wish that there was a quick and easy way to get it back, it's natural to feel somewhat guilty. I'm sure the captain told you that?" "The captain did tell me that even the strongest of men can break when something he loves is taken. I just don't see how. How is a man strong when he shows weakness? I do not wish to be afraid anymore. I only wish to find Heva." Deanna moved to sit next to Data. She sighed and smiled at him. "Many men believe it's weak to admit that they show emotion at certain things. But others find that only a real man will let his weaknesses show. It takes a lot of bravery to admit that you're afraid. It also takes a lot of bravery to face the things that scare you." Data considered this for a moment. "So what you are saying is that by admitting I am afraid and by also being determined to save Heva…I am showing considerable growth in my pursuit of humanity." Deanna nodded. "It's ok to be afraid. I know that you'll find Heva. Because even though you're afraid, your love for her will overcome and you will save her. You need to know that even when you're scared, things will eventually be okay even when they seem hopeless. I'm sure you've observed that throughout all of the missions we've been on. You've just never experienced the emotion behind it until now." Data gave a small laugh. "You are right, counselor. We have been through many missions before that seemed hopeless. But we have always overcome. I feel silly for being afraid that we would not find Heva. I know we will, somehow." Deanna put a hand on Data's shoulder and pulled him into a hug. He returned it, smiling to himself.
"Thank you, Deanna." She released him and beamed at him. "You are very welcome. I know how hard it can be to be human. But you handle it so well, I believe you have been human all along." Now here Data lay, thoughtful and somehow content even with the fear of losing Heva fresh in his mind. He knew that there was much more to experience before he himself felt truly human. But it was times like this when he felt as though that was what he'd been all his life. His doorbell sounded, interrupting his train of thought. "Enter." he said to his guest. Geordi stepped in and Data sat up. "Data, the captain told me that you were feeling a little…unnerved. He explained to me why this was. " Data stood and shuffled slightly. "I am sorry that I did not go to you first, Geordi. I suppose I felt that you would find my fears unacceptable and even silly for a Star Fleet officer." he looked away, feeling slightly embarrassed. "Data, I'm your friend." Geordi said. "I want you to know that if there is ever anything you need to talk about you can tell me. I wouldn't judge you for feeling anything like that. Okay?" "I understand, Geordi." Data said, smiling. "At least, I do now. It was difficult to deal with these feelings. It still is, in a way. But now all I want is to carry out the duty the captain assigned me to in the first place; finding out how the freighter spreads the plague virus without being detected. If I figure this out, it could possibly contribute to finding Heva faster." Geordi smiled and they both sat on opposite sides of Data's desk. Data pulled up the information on the freighter and Geordi pulled an information pad from his pocket. "So far, the only theory I have is that the freighter must have some sort of emissions outlet on the ship that can distribute the virus in mass quantities. What puzzles me is that even with such equipment installed, he would only be able to spread the virus over a few hundred kilometers. It would have no way to spread at the rate it has been without some sort of heating catalyst. So the question is, how is this guy spreading the virus over half the planet's surface if he's only using the emissions outlet?"
"Readings from the planet's atmosphere indicate that there are high traces of the virus being spread continuously from it down to the planet's surface…perhaps the freighter entered the atmosphere, released the virus and went back up into space escaping before it could be detected. No, it would need some sort of device to conceal itself otherwise the ship would have been detected by the Alliance, since it was the ship scouting that system at the time." "Well actually, I did detect a cloaking mechanism in the freighters programming. So it is possible. In fact, it seems to be the only theory that makes sense. If the freighter cloaked itself, entered the atmosphere and released the virus the heat from the entry would be enough to activate the accelerated reproduction that was genetically implanted in the virus and it would spread well over a third of the planet infecting the air supply."
"Would the Alliance still be able to detect the freighter once it entered the planet's atmosphere?" "Only if they were close enough to where the freighter entered it, the planet where the virus was first encountered was hours away from the ship at the time the virus was believed to have been distributed. We should tell the captain, it's only a theory but he will be able to let Star Fleet know what to look for." Just then the captain's voice spoke urgently from the bridge. "Commander Data, Commander La Forge, get to the bridge. We have tracked down the freighter and it is within sensor range." Both Data and Geordi stood and sprinted out the door. If Data physically possessed a human heart, it would have been pounding hard against his chest as he raced to the bridge.