AN: Sorry about how long this took to update… I've been super busy! Hopefully over the Christmas season I'll be able to update more. On the plus side, this one is the longest yet, with over 5000 words! Yay! I edited it in a hurry since I have a lot of homework I should be doing, and wanted to get it out to you guys, so I apologize if I missed anything. Enjoy, and please review!
I was such an insufferable coward. I had asked Christine to dinner and planned an entire evening so I could finally tell her of my feelings toward her, and instead of saying everything I had been rehearsing in my mind since she came here, I had panicked and simply asked her to dance. And now, with the state of confusion she was in, I couldn't try again for a while.
I needed to do something; some grand gesture to demonstrate my affections. However, nothing my mind could think up would adequately sum up all the love I held for her, or how much better she had made my dark existence. I would simply have to try smaller things to ease her mind's confusion, and then do something larger when I finally had an adequate idea. Of course, tomorrow was the perfect day to put some of my plans into action.
Then of course there was the question she had posed to me during dinner.
I stopped pacing around the music room as I had been for the past ten minutes and sat on the piano bench, sinking even deeper into self-loathing. Out of every question she could have asked me, she had to choose one that questioned the darkness of my past that I was doing everything to hide. Christine seemed to have this strange ability to target every subject that made me uncomfortable.
She seemed to have this innocent curiosity about my past that I could not seem to snuff out, and my usual method of hiding my emotions was not working as it always had. Christine challenged myself on an emotionally level that I was not used to, and to be honest, was downright frightening.
"Damn you Christine," I muttered, but there was no conviction in my voice, and I felt the edge of my mouth twitch up into a smile.
An idea struck me then, something small I could do to help Christine be happy here. Smiling to myself, I strode out of the music room and grabbed my outside gear hanging by the door. After securely locking the door behind me, I trekked into the night to ready my surprise.
I awoke early the next morning eager for Christine to awaken so I could show her everything I had put together the previous evening. In order to pass the time, I began to prepare a large breakfast for her, putting everything on platters at the dining table as it became ready.
She came downstairs not even five minutes after everything was ready, walking lazily into the room as she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes.
"I smelled food," She smiled, a piece of hair falling from where it was piled on top of her head and into her face.
She was wearing a small pair of pajama shorts and a purple tank top that sat low on her chest. I turned away before she could realize I was looking at her, and she sat down eagerly, seemingly unaware of how little clothing she was wearing.
"I loved bacon." She grinned, shoveling a large helping onto her plate. She seemed unwilling to bring up the previous evening, so I decided not to say anything about it either.
I sat down and began to slowly eat some of the breakfast I had prepared, my eyes unable to leave her face as she ate. I was thoroughly convinced that there was nothing more beautiful in the world than Christine when she was smiling.
I spoke once she had eaten about half the food on her plate. "Christine," I started.
"Yes?" She spoke eagerly, smiling at me.
I cleared my throat. "I was wondering if you would like to spend some time outside today? The weather is nice and the yard really is lovely…"
"I would love to!" She exclaimed, effectively cutting me off mid-sentence. She jumped out of her chair, her breakfast still only half finished. "I just have to get dressed!" She yelled back to me as she sprinted up the stairs.
I smiled to myself, finding joy in her happiness. I had barely had time to clear away the unfinished breakfast before she bounded down the stairs, her hair pulled into one long braid down her back, and all of the winter clothing I had placed her closet piled in her small arms.
"Well, are you coming?" She asked excitedly, barely even stopping to address me before she dumped her stuff on the bench by the front door and began to pull it on. By the time she had pulled her boots, jacket toque and mittens on, I had my jacket and gloves on and was standing by the door.
"Are you ready my dear?" I asked with a smile, holding the door open for her as she practically fled outside.
I stood on the porch, watching her twirl around as snowflakes fell gently from the sky.
She stopped and looked at me waving her arm to invite me down from the porch. "Are you just going to stand there the entire day?"
Smiling, I walked into the snow to join her stopping in front of her and awaiting further instruction.
"Erik, can we please go for a walk? I want to see the yard!" She exclaimed, laying her gloved hand on my arm.
"As you wish my dear." I offered my arm to her, which she eagerly took, practically pulling me forward.
"How far does your land go?" She asked curiously as we walked toward the edge of the woods surrounding my home.
"It's ten acres." I answered immediately. "And the house is practically in the center of the land."
"I've always wanted to live on an acreage." She said wistfully, her eyes not looking up.
"Really?" I said with surprise, "Then why choose to live in the largest city in the United States?"
"Because you can hardly be an actress and live on an acreage… And I decided the love of music and stage surpassed my wanting to live on an acreage." She said matter-of-factly, as if she had given the matter plenty of thought.
"Of course, I do like the city though." She continued hastily. "There is so much activity and life in a city, but observing everything that is happening all the time can be very exhausting."
"I understand," I nodded. "Being around so many people can be draining."
"And of course you enjoy the country more," She spoke matter-of-factly, grinning up at me. "Because the city offers an incredible lack of privacy."
"You would be correct," I answered back, effectively hiding how much her knowing me so well unsettled me.
"I love winter." She spoke softly. "It's my favourite season of the year."
"And why is that?"
"The snow makes everything so magical." She responded instantly. "And Christmas is in the winter, which is my favourite holiday."
"We will have to ensure we do something extra special for it then my dear." I smiled knowingly down at her, wondering when it would dawn on her. She tilted her head up to look me in the eyes, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. However, something seemed to be troubling her.
"Meg and I have a Christmas tradition." She spoke quietly, refusing to meet my eyes. "I've known her for so long I honestly can't even tell you when it started, but every Christmas I can remember we've gotten together to sing Christmas carols after Christmas dinner. Meg, mom and I would sing, dad would play the violin, and Madame Giry would just sit and enjoy the music. It's the most vivid memory I have of my mother, and after she died it was the first time I saw my father truly happy again."
She stopped for a moment, and I could see a tear slide down her cheek. However, I remained silent.
"When my dad died, I didn't think I would be able to enjoy Christmas ever again." She whispered so softly I could barely hear her. "But sure enough, the first Christmas after he died Madame Giry came to Meg and I's apartment and made dinner, and we all sat down afterwards and sang Christmas carols."
She laughed, a pure, genuine sound, and I saw her quickly wipe the tear off her cheek when she thought I couldn't see.
"Madame Giry is a terrible singer, so it didn't sound nearly as pretty as it did with mom and dad, but it was the two Christmases I spent with them are some of the happiest moments I've had since my dad died."
"What else?" I said immediately, desperately wanting to change the conversation from something I had no ability to change.
"What?" She questioned, looking up at me quizzically.
"What are your other happiest moments since your father passed away?" I asked again, clarifying my question.
"That's a tough question." She started, thinking hard. "All of them would have to be recent… Singing the lead in Hannibal, Reminiscing with Raoul, singing with you, dinner last night…"
She stopped talking instantly, and I could barely conceal the burst of joy exploding within my heart; two of the items she included on her list included me, and all of them had happened since we had met.
"Well, I think you get the idea." She mumbled, her cheeks blushing.
We had reached the edge of the trees, and she clutched my arm tighter, using myself to steady her as she stepped over tree roots and other snow-covered debris on the forest floor.
"How much farther is it Erik?" She asked excitedly, not a hint of complaint in her voice.
"Not very far my dear." I answered, carefully holding a snow-covered branch out of her way.
"What are we doing anyways?" She questioned, trying her best to sound irritated, but she couldn't mask her excitement.
"That is a surprise." I answered with a smile.
"I hate surprises." She grumbled.
"You can I both know that's not true." I stopped walking, and she stopped next to me. "You, my dear, are just incredibly impatient."
She looked up and stuck her tongue out at me, and soon we were both laughing whole-heartedly.
After a couple minutes more of walking, I stepped in front of her, standing with my back to a thick wall of trees.
"Your wait is now over my dear!" I proclaimed dramatically, pulling back the tree branches so she could see everything I had set up for her.
A small ice rink sat in the middle of the clearing, with a fire pit and small shelter sitting at one side of it. I watched her eyes light up as she surveyed the small winter wonderland, her eyes immediately landing on the pair of ice skates hanging neatly in the shelter.
"Erik," She smiled, looking up at me. "This is beautiful."
"It's all for you my dear." I responded softly, leading her over to where the ice skates were hanging up.
"I didn't know you skated Erik." She chatted as she laced up her skates.
"I haven't skated since I was a very young boy." I answered immediately.
"Well," She said coyly, smirking at me. "I have literally skated every year since I was three years old, so this may be the one place I can actually out-do you in something."
"On the contrary my dear," I responded, picking up her teasing tone. "You out do me in many things."
"Oh?" She raised an eyebrow at me, finishing tying up her skates. "Like what?"
I stood up and began to walk to the ice, her walking next to me. "I, for one, cannot sing soprano like you can."
"Yes," She started, stepping onto the ice with ease. "But you are an incredible musician and singer, so that doesn't really count."
We began to skate at an easy pace around the ice. "Actually, it does count, but if you choose not to count it, you are also much better at being optimistic than I am."
"That's true." She smiled, skating in front of me and turning around so she was skating backwards and facing me. It truly was amazing how graceful she was.
"And I'm certainly better at skating than you are!" She laughed, turning around and skating away from me. She yelled back over her shoulder. "Bet you can't catch me!"
I skated after her, my long legs allowing me to chase her down rather quickly. However, just as I was within reach she stopped abruptly, ducked under my arm and skated the other direction.
"So close!" She teased, smiling coyly at me as she turned and skated back the other direction.
I grinned at her and chased her around the ice a few times, until I finally got close enough to her to wrap my arm around her waist.
"Erik!" She laughed as I lifted her off the ground with one arm, pulling us both over to the edge of the ice.
"That is completely unfair." She said with mock anger, a smile plain on her rosy face.
"And why is that my dear?" I answered back with a laugh.
"Your legs are longer… Hence it is unfair." She retorted, her hands on her hips.
"Well you should have considered that before you started the competition!" I smiled, unable to even pretend to be angry at that moment.
"Point taken." She grinned, turning around and skating back out onto the ice.
I stood there watching her twirl gracefully around the ice, enjoying the way the sun glinted off her curly hair and pink lips.
After doing a couple laps of the ice, she skated up to me and stopped in front of me. "Aren't you going to join me?"
"I was simply admiring your beauty my dear." I responded instantly, hoping that the comment wasn't too forward.
"Oh," She blushed, looking down at the ground so I couldn't see her face.
"Why do you do that?" I asked softly, putting my finger underneath her chin and lifting her face so our eyes met.
"Do what?" She answered softly, still blushing fiercely.
"Blush and look embarrassed whenever I offer you a compliment." I explained, sitting down on one of the benches.
"I don't know," she mumbled, sitting down next to me. "I guess I'm just not that used to receiving them."
"Why not?" I asked, genuine surprise in my voice.
"I've just never been the girl who is showered with compliments; Meg is a better dancer than I, there are plenty of other dancers that are prettier, and replacing Carlotta in Hannibal for a couple performances was the first anyone had really heard of my voice. Whenever Meg and I went out she was always the one off flirting with boys and getting their attention… I was always perfectly content with simply watching." She paused for a moment, seeming to contemplate the rest of her response.
"You only really get offered compliments when you're the best at something, and I've never really been there."
"On the contrary my dear, you truly are the best at many things." I interjected softly.
"Well, thank you." She smiled. "But honestly, not being front and center never really bothered me; I've always been content to let other people have the spotlight. The only place I've ever really wanted to be everyone's center of attention was on the stage."
"Fair enough." I smiled at her, admiring her ability to be so content with life. "Would you like some hot chocolate?"
"I would love some." She smiled, and I turned and walked toward the little shelter with the thermos of hot chocolate.
Just as I was about to grab the thermos, something cold and soft hit me hard in the back of the neck. I turned around slowly, wiping the snow off the back of my jacket as Christine rolled another snowball.
"Got you!" She laughed, throwing another snowball at me, which I easily dodged this time. I tucked the thermos into my jacket, getting ready for her to throw another snowball.
"You're asking for it now!" I yelled back at her, grabbing a handful of snow and packing it in my hands. I threw it at her, but she managed to run behind a tree in order to avoid it.
She peaked out from around the tree and threw another one at me while I was packing another snowball. I ducked quickly and it soared over my head, however my next throw simply hit the tree. I decided to change tactics.
Slowly, I crept up to the tree she was hiding behind, and began to roughly shake the branches, succeeding in dumping a large pile of snow onto Christine's head.
"Hey!" She squealed, running out from under the tree, shaking the snow off of her head. "That's cheating!"
"On the contrary my dear," I smiled, enjoying how pink her cheeks and nose were. "It is simply clever strategy."
Having succeeded in shaking most of the snow off her, she grinned back at me. "Fine then… You win Erik."
I smiled back at her for a moment before I responded. "Would you like a cup of hot chocolate now my dear?"
"Yes please!" She exclaimed, following me as I walked over to the bench, pulling the small thermos of hot chocolate out of my jacket. I filled the attached lid with hot chocolate for her, which she accepted eagerly. "This is wonderful Erik."
"I do make a wonderful cup of hot chocolate." I smiled.
"That's not what I meant." She laughed, gesturing to the ice rink. "I mean all this is wonderful! The ice-skating, the hot chocolate, being outside… Everything."
"It is part one of your gift my dear." I smiled, amused by the look of confusion on her face.
"My gift? What for?"
"My dear, today is Christmas." I unveiled dramatically, watching the look on her face as she full realized what day it was. I was surprised she had not figured it out from our previous conversation.
"But that's terrible!" She exclaimed.
I looked at her, completely confused by her reaction. "What?"
"I don't have a gift for you!"
"Christine, you obviously don't have to get me anything…"
"But I wanted to!" She interrupted, beginning to pace. "I didn't even realize what day it was!"
"Christine!" I placed my hand gently on her shoulder to stop her. "It really is alright."
"I'm going to get you a gift Erik." She said resolutely.
"You simply being here is a gift enough for me." I smiled, causing her cheeks to blush an even brighter pink than they already were.
"Well, I'm still going to get you something."
"Do as you wish my dear." I grinned. "I know well enough not to stop you once you have your mind set on something."
"So…" She started, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. "What did you get me?"
"You will see once we get back to the house." I smiled, offering her my arm. She took it eagerly, and I reveled in the feeling of her tiny hand resting on my arm.
We chatted easily on the way back to the house, and I could barely contain my excitement at giving her the gift I had so carefully picked out for her. When we reached the house, I left her at the door to go grab her present.
"Just wait here until I come back for you." I requested running into the kitchen to grab a small box. Tucking it away in my suit jacket, I returned to the entryway to fetch Christine.
"Close your eyes," I said softly, placing my hands on her shoulders to lead her to the music room.
"Where are we going?" She questioned playfully, grinning from ear to ear.
"You'll see." I whispered close to her ear, pushing open the door and leading her inside.
"Okay," I took a step back from her. "Open your eyes."
She slowly opened her eyes, and her hand flew to her mouth. "Oh Erik!" She whispered ecstatically.
I had transformed the room into a Christmas wonderland, a large Christmas tree sat at the center of the room next to the grand piano. Delicate Christmas lights and fake icicles lined the edges of the room, and even a Christmas-style couch sat against the wall. I had put every Christmas decoration in the room I could without it being incredibly tacky.
Christine turned to face me and through her arms around me. "Erik, this is beautiful. I love it."
"I remembered you saying Christmas was your favourite time of year, even before this morning, so I wanted to make it special for you." I responded, not wanting to ever let her out of my embrace.
She pulled away too quickly, and walked over to the large tree admiring the ornaments I had placed on it.
"This looks just like the one I got from my dad when I was seven!" She exclaimed, turning to look at me. I smiled, and a strange look of realization crossed her face. She turned back to the tree and began to look at all the ornaments on the tree.
"You took my Christmas ornaments?" She turned and looked at me, her look a cross between horror and fascination. I was confused; didn't she want all of the Christmas ornaments she had kept from her parents?
"Don't you like having them here?" I asked, making my confusion evident.
"I do…" She trailed off, running her hand through her hair as she thought about what to say. "It just makes me wonder…"
"What does it make you wonder?" I asked softly, taking a step toward her.
"Nothing." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter."
"I would very much like to know what you were wondering about." I stated, trying to get her to look up at me.
"I don't want to ask you right now." She said simply, turning and admiring the little snowman decoration sitting on the piano.
"Why not?" I asked, unwilling to let the subject go.
She sighed, exasperated. "Because honestly, I don't think I want to know the answer right now. Can we please drop the subject?"
"Of course my dear." I smiled, but my mind was still reeling over what she could have wanted to ask. What question was so pressing, yet, she didn't want to know the answer?
"Erik?" She called to me, sitting down on the piano bench.
"Yes my dear?" I answered immediately, walking over to where she was sitting.
"Will you sing with me?"
"Always." I responded instantaneously, sitting next to her at the piano. "What did you have in mind?"
She launched into the song immediately, and I jumped in with the piano and my part of the duet right away.
"I really can't stay…" Her voice echoed across the room.
"But baby it's cold outside…" I sang back, smiling at her as she stood up and sang as she walked gracefully around the piano. She stopped when she was looking at me across the piano, acting out the words as she sang them.
"This evening has been, so very nice…" She sang, tilting her head toward me in an inviting way.
"I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice." I responded, laughing as she danced her way over to me.
"But baby it's cold, outside…" We harmonized, our voices melding perfectly as they always did.
For the second verse, she sat down next to me on the bench, sitting as close to me as she could without hindering my piano playing.
"I simply must go…"
"But baby it's cold outside…."
As she sang, she stood up again, but this time came to stand behind me, pressing her body onto my back as she leaned over my shoulder to look me in the eyes as she sang.
"My sister will be suspicious…"
"Gosh, your lips look delicious…" I couldn't take my eyes off her perfect, pink lips as they formed the song.
She sang standing behind me for a whiled, leaning in close to my ear as she sang…
"Well maybe just a little kiss more…" She teased, dancing away from me as soon as she said the line.
I abandoned the piano, standing up and sweeping her into my arms as we began to dance. As each line escaped our lips, we danced closer and closer, until our bodies were touching. Finally we stopped dancing completely and just stood there, gazing into each other's eyes.
I looked down at her intently, trying to read every emotion flitting across her face. She was doing an exceedingly good job of hiding her feelings from me, something I certainly wasn't used to.
When our voices met in the final chorus of the song, it was truly beautiful.
"Baby it's cold outside…" Our voices trailed off, neither one of us moving even after the singing had stopped.
Christine broke the gaze first, taking a step back from me and running her fingers through her hair nervously.
"That was fun." She chuckled nervously, trying desperately to diffuse the tension between us.
"Indeed it was," I smiled, pulling the small box out of my jacket pocket. "And now, your present."
"I thought this was my present." She smiled, looking back at the tree again.
"You thought wrong my dear." I grinned, holding out the box to her.
She took it graciously, carefully unwrapping the box. I saw her eyes widen as she saw that the jewelry storelogo on the top of the small box. She slowly opened the lid to reveal the necklace I had bought her.
"Oh Erik," She whispered, pulling the delicate chain out of the box so she could see the necklace. "It's so beautiful."
A small, blown-glass rose pendant hung off the delicate chain, shining brilliantly in the light of the room. She held it in her small hand, her mouth open in awe as she admired the incredibly intricate detail of the pendant.
She looked up at me then, her smile lighting up the entire room. "Will you put it on me?"
"Of course my dear." I smiled as she turned and moved her hair away from the back of her neck. The chain sat beautifully on the delicate curve of her neck, and when she turned to show me, I couldn't help but notice how wonderful the pendant looked sitting on the curve of her chest.
"What do you think?" She said softly, her smile spreading all the way to her eyes.
"Beautiful." I spoke softly, but firmly. She blushed and looked at the ground, turning away from me back to the piano.
"Would you like to sing again my dear?" I grinned, sitting down at the piano.
"Always." She laughed, and I began another song, allowing my joy at her happiness to seep into the music.
We sang for what seemed like mere minutes, but was actually the entire day. After Christine finally asked to stop, we ate a late Christmas dinner, and Christine went upstairs to go to sleep, practically glowing with joy.
I couldn't erase the smile from my face as I watched her walk up the stairs. She turned to glance at me quickly before she went down the hallway, but as soon as she saw me looking at her she blushed and scurried away.
There was so much joy flowing through my body, that I had nothing to do but stride quickly to the piano and begin to compose. It was a melody I had worked on for some time, but could never seem to finish, or put lyrics to. Today however, the happy tune flowed freely from the tips of my fingers, and I frantically wrote down the notes on a page.
I composed for nearly two hours, finally managing to fully complete the complex melody. All I had left to do was create the lyrics for it.
I grabbed a separate pad and poised my pencil over the page, preparing to write, when suddenly I heard a bloodcurdling scream echo from upstairs.
"Christine!" I yelled, frantically throwing a music stand to the floor as I sprinted as fast as my legs would carry me. I took the stairs three at a time, more fear coursing through my body than I had ever felt before. I threw open the door to her room, running to where she was curled up on the bed, sobbing hysterically.
"Christine!" I panicked, kneeling on the floor in front of the bed, and resting a hand on the shoulder. "What's wrong?"
"I-I-I" She sobbed, pulling her knees even tighter to her chest, as if trying to protect herself from some outside force.
"Are you hurt?" I asked, running my hands over her arms and scanning her body for any sign of injury.
"N-no." She sobbed, and I sat on the bed next to her, completely unsure as to how to handle a situation.
"I-it w-was j-just a n-nightmare." She cried, pulling herself onto my lap and wrapping her arms tightly around my torso. "A h-horrible n-nightmare."
I wrapped my arms around her small body, wishing desperately that I could protect her from the terrors of her own mind.
"Nothing can hurt you Christine." I whispered, my face close to her ear. "I won't let anything hurt you."
She just continued to cry into my shirt, unable to talk. It broke my heart.
She sat on my lap crying for nearly an hour before her sobs finally stopped.
"Erik," She whispered, not moving her face from my chest. "Will you stay here with me?"
"Pardon?" I asked, surprised at the question. This was a substantially different request from the night she had frantically asked me to stay with her while she was suffering from hypothermia.
"Will you stay here with me?" She asked again, looking up at me with a tear-stained face. "I don't think I can handle being alone."
"Are you sure Christine?" I asked, looking closely into her teary eyes.
She nodded, moving to lie down underneath the soft covers. I stayed on top of the blankets, not wanting to push any boundaries while Christine was this fragile. She curled up against my body, looking especially small underneath the covers. Slowly, I put my arm over top of her, wondering desperately if that was okay to her.
She stiffened for a moment, but then relaxed against me.
"Erik," She whispered, and I started to move my arm away, worried that it was too much. However, I looked down to see Christine's hand holding mine, keeping it there.
"Yes my dear?" I responded, unsure what to do in this situation.
"I've never felt more safe than I do when I'm around you… I just thought you should know that."
I was incredibly happy that Christine couldn't see the shock displayed across my face at the comment. It took me a few minutes to respond.
"Thank you my dear," I whispered, but she was already asleep.