"Hi Kurt," Blaine said as he walked into the hospital room, he was carrying flowers, "I'm sorry I was gone for so long, I went to get you flowers." Blaine smiled sadly. "They're pink today, and they look really pretty, I wish you could see them…" he told Kurt, and placed the flowers in an empty space in the room filled with them. A flower bouquet for everyday. Blaine bent down to Kurt and took his lifeless hand, "The doctors say your doing fine, and that there's a big chance you may wake up one day…" he choked back tears, not wanting to remember what had happened five weeks ago.
"Isn't that great? "
Kurt just laid there, with closed eyes, his mind somewhere else.
Blaine inhaled deeply and continued talking, it was the only way he could fight off the loneliness.
"Dalton isn't the same without you, everyone misses you a lot." He smiled slightly "Everyone wants to send you flowers, but I tell them there isn't any room."
He laughed, but then began to cry quietly, realizing laughter wasn't the same without Kurt.
"I really miss you." He said, filled with regret. Kurt had called him an angel.
An Angel.
I'm no angel, I couldn't even save him. I don't deserve the happiness he would bring. I deserve nothing. Just the blame.
Taking his head in his hands, Blaine moaned.
Life was too hard. Life was too painful.
It was the first time he had ever loved someone that much, and when he wasn't there, protecting him, Kurt had been beaten half to death.
And that's all my Fault.
Blaine looked longingly at Kurt and sighed, hoping for a chance to redeem himself. To prove his love. For at the moment, Blaine thought he wasn't good enough, and that he didn't love Kurt enough.
If I had only been there a minute earlier, I could of given Karofsky what he deserved. If only….
When the police had arrived, Karofsky was detained and they had later decided that he was going to be tried in court, and so were his friends. Blaine was glad they were getting the punishment they deserved, but he knew he was mostly to blame.
If he had been there, if he stopped them, maybe Kurt wouldn't be in a coma.
Maybe they would be dating, and singing together and laughing together.
Blaine sighed and looked at his hands, Oh, how he wished to see Kurt's eyes look at him once more, see Kurt blush and smile, maybe even a harmless little wink, or what Blaine had desperately wanted ; a kiss.
That night, that horrible night, left such an impression on Blaine. He didn't go to school for a week, he stayed by Kurt's side the whole time, bringing him flowers every day. In the end he was forced to return to school, but everyday instead of heading to his dorm, he would go to Kurt.
Sighing, Blaine looked at Kurt's face, and he thought it was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He leaned towards Kurt and pushed back the hair on his forehead to reveal a large scar.
Karofsky.
With tears falling down his cheeks he slowly bent down and kissed it gently. "I'm so sorry Kurt, I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I'm so sorry you could never hear how much I care about you. I'm so sorry," he inhaled deeply, "and I will never forgive myself." Taking Kurt's hands once more he kissed them and held them to his face, glad that he could feel warmth and life.
But then, interrupting their precious moment, someone knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" Blaine asked , annoyed.
The door slowly creaked open. And a large figure began to enter the room, Blaines eyes widened and he began to frown.
It was Karofsky.
"Umm…look, im here to apologize to Kurt and, well…you…" Karofsky looked down nervously, afraid of the glare Blaine was giving him.
How dare him. Blaine thought, boiling with rage.
He stood up quickly, and intensified his stare. "How dare you come in here. How dare you. Get out! GET OUT! You don't belong here, you…heathen. If I was there, oh, if I was there, you would of gotten what you deserved. But I wasn't! And you are lucky for that, and if you know what's good for you, I would leave right now." Blaine screamed at him, pointing towards the door.
Karofsky was shocked, he stood still, still trying to process what was just said to him
"Leave!" Blaine yelled again, and when he didn't, Blaine yelled even louder , "Leave!"
Fleeing, Karofsky ran out the door, shutting it tightly behind him.
Blaine breathed deeply, and let his anger slowly fade away. But Blaine hadn't felt nothing for a while, and so with the anger gone, grief and guilt swiftly came.
Why did Karofsky have to come?
He would never forgive Him, nor would he ever forgive himself.
Exhausted, frustrated and weary, Blaine slumped into his seat, needing Kurt by his side so badly.
I don't care if we never could be together…no matter how much it would hurt me, all I want to see is him smiling once more, to see him alive and well…
Unable to cope without some kind of comfort, Blaine crawled into Kurt's hospital bed, just like he had done very night. He wrapped his arms around him and laid his own head on Kurt's shoulder. Blaine snuggled closer to Kurt's body and held him there, the horrible memories flooding back. He squeezed Kurt to him closer, and ignored the tears that flowed freely .Tiredness began to seep in, and so He blinked back the tears and closed his eyes, preparing himself for the same nightmare he had every night.
"Don't cry, angel. Don't cry." A beautiful boy was saying to him, Blaine squinted his eyes and finally recognized him. Kurt. Blaine gasped in shock and delight. He was there. In front of him. Happy, and smiling, singing some happy song and beckoning him to join. They were in a meadow, the sun shining on them brightly, and the long grass bristling their fingertips. Blaine was overcome with joy, he wanted to run up and hug Kurt, but was perfectly content with just watching him. The boy was twirling through the fields, laughing and soaking in the sun. "Blaine, follow me, come on!" he said while smiling, and started running forward, turning around ever so often, beckoning him with his eyes. Blaine smiled back and ran after him, eager to finally hold him in his arms and tell Kurt he loved him.
But Kurt was too fast, he was far ahead, and no matter how hard Blaine tried, he could never catch up to him
. "Wait! Kurt! Wait!"
he yelled after him, but the boy only laughed and kept running. Filled with the desire to have him safe, by his side, Blaine tried even harder. But then, as if the gods were frowning on Blaine and his love, a cloud covered the sun, and fog crept into the meadow. It darkened the golden grass, turning it a rusty brown and covered the whole meadow, making it a never ending maze. Blaine looked around franticly, Kurt was no longer there. Panic rushed in, and took over Blaine.
No, this can't happen again. No! he thought. I can't lose him again. I can't.
He ran through the field, searching, hoping, praying...
Blaine screamed out his name, once, twice, a million times.
But no answer came. Panting, he had fell to the ground, preparing himself for another search, when a scream echoed through the meadow.
Blaine's eyes lit up and he practically jumped off the ground.
"Kurt? Is that you?"
"Help! Help!" a voice that sounded like Kurt's answered.
Blaine ran with all his heart, ignoring the pain in his legs. The voice continued to scream for help, and Blaine raced towards it faster than he had thought imaginable. He slowed to a stop, right in front of him there was an area that was particularly foggy and dark, but he still could see what was happening.
It was Karofsky. Killing Kurt.
"NO! No! NO! Kurt! NO! Stop it! Stop!" Blaine yelled, and began to move forward, ready to fight Karofsky off, even if that meant sacrificing himself, but was blocked by a cage.
Rusty bars surrounded him, He was trapped. While Kurt's life hung by a thread. And he couldn't do anything.
Blaine pulled at the metal bars, hit them, tried to bend them, but all his attempts at escape were futile. He couldn't get out.
He screamed, he yelled, he pleaded, he prayed. But it was as if he wasn't there. Karofsky just kept on beating, and Kurt just kept on cringing and crying.
No, no. No!
This can't be happening.
He was awake.
He was doing fine
He was smiling.
But now, now I can't save him. Just like before.
Tears overcame Blaine. And he wept, witnessing his only love die.
But he doesn't know I love him. He doesn't know I truly care. He probably thinks I didn't try and save him, that I didn't care.
Blaine looked down, He couldn't stand the sight of Kurt, lifeless on the floor, being beat up by Karofsky. A whirlwind of guilt and grief terrorized him, and he cursed himself, and the world, for making him love Kurt that much.
Almost too much.
This was too horrible for Blaine, who was repeatedly hitting his head on the cages bars.
I can't survive this, he thought,
I can't survive this excruciatingly powerful love I'm feeling.
Even when he's dying he's beautiful, even when he's covered in bruises he takes my breath away, and even when he isn't speaking, I catch my breath.
And now here I am, powerless, watching the life being sucked out of him slowly.
"Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven
I'll find my way, through night and day
Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven"
Blaine couldn't have him die, he just couldn't. With a sudden determination, Blaine got off the ground and began yelling again. Shouting curses and threats, hoping his sudden fervor would stop Karofsky. But, just like before, it didn't. Kurt moaned in pain and Blaine stopped yelling, and now shook his prisons bars passionately. But this just ended in tears. And he was forced to see, to hear, what was happening to Kurt. The moans and gasps of pain, the sound of foot meeting flesh, and Karofsky's never ending insults.
"Time can bring you down
Time can bend your knee
Time can break your heart
Have you begging please
Begging please"
But then, as if Blaine's life couldn't get any worse, Kurt started calling out his name.
Blaine gasped. Leaned forward, Swallowed, and gently asked "What? What is it, Kurt?"
Kurt looked at him with torment in his eyes, and reached out his hand towards Blaine. And Then with the most pitiful, sad, hopeless look, he said;
"Why…" Kurt took in a pained breath "why didn't you save me?"
And then, with a sickening crunch, a blow was delivered to his head, and Kurt's whole body relaxed, as if all the pain had gone.
Beep.
Beeeeeep
"Beep."
Blaine flew forward, gasping, he had been awakened by the beeping. He Looked around, not sure where it was coming from, then wiped his eyes, for he was still crying. Blaine ran his hands through his hair, and realized he was shaking. The dream, no matter how many times he'd experienced it, terrified him.
"Beep."
He looked around, and then towards the machines. The beeping was getting louder, as if it was an alarm of some sort.
And the Blaine Realized why the machine was beeping. And terror, stronger than ever before, flooded in.
Kurt's heart rate was going down.
He was dying.