I don't know if I can do this.
I don't know if I can handle this.
It's all too much.
Because I never fought.
I never fought for her.
And now she's dying.
And I'm not sure if I can fight for her right to live.
So that's what I tell her.
I tell her that I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I didn't fight for you Rachel.
I'm sorry I let you die.
Because you're worth it.
And you can sing so much better than I can.
You would have sung tonight, with so much emotion.
So much more emotion than I have ever known.
And as I whisper this.
As I whisper all of these words into her ear.
I wonder, can she even hear me?
Does she even know I'm here?
Pleading with her to live.
Because I don't want to say goodbye.
I've never been good at goodbyes.
This is the worst kind, too.
And I don't know how I'm going to live without you Rachel.
Because you fought for me.
You would take slushies.
You wouldn't let them push me around.
But maybe that's because you were dying.
Because it wouldn't matter.
Then why did you fight so hard.
If you knew you wouldn't.
You knew you would never make it.
Make it to the city of lights.
I admire you Rachel.
I admire your courage.
I know you may think you were alone.
But you weren't.
You never were.
And Rachel.
Just know.
When you're up in heaven.
Years from now when we have all graduated.
Just know.
You will never be forgotten.