Author's note: IT TOOK ME MUCH LONGER TO WRITE THIS THAN IS REASONABLE I'M SORRY.

This fic is over 100k words I'mma cry.

Credit to my wonderful beta Namayani, for making this fic a lot better than it would be otherwise.

And thanks to viewers like you!

Renji finishes rinsing the dishes and closes the tap, surprised at the silence that awaits him. He's a little suspicious about the lack of running water he should definitely be hearing from his own bathroom by now. As he glances towards the room in question, Shuuhei slips out of bathroom door, still dry and dressed in Renji's nightclothes. The red haired man gives him a curious look.

"I thought you were taking a shower?" Renji asks dryly. "Are my facilities sub-par to your taste, your highness?"

"Ooh, we're breaking out the fancy words now. That's hot," Shuuhei retorts with a smirk. "I just changed my mind is all. I'll get to cleanliness later."

"It's close to godliness, you know," Renji quips as his eyes search for a dishrag on the kitchen counter. "I guess the same rules apply when you for Death Godliness. Maybe because, like, we purify souls so it's basically the same principle. When you think about it, zanpakutos are like the extra-strength detergent for hollows." There's a sound of footsteps behind him, and suddenly Shuuhei is standing so close to Renji he can feel the slighter man's body heat on his back. "And arrancars have shinigami-ish powers, so they're like those clothes that are perfectly clean except for this one huge grass-stain or whatever that just won't wash the fuck out so you have to throw the whole thing away. Or maybe it's the other way around, and the thing is mostly destroyed except for one clean spot."

As Renji theorizes what would surely be a great contribution to Soul Society philosophy communities everywhere, his eyes still traverse the kitchen counter for his still-missing dishrag. Because focus is important.

"Which basically makes us the maids of the universe, having to clean up all these shitty souls and whatnot." Shuuhei's hand comes to rest on Renji's waist. "Somewhere in Seireitei there's probably some poor bastard who achieves shikai—" Renji's temperature spikes as he feels lips on his skin, Shuuhei kissing the back of his neck from behind, "—and all it does is turn his zanpakuto into a—" Shuuhei's hand slides across his front until his arm is draped across Renji's hips, "—vacuum cleaner." He hears the dark, rich sound of Shuuhei chuckling, and he smiles to himself. "You should make that one of your story pieces in the Communications, I would read the fuck out of that."

The fact that Shuuhei is still touching Renji right now is a testament to his endless patience, considering that there are a lot of attractive things Renji could be saying right now and Renji is saying none of them. Miracles happen every day, apparently.

Shuuhei's mouth comes away from Renji's neck and Renji can hear the grin in his voice. "This is the part where you stop rambling and start saying things that are sexy."

"Right. Sexy. I can do that," Renji says firmly before turning around to face Shuuhei.

Renji wraps an arm around Shuuhei's back, pulling him closer until their chests are pressed together. A mischievous grin spreads on his face as Renji says in a low, husky voice. "Shuuhei, I want to do inappropriate things to you. In a sexual way."

Without missing a beat or even a shift in his facial expression Shuuhei responds. "You have no idea how fucking angry I am at myself for being attracted to you even when you're acting like an idiot."

Apparently that's all the preface that Shuuhei needs before diving right into a kiss, and that's progress that Renji can get behind. Shuuhei's lips, thin and soft, crash against Renji's, and he suddenly feels hyperaware of everything, like his senses are on overdrive. Like the sensation of Shuuhei's hands, rough and worn from battle, cupping his jaw. His smell, like the ink of the printing press and the metal of clashing swords, is familiar and welcoming.

Shuuhei guides Renji to tilt his head to the side, deepening the kiss. It's so easy for Renji to let go like this, let his body move on its own accord because kissing Shuuhei back comes as naturally as breathing now. His skin feels too tight, too warm, when Shuuhei's hands grab at his body, grasping and clawing like he wants all of Renji at once and isn't sure where to start.

Renji gasps a little when his back hits the kitchen counter. He lets himself be pushed until he's sitting on it and he takes a moment to be very thankful that the placement of the counter is relatively low, lest the height difference becomes awkward. He pulls on the collar of Shuuhei's yukata to drag the slighter man closer for another kiss.

Because Renji is an idiot with no control over the flow from his brain to his mouth, he finds himself breaking the kiss between him and Shuuhei to mumble, and oh gods has his voice always been that breathy? "Can we not make a mess in here? This is my kitchen. I eat here."

"Picky, picky," Shuuhei chastises, smiling before leaning back in to press hard kisses onto Renji's neck. Yes, that's quite the kink for Renji's neck that Shuuhei has. Renji's not letting go of the idea that the scarred man might actually be a vampire.

Vampiric in nature or no, the action itself is not objectionable. The breath and the heat of a mouth down Renji's collarbone manages to be soothing, almost comforting, while the sensation of a tongue on his skin tracing the lines of his tattoos is incredibly arousing.

Speaking of clothes, Renji has decided they are overrated. Fuck clothes. Renji is one step away from issuing a ban on clothes in this room until further notice. The ban gets enforced starting with Renji raising a hand to tilt Shuuhei's face up towards his, letting Renji take possession of the kiss this time while also allowing his fingers to trace back down the soft skin of Shuuhei's neck to the folds of his yukata. He picks a the fabric slowly, subtly dragging it away from his collarbone and exposing the smooth skin of Shuuhei's shoulders and chest glimpses at a time.

Renji almost misses the action of Shuuhei's hand slipping into the front folds of his yukata, breaking the kiss and drawing an object out pinched between his thumb and his index finger. He speaks with a mischievous tilt to his voice, like he's sharing an inside joke that Renji is supposed to understand. "Well, Renji, you'll never guess what I stumbled upon in the murky depths of your bathroom. Truly, this must be a stunning archeological discovery I just happened to trip over—"

Renji's hand grabs Shuuhei's wrist, stopping him mid-sentance and when Renji looks at the bottle of lubricant in Shuuhei's hands he thinks… well, he's not exactly sure what to think. Arousal quickly drains out of the situation, and Renji tries to piece together something like an explanation for why Shuuhei's holding lube and what exactly he plans on doing with it.

He settles on asking a question. "Where did you get that?"

The smirk falls of Shuuhei's face at a lightning speed. His brows furrow together, confusion now clearly evident on his face. "In your bathroom drawers, like I said. Why? It's yours, isn't it?"

"Sort of. Not really. No," Renji tries to explain, shaking his head. "This girl I hooked up with- she would bring it over a few nights I guess she left it here when we broke it off."

Shuuhei hums in understanding, but his eyes leave Renji's face to look at the lube, rotating it in his hand and regarding it with a suspicious glare like it's Renji's ex and not her abandoned property. "Oh. I sort of took it as an invitation. Like the groceries, I thought it was just you being... thoughtful."

In Shuuhei's defense, Renji did buy the food with him in mind. Cooking has seemed like a thing that made Shuuhei happy, so if there happened to be a few more raw materials in the fridge to make that easier who was Renji to not be the one to provide it? The lube had not been the subject of any plan like that. It hadn't been the subject of anything at all.. It has just been sitting there in who knows which drawer for gods know how long, being lube.

Hell, how long had it been in there?

Does lubricant have an expiration date? The odds point to "likely."

These are the things that plague Renji's mind when he should be paying attention to much more present matters. Like the fact that Shuuhei is putting down the bottle, wearing a guilty expression on his face. "Sorry, I shouldn't have assumed." His eyes go back to Renji's face, expression turned back to puzzled, maybe even a tad analytical. "Does it make you uncomfortable? Anal, I mean."

Wow, what a question. Renji kicks his feet against the counter, narrowly avoiding kicking Shuuhei in the knee on accident. "I wouldn't say 'uncomfortable' is the most accurate word."

Because "uncomfortable" is not a word that describes Abarai Renji, the goddamn lieutenant of the Sixth division. It is especially not a word that describes his attitude to sex. Renji can name at least five people off the top of his head who would laugh in his face at the very notion of him being uncomfortable with sex.

This is not even remotely reassuring logic.

"You look uncomfortable." Shuuhei points out, his hand gingerly squeezing Renji's thigh in a comforting gesture. "I know it's not the physical aspect, given your history, so it must be something else."

"I guess- it's not…" Renji growls in frustration, letting his head fall back to cast the ceiling an irate glare. "Can I just first of all say I hate that whenever we have an argument about this, I'm the one who always ends up sounding like a whiny asshole? You know what? Let's just forget about this."

Always the one who wants to wait. Always the one with something to bitch about. Always the one feeling guilty and confused and scared and just so not ready.

"You don't sound like a whiny asshole." Shuuhei assures him gently. "I think… we should have a talk. Like, you know, boundaries and junk. A real relationship talk."

Renji slips off the counter will a sigh. This has turned out to be very far from sexy. In fact this entire conversation does not fit into the list of appropriate foreplay shenanigans at all. "Gross, more feelings." He pauses, then gives Shuuhei an almost hesitant look. "So, this doesn't intimidate you even a little bit? Neither of us have even done it with guys before. It's a whole shitload of new territory."

Shuuhei steps back slightly to accommodate Renji's descent from the counter. His posture is open, shoulders back and elbows wide to show how nonthreatening and completely cool with everything he is but whether this is unconscious body language or done on purpose for Renji's benefit is unknown. "Not really. Sex is sex, it's not gonna be the end of the world whichever way we do it, right?"

"Well, yeah." Renji admits. He leans back onto the counter on his elbows, trying to copy Shuuhei's nonchalance but having the feeling that he's probably failing. "But this is… still a lot to ask. I mean, we just figured out where we are right now on the feelings side of things. It's not like we can't have some room to breathe."

Shuuhei's shoulders don't exactly slump, because shoulder-slumping implies resignation. As far as Renji knows, Shuuhei fuels himself on the belief that whatever he does is what he's wanted to do from the very beginning, regardless of his actual feelings. But his muscles sort of tense, like they're baring the weight of the realization of how heavy the conversation has turned. "You're right. Fuck, I'm putting a metric ass-ton of pressure on you and I didn't even think of it! We're not even on the same page here, are we?"

Renji's first instinct is to disagree, but he catches himself that the last second. He's not really sure how accurate or inaccurate that statement is. He's not sure how he feels about anything right now, because this entire event seems so surreal. Renji would never in a million years imagine himself being the one to want to slow down a relationship, but as of now it's as if there's a neon sign buzzing in his head, warning him to back up and proceed with caution.

His moment of silence is enough time for Shuuhei to put his thoughts together, to cock his head to the side and regard Renji with gray eyes like he's a test Shuuhei is worried he'll fail. "Why are you so cagey about sex? Is it me specifically?"

"No. Well, sorta." Renji bites his lip. "I just don't want to rush through this, because you-"

Are precious to me and I don't want to fuck things up by changing anything.

Are in love with me now, but what if you get bored of me in the future and I'll regret not making the most out of our time together?

Made me fall in love with you, so if we jump a bunch of steps in this it'll be because I'm a love-struck idiot instead of actually wanting to.

There are so many options to choose from. None of them seem even slightly appropriate to share. Renji has done a lot of things without thinking them through, but some activities he'd like to put some thought into before deciding whether he really wanted to go through with it. Wants some space to know he won't just do something because he's caught up in the moment. He needs a safety-zone to decide on what he wants, and right now penetration just isn't in it. If the safety-zone was an animal pen, anal sex is the one sheep frolicking outside in the fields on its merry assholish way and it just will not get in the safety-zone pen.

Shuuhei inhales, like it's half a sigh that he doesn't want Renji to see him finishing. He crosses his arms and looks at Renji, "You don't trust me. Is that it?"

Ouch. That took a different direction fast.

"Do not do that!" Renji insists, and he congratulates himself for not sounding desperate. "Do not turn this around by making this sound like this is my fault!"

"I'm not saying anything is anyone's fault, Renji! I'm just trying to figure this out." Shuuhei says, sounding almost like he's pleading when he puts a hand on Renji's shoulder. His grasp isn't tight, but there's something distressed in the grip as if he's afraid Renji is going to try to run away. "I love you. I really care about you, and I want to make you happy. I can get that you're not ready to move into this, but I can't be sure about what I can do to fix that unless you tell me!"

Exasperated, Renji throws his hands into the air, anger and frustrating bubbling up and boiling over. "Fine, you want me to me honest with you? Spoiler alert: I am uncomfortable! I do think this is moving just a little too fast! Why? I have no idea! I just do."

Shuuhei doesn't respond for a minute, one hand drifting up absently to rub at his chin while he gazes in thought. For a moment the two different people that Renji had established in his head as Boyfriend Shuuhei and Strategist Shuuhei mold together into one person like the pages of a flip-booklet, the pictures replacing each other in rapid succession until they make a single, fluid image.

"Well okay, what if we ease into this." Shuuhei offers, taking Renji's hand in his and interlacing their fingers. His hands are as rough and calloused as Renji's, they're almost as big as Renji's and don't make his hands feel like the catcher's mitts the way they usually did when he held hands with girls. "Gentleman's choice." Shuuhei picks up the bottle of lubricant and presses it into one of Renji's hands, closing the fingers around it.

"Shuuhei, that's not the point-" Renji groans, but Shuuhei interrupts him by bringing their locked fingers to eyelevel.

"I don't mean with your dick. These guys." Shuuhei explains, giving the digits an emphasizing wiggle. The motion is childish and possibly the least sexiest thing-

Renji gives him a dubious look, complete with a raised eyebrow. "You're asking me to finger-fuck you?"

"Sure." Shuuhei says, quirking his head like a half-gesture between a shrug and a nod. "That way, we can both gauge our comfort level without rushing into the hard-core stuff. Take it slow."

"Yeah, and what if we try it and I'm still not okay with it yet? Or what if you decide you don't like anal, even just with fingers?" Renji protests, still not convinced.

"Then we stop. We stick to non-penetrative stuff and we live happily ever after knowing that we gave it a shot." Shuuhei summarizes, guiding Renji's hands to drape over his shoulders. "What do you think?"

Well, it sounds like a vastly better idea than not doing anything and letting the issue fester in the back of their minds.

"I think you're a piece of work. But okay." Renji decides firmly.

"Okay?" Shuuhei echoes, like he wants to be sure.

"Okay, but with conditions." Renji adds, forcing his voice to be commanding. "Condition one: if you decide you don't like it, you tell me that very second and we stop. Condition two: If I decide you don't like it and you're just going through with this because you think I want you to, we stop."

"How will you decide if I don't like it?" Shuuhei shoots back.

"My fucking sparkling wit and intuition. Are you in this or what?"

"I accept your terms." Shuuhei concedes with a nod, and a quick kiss. "The bedroom, then?"

Renji surveys the kitchen, as well as the half-washed pile of dishes in the sink. They will most likely sit there, abandoned until Renji runs out of usable tableware again. "Lets."

Shuuhei smiles and presses a peck to Renji's cheeks before leading him out of the kitchen by the sleeve."Your futon is quickly becoming one of my favorite places."

Renji rolls his eyes and giving Shuuhei a light shove as he catches up. "If I wanted someone to sleep on my bed and eat all my food I'd get a dog."

"What a rude comparison. Dogs are loud and annoying." Shuuhei notes, bumping back against Renji with his shoulder. As expected, he pushes back and a light shoving match on the way to the room is ignited. "I'm more of a cat person."

"Cats are mean and self-absorbed- they're like fluffy little sociopaths. At least dogs are loyal!" Renji and Shuuhei's feet stumble over each other on the way to the futon until they both trip and fall over, Renji landing on top of Shuuhei with a grunt.

Shuuhei pushes Renji off him with a snort. "Of course you think so. Abarai Renji, you are tearing this family apart!"

"Alright, at this point we both need to stop talking so much or else we're just going to get really distracted." Renji points out, setting himself so he and Shuuhei can both kneel properly on the mattress. He silences further discussion with the press of his lips to Shuuhei's, who receives him with arms wrapped around Renji's shoulders.

Shuuhei leans back, falling against the mattress and dragging Renji down with him. Renji closes his eyes, dream-like, as he kisses Shuuhei's jaw, only coming back to reality when he hears the familiar sound of cloth sliding off skin. Shuuhei pulls away that he can better focus on undoing the knot holding his yukata together, looking up at Renji with grey eyes full of trust and confidence as the clothing falls off Shuuhei.

There's a pregnant pause, a moment of just Renji looking down at Shuuhei's bare body. It's a body of tight, sculpted muscles and dark, olive skin and it's beautiful, he's beautiful. The only other time Renji has had sex with Shuuhei was at night with his features were muffled by a thick cover of darkness, but Renji can officially determine now that Shuuhei in the dark has nothing on how gorgeous he is in the light of day, when Renji can see every inch and detail in full clarity.

And then Shuuhei reaches up and helps Renji pull off his clothes, and for a split second Renji almost wants to stop him. Wants to cover himself and shy away from this feeling of exposure of knowing that the very handsome person that Renji has somehow gotten into his bed will be looking at him the same way Renji is doing right now, and he is struck with the sudden terror that Shuuhei will realize he does not like what he sees. His tallness, the boldness of his red hair, the aggressive patterns of his tattoos, all the things that make Renji so Renji-like suddenly seem clumsy and brash next to Shuuhei's confident, controlled beauty.

But Renji swallows that feeling of fear, and he lets his gross, day-old uniform fall off his body. He lets Shuuhei pull his hair free of his hairtie and fall like a curtain around his face. The red strands drape down and tickle Shuuhei's face, and he chuckles before blowing them away and dragging Renji down for a long kiss.

When he pulls away, giving them both the opportunity to breathe, Shuuhei takes both hands and places them on Renji's cheeks to frame his face. "I was just thinking," He says in a low voice, not quite a murmur. "I'm so lucky to have someone like you."

Renji chokes down the impulse to laugh and tell him that he would be the only one. "Someone like me, eh?"

"Someone as beautiful as you. You specifically, I should say." Shuuhei answers, arching his body and pressing himself up flushes against Renji. Renji catches him, holding him with his hands on Shuuhei's hips.

Renji kisses Shuuhei on the neck, nipping at the skin slightly to keep hims mouth busy because he doesn't know what embarrassing, sappy things might fall out of his mouth otherwise. He buries his face in the space between Shuuhei's neck and his collar while Shuuhei's hands glide over the broadness of Renji's deltoids.

This time there's not a question of how far they'll go. There's only one question, with two options. "So are we doing this or what? You can still say no."

"Conditions, remember?" Renji points out, settling himself between Shuuhei's legs. "But yeah, I think I'm good. You're handling this really well yourself. I take it you've never done this before."

Shuuhei shrugs, "No, but I've got a pretty firm grasp of the theory of it and I'll willing to give it a shot. I mean, its not like I've had an overpowering urge in my life to-" He trails off, twisting his mouth like he's not sure how to finish.

"Have some guy's fingers up your ass." Renji finishes for him dryly.

Shuuhei snorts and runs his fingers through Renji's hair, pulling it back and tucking it behind Renji's ear. "Yeah, but you're not just 'some guy'. So I'm interested."

That said, Shuuhei settles himself onto his elbows so he can look at Renji. He seems inclined to let Renji make the first move, to have control and call the shots as it were, and, admittedly, being able to set the pace does make Renji feel a little better. He spreads Shuuhei's knees apart, watching the other man carefully for any reaction.

Renji pours a dollop of lube onto his hands, spreading it over his fingers until they're slippery and slick. He flexes his fingers and rubs them together, warming them and trying to remember what he's collectively learned from all the girls he's done this with. He says, trying to keep a tone that's conversational because the last thing he wants is for Shuuhei to be too tense, "Just relax, okay?"

Shuuhei makes a quiet noise of agreement, which thickens into a grunt when Renji's index finger dips between the curve of his ass, finding the tender entrance of muscle and pressing gently, not even entering yet. Torn between equal parts concern and curiosity, Renji asks "How does it feel?"

"Honestly? Pretty weird," Shuuhei says, gaining a thoughtful look on his face.

"Do you want me to stop?" Renji presses, keeping his finger against Shuuhei's entrance, letting him get used to the feeling.

Shuuhei shakes his head, slumping a little further back on his elbows. "No, keep going."

"Shuuhei, the rules-" Renji growls, only for Shuuhei to cut him off.

"Yeah, I know the rules," Shuuhei reminds Renji, sounding slightly defensive. "I said it felt weird, not that it felt bad. I swear, the second I want to stop, I'll let you know." Then his voice softens, defenses lowering as he remembers himself. "What about you?"

"I'm not really in a position for you to be asking me that," Renji grumbles, rubbing Shuuhei's thighs.

"I think we both know that's not necessarily true." Shuuhei corrects, but drops himself onto the futon anyway. "But if you're good to go, so am I."

He answers the invitation wordlessly, dipping his finger in just past the tight muscles of Shuuhei's opening. Slowly, as softly as Renji can possibly manage, he twists his finger in a small circle, relaxing Shuuhei's body as much as he can before pulling out almost completely before gradually edging his finger back in a little deeper.

"Uh, slow down for a sec. Just a little bit." Shuuhei says, squirming slightly. Renji complies, reducing the pace of his movements and keeping an eye on Shuuhei's face for any sign of distress.

This draws a sudden, vastly unexpected noise from Shuuhei's mouth, a feather-soft moan. Heat creeps across Shuuhei's face and his eyelids flutter as Renji repeats the motion. The sound and sight slowly drains the anxiety from Renji's body, and the butterflies in his stomach become a bit easier to manage. Shuuhei's inner walls are silky, with a burning heat that Renji can only find at ends with Shuuhei's cool demeanor. And then he sees it, sees Shuuhei's cock twitch with interest at this new sensation.

"Is it okay if I add another finger?" Renji asks, and he has to force his voice above a whisper so he knows the other will hear. Despite his earlier hesitancy, there's something intense and exciting about watching Shuuhei rise to full arousal before his eyes. But Renji reminds himself how new to this Shuuhei is, how slow Renji will have to go and how gentle he'll have to be.

Shuuhei nods, his breathing shallow but looking with Renji with expectancy in his eyes. His chest rises and falls in heavy, ragged breaths, and when Renji adds his middle finger to the repetitious sliding in and out, Shuuhei throws an arm over his eyes and wipes away the sweat gathering on his brow.

His fingers slide over a bump, a bundle of nerves deep inside Shuuhei that make his body jolt, makes him exhale something between a sigh and a gasp, "Renji… gods, Renji!" He seems to realize what he said, and he self consciously moves his hand from his forehead to his mouth, making a fist and biting the knuckles to keep any further noises from escaping.

Renji smiles fondly, rubbing Shuuhei's hip comfortingly as he angles his fingers to stroke that spot again. Shuuhei makes a gratified moan, edging his hips up to allow Renji to slide his digits in easier. As Renji continues, Shuuhei's dick begins to flush and harden and Renji swears he can feel Shuuhei's temperature spike. As focused as he is on Shuuhei, Renji can't help feeling proud at the thought that it's him making Shuuhei come undone before him, making Shuuhei feel this good.

Renji's other hand leaves Shuuhei's thigh to travel up long, toned legs to his member, stroking it in time with the workings of his fingers inside. Shuuhei's breaths get noisier, louder around the knuckles between his teeth, "Renji, Ren… shit, Renji."

Renji flushes, feeling both pride and affection well up inside him as he listens to Shuuhei moan his name. That every time Renji touches Shuuhei earns such a gratified reaction, it leaves Renji with such a satisfying feeling. Experiencing this with Shuuhei is such a far cry from all the girls Renji has been with, because as good as it felt to have sex with them, Renji never had such intense feelings the way he does right now for Shuuhei. He's never wanted to make anyone feel as good as he wants Shuuhei to feel.

Shuuhei's cock gets heavier in his hands, his entrance tighter around Renji's fingers. Precum drips down and over Renji's hand and comes closer and closer to climax. Shuuhei sucks air into his lungs in a gasp as he spills over his stomach and Renji's hand. The muscles around Renji's fingers spasm and contracts as his body tautens before loosening, releasing and letting Renji slip his fingers out of him.

Shuuhei's quiet for a while, just lying on the bed and running a hand through his now-damp hair while Renji crawls up the length of the futon to lie next to him. He says, suddenly, and his voice hoarse and loud against the silence, "I'm going to be honest here, I was not expecting that. Like, I knew about the prostate and stuff-"

"Was that a part of your 'firm grasp of the theory'?" Renji can't stop himself from smirking.

"... Maybe." Shuuhei shoots him a dark glare before switching back on track. "So I knew about the prostate and stuff and that penetration can feel really good, ad nauseam, so I don't know what exactly I was anticipating. But wow."

"That's a quote right there. I am getting it written on a mug—'I knew about the prostate and stuff, so I don't know what I was anticipating,'" Renji announces, lying on his side so Shuuhei can see his entire face grinning. "It's going to have 'As spoken by Shuuhei after sex' underneath it and I will keep in my cabinet and treasure it forever."

Shuuhei snorts, still lying on his back. His hair is all messed up from running his fingers through it, and Renji has the urge to ruffle it back into submission. "So what would you say your feelings are about us having anal? After this, I mean. Any new developments?"

Renji exhales through his nose, then flops over onto his stomach. "I wanna say yes, and that I'm completely cool with it now, but I don't know if I'd believe it. I'm gonna need some time to think about it."

"Sure," Shuuhei shrugs, gazing considerably at the ceiling. "You know what the problem with anal sex is? I mean one of the problems, since we've already established that it's a pretty big step in a relationship."

"What?"

"There's no attractive way to describe it," Shuuhei answers. He shifts his arms behind his head to pillow his skull, looking up as if he were stargazing instead of just looking at Renji's boring ceiling. "No matter what purple prose you say it in, it's still an ass and a penis—or a phallic object, if you want to get technical."

"We don't need to get technical," Renji assures him, rolling his eyes.

Shuuhei doesn't seem to take this criticism to heart. "And people know it can feel really good, but when you try and define it, anal still sounds kind of gross. Although I guess all sex sounds kind of strange when you try to describe it."

"Don't most people get tired after getting off?" Renji quips, earning a glare from Shuuhei.

"I am tired. I don't know why I'm even still talking."

Renji almost gives in to the temptation to run his fingers through Shuuhei's spikey hair, then remembers the mess on his hands and lets go of the idea completely. "We are the worst people to get together. I rant when I'm energetic and you babble when you're tired. How are we even going to function?"

"Faith, patience, love, depreciating humor, sex," Shuuhei rattles off. "Speaking of which, I'm kind of leaving you hanging here. Want me to jerk you off or something before I conk out?"

Renji has the most romantic of all the boyfriends.

Renji shrugs in answer. "It's still morning. Morning-ish. There'll be plenty of time for that after a catnap."

Shuuhei's breathing gets heavier, his eyes close and for a moment Renji thinks Shuuhei has taken his advice and gone straight to sleep. Until—

"Renji, what if I try to give you a blowjob and I'm terrible at it?"

Renji yawns, "That will certainly be a problem to figure out, won't it?"

"I'm serious. I've never done anything remotely like a blowjob before. I'm not used to sucking, both in the literal and the figurative sense."

"Shuuhei, go the fuck to sleep."

"Well jeez, love you too, Renji."

"I know," Renji answers with a second and final yawn.

There's no way for Renji to know how much time has passed between when he falls asleep and he wakes up in the jungle. It's not a strict transition that he can simply pinpoint, but rather his surroundings sort of fade in gradually.

Renji has a lot of fond memories of his inner world. Shinigami don't often share recollections of their inner worlds, as they are regarded as something deep and intimate. They're a sacred plane isolated to only one soul reaper and their zanpakuto, where two conjoined souls can truly exist as one. However, even if inner words are sensitive subjects, Renji's pretty damn proud of his.

The jungle is beautiful in its complexity, with huge trees bursting from the soft, earthy soil to tower over Renji's head and block out the sky, however it might look like here, with a thick canopy of leaves. Vines and roots of plants tumble and twist under each other, growing in a hectic symbiosis. It's stunning, but it's also scary. The nature here is always wild, raw, and the foliage of plants unidentifiable to any living soul. Everywhere and anywhere he steps is theoretically a perfect place to be ambushed, or to fall victim to some wild animal attack and get dragged into the endless underbrush without even a scream for help.

It's an irrational fear, Renji knows, because there's only ever been two souls here. There's no one waiting in the wings for an attack, no wild animals to make him their next meal, not even a puddle of quicksand to drag him under. But that's what his inner world does to him none the less—It carries the aura of danger, invading his thoughts with paranoia just to remind him that the area is a living ecosystem that not only deserves but demands Renji's respect.

The jungle also comes with the handy-dandy little side-effect of being confusing as fuck because Renji's honestly never been here and not gotten lost. There are landmarks, sure—that one tree with only one side coated in moss, the tall bolder that's tipped over ever so slightly, a little stream that crawls under the low plantlife like a long python. The problem is that Renji's never able to find these things, at least not on purpose. The jungle moves and shifts until it's almost unrecognizable, and trying to work a cognitive map of the area is reminiscent of one of the movies Renji had seen in the real world, the one about an adventurous human with a masculine stubble and an iconic hat.

Does Renji get an iconic hat? No, no he does not. The best he gets is humming the infuriatingly catchy theme song as he slinks through the foliage for a few minutes before he feels like a douche and decides to do the rest of his exploring in silence.

He feels Zabimaru's presence before he seems them. That's just how things work. The big brute of a spirit doesn't bother with niceties, which is also how things work. The wild zanpakuto just sort of melts out of the shadows to travel alongside Renji, baboon front half lumbering on all four shaggy white limbs. The reptilian half withes in the air behind them both. His long body curves away from the point at the base of the baboon's spine where the two are joined as he regards Renji with beady, reptilian eyes.

"Well look who'sss back, the prodigal sssssson," the snake quips in a high, rasping voice. His words are mutilated and mangled by his hissing, but Renji is not going to be one to criticize the human speech patterns of a snake.

Renji kicks aside a plant as he walks next to his zanpakuto, choosing to look at the snake. He finds it easier to just switch his gaze between whichever half is talking at the moment rather that constantly trying to look back and forth between the two. "Oh c'mon, it hasn't been that long. A few weeks, at the most."

"True, but you haven't visited us since you lost us," the baboon points out, his voice sounding like a rumbling growl, "and the scarred one retrieved us for you. It's only lucky for us that he was intent enough on courting you to retrieve our physical form after you so carelessly dropped us."

"The thingsss we go through for you." the snake adds, thrashing his head melodramatically.

"I was unconscious, give me a break!" Renji defends himself, switching his glare to the dark eyes of the baboon counterpart. "And Shuuhei wasn't 'courting' me, okay? There was no courting whatsoever."

Because if anybody initiated the courting first, it was Renji. He kissed Shuuhei, he made the first move. The "I licked it first, it's mine" policy pertains to steps of courtship as well, he has decided. If they already have to call it a courtship

The babboon shakes his head, snorting. "I swear, I will never stop being surprised at your obliviousness. I really should know better, considering that you have yet again thrown yourself into a dangerous situation without even realizing it. I have a hard time believing you don't do it intentionally, simply because you find it funny to throw us all into the maw of one hungry beast after another."

Renji fights the urge to rub his temples. Apparently it's going to be one of those conversations. "Okay, now what the hell are you even saying? Do you like Shuuhei or not? Make up your mind."

Renji is beginning to miss the occasions when Dream-Shuuhei played the role of Renji's spirit guide instead of Zabimaru and he didn't have to deal with all this cryptic nonsense. At least Dream-Shuuhei had been forward and to the point, presenting a simple problem—"you are slowly realizing you want to kiss Shuuhei on the mouth"—while also presenting a simple solution—"kiss Shuuhei on the mouth." And in the end everything in that chapter of Renji's life sort of worked out. Zabimaru can't make things that simple, and actually expects Renji to work out his own problems for himself. Half the time Renji can't even determine if Zabimaru thinks he needs to just do things on his own or if the dual spirit just really doesn't care.

Renji runs his hands over his forehead, and in doing so realizes that his hair is back in its usual ponytail. He's even wearing his shinigami uniform, pressed and clean as if he had just dressed for work. That's something he's never noticed before, but he's grateful for it since walking around the forest naked sounds awful. Renji hasn't cut himself on a thorny or poisonous plant in his Inner World before, but he doesn't have a burning desire to investigate if he can.

Zabimaru stops and the snake twists around Renji until he's hovering over Renji's shoulder, pink tongue tickling his ear. He speaks with a sing-song tilt, giving Renji the impression that if a snake could grin, all long, white fangs and pink gums, this one would. "Well, Renji, sssome of us here seem to think you're mating with a pssssychopath."

"Psychopath?" Renji says defensively, watching Zabimaru unwind himself from around his shoulders to duck back to his mammalian half.

"I have told you, it's not the shinigami who bothers me!" The baboon says to the snake, lips drawn back to expose long fangs. "I couldn't care less about the wielder, but Kazeshini worries me." Zabimaru whirls back to Renji, both sets of eerily yellow eyes fixing on him. "We have tried to communicate with the scarred one's zanpakuto—seeing as how you're bonding to him, we naturally expected to be familiar with the other half of his soul. 'Trying' being the key word here, because Kazeshini has done his best to be as difficult to have a conversation with as possible. However respectable and kind-hearted the reaper appears to be, Kazeshini remains chaotic, unpredictable, immature, and he makes no secret of his agenda to create violence at every possible opportunity—"

"Sure, but he's a zanpakuto! It's not like you can say you two are little angels yourselves," Renji points out, and maybe that was a bit uncalled for judging by the way all four eyes of the spirit look at him. A little too quickly, he adds. "Besides, Shuuhei's nothing like Kazeshini. They don't even like each other."

"That doesn't mean they aren't alike! Like it or not, a zanpakuto is a reflection of a shinigami's soul, even the parts they'd rather ignore. And no, that wasn't an invitation for a juvenile, verbal jab," the baboon adds before Renji can open his mouth.

The snake fidgets in the air, weaving from left to right as if the conversation is beginning to make him uncomfortable. "I hate to admit the furball is right about anything, mind you, but he doesss have a point. Kazeshini is a loosssse cannon, and he's only going to get more powerful as his wielder grows in sssstrength."

"But if Shuuhei can learn to control him, it will all work out. Kazeshini will submit and learn to behave and Shuuhei will stop worrying that Kazeshini will throw a temper-tantrum and make him accidentally decapitate somebody!" Renji argues, feeling offended on behalf of Shuuhei. Seriously, if Renji can like Shuuhei this much why do their swords have to pick bones with each other? Forget both their swords, it sounds as if now like Zabimaru is the only one with a problem. If Kazeshini has been acting up in any way it certainly hasn't been apparent to Renji in Shuuhei's behavior.

"Unlesssssss," the snake counterpoints, his hissing becoming irritatingly more drawn-out as his temper flares, "the only thing keeping the two in balanccce issss the fact that they are ssso dissstant from each other. Ssssuppose your little mate opensss up to Kazeshini and hisss violent waysss, and deccccidesss he likesss what he sssseesss a little too much?"

"Shuuhei wouldn't," Renji declares, his voice pitched to compete with the growl of Zabimaru's baboon half. "Shuuhei won't!"

"Then I guess that's your job then, isn't it? Another charity case for you to pick up after," The baboon says distinctly, picking himself back up onto his haunches to begin sauntering back into the underbrush as Renji's inner world begins to fade out of existence. "You're so sure you can keep the shinigami under control, make sure you're committed to doing so and keep his path from leading to destruction. But don't waste time by ignoring the danger that Kazeshini presents."

"Yeah, I'll work on that," Renji mutters, partially to himself, as Zabimaru strides away.

Zabimaru has rarely been so vocal about Renji's extracurricular activities. Sarcastic and antagonizing, sure. Most of the individuals who make up Renji's collective moral compass are. But that Zabimaru should be so touchy about such a very personal facet of Renji's life, that they should find it within their right to counsel him on it?

That's a whole world of worrying right there.