Chapter Seven - Pacey's P.O.V.

I'm just standing here on the street watching her leave, and I don't know why. One minute she's in my arms hugging me fiercely, and the next she couldn't get away from me fast enough. I know I should be going after her, asking her to stay and talk to me but I can't seem to move. I just keep staring down the now empty street.

"Pacey, come on man let's go!" Matt says impatiently, shaking me from my thoughts.

"Yeah. Okay I'm coming." I reply, not really paying much attention to him. I look down at the paper in my hand. It's a phone number and address, Jen gave it to me before she and Jack took off after Joey. I wasn't prepared for what had just happened. Maybe she's in just as much shock as I am; maybe that's why she ran. I think I might have reacted the same way had I been in her place, after all I too ran that summer when I thought I could never have her, that she would always be Dawson's. If she needs time, then I'll try and give it to her.

"So that was Joey?" Matt asks. "No offense dude, but how could you leave that behind? Are you insane?"

"I think I just might have been, but now that I've come to my senses and realized how much I gave up. I'm going to do anything I have to, to get her back!"

"You really are still in love with her aren't you?"

"I am, and hopefully she'll give me another chance to prove just how much."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to start by telling her the truth. I left because I thought that I was nothing, but now I know that I am nothing without her. She means everything to me. Hopefully she'll listen, she looked pretty mad when she left."

"But didn't that guy, you said his name was Jack right? Didn't he say that it wasn't too late to fix things?"

"He did, and I know that Jack and Jen only want what it best for both of us, so I'm going to believe him."

"So, are you going to call her?"

"I don't know, what if she hates me for what I did?"

"Pacey, I know we just met, but I like you so I'm going to be honest with you. I've seen enough in this world to know that you don't hug someone, or look at someone the way Joey was with you, if you hate them. She still has feelings for you."

"You think?" I ask.

"I know. Call her, talk to her, but most importantly tell her you still love her with every fibre of your being. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got a certain chatty blond to keep a date with."

"Okay, see you around man." I say as he walks off.

I'm not ready to go inside yet so I start to walk towards the pond I had seen earlier. I need to think about what I'm going to do, I always think more clearly around water. I can't get over how good she looked, almost happy but not quite. Everything this afternoon seemed so surreal, like I was watching from above as this chain of events unravelled in front of me, but I was helpless to do anything but watch. I reach into my pocket and wonder what to do. Should I call her and risk her hanging up on me, or do I go over there and risk having her slam the door in my face? I stare at the water and can almost see her face in it, after a while I decide its probably better to talk to her in person.

As I make my way back to the dorm I can't help but wonder what the next few hours will hold. I know that I had wanted to wait longer before facing her, but if I wait any longer it's like I'm hiding from my problems, besides we've lost enough time together because of my foolish pride. I reach the dorm head up to my room grab my shower stuff, a change of clothes and head for the showers.

As I walk down a residential street looking for the address on the scrap of paper Jen gave me earlier, I'm confused. I was expecting her to be living on campus in one of the dorms, but I guess that's not the case. I finally find the house that matches the numbers written on the paper, and walk up the steps to knock on the door.

From inside I here a muffled response that sounds like 'Hold on I'll be right there' but it doesn't sound like Joey's. I'm surprised when the door opens and I am face to face with Jen's grandmother.

"Hello Pacey, it's good to see you again." She says.

"Um, Mrs. Ryan, um, Hi. I ran into Jen earlier today and she gave me this address, I thought it was Joey's but I guess I was wrong. It was nice seeing you again, please tell Jen I stopped by." I say turning to go back down the steps.

"Pacey Witter, you come back here."

"What is it Mrs. Ryan?"

"First off, to all of you kids I'm Grams so please don't start with the Mrs. Ryan nonsense. And secondly you were right Josephine does live here. They're all out back having a barbeque, why don't you come in and have a seat in the living room and I'll go get her for you. I imagine you want to speak with her in private?"

"Thank-you that's very kind of you." I say polietly, entering the house.

From my place in the living room I can hear hushed voices coming from the back yard. I sit staring at the floor when I hear someone approach me. I look up to see a very tired looking Joey standing in the doorway.

"Jo!"

"What do you want Pacey? Didn't you hurt me enough last spring?" she asks spitting venom at me. Anger and pain all written clearly on her face and in her eyes.

"Joey, I came to explain why I did what I did. I was so wrong about so many things. I let all of my insecurities eat away at me until I didn't recognize myself. I thought you would realize that I was the screw up everyone says I was, that you couldn't really love me, that you would see me for who I really was and run back to Dawson, like I was some sort of adventure for you. I thought that you would grow tired of me, and if I followed you here to Boston you would start to resent me, think that I was holding you back."

"Pacey, how could you think any of those things? How could you ever believe that I didn't really love you? I gave my virginity to you, not Dawson, YOU! What does that say about how much I loved you. Was it so hard for you to believe that you were the man I loved, the one I wanted to spend my life with?"

"At the time it was. You had everything going for you, the good grades, the promise of an education, and the desire to go after what you wanted."

"Yeah, I had all of those things, but it also cost me the most important thing in my life. I lost you, Pacey. Believe me none of this matters without you, I would have given it up in a heart beat to be with you."

"I know, and that was why I left Jo, I couldn't let you sacrifice your future for me, you're meant to do great things."

"Pacey, don't you get it, loving you is possibly the greatest thing I've ever done, or ever will for that matter." She says with tears in her eyes.

I could tell that she was going to start crying any minute. She still hadn't moved from the doorway, I couldn't stand to let cry so I got up and walked over to her. I took my fingers and put them under her chin and titled her head up, forcing her to look at me.

"You know what the most important thing I learned this summer was? I learned that no matter where my life my take me and no matter what may happen along the way, you are my heart. I need you in my life, by my side, challenging me every step of the way." I say to her pouring my heart into every word.

"Do you really mean that Pace?" she asks her voice shaking.

"Potter, you have to be even more stubborn and insecure than me sometimes. I love you more than anything in the world, and would do anything for you. I thought by leaving I was setting you free, and as far as I can see all I've done is make both of us miserable. Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?"

"Pacey, I don't know?" she sighs.

"Joey, please I need to know everything is going to be okay between us?"

"It's just you hurt me so badly last spring. The things you said to me, the way you looked at me, I wanted to hate you so much, but I couldn't. I still can't, but I can't forget them either."

"I admit what I did was reprehensible; it was hardest thing I've ever had to do. You've got to know that. I hated myself for what I did to you. That's why I left the way I did, it killed me to see you looking so broken hearted, knowing I was responsible for your pain. I almost went over to the B&B a couple times of to beg you to take me back."

"I would have. You know, taken you back."

"What about know?" I ask.

"I don't know I've had a lot of time to think about things."

"Joey, I need to know do you still love me? Do you still want to be with me?" I ask urgently.