A/N- Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Here's my present to you. Hopefully you like it, although I'm not sure. I had trouble writing it, but I hope it turned out okay. Thanx for reading, and I'd appreciate any reviews. Thank you.
Isn't time a strange thing? You know how a second can warp itself into what seems like an eternity, or can fly by so fast that you can feel every second slipping away, unable to be stopped. And the thing is, time is directly related to what's going on in your life. Just say your life sucks, and every second keeps stretching, longer and longer as it ticks by.
Then, imagine perfection. Imagine spending everyday with a girl who you love more than anything, or a friend that always has your back. Imagine sharing secrets with a little group of rebels, and then seeing smiles spread across their faces, and knowing that you gave out the gift of hope, something that's so scare in the Districts these days that even Victors can't manage to get a hold of it.
That's what the last month has been like for me. Perfection. No letters from Snow, no complications at all. The nightmares have started to go away, and there isn't a single thing that has me down. Rafe won't stop smiling now, since he's started going out with some girl he met at Annie's banquet. Then there's Annie. She still has moments, fits, but most of the time she's fine. Actually, she's more than fine, we're more than fine.
That crazy feeling I got when I saw Annie for the first time since her Victory Tour just never went away. I don't know if it was my trip to the arena, or maybe just knowing that now there isn't really too much left to keep us apart, but now there is no doubt in my mind that I love her. I realized that just the day after the banquet. Since then, for this last month, I've been thinking, deciding, trying to order my thoughts.
I finally decided that if after a month, if there wasn't a single time when I doubted my love for her at all, then I would propose. I mean, there's nothing that I want more than to marry Annie. About a week into the month, I went over to Mags' house to talk to her about it. We discussed some things, like if I'd feel comfortable doing everything that Snow has me do and still marry her, or if I knew we'd have to marry in secret, things like that. I don't care about getting married in secret, but to continue the prostitution thing while married to Annie, that required more thought.
Finally, I decided that I'm not doing anything wrong, nothing I can control anyway. I mean, if my life was on the line, I'd tell Snow to go screw himself. But put Annie there, and really that takes away any choice that I'd have. So since I'm forced into this, even though it's wrong, and even though I feel ruined by all of it, if I'm going to marry Annie anyway, that isn't a reason that I shouldn't. Something so totally out of my control like that shouldn't get in my way.
So I got back to Mags, told her that I wanted to, that I really wanted to. Then she gave me this ring, which is seriously the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me. It was her grandmother's, made before the Districts rebelled for the first time. She gave it to her daughter, who gave it to Mags. Mags, since she had no kids for fear of the Games, wanted to give it to me. In her words, she gave it to her son. So not only does that thing have a sapphire the size of my head on it, but it means something to me, making it a million times more special. So, as soon as I get my plan laid out, I'm planning on proposing.
Of course, that wasn't all, though. There was also that rebel meeting that I managed to set up. We did hike up the mountain, me carrying Mags most of the way, and I told them everything Plutarch told me, and about the poisonings that I found out about myself. Then, Felix gave me some other news that a correspondent from Eleven had given them. They say that whenever the time is right, that they're confident that their District will give full support to the rebellion. One district isn't much, especially not a dirt poor one like Eleven, but it's a milestone, the first District to commit to the rebellion. Maybe it isn't official, but it's a start.
And lastly, there's the whole thing with Rafe that I'd mentioned. Right now, all you need to know is that he has a girlfriend. That's all there really is to tell. They talked, they decided they liked each other, and after two weeks Rafe asked her out and she said yes. That's just a small story.
As you've probably figured out, everything that happened in that month was really a small story. There was nothing eventful, and everything seemed so perfect. That's all that I have to say. Now, though, I can feel something else ready to happen.
Rain collects in puddles everywhere, especially gathering in the usually green grass of Victor's Village, turning the beautiful lawns into what seems like a swampy marsh. As I trek to Mags' house through the mud, getting soaked to the bone by the still pouring rain, my eyes struggle to make out even just the shape of Mags' house. My shoes sink into the muddy ground, turning every step into something that requires effort. Mags wanted me to talk to her about that mentoring thing, and we live right next to each other, so I didn't think the bad weather should deter me from heading over to her house.
It's making me nervous, though, especially not being able to see anything, not being able to hear. Memories of the storm I got caught in during my Games flash through my head, that same terror rising in my chest again. Part of me, a very dominant part of me, goes back in time, starts worrying about what tributes could be stalking me. Then, the little piece of my head that's still in the present remembers that there are still tributes that could be hunting me.
Keep your guard up
Orica's words echo through my mind, making a shiver run up my spine. I'd forgotten, I mean completely forgotten about what she said. But in that second, I find them echoing through my head, this messed up paranoia taking hold of me. I try to make my steps more quiet, but there's nothing to stop the mud from slurping every time it lets go of my feet. It's not like the noise is a big deal anyway, since the thunder and pounding rain drowns out everything. It's just instinct. My real problem is getting away if someone decides to jump me, and this weather seems just perfect for blue-skinned humanoids to be stalking their prey in.
It's stupid, I know. She hasn't done anything all month, and I hadn't been paying attention at all. But with the creepy weather and everything, it's just the perfect time for cryptic threats from creepy blue people to come back and haunt you.
Even though I'm just being crazy again, I feel so much better when I find myself on Mags' front porch. I raise my hand to knock on the door, then a flash of yellow catches my eye. My knife is instantly in my hand, and I spin around to face the door, sure that I saw Orica's glowing yellow eyes. It was just the light of Felix's house, barely visible through the rain. Nothing to be scared of. I just stand there, pressed against the door, and let my heart slow down. Then, after one last look around, I put the knife into my pocket and knock on the door.
Mags answers, a small smile on her face, and I immediately relax.
"I'm glad to see that the weather didn't keep you inside," she says. I shrug, trying to look nonchalant just seconds after flipping out at a light bulb.
"Nah, I've gotten used to weather like this," I joke weakly. Mags tilts her head, like maybe using a different angle would help her figure out what's wrong with me. She keeps her mouth shut, though. All she does is stare, then step aside, letting me slip into the warmth and safety of her house.
Mags makes tea, then we sit on her couch and sip at it, not wanting to bring anything that has to do with the Games into casual conversation.
"You won't have to do much," she says finally. "People will be falling over themselves to sponsor your tribute. You know enough about the Games that teaching them shouldn't be difficult. You'll be fine if you don't let yourself get too attached."
"I don't care if I'm attached or not. If you spend a week with a kid and get to know him at all, then watch him get a spear through his gut, it's gonna hurt."
"Yes, it does. But I've been doing it for over sixty years, and I know that you're tougher than I am."
"I'm not-" I start, but she holds up a hand.
"When it comes to the Games, you're tougher than anybody," she says. I know that I can't argue with that, since I came to a conclusion similar to it not too long ago. It still bugs me, seeing how obvious it is that the Hunger Games and I seem to go hand in hand, but the vote of confidence is pretty nice.
We talk a little more, mainly going over the finer things, what exactly you have to do as a mentor, and then it's time for me to venture outside again.
I start out fine, plunking through the mud like I did on the way over. Then, I hear something. Probably some animal or something, but I try to take off. It only takes a couple of hurried steps to send me sliding across the mud. Thunder crashes then, and the sound startles me enough that I throw myself towards my house, not even trying to get up. After that, I'm in such a panicked hurry that I just end up dragging myself through the mud to get to my house. By the time I get there, I'm soaked, filthy, and my nerves are just about shot. I open my door while I'm still on my knees, then tumble through, pulling it shut with me and locking it as soon as possible.
Big mistake.
I feel the eyes on me before I see her. I know that it's her before I even look, before I make the mistake of letting my eyes meet her, of letting myself get sucked into her gaze. I can't look away, I can't think, I can't move. That panic I felt before bubbles up. Usually, in situations like this, there's nothing but pure adrenaline, but something about this chick shuts my brain off, turns me into someone normal for a second.
"I've never known why the ladies of the Capitol were so taken with you up until now, but I guess I've never noticed how entertaining you could be." Her voice is edged with sarcasm, and the ends of her words get chopped off. I wonder if that has something to do with her fangs.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, humiliated to hear my voice shake like a five year old.
"You aren't following orders," she hisses. That's the only way that I can describe her voice.
"What?" I ask, confusion coloring my voice.
"Everything is in place, the axe is ready to fall, and as soon as you make your next move, people will die." I stare at her, trying to get what she's saying to make sense, but I can't.
"I don't get what you're saying?"
"If you don't want more blood on your hands, figure it out." Then she walks past me, flashing her fangs in a deadly smile that makes my knees shake. When she gets to my door, instead of opening it, she pauses. Her long black mane of braids hangs down her head like a dozen thin snakes, making her nearly as intimidating from the back as the front.
"President Snow wants me to ask you how your little Annie is doing? Have the horrors of the Games stopped plaguing her sleep yet?" I lunge at her, my knife out of my pocket in an instant, at her throat the next.
"What are you going to do to Annie?" I hiss. She rolls her yellow eyes, not scared at all. I dig the knife into her neck. She doesn't even seem to notice.
"I'm not doing anything to her," she hisses. "No one is. She's a Victor now, and that makes her a lot less desirable to kill, although it wouldn't be a horrible tragedy." I lower the knife slowly.
"Then what are you talking about?"
"I was merely told to warn you, not to explain. If you don't figure it out, you will suffer the consequences." I don't even feel like I'm talking to a human being. She's more like a hybrid between one of the twisted citizens of the Capitol and a snake. It seems like she could be Snow's daughter.
"Don't you care what happens to me at all?" I ask through gritted teeth. She laughs.
"What do you have to offer me, Boy? Nothing more than you offer to the women of the Capitol, and both of us know that it will never be enough if you keep shunning your role. The President, the Capitol temp me much more than you ever could."
I take a deep breath, trying to calm myself down, but I swear that I start seeing red. It's one thing when President Snow or some Capitol freak does things like this, but another Victor? That's different. It's worse. I guess that's what happens when you start worshipping a psychopathic twelve year old. She'll follow, and it wouldn't be too hard at all to turn her into just another on of Snow's pawns.
"You're a filthy piece of shit," I spit at her. She laughs, then walks out my door, slamming it behind her. I stand there, seething. Something's going to happen, and I have no idea what it is, and I'm scared out of my mind because I don't even know what I have to not do. That night, bright yellow eyes haunt my sleep, and the hissing of a serpent makes beautiful background music.
The sun shines the next morning for the first time in days, and I take that as an omen. Not only does the beautiful day improve my mood, but it also gives me an opening for my proposal. I wanted to do it outside, at the beach, but of course the rain would've ruined that. But now, even though everything is still wet, the beach is going to be beautiful, and if we walk far enough away from town, I should be able to do it secretly, which is a necessity.
I take extra time getting ready that morning, for once actually caring what I look like. I make sure that every hair is in the right place, that I have the perfect outfit. Rafe's voice sounds in my head, calling me a girl and a sissy, but I don't care. This is important to me. Important enough that I actually kneel down and say a quick prayer to the God that Mags actually believe in. I sort of do it for good measure, but I figure that if there is someone up there watching me, that maybe if I ask nicely he'll throw me a bone.
So, I'm all prettied up and rearing to go, but I can't make myself move. Last night hovers in the back of my mind, playing over again and again, but I can't make anything fall into place. I don't try to hard, either. After ten minutes, I force myself to let it go, then slowly make my way out the door and walk across the village, growing easier with every step. I spit on Orica's lawn. Not smart, but I want to show how not nervous I am. Because I'm not.
Annie answers the door, her lips curving up into a smile when she sees that it's me. My heart starts beating faster and I find a smile of my own spreading across my face. It gets even better when she gets on her tiptoes and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek.
"You're beautiful, you know that, right?" I ask her. She just shakes her head.
"Have you looked in the mirror lately?" She stole that from me. Whenever she said something like that me, that'd always be my response. Now, we've sort of switched roles.
"You're just too modest," I tell her, then I take her hand. "We should go on a walk."
"That would be nice," she says. So we start walking, hand in hand, like we're a couple of second graders playing husband and wife in a game of house.
We talk some, but it's mainly quiet. That's what it's almost like with Annie and me. We don't need to talk, not really. We know each other well enough that we can already guess what the other will say.
Eventually, I decide that we get far enough away. I pretend to trip and stumble, eventually falling into the damp sand. As soon as I touch the ground, I take the ring's box out of my pocket and hide it under my leg. Annie rushes forward, her mouth pressed into a tight line to keep from laughing. Her eyes are gleaming so beautifully that I almost forget what I'm doing. I don't, though.
"Are you okay?" she asks sweetly.
"I'm fine, but I think I lost something," I tell her, fumbling around a little. "Maybe it's over there, do you think you could look?" I ask her, pointing to a spot right in front of me. She looks confused, like she's wondering why I can't get it, but she listens. She crouches to the ground and starts searching through the sand. Then I grab the box and get on one knee.
"Hey, Annie," I whisper. "I think I found it." Then she looks up, her eyes getting huge. The waves crash in the background, the melody of seagull filling the air. I can taste the salt from the ocean on my tongue, and the smell fills my nose. Everything around me screams the ocean, yet, none at it compares at all to Annie's eyes. I can drown in them so much more easily than in even the strongest of waves, and that's what it feels like right now. Like they're just going to pull me under and never let me up. Really, that's okay with me.
"You aren't serious," she whispers. I open the box, revealing the beautiful ring that Mags gave me.
"Annie Cresta," I breathe, "will you marry me?" She doesn't hesitate at all, just wraps her arms around me and kisses me so warmly that I feel like my entire body could just melt into a puddle right there. Anything from the night before is gone, replaced by a feeling that I've never felt before. The euphoria I got from winning the Games, maybe even from getting a kill, times a hundred and minus any horrible side affects. Just pure, unbreakable happiness.
On the way back, I explain my plans, about how we'll have to do it in secret, about how very few people can know, and I explain to her perfectly clearly that I still have to go to the Capitol. She listens silently, and by the time we're home, I'm almost sure that she had to have changed her mind. Instead, she twists the ring around on her finger and faces me.
"Finnick," she says softly. "I just want to be with you." With that, I kissed her one more time, and I figured that the deal was done. The life I wanted was becoming so crystal clear. I could almost taste it.
Then, late that night, someone rang my doorbell. When I opened it, nothing was there except for a box. I took it carefully inside, holding it carefully, my paranoia returning a little. I mean, a box in the middle of the night? Not good, not at all.
I carefully break through the tape, then pull the tabs up. An envelope sits on top of a load of tissue paper, so I grab that first. When I see that it's sealed with red wax, I'm tempted to throw the box out. The only letters I've seen sealed like that are President Snow's. Then I realize that there's no way I should throw something away, not when it could be an invitation that could cause someone's death if I don't follow through. So I open the envelope and take out a small slip of paper.
Here's an early wedding present.
My heart sinks. He knows. And if he knows… I carefully start taking the tissue paper off of whatever is in the box. Then there's a plastic bag. I pick up the bag, my heart beating, trying to tell myself that it isn't what it feels like, that Snow wouldn't possibly do anything like that. I open the bag, afraid to look at what I know is in there.
I don't scream. I work to hold down my supper, but I don't scream. I don't move at all, really. I can't look away from my wedding present.
Snow found out about my wedding.
And God, did he give me a present.
He even sent it right to me.
It's nothing compared to what he could've done. Just a warning. Yet, one of the worst warnings I can imagine.
I think I finally figured out what Orica was warning me against. I wasn't supposed to propose. She was watching me, she knew I was going to do it. She told Snow. Snow told her to warn me, because he doesn't want to make his precious toy too unhappy. But her warning didn't get through. So I proposed to Annie, and for a couple hours, I was happier than I'd even been in my entire life.
Now, tears are welling up in my throat, my vision is doing that thing where it turns red again, and my stomach is churning enough that I have no idea how I'm managing not to throw up.
I should run away. Get rid of it. Do something. Yet, I can't. My feet are glued to the ground, my eyes fixed on the matching sea green eyes in front of me. The beautiful, beautiful eyes.
My mother's eyes.
In her head.
On my kitchen table.