Requiem For a Sinner

by anwamane13

AU: Castiel was not Dean Winchester's guardian angel. On the contrary, his job was to collect his soul and deliver him to Death, so the Grim Reaper could take him before their Father to be t, as Castiel stood before Death to plead for Dean's life, he wondered since when he cared about what happened to humans. Or why he was in love with him.

6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Set me as a seal upon thy heart,

as a seal upon thy arm:

for love is strong as death;

jealousy is cruel as the grave:

the coals thereof are coals of fire,

which hath a most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,

neither can the floods drown it:

if a man would give all the substance of his house for love,

it would utterly be contemned.

Song of Songs, 8:6-7

THEN

Lawrence, Kansas, May, 2013

Over a month after Dean had almost died and Cas had saved him, Dean realized that he really liked the guy. Like, really, a lot. It was almost funny that he'd once thought Cas was a danger to Missouri - well, he was just being protective of his friend, okay? A guy appears out of nowhere and... But that was not the point. The point was that Dean really liked Cas, and what do you do when you really like someone? You introduce them to your Mom.

Well, he had to invite Cas. What else can a man do when his friend refuses to eat? And working in a diner, of all places? It's like having all the air in the world and refusing to breathe.

"Dude, you sure you're not gonna eat that?" he asked, eyeing the hot dog Cas had left almost untouched on his plate.

"You can have it," Cas said, eyeing Dean with something like amazement. "But maybe I should remind you that you just ate a double bacon cheeseburger and two slices of pie."

"Man, I'm not letting this amazing hot dog go to waste," Dean said with his mouth full, and wasn't it great that Cas didn't care about Dean's manners, like Sam and Mom? "You barely eat, and at this rate you're gonna get thinner than that broom over there."

"That is impossible, the broom is just" –

"Cas, this is a joke!" Dean rolled his eyes good-naturedly and gave a small laugh.

"Oh."

They were alone in the diner – except for the cook – in one of the many late nights when Dean was eating and Cas was cleaning, and they were talking about nothing and everything. Only, today, after Cas admitted he hadn't eaten anything the whole day except for a donut, Dean had made him eat something.

"Hey, boys, I'm leaving, okay? You want anything else, Dean?" Rufus, the cook asked from behind the counter.

"No, thanks, man! Take care!" Dean smiled while Cas waved at the older man.

Cas got up to lock the door after Rufus left. He stood by the glass window and scratched his chin. "I still need to clean the tables," he murmured, absent-minded.

"Come on, man! Live a little! I'll help you if you give me one more slice of that apple pie."

Cas looked at Dean in disbelief. "No, Dean, I'm not giving you anything, not even a glass of water. You're going to get sick if you eat so much!"

"Says who?"

Cas rolled his eyes, then looked at Dean pointedly. "The kitchen is closed. If you want more pie, you go get it and wash your own dishes."

"All right, smart ass... But at least I'm not like you; I don't frown and faint at the simple mention of a good, greasy cheeseburger. I bet you would love one of Sam's salads, and it makes me really sad, Cas. That rabbit food is gross, you have no idea. Sam's taste buds are probably… atrophied, from lack of work or something like that."

"Food is not so important to me, Dean. There are other more important things in the world," Cas said, grabbing Dean's empty plates and glasses and taking them to the kitchen.

Dean followed him. "Like what? Come on! You work at a freaking diner, Cas! And the food here is great! I would eat here every day, man!"

"You do eat here every day," Cas replied, matter-of-factly. Then he looked at Dean with a funny, almost lost expression. "The fact is that... I've tried everything on the menu at least once, and I can definitely say that fast food is not my favorite kind of food. I've been here for weeks, and I think that, apart from donuts and hamburgers, I'm tired of everything else." Cas' expression was endearing, like a lost boy in a big supermarket, and Dean felt a fluttering in his chest.

So, Dean did the only thing a good friend could do: he invited Cas to have dinner at his home on Sunday night, because Mary made a killer gnocchi dish and Cas would love some homemade food. Besides, Sam would get his panties in a twist if Cas never got to see his books and his videogames and if he wouldn't have the opportunity to show Cas the - disgusting - tofu salad or whatever-the-fuck Sam ate.

Cas showed up at Dean's door at precisely eight, in his horrendous tan trench coat, a cheap black suit and with his tie practically unknotted. It would have been funny if it wasn't completely cute.

"I hope I'm not late," he said solemnly, before stepping into the house.

"Who, you?" Dean joked. "You're twenty-seven seconds late, actually."

Cas widened his eyes. "I'm sorry! I" –

"Joking, Cas," Dean patted Cas's back. "Relax, will you? Come on, gimme your coat."

It didn't take long for Sam to kidnap Cas to his study, where his impressive and unnecessarily huge bookcase awaited to be venerated. "Check this out, Cas! I have all Stephen Hawking's books!" Dean waited, leaning at the study's door with a bored expression, while Sam showed off to Cas and talked about this and that, everything nerdy-geeky-related, obviously.

But in fact, Dean just stayed there, observing with a fond expression, while Cas ran his hand over the cover of Sam's books almost reverently, and noticing how Cas managed to keep up with Sam, huge book worm that he was, talking about any topic Sam brought up; from History to Theology to Philosophy and all the shit Dean always thought it was boring as hell. How could a guy that intelligent work as a busboy in Missouri's diner?

The fact was that Dean didn't know anything about Cas. Not really. Sure, he knew his last name and where he was from, but… it was like he never get tired of learning more about him, because everything about the guy seemed interesting even though it wasn't anything amazing, just a normal shitty childhood. Dean could relate.

He knew that Cas was weird, awkward, had zero to none people skills and no popular culture at all, and when he stared at you, it was with an intensity that made you feel scrutinized and a little uncomfortable. But he also knew that Cas was quiet, well-mannered, always eager to help, and he was a direct, right-to-the-point, no-bullshit kind of guy. Also, there was this thing about him that made Dean talk, and talk, and talk, telling Cas everything about his life, while Cas talked so little about his own.

All in all, Dean liked him. A lot. As a friend, of course, – only as a friend, Dean, get your shit together – but Cas was really cute with his rumpled clothes and his disheveled hair, and Dean had to admit he had never met someone he liked so much in such a short time.

"Let the guy breathe, Sammy," he said after a while, pulling Cas by the arm towards the dining room. "Come met Mom, Cas." He stopped in the hallway, fixing Cas' tie and shirt, and felt his cheeks getting red, because Cas was looking at him with so much gratitude that it would be funny if Dean's stomach hadn't made a flip-flop at the intensity of his stare.

Cas looked at Mary solemnly, and Dean was sure Mary was almost drooling at his manners, because she seemed delighted when he shook her hand. "It's a great pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Winchester."

"Call me Mary," Dean's Mom said, all smiles, evidently pleased with Dean's choice of a friend. This time, at least, because she'd never liked Andy or Ash too much. "Dinner's almost ready."

By nine, they were all in silence, while Mary said grace before eating. "Lord, we thank you for this food we are about to receive. We know you are in Heaven with your angels, watching over us. Bless this house and the people who dwell therein, and allow us to live in your love. Amen." Dean noted that Cas was a little uncomfortable when Mary mentioned God and His angels, but he shrugged it off as one of Cas' oddities.

Usually, Dean ate a lot. A. Lot. But Sam ate even more, only his food was 'healthy', instead of edible. So, Mary's dinners were planned to please her two sons. Today, there was gnocchi casserole, meatballs, Caesar salad, tofu stir-fry and for desert, fruit salad. As always, there was a lot of food.

"Tell me more about yourself, Cas," Mary said, smiling. "Cas is such a peculiar name."

"My name is Castiel, actually," Cas said, distractedly, looking completely in love with the gnocchi casserole on his plate.

"And your last name?" She insisted.

Cas munched on his food slowly and hummed, clearly pleased at its taste, then took a sip of water. "Angelus," he said, after a while.

"That's 'angel' in Latin," Sam, the eternal nerd, pointed out. "And hey! Get this, Dean, Castiel is an angel, isn't it?"

"The Angel of Thursday! I love angels," Mary said, delighted. "Did you know Dean was born on a Thursday?"

Dean could tell Cas was a little bit uncomfortable. The guy didn't like to be the center of attention. He patted Cas' back. "Man, your parents really like angels, don't they?"

Cas seemed to hesitate a bit. "I told you, my family is very religious."

Mary looked at Cas smiling, but gave Dean a stern look when he put more meatballs on his plate. "Oh, that's good! No wonder you're so polite! Only religious people would give a beautiful angel name to his child!"

"Mom," Dean rolled his eyes. "Let the guy eat in peace."

Mary pretended she didn't hear him. "What about your parents, darling? Do you have any siblings? Do they have angel names too?"

"Yes, M'am, they do," Cas answered. "Um... My father is... very busy. I haven't seen him in a long time. My brothers, they...work a lot too."

"Come on, Mom, what is this? Twenty questions?" Dean laughed nervously, seeing Cas reluctant about answering. "Let him breathe."

But Cas surprised him, looking at Mary and Sam with a bit of sadness in his eyes. "I was recently...demoted from my previous position in the… family business. Mrs. Moseley is a friend of one of my brothers and kindly offered me a place to stay." It was clear that Cas wasn't going to answer anything else about his family. He slowly and politely cleaned his mouth with his napkin, his plate completely empty now. "Thank you for the dinner, Mrs. Winchester. It was delicious."

"Come on, let's see my DVD collection," Dean hurried to say. In fact, he didn't like that his mother was questioning Cas like that. He understood it was just Mom being a mom, but Cas clearly didn't like to talk about himself. Something bad must've happened to make Cas so closed off about his past. Dean wasn't going to probe. He didn't like to talk about the 'bad' moments of his life either.

Even after Cas saved Dean's life, he was a bit reluctant himself in letting his suspicions go, but only for a while. Missouri had insisted that Cas had a 'kind heart and was honest to a fault', and well, the woman was psychic, wasn't she?

It was only when they reached his bedroom that Dean realized he was holding Cas' hand. He let it go, awkwardly pointing to his bookcase where, instead of books, a huge collection of DVDs was displayed.

"You seem to like science fiction a lot," Cas commented, looking at the titles.

"Well, you know, as a Jedi Master I can't brag, young padawan... But my collection rocks," Dean finished, with a wink. When Cas looked at him with a blank expression, Dean widened his eyes. "Dude, not even Star Wars?"

Cas shook his head. "I don't understand that reference. I'm sorry."

Dean whistled. "Boy, you weren't kidding when you said your family was super religious. It's like you lived in a cave. What did you do to have fun?"

Cas shrugged, nonchalantly, but his eyes looked sad. "I never had occasion to have fun. I was...always working. I'm sorry; I must seem really boring to you."

"Hey, no." Dean's hand flew to Cas' shoulder on its own volition, it seemed. "Stop that. You're pretty cool, alright? And, uh...about Mom... I'm sorry for all the questions, man. I can tell it's a touchy subject for you."

"Your mother was only taking care of you. It's only fair that she knows about me, since we've been recently spending a lot of time together."

"Well, I'm a grownup. I can choose my own friends."

"I'm very glad you consider me your friend, Dean," Cas said, and Dean realized they were very close and they were alone in his bedroom and – wait, Sam had actually chuckled when Dean and Cas left the dining room, and Mary had smirked a little.

Oh my God, what were they thinking? Dean would never jump on Cas in his own bedroom, while his mother and brother were in the living room! Not that he didn't want Jump Cas. I mean, not that he did want to. Well, he didn't, did he? He barely knew the guy. But Cas, with all his cute awkwardness and his messy hair and perpetual stubble, seemed to pull Dean towards him every time they met. Dean was starting to admit that he maybe had a crush on Cas. Just maybe. Just a tiny bit.

NOW

Lawrence, Kansas, August, 2013.

"In large bowl, beat half of a cup of granulated sugar and the egg with wire whisk until light and fluffy. Beat in 2 tablespoons of flour and 1 teaspoon of vanilla. Beat in cooled butter. Gently stir in the apples. Pour into – Dean!" Castiel complained, but there was no heat in it.

"Sorry, Cas, but you have flour in your hair."

"In my hair, Dean, not on my mmmph!"

Dean kissed Castiel a lot. Not that he was going to complain, he actually enjoyed Dean's kisses very much. But he was concentrating here, trying to make an apple pie from scratch, and Dean was making his progress very difficult.

"Dude, are you complaining?" Dean gave him a lopsided smile. "If I was the kind of boyfriend that didn't like PDA, then you should complain."

Castiel tilted his head. "PDA?" He still felt a flutter in his stomach every time Dean said the world 'boyfriend'.

"Public displays of affection."

"We're not in public, Dean."

"We're in my mom's house. She could walk in and see us kissing any minute now."

"It's your house too. And she would see me trying to bake and you not letting me."

"Cas, shut up or I'm not kissing you ever again."

"My apologies," Castiel said, and this time he was the one leaning for another kiss, a soft one. Now there was flour in Dean's hair too, so that meant they were even.

But Dean didn't let Castiel go so easily. With his hands on the sides of Castiel's face, he trapped him against the counter. "Come on, Cas, just a little make out. We're entitled to do that, we're dating."

Who would be able to resist a request like that? Castiel surely wasn't.

Since Crowley's death, things were calm and life ran its course, as if it had never been a demon among them. Castiel spent almost two weeks waiting for something bad to happen, but nothing did. He was still suspicious that he and John had managed to defeat the demon in the first try, but apparently, that had happened.

He wasn't used to relax and enjoy things, like Dean always told him to do. But now that Dean's death wasn't imminent, and the Ten Commandments thing didn't loom over Castiel's head anymore, it was getting progressively easier to do just that: live.

It was easy to pretend that he was just a regular man, dating someone he loved, and happy for the first time in his life.

Castiel liked very much that Dean was affectionate, and just like he'd said, Dean didn't hide that they were together. His mother had actually gone to the diner one afternoon just to tell Castiel how happy she was that they were together. Sam treated him like a long-time friend, and said once that they were almost brothers now. And Missouri…

Well, when Dean and Castiel decided to tell her and appeared in the diner holding hands, Missouri had given Dean a hug and a kiss on the cheek. But she had dragged Castiel to the kitchen and looked at him sternly. "You're not gonna hurt that boy, you hear me?"

"I have no intentions of hurting Dean, ever," Castiel had assured her.

"What if you decide to leave one day? I don't know why you came here, boy, and I never asked. I can feel there's 'good' in you, so we treat you like our own here. But you hurt Dean and I will personally kick you out of Lawrence, you hear me?"

"I can assure you I'm never leaving Dean's side. Not unless he asks me to. I love him," Castiel had declared, because it was true and because Missouri apparently needed that reassurance from him.

Her eyes had softened instantly and she had patted his cheek lightly. "Alright. I'm glad we had this conversation."

Now, almost a month later, they were happily settled in a new routine that, to Castiel, was more than perfect. Well, nothing was really new in their routine. Dean still didn't sleep much, still went to have breakfast and dinner at the diner, still worked with classic cars, and Castiel still used his yellow apron while he helped Victor and Gordon at the diner. Only, now Castiel, always so serious, laughed a lot, and everything seemed better, brighter, and funnier. Maybe Castiel was getting used to being human – well, almost human. Or maybe it was the fact that Dean's presence made the whole world a better place.

Castiel had never been happy, truly happy in his life. Happiness wasn't for angels. But he was not an angel anymore, not completely, at least for now. So, he was going to enjoy his happiness while it lasted.

One day, Dean would get old and die, and Castiel would take him to Heaven. Who knew if Dean wouldn't get angry at being lied to about who Castiel really was? Who knew if his soul would still want to be around the angel? It was a risk, but there was no other way.

In the meantime, Castiel was going to enjoy Dean's proximity and try to make the man happy. Which was why he was currently baking him an apple pie. Or, he was trying to.

"Dean, we-"

"You look cute with your clothes all rumpled like that."

"You were the one who grabbed at my cloth-"

"And there's flour on your cheek and nose."

"You're not exactly clean yourself."

"And I want to kiss you again."

"But you just kis-"

"But my stomach is growling and I think I was promised an apple pie."

Castiel glared at him. "If you don't let me finish, you will never have your pie, Dean."

"Alright, alright, sorry!" Dean took a few steps away from Castiel and raised his hands in a surrendering gesture.

Castiel picked up the cooking book and started to read aloud. "In a medium bowl, stir together all streusel ingredients except the butter. With a pastry blender or fork, cut in one-fourth cup of butter until the mixture looks like coarse crumbs. Sprinkle over the apples. Place the pie on a cookie sheet in the oven – Dean!"

Dean laughed, and it sounded like music to Castiel's ears. "Sorry, Cas, but you have flour on your hair."

"Again? Dean, as much as I like to kiss you, this is totally counterproductive and… mmmph!"

The pie took more than three hours to get ready, it got a little burnt on the edges, but it tasted good.

THEN

Lawrence, Kansas, June, 2013

"Dean, I can't believe it! This is terrible!" Cas' eyes were huge in his face, and he clutched dramatically at his chest, his disbelief more than evident.

"I know, Cas, I know," Dean said, mournfully. "I still can't believe myself, even after all this time."

"But… Are you sure this is not a bad joke? Are you sure this is real?"

"You saw it, man. You saw it too, this is the real deal, and we gotta accept it."

Castiel got up from the sofa and started pacing the living room. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I didn't know how to say this without leaving you upset. You were too invested in the whole thing."

"This changes everything. Nothing will ever be the same after this."

Dean nodded curtly. "I know."

Castiel sat on the sofa again, eyes fixed on the TV. "I can't believe Darth Vader is Luke's father."

"Yeah, I feel your pain, man. I was shocked when I watched The Empire Strikes Back."

"Poor Luke. The man he hates the most, his father?"Cas grabbed a handful of popcorn from the coffee table. "Are we going to watch the next one?"

"Sure!" Dean smiled. "I'm just not sure you're gonna like The Return of the Jedi as much as this one. There are fluffy things that look like Teddy bears, man."

"There is nothing wrong with Teddy bears."

"Really, Cas?" Dean snorted, placing the DVD in the slot. "Come on, move over, lemme sit here too."

"Alright."

Two hours later, they were still talking about the films. Sam had arrived from his girlfriend's house and the three were sitting in the living room with pizza and beer.

"I have some theories," Sam said, "but I'm gonna wait until the next trilogy comes."

Cas looked at Sam as if the guy had given him a very precious gift. "There will be another trilogy?"

"Sure!" Sam got up and smiled. "The first film will probably be ready in 2015. Wait, let me get my books about the expanded universe. There are a couple of books you should read and then you tell me what you think. You're gonna love Mara Jade, she totally kicks ass."

While Sam and Cas talked about the awesomeness of Star Wars, Dean watched them. Again. He liked to watch Cas talking with his brother animatedly, like old friends. It made him feel that Cas belonged there.

He had already decided he liked Cas, as in, more than friends. He didn't know if Cas was into guys, but he would never know if he didn't test the waters, would he? Maybe he would ask Cas out one of these days. Besides, Cas didn't strike him as a homophobe. If Cas didn't feel attracted to Dean, he was sure Cas would still be his friend.

But the thing was that Cas stared so much at Dean, that it made him feel very self-conscious sometimes. Dean had caught Cas staring, more than once, and there was fondness in his eyes. Like he cared for Dean. It wasn't something easy to fake, the way Dean felt Cas' eyes following him, especially when they said goodbye. Sometimes, when Cas was about to close the diner, and Dean was about to go home, Dean had the impression that Cas was going to ask him to stay. But Cas never asked, so Dean never stayed.

Dean was decided to change that. He didn't have the courage yet, but he would have, hopefully soon. He watched as Cas ran his hands through his own hair, his face alight, excited, as if this was the first time he'd ever had a friend to discuss outlandish plans and absurd ideas about a science fiction movie with.

"Hey, Cas, what do you think, next Sunday we'll have a Lord of the Rings marathon, how about that?" Dean asked, just to take Cas' attention from Sam. Not that he was jealous, but he really liked to see Cas' blue eyes looking at him.

Cas turned his eyes to Dean with a huge grin on his face. "Can we?" he asked, like a little boy who'd just been told that Christmas was coming six months earlier. Cas had borrowed the books from Sam last week and had already read all three, like the huge nerd he was.

"Sure. We can start earlier than we did today, because the films are three hours each."

Cas beamed at Dean and shit, he shouldn't think a full grown man was 'cute', but he did.

Later, when all the pizza and the beer was gone, Dean took Cas home. It was a clear night, and they decided to walk, because the diner wasn't far. Cas didn't stop talking all the way to the diner; about how much he had liked the Star wars marathon, and how he was already anxious for next weekend. Dean smiled to himself, counting this as a victory that the serious guy beside him, who had apparently lived inside a bubble of work and duty until now, was slowly opening up to life.

And if his hand brushed Cas' sometimes, as they walked slowly down the streets of Lawrence, it was just coincidence.

NOW

Lawrence, Kansas, August, 2013.

Castiel was now very familiar with the concept of having fun. It was when you did something good, with no other purpose than to be with people you liked, spending some quality time together. The moments he spent with Dean were always the best. Like this one; because there was nothing special about it, but the fact that Dean was there, with him, made everything different, better, and was more than enough.

They had closed the diner earlier; it was Tuesday night and it was raining outside, a lot, so they figured no one would come in this storm. Dean was watching while Castiel finished doing the dishes. He was sitting on the counter, and he was attacking a piece of pecan pie Castiel had saved for him.

"You never get tired of this?" he asked Castiel out of the blue. "Doing the dishes. Sweeping the floor. Working here."

"I enjoy being useful."

Dean snorted. "Cas, a guy like you could be useful anywhere. You're super smart, you could go to college or something."

Castiel shrugged. "This is a respectable job, just like any other. Besides, I am grateful for Missouri's kindness. I don't want to just leave her."

"I know. But… don't you wanna just… leave, see the world? I don't know, man, I've lived here all my life. It's… suffocating sometimes."

Castiel had already seen the world; all of it, actually, Heaven, Hell and Earth. "I enjoy the fact that I can find… beauty in simple things," he said. "I like simple things. I like… peace. I feel that here. Sometimes we spend half our lives wanting to leave home, and when we finally do it, we spent the rest of our lives missing it."

"I know." Dean rolled his eyes. "I'm just saying that… hey, let's make a deal: someday we're going on a road trip, what do you say? Just you and me, no destination, just… living, you know?"

Castiel stopped what he was doing and looked Dean in the eye. "If it will make you happy, I will gladly compromise."

"No, man, I wanna know if it would make you happy, too."

"You make me happy, Dean," Castiel declared simply.

"Shit, Cas, you leave me speechless sometimes, you know that?"

"It's true, I don't know why I shouldn't say it."

"Oh," Dean laughed", "You can say it all you want, man. It… it actually feels good to hear it."

Dean was in a very good mood. Apparently, Sam had been offered a position in a law firm in Kansas City, and Dean was very proud of him. It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Dean couldn't stop saying that he'd always known his little brother was going to be a successful lawyer. Sam was going to propose to his fiancée, Jess, and they would move to the big city and live happily ever after.

Castiel washed the last of the glasses, turned, and looked pointedly at Dean, eyeing the plate and fork in his hands. Just when Dean was about to say something, there was a loud thunder and everything went dark.

There was a loud clatter, and then Dean said "Shit!" and a few other curses Castiel didn't want to repeat.

"Dean?" The angel immediately thought there was something wrong. He immediately berated himself, for letting his guard down, for enjoying these few weeks with Dean as if he were a normal person, as if he had the right to do any other thing that what was his duty; as if protecting Dean wasn't the only reason he was on Earth. What a great job he was doing, he thought sarcastically, angry with himself. He hadn't come here to fall in love. He had come here with a purpose, and he was letting things slide and get out of control, like a fool. There was no excuse for that, no excuse at all.

Dean must have heard Castiel's alarmed tone. "Dude, calm down. I just have pie all over my shirt. Fuck."

"Are you alright?" Castiel asked, just to be sure, already squinting and calling to the sparkles of Grace still inside him, so he could see in the dark.

"I'm fine. Just sticky with pecan pie filling all over me."

Slowly, Castiel started to see with more clarity. Dean was still on the counter, running his hands over his shirt and frowning, clearly annoyed with himself. He appeared to be perfectly fine, except for his ruined shirt.

Castiel let out a relieved breath. He was overreacting, which was natural, considering all that had happened with Crowley, but he needed to have better control of himself. The demon and his threats belonged to the past now. "Come," he said, grabbing Dean's hand and walking to his room, at the back of the diner.

"Where are we going? I can't see a thing," Dean complained, following Castiel.

"To my room. I'm going to give you a clean shirt to wear."

"Dude, how are you going to even find a shirt in this darkness?"

Castiel opened his bedroom's door and pulled Dean inside. "Wait," he said, opening a drawer, where he had put some candles – from the summoning spell – and a box of matches. He lit one, placing it on his bedside table.

The faint glow illuminated Castiel's little bedroom slowly. He opened his small wardrobe and started looking for a clean shirt, one that Dean wouldn't find too horrendous. He liked stripes and Dean didn't, and more than once Dean had said, joking, that Castiel dressed like his grandfather.

"So, this is where you sleep," Dean commented casually, but Castiel was busy looking for the shirt, so he just grunted in response. "I'm gonna text Mom to tell her I'm here, 'cause she's alone at home but there's no way I'm leaving in this rain. Sam went out with Jess to celebrate his new job and I don't think he's gonna sleep at home," he chuckled.

Finally, Castiel found a simple white t-shirt and he turned to Dean triumphantly, the shirt in his hand. He felt his mouth suddenly dry and his eyes widened at what he saw.

Dean was shirtless, holding his dirty shirt and his cell phone; he finished texting his mother and looked at Castiel with clear green eyes that the angel could see clearly, even in the dark. And he was perfect.

There was no other way to describe him. Dean Winchester was perfect on the inside, Castiel already knew that, because he had seen his soul once, and it was the most brilliant and unblemished thing the angel had ever seen. But Dean was perfect on the outside too.

His skin was flawless, looking a little tanned and with freckles that Castiel suddenly wanted to count, one by one. He was toned, but not too much, and his arms looked perfect and strong. Castiel wanted to know how all that skin would feel against his.

"Cas?" Dean looked at him, biting his lower lip, as if seeing Castiel's eyes on him had made him suddenly insecure and hesitant.

Castiel gulped and took a step in Dean's direction, stopping right in front of him. "Dean, I…do you…"

"What, Cas?" Dean suddenly looked very self-conscious, and he bit his lower lip, looking at Castiel as if he was afraid of being rejected.

Castiel took a deep breath. "Dean, I… if you want to go home, it's alright. But I would like very much if… if you stayed tonight."

Dean gave him a smile, and let out a breath. "You would?"

"Yes. Do you want to stay?"

"Hell yes. I'll stay."

They looked at each other for a few seconds. Then, slowly, Dean took the white t-shirt from Castiel's hand and tossed it aside. "You sure?" he asked, looking Castiel deep in the eyes. "If you want to change your mind…"

"I don't." Castiel gulped.

Dean held Castiel's hands, intertwining their fingers. "What? Talk to me. I said we would take things slow."

"I don't… I don't know what to do."

"That's fine," Dean said softly. "There's nothing planned, we'll just… let it happen, okay?"

Castiel slowly shook his head no. "Dean… Are you sure that the fact that I… haven't been with anyone isn't disappointing?"

"Hey, hey, look at me," Dean trapped Castiel's eyes with his own. "It doesn't matter. You would never disappoint me, Cas. All I care about is that we're together, okay?"

"What if – "

"No what ifs, Cas." Dean came even closer, his breath like hot puffs in Castiel's face. "You sure you want this?"

"I do."

"So everything is going to be perfect. 'Cause it's us, Cas, and I don't care about anything else right now. I just care that I'm with you."

"Dean, I… you are very important to me."

"I know, Cas. You look at me like I'm… like I'm fucking precious. So I don't care about anyone else but you, 'cause I… you're important too, Cas. And I don't want you to forget that, ever."

The kiss started slow, almost chaste, but Dean soon deepened it, his arms around Castiel's waist, holding him in place, anchoring him in this human body, in this human life he had come to love, because it was spent with Dean.

Clothes were taken off slowly, the kisses more and more demanding, and when he felt Dean's naked skin on his, Castiel knew that he would never be able to let this man go. He would give everything Dean needed, be everything Dean needed, if he had to. Because this was love, like Castiel had never thought possible, and nothing in the world, not even Heaven and all the angels would make him give up on Dean Winchester.

It was wrong for an angel to put anyone above God. But Castiel would be lost without Dean. He would be reduced to nothing if he couldn't look in Dean's eyes ever again. That thought scared him more than any battle he had ever taken part in.

They moved slowly, like one, against each other, a whirlwind of emotions inside Castiel's heart and an avalanche of sensations in his body. It was like a giant wave, crashing against him, destroying him completely and making him whole again. It was intense, Dean taking everything from him and giving him everything in return: his mind, his body, everything he was and ever would be. He felt like, if he could have this, if he could have Dean, he would never miss flying, ever again. This was flying. And the best thing was that Dean was right there, flying with him.

When the hurricane inside him calmed, there was only Dean, looking at him with amazement, holding Castiel like he would never let go.

"I love you," Castiel declared, because there was nothing more he could say after all he'd felt in Dean's arms. There was nothing in the world truer than this. Dean was his everything.

"I love you too, Cas," Dean said with a beautiful smile. "I really do."

Dean slept still holding Castiel close, and the angel, still overwhelmed by what he had just discovered about himself – that he was capable of love a person as fiercely and completely as he loved God – stayed there, guarding Dean's sleep, trying to calm his own heart.

The cell phone started ringing when it was almost dawn. Castiel called Dean's name softly, and Dean, still groggy with sleep, picked up the phone from his pants' pocket.

"Hullo?"

Castiel watched as Dean's eyes widened and he sat up abruptly, horror on his face. "Who?" A pause, then "What?" he yelled. He started nodding frantically, already getting up and looking for his clothes. "Who gave you my number?"

Dean looked at Castiel with a lost expression, so devastated that Castiel feared someone had died.

"Shit, Sammy," he said, shaking his head. "Yes, yes! I'll be there as soon as I can!"

Dean turned off the phone and looked at Castiel with disbelief evident on his face. "It was my dad," he said. "I need to go to the police station. Now."

Castiel got up, looking around for his clothes too. "Police? What happened?"

"It's Sam. He's in jail. Sam was arrested."