CHAPTER 13

Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near.

Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts.

Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth,so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to itwithout watering the earth and making it bud and flourish, so that it yields seed for the sower and bread for the eater,

so is my word that goes out from my mouth:

It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.

Isaiah, 55:6-11

THEN

Lawrence, Kansas, September 14th, 2013

"It's necessary a huge amount of strength to restrain an angel, even one as weak as Castiel is now, and since no demon has such strength, they will use sigils to restrain him," Jess said.

Dean nodded, trying to process as fast as he could everything she was saying.

Jess went on, determined. "If there is anything like shackles or chains, the blade will easily cut it. You can't take Castiel out of there without freeing him from the sigils first, or the imbalance between his human body and his heavenly one will destroy him."

Dean gulped, and nodded again. It was too much, too much for him to do. If he were fighting against humans, he could do well; he'd had his fair share of fights in life and he almost always landed on top. But these were demons, the kind that came from fucking Hell, and he knew it would be too much for him.

He knew his chances were slim to none.

But every time he looked at the bloodied trench coat, something primal stirred inside him. This was Cas' blood. If there were a chance, even the smallest one, that Dean could save him, he would take it.

"Dean, try to be fast. If you manage to free Castiel from the sigils, he will have access to his Grace and even the small amount of Grace is a lot. He will be able to help you. Having the upper hand, you'll have a chance to win. "

"What if I don't?"

"Then you'll be in serious trouble."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"I wish I could go with you. I'm not an angel anymore, but I still can fight. I could help you."

"No way. You read the note; if I don't come alone, he will hurt Cas even more."

Jess bit her lip. "I'll pray for you. And I'll pray for Gabriel too, because if he can help you and Castiel, you'll be fine. The demon is no match for him."

Dean looked at her, brow furrowed. "Jess? Can I ask you a stupid question?"

"Of course."

"If angels and demons exist… that means God and the devil exist too?"

"I can assure you that Lucifer is very real. He was really cast out and sent to Hell, like your Bible says. As for our Father… yes, God is real, Dean. He is as real as you and me, although he has not used his physical form in a long time, and only few of us really met him."

"Did you?"

"Did I meet him?" she smiled sadly. "No."

"So how can you be sure he is real?"

"When I was an angel I could hear his voice in my head and I could feel his love in my heart."

"So why did you fall?"

"Oh, Dean… I'm not sure you'll understand. Being an angel is… tiring, although you never get really tired. It's endless obedience and servitude. It's not having free will. It's living forever, and forever is a very long time, Dean. An angel has no rest, no respite, no attachment to anything but God and Heaven. An angel can't love. I wanted to… feel."

"I think I get it," Dean gave her a small nod. "Do you…" he took a deep breath. "Do you think Cas is alive?"

Jess' lips formed a thin line. "I don't know. I hope so."

"God, Jess, I – "

"Dean? Jess?" Sam was looking at them from the stairs. "What's going on?"

"Shit." Dean got up and walked towards his brother, while all Jess did was stare at her fiancée with a deer-in-the-headlights expression.

Dean stopped in front of Sam, blocking his view of the living room, where Castiel's bloodied coat was in full view. "Sam, there's something Jess needs to tell you."

"You're not breaking up with me, are you, baby?" Sam joked, but seeing Jess' expression, he suddenly turned serious. "Crap, what happened, Jess?"

"Sam… can you wait for me upstairs?" she looked at him, her eyes pleading and brimming with tears.

Sam took a step in her direction. "Jess, you're scaring me."

"Sam, please!" she begged. "I'm fine, we're fine, nothing bad happened to me. But before we talk, there's something I need to tell Dean. Please, wait for me upstairs, honey. Please."

"There's more?" Dean looked at her astonished.

Jess only nodded in response.

Sam started again. "Jess, I – "

"Sam, please!" she said, distressed. "Let me talk to him, I'll be upstairs as soon as I finish here."

"Uh…" Sam looked at Dean, but his brother shook his head.

"Go, Sammy," Dean said softly. "This is about Cas."

Sam went up the stairs slowly, still looking at Jess and Dean with his brow furred.

When they heard the door closing, Jess turned to Dean, purposefully wiping her tears with the back of her hand. "Dean, there's something else you need to know. Castiel was forbidden to tell you the truth, but I'm not an angel anymore. And I think you should know what exactly you're getting yourself into."

"Do we have time for this?" Dean asked, impatient. "We're talking about Cas' possible impending death here."

"Not only his," she said, putting a hand on his arm. "We're talking about your death too. And what will happen if you kill anyone."

NOW

Lawrence, Kansas, September 15th, 2013

DEAN

Dean parked the car near the warehouse and checked the address again. There weren't many buildings in this place, so he couldn't be wrong. Or so he hoped.

The entrance was closed, but there was a side door, and it was half-open. There seemed to be no one around, and it was just like every cliché action movie Dean had watched. It looked so much like a trap that Dean would have laughed if he weren't so scared.

Inside, the silence greeted him. The warehouse was one large room with four walls. The windows, very high and painted black, didn't let the sun in. But here and there, the dark windows had broken pieces, and the sunlight insisted on leaving the place not so dark. It was eerie, but Dean could see. He took the blade from his belt and turned to look around.

And there, tied to a chair, in the middle the warehouse, was Castiel.

"Cas!" he grunted, seeing the state Cas was in. Bloodied, bruised and unconscious. His bare chest was covered in cuts and his breath was shallow. Dean's heart jumped in his chest, aching with a force he wasn't expecting. God, but he really loved this guy. Angel. Whatever.

Cas frowned, and moaned, but didn't wake up.

He ran to the angel, crouching in front of him. Seeing Cas like that made Dean think that he had already forgiven him. Hell, he would forgive anything if Cas opened his beautiful blue eyes again. "Cas, hey, wake up!" When Cas didn't move, Dean slapped his face lightly. "Hey, hey, Cas, come on, open your eyes."

Dean heard a noise and looked around, but he couldn't see anyone. The place gave him the creeps, and the sooner they got out of there, the better. He doubted it would be easy; he knew something was going to happen, and soon. And no one would come to help them, not even the archangel Cas and Jess seemed to trust so much. But if he could release Cas from the restraining sigils, maybe they would have a chance.

"Cas?" he tried again. "Cas! Cas, wake up!"

Finally, Cas opened his eyes. "Dean… " he said weakly, and his voice was so low that Dean almost didn't hear him.

He remembered Jess' voice telling him what to do. Cas was heavily bounded. The collar in his neck angered Dean in a way he hadn't anticipated. They were treating him like a slave.

He cut the shackles and the ropes without any problems, and held Cas in his arms, careful not to hurt him even more, when the angel fell in his arms. "Oh, Cas… what have they done to you?"

Then Crowley was there, and it didn't even cross Dean's mind to say no when the demon challenged him to a fight, the prize being Castiel. Before he realized what he was doing, he had already put Cas carefully on the floor and stood up, facing Crowley, the angel blade firm in his hand.

"Nice weapon," Crowley commented, looking at Dean. "But hey, I have one too."

Dean eyed the demon warily, seeing blood on the blade he was holding. It was Cas' angel blade, with Cas' own blood in it. His stomach rebelled at the sight but he fought it. "Come on, if it's me you want, so I'm here."

"You know," Crowley said, conversationally, "I didn't have any intention of hurting you. You're not even worth my time. But sweet cakes here fell in love with you, so I thought it would be a good idea to make him beg for your life. I'm curious to see what sacrifices he is capable of doing for you."

Dean took a few steps back and adopted a fighting stance; slightly bent legs, senses alert, knife with the blade up. "I know everything you did, your son of a bitch, possessing Dad and Sam and fucking with my head, whispering in my ear, making me do things I didn't want to."

Crowley rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, don't be dramatic, Dean-o! Of course you wanted to steal that file, of course you wanted to fuck that slut. If felt good, didn't it?"

"It was all your doing, fucker!"

"Dean, Dean, Dean…" Crowley made a falsely sorry face. "It was all you, my dear. I may have… influenced you a little. But you were the one who broke God's laws, you committed those sins, because deep down? Your soul is tainted. Soiled. Dark. And that's why you belong with me in Hell."

Dean gulped. He wanted so much to kill Crowley that his vision was almost red with anger. But if he did, he would die, and if he died, no one would save Cas. He had to find a way to free Cas from the collar still on his neck, so Cas would have a part of his mojo back and would be able to heal and fight.

They studied each other's movements for a while. Then Crowley lunged, and Dean jumped aside, escaping the blow. It happened again a couple of times more, Crowley always attacking, and Dean just diverting. Until the last time the demon lunged, Dean gave him a counter-blow, hitting with the knife the demon's hand, opening a small but deep wound that started to bleed.

Crowley stopped and grimaced. "Ouch." Then, he made a movement with his hand and Dean went flying to the other side of the room, hitting his back with full force into the wall. "Sorry, I got bored, don't want to play anymore," he said.

Dean felt all the air leaving him, and shook his head to clear it, blinking several times while dark spots danced in front of his eyes.

Crowley advanced on him, stopping mere inches from the man. "Where is your courage now, uh? Without your angel boyfriend to protect you, you are no match for me. And look at how pitiful he is…"

Crowley raised his hand, Cas' blade in it, and stopped before he could hurt Dean. "Bugger this, I forgot this thing can't hurt you. You're only a pathetic human." He threw the angel blade aside, frowning. "My bad."

Dean gave a relieved breath, but then Crowley was reaching behind himself, producing another blade out of thin air. Actually, it looked more like a big kitchen knife, and Dean was very much sure this one could hurt him.

"Shit." That was it, Crowley would kill him and then kill Cas. There was no chance for them, Cas still had the fucking collar on and Crowley's knife was mere centimeters from Dean's jugular.

But the demon let out a grunt of pain and fell on his knees, stunned. Dean looked around wildly and couldn't believe his eyes: Jess, Sam and Dad were at the door, and apparently she could throw knives like a pro, because there was one in Crowley's leg.

"Dean!" Sam yelled, and Dean started running in their direction, meeting them right in the middle of the warehouse, where Cas was still on the floor.

"Sammy?" he looked at his giant brother in disbelief. Seeing Jess and Dad there was a good surprise, but Sam too?

"What can I say?" Sam laughed nervously, eyes wild and huge in his face, like he thought he was dreaming. He was probably freaking out now, but Dean was more than grateful he had decided to leave all the nervous breakdown for later and decided to come and help. "My fiancée is a BAMF. I didn't want to be left behind." Sam kneeled next to Cas and pressed his fingers against Cas' pulse. "He's alive," he said.

Thank God. In spite of the situation, Dean smiled at them. "Thanks, guys, but please, don't get hurt," he said tightly, looking at John and giving him a curt nod. "Dad."

"Son," John Winchester said, nodding too. "Jess carved anti-demon sigils in your mother's knives. She's a very smart girl."

The smart girl in question put a plastic bottle in Dean's hand. "Holy water," she said. "Sprinkle on him." Then she looked at Dean apologetically. "Gabriel is not answering. Sam insisted that he could come with me and John. I couldn't say no."

Dean barely had time to answer, because Crowley was already up, holding the knife with his blood on it and, walking with a limp, he advanced on them. In the way, he snapped his fingers and various demons appeared scattered around the place.

The four humans formed a circle around Cas, their backs to the angel, each one facing a wall. As the demons advanced, Crowley stopped, frowning, touching his injured leg with an annoyed expression.

"It's now or never, guys," Dean said, his eyes fixed on the two demons approaching them.

"Oh, God," Sam whispered, his voice trembling. "This is really happening. Here they come."

The demons advanced from all sides, and the humans started to fight them with everything they had. It was more a question of luck than ability, because even though the black-eyed demons were clearly less powerful and less skilled then Crowley, they were still demons.

For a few minutes, they managed to fight next to where Cas was, protecting the unconscious angel a bit, but soon the demons dragged them away from him and he was left there on the floor, alone and unprotected.

Dean was trying to fight and at the same time keep an eye on his angel, because Crowley was still around and no one was keeping him busy. He saw when Jess stabbed a demon in the groin and he fell, howling in pain while she threw holy water on him. Sam was one lucky bastard to have her.

Apparently Sam wasn't so bad either, because he stabbed a demon on the shoulder. But hey, the guy had practiced jiu-jitsu in college; he could take care of himself in a fight. Then another demon grabbed him by the waist and threw him against a pile of boxes, and Sam didn't get up. Shit.

"Sammy!" he called, but he couldn't concentrate on his brother, because the demon he was fighting tackled him to the ground and pinned him down. Then, there was another one holding his legs and shit, he was going to die like this, and the last thing he was going to see were two fucking demons laughing on his face.

"John!" he heard Jess yelling, "Touch the collar with it!"

He turned his head to the side and he saw his dad with Cas' blade in his hand, kneeling next to the angel and touching the collar on his neck with the tip of the blade.

That gave him strength to fight even harder, and he kicked at the demons, hitting one in the face and the other in the chest. But they were stronger, and they were two, so they pinned him to the floor again. One of them smiled deviously at him. "Who will save you now, pretty boy?"

"I will," Cas said from behind them, and hey, apparently a little bit of angel Grace was more than enough, because Cas put his hands over the demon's faces and they fucking burned from the inside out.

NOW

Lawrence, Kansas, September 15th, 2013

CASTIEL

When Dean laid him down on the floor, Castiel closed his eyes again. He was so, so tired, and maybe if he slept for just a few minutes, he would have the strength to try to get up and escape.

He could hear Dean and other people screaming, and he could hear blades and punches and grunts, but it all came to him through a misty haze and muffled sounds. He wanted to pray for help, maybe Gabriel would come and help them, but he couldn't concentrate enough, and all that noise kept distracting him.

Then John Winchester was beside him, and the pressure on his neck was gone, and in the sudden clarity that invaded him when the remains of his Grace returned, he heard Dean moaning and grunting, and he knew he had to do something; Dean was in danger.

He forgot the pain, the weakness, everything, and before he knew, he had his hands over two demon's faces and they were burning when his Grace touched them.

"Are you alright?" he asked, holding out his hand for Dean to get up.

Dean beamed at him. "Dude, are you?" and he kissed Castiel on the mouth right there, in the middle of the fight and the confusion. It was brief, only a second, but it gave the angel purpose to keep fighting.

But Crowley wasn't an amateur, and he hadn't gone to hell for playing fair. He snapped his fingers and more demons appeared, and the dismayed grunt Dean gave showed Castiel how tired he was. Looking around, the angel saw that everyone had redoubled their efforts and he felt a surge of gratitude for Jessaliel, Sam and John, because they had refused to let Dean fight alone.

This time, Crowley didn't keep watching, he practically flew onto Castiel and he was right there, in his face. "Gimme the angel blade, idiots!" he yelled to the other demons. And one of them must have disarmed John and kicked the blade in Crowley's direction, because he snarled at Castiel with the blade in his hand once more.

"Cas!" Dean shouted, and Castiel had time to turn his head and see Dean throwing the blade he was holding at the angel.

"So, this is how it's going to be?"Castiel asked, looking wearily at Crowley.

Crowley smiled. "Yes, darling, it is. You look like hell, and I should know. You're not up for this, and I'm much more powerful than you think."

Light started to shine from Castiel.

Crowley rolled his eyes. "You're still weak. Maybe you can get it up, but you can't keep it up." And his hand flew to Castiel's neck, and he started chanting in latin. "In hoc capi, quomodo confirmet eam quam!"

Crowley repeated the phrase over and over, and Castiel knew what it was: a spell to trap his Grace away from him again. He wasn't strong enough and he had just used his Grace to kill two demons; there was no way he would get enough strength for this. The light inside him slowly died, and Crowley now had both hands around his neck and was squeezing the life out of him. He couldn't breathe and there were dark blotches dancing in his vision.

"Dean, no! Don't!" he heard Jessaliel yelling. But Dean dived to the floor, grabbing the angel blade Castiel had just dropped and buried it to the hilt on Crowley's neck.

Crowley howled. He let Castiel go and looked at Dean in disbelief, holding the wound with both hands, but blood was already gushing from it. So much that the demon's clothes were already red, and there was nothing he could do to stop his impending death anymore. Castiel grabbed the kitchen knife and, not even a little sorry, stabbed Crowley's host in the heart. Fergus McLeod was dead now, so Crowley wouldn't be able to come back this time. The demon's eyes closed and he fell on the floor. His body burned as if they had poured acid on him and yielded a red smoke smelling of sulfur.

The other demons stopped fighting and looked at one another, lost, and in the next minute there was black smoke everywhere, as they left their hosts, whose body fell on the floor, unconscious.

"Cowards," John muttered.

But Castiel wasn't paying attention to anyone except Dean, who had an astonished expression on his face, with his eyes huge and terrified.

"Cas?" he said, almost in a daze, looking at the blade in his hand and dropping it, as if it had burned his hand.

"Dean, no, Dean you shouldn't… why did you kill him?" Castiel said, alarmed, running to Dean and hugging him fiercely. You have no idea what you just did…!"

"Yes, I do," Dean whispered, hugging the angel with equal strength. "But he was going to kill you, and I … I couldn't lose you."

"But you have no idea what you just did…!"

"I know everything; Jess told me. I… but Cas, if he'd killed you, then what? I don't wanna live in a world you're not a part of."

"Dean, no, no, please God, no…" Castiel babbled, hugging Dean fiercely."

Dean started to babble too. "I had no choice, I acted on an impulse, I didn't think! He was fucking choking you to death! Stupid angel, I wanted you back. If you'd just told me…!"

"I couldn't. They were going to hurt you if I did. All I did was trying to protect you, and I failed spectacularly."

"You're okay now," Dean whispered, frantically. "You're okay."

"Dean, I love you," Castiel said, desperate, fearing what he knew was about to come.

"Me too, Cas," Dean said, grief in his voice. "And if I have to die, I want you to know that I'm truly sorry for my sins, but especially the ones who hurt you… especially with Bella. I wanted to make you pay, and all I did was... to make you leave. She never meant anything, Cas… I only cared about you. Only you."

"Dean, I – " Castiel started, but a loud noise started, a screechy sound, thin and piercing, and all windows started trembling and breaking at the same time. "Oh no," he murmured. "The Grim Reaper is coming."

The others already had their hands on their ears, and there were trickles of blood on their fingers. Dean groaned and did the same, trying to protect his ears too. Castiel stood there in horror, because he knew the Pale Horseman had come to take Dean personally to Heaven.

His physical form was that of an old man, extremely thin, bald and with a huge nose. He was wearing a dark suit and he had an expression that portrayed his contempt for all present in the warehouse, Castiel included.

"I knew I would have to come personally to get this one. I could feel, even from Heaven, that you were already trying to find a way to deceive me, Castiel. Don't you know that no one cheats on Death?" Death said, looking at Castiel with disdain. "You had no intention to take this man's soul to Heaven like I ordered you to."

"Please, don't take him. Let him live," Castiel begged, stepping in front of Dean, still trying to protect him. "I'll do anything you want."

"What I wanted," Death yelled right on Castiel's face, "was for you to obey me! And you didn't! You are a poor excuse for an angel, Castiel."

"Don't take him. I beg you," Castiel tried again, while Dean, Sam, Jess and John watched in horror the two angels fighting for Dean.

"Dean Winchester," Death said, ignoring Castiel's plead and looking at Dean instead. "You managed to break all of God's laws. You disobeyed each one of the Ten Commandments, the instructions God himself left to humans. For that, I sentence you to death, and to an eternity of services in Purgatory."

"No!" Castiel screamed, putting his arms protectively around Dean. "An eternity of servitude in Purgatory is a sentence of eternal suffering! His soul will never rest in the fields of the Lord!"

"And you think he deserves to rest? In Heaven?" Death approached Castiel and Dean, towering over them. "He is a sinner! He is unworthy of being in the presence of other angels!"

Castiel was aware of Dean watching everything, paralyzed by a mix of fear and anger, and he didn't dare to even move or talk. He tightened his hold on Castiel, burying his face in the crook of the angel's neck and inhaled deeply. "I love you, Cas," he whispered.

Then, Death snapped his fingers and Dean grew slack in Castiel's arms.