Chapter 14
In the beginning, God created the heavens and the earth.
The earth was without form and void, and darkness was over the face of the deep.
And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.
And God said, "Let there be light," and there was light.
And God saw that the light was good.
And God separated the light from the darkness.
God called the light Day, and the darkness he called Night.
And there was evening and there was morning, the first day.
Genesis 1: 1-31
CASTIEL
"No, no, no, no!" Castiel screamed, feeling as if his heart was being torn from his chest in cold blood. "Dean, no, please, I'm sorry, please, please…" he sank to the floor, taking Dean with him, and cradled his still body, crying, sobbing in despair.
Sam ran to them and kneeled on the floor, tears already in his eyes. "Is he…dead?" he asked in disbelief.
John walked slowly to in their direction, staring at his son's dead body. "Son… Oh God, Dean, no…"
Jess was stricken with grief too. She walked slowly to where Sam was and kneeled by his side, putting his hand on his arm. He turned and hugged her, sobbing, while his face was hidden in the crook of her neck.
Castiel remained unaware of everything. All that mattered was that Dean, his Dean wasn't breathing. Castiel felt like he was drowning in dark, cold water, and everything had ceased to exist; he couldn't breathe, he couldn't think, he couldn't even start to process what had just happened.
He had known Dean for such a short period, when compared to his very long life… how was it possible that Dean was already his everything? And now he was dead, and Castiel would never see him again. His whole being ached and he wanted to be dead too. Anything, just so he wouldn't feel like he was lost, suffocating, hopeless. He had lost everything. He had failed as an angel, as a protector, and his love had paid the price with his life.
He wasn't even aware that Death was still there. Only when the reaper spoke, Castiel looked at him.
There was contempt in Death's voice. "You are a disgrace, Castiel. You're a shame to all angels. Look at how far you have fallen… you're… crying for a human?"
Castiel didn't take his head off Dean's chest and he didn't stop crying. He wasn't ashamed of loving him. His only regret was that he had ever approached Dean Winchester, because he had no doubt he was the reason Dean was dead now. Maybe if he had kept his distance, Dean would still be alive. Death had wanted to teach him a lesson about obedience, and Dean had merely served as a pawn.
Now Castiel understood that he had loved Dean since the first moment he saw him. That was why he couldn't take his life, as ordered. Now the angel knew that, although Death had killed Dean, Castiel was the guilty one. Because Death was ready to make Dean's soul suffer forever, only to make Castiel pay for rebelling, only because he knew that Castiel would never have peace knowing Dean would be in pain. The angel would have to live forever with that knowledge and that alone would be pure torture for him.
He had never had a chance. Everything had been a scheme to teach him a lesson, so the Grim Reaper could keep his pride. Crowley had only made everything happen faster, but Castiel's mission and Dean's life had been doomed from the start.
He became vaguely aware that Jess was speaking to Death.
"Dean was good and kind. You and your schemes turned him into a puppet and finally killed him!" she said, her voice trembling. "Please, go away and let us burry him in peace."
Death glared at her. "Do not speak to me, child. You are not an angel anymore, Jessaliel. You gave this privilege up long ago."
Jess answered with no fear in her voice. "I think I am fortunate not to be an angel, so I will never have to obey a cruel being like you, ever again."
"She is right," Castiel said, finally finding his voice. "Dean didn't do anything wrong! It was all you, and I fell for it like a fool. You and your punishments, machinating, planning my failure before I even started to try and do something good for Dean! Why did you do this? I can't – " He gave a deep, shuddering breath, "I can't understand why. You are no better than Crowley, who wanted revenge for something I did! You wanted revenge too, and Dean paid for this!"
"Do not. Compare me. To. A. Demon!" Death roared.
"Take me instead." Castiel said, his eyes wild and desperate. "It's me you want to punish, not him. Bring him back. You don't even have to take me back to Heaven, I know you don't think I deserve to go back there. I give you my Grace, you bring him back and my Grace is yours!"
"I don't want your Grace, Castiel," Death snarled. "You're useless to me."
"Grace is power and you know it. I'm gladly giving it to you anyway, but you bring him back!" the angel yelled.
Death seemed to think for a few seconds. "Give me your Grace first and I'll see what can be done," he said finally with disdain.
"Very well, then." Castiel put Dean's head on the floor carefully and kissed his forehead. Then he grabbed his angel blade.
"Castiel, no…" Jess whispered.
But the angel didn't pay attention. He wasn't feeling anything besides desperation. He had to fix this. Now.
"Father," Castiel whispered, closing his eyes and bowing his head in a prayer. "I am sorry for disappointing you. I am sorry for being less than what you wanted me to be, for being weak and for disobeying the Grim Reaper when it was my duty to work for him." He opened his eyes and looked at Dean's still face, and his lips formed a barely-there smile. "But I am not sorry for loving this man, because I know his soul is good and pure, even with all the sins that weigh on him. You created him and everything you do is perfect. Please, let him live. I may be not worthy of your love, but I hope to be worthy of your forgiveness."
"This is useless," Death said, irritated. "God has no time for lesser angels like you. If you are going to rip you Grace off, do it, boy; I don't have all the time in the world."
"He is my Father too, and I talk to Him whenever I want." Castiel said, looking calm and resolute. "I know He can hear me, because He pays attention to all his children and I am one of them, even if I'm one that never stood before Him."
Then Castiel plunged the knife in his own chest and screamed, feeling his insides melting in searing pain and agony. He started to shine again, but this time it was a lot brighter; there was light coming from his eyes, his nose, his mouth, the tips of his fingers. "My Grace is yours now. Collect it and bring Dean back," he whispered. Then he started to scream in agony.
Everyone closed their eyes, except for Death. He only stood there, with a frozen, cruel smile on his face through Castiel's pain. The light leaving his body remained above him like a fog, floating in the air, like it was waiting for something.
Still screaming, while his own essence burned, Castiel slid slowly to the floor until he stopped, quiet and lifeless, and all the light in his body went out. And everyone saw, in horror, on the ground, framing his body, the mark of two huge wings, like ashes of what he'd been.
The Grim Reaper sighed heavily. "Fool," he said. "You're wrong. You just killed yourself and thus you committed the greatest sin of all. And all for nothing. Your Grace is torn, in pieces and tainted too, for you dared to love another more than you love your Father. You have no use to me, Castiel. Neither alive, nor dead." He waved one hand and the fog that had been Castiel's Grace, slowly dissolved, until it vanished like it had never been there.
"You didn't take his Grace…" Jess murmured in disbelief. "It's gone."
"What?" Sam squealed. "Aren't you going to bring Dean back?"
"Quiet, or you'll be dead in a very short time."
"But you said – " Jess hissed.
"I said I would see what could be done. And in this case, nothing can be done. This man's soul is already paying for his numerous sins and Castiel is… exactly what he deserves to be: nothing."
"You mean you lied?" Sam was incredulous.
"Keep your hairless monkey quiet, Jessaliel. I'm sure Castiel's lover would appreciate this one's company in Purgatory."
"Please, don't," she whispered, grabbing Sam's arm.
"I am glad this is over. Dealing with you lot is tiring." And Death disappeared in the blink of an eye, just like that, leaving them all speechless and stricken.
"What are we going to do now?" Sam said, completely lost, looking to Jess as if asking for guidance.
"All we can do is pray for them," she said, kneeling next to Castiel and closing his still open eyes.
"And what good would it do now?" They all turned to see Gabriel, who appeared out of nowhere and was already cradling Castiel's head and resting it on his lap. "You stupid, stupid child," he said, devastated. "It wasn't supposed to end like this. I should have come sooner; you shouldn't have done this! How could you be such a fool? You don't bargain with the Grim Reaper! Now you fucking killed yourself for nothing, Cassie!" he said, shaking his head.
"What now? Another one?" asked John. "Can't I mourn my son in peace?"
Jess sighed tiredly. "This is Gabriel, the archangel, Mr. Winchester."
"Oh." John didn't seem impressed, and went right to business. He eyed Gabriel wearily. "If you're an archangel, can't you undo this?"
"No," Gabriel shook his head. "I wish I could, but even an archangel has limitations."
"I prayed for you, Gabriel, so many times…" Jess said, tears going down her face.
"I couldn't come earlier." Gabriel ran his hands through Castiel's hair, carefully, slowly, almost with reverence, like the older brother he was. "I heard you, but even I have duties. Being Messenger of God means I have messages to deliver, sis. I came as soon as I could."
"You're late," John said, kneeling beside Dean whose head was cradled in Sam's lap now. "My son is gone."
"My brother is gone too," Gabriel snapped. Then he frowned, looking at his dead brother. "But maybe…" he frowned, appearing to be thinking very hard about something. "I wonder if…" he trailed off.
"What, Gabriel?" Jess asked.
Gabriel touched Dean's forehead briefly and a faint blue light started to emanate from Dean's body. "There. This will keep his body from decaying."
Without any effort at all, Gabriel got up with Castiel in his arms. It was almost funny, because Castiel was clearly bigger than him, yet Gabriel held his motionless body like he weighed nothing. "I will be back when I can. If I can."
"Where are you going?" Jess asked.
"Can't tell you, sis. There's something I have to try, and maybe, I said maybe, I can undo some of this mess. Maybe not everything, but at least part of it."
"What about Dean?" Sam asked. "What do we do?"
"Well, that's obvious, don't burry him!" the archangel snapped, impatient. "Keep his body somewhere safe. I can't promise anything, so don't get all hopeful but… maybe his soul will need a body to come back to."
John nodded resolutely. "Can we do anything to help?"
"Pray for his soul." Gabriel shook his head sadly. "Time runs differently in Purgatory. He's already been there for a couple of years, give or take. And he has a lot to atone to."
SAM
They took Dean's body to Jessica's house. John wouldn't dare to take his dead son where Mary could see him. They were all waiting to see if Gabriel could do anything. They doubted. Dean was dead, and to Sam that was pretty final. But Jess urged them to have faith. So, they prayed.
Sam was still in shock. He had always joked that Jess was an angel, but to know she was really an angel took things to a whole different level. He wanted to be mad at her for lying to him, but he couldn't. If she had even tried to tell him the truth, he would have thought she was crazy.
As soon as Dean left to go after Cas, Jess – still crying – had called Missouri, insisting that their old friend was fundamental for what she was about to say. Together, Missouri and Jess had told him who his fiancée really was, and at first Sam laughed nervously, because it had to be a joke, right?
But Jess couldn't stop crying and asking for forgiveness, and Missouri was right there telling him a crazy story about fallen angels coming to work in the diner until she could find a place for them. It was crazy. Surreal. These things didn't exist, right?
Only, Missouri never lied. She had helped Mary raise them and she was like a second mother to him. Sam was sure she would never, ever, try to fool him in any way.
Which, of course, meant the story she and Jess were telling had to be true.
They had run to Cas' rescue because Sam would not let his brother alone in a situation like that, and part of Sam secretly hoped Missouri and Jess had exaggerated a bit. Maybe Cas had been kidnapped by criminals, plain and simple human beings, right? There were a lot of cruel people in the world. Surely when they talked about demons, it was a figure of speech, right?
Well, it wasn't. And Death itself had joined the party in the end. Sam still didn't know how he was able to fight them, because he kept thinking 'this can't be happening' and all he wanted was to wake up and find out he was just having a nightmare.
Now his brother was dead. Probably suffering in Purgatory. Forever. And on top of everything, Jess had told him another crazy story, this time about Castiel, the grim Reaper, the Ten Commandments and Dean.
They took turns watching over Dean's body. But whenever it was Sam's turn, Jess always stayed with him. She looked nervous, tiptoeing around Sam like a child afraid of being reprimanded. Every time she talked to him, she averted her eyes, as if looking at him was painful, as if she was waiting for him to send her away. Sam was sure she thought he was going to end everything between them.
But the thing was that… he loved her. She wasn't fully human, would never be, and who knew if they would ever be able to have children. But Sam didn't care. He loved her; angel, human, mermaid, he didn't care. She was good and brave, and she had kicked ass back in the warehouse. He was proud of her.
But seeing his brother dead, his motionless body emanating an eerie blue light, it was just too much. It made everything he wanted to say to his fiancée stupid and useless. How could he talk about them when Dean was in Purgatory? How could he talk about anything when Sam knew that even though Dean's body was there with them, his soul was suffering?
So he just squeezed Jessica's hand and prayed harder.
GABRIEL
"Joshua, I need to talk to you."
"Why, hello to you too, Gabriel," the Gardener said with a smile, but seeing Gabriel's expression, his face turned serious. "What happened?"
"I need your help."
Gabriel had left Castiel's body safe back in his house on Earth. He didn't want to have to worry about its safety, because he feared he would have to fight. Or not. It all would depend on what he would find here.
"Is there a new tree in the Garden?" Gabriel asked, looking over Joshua's shoulder.
"Yes, in fact, there is; a new cypress. Very, very strong and beautiful."
"Do you know which angel created it?"
Joshua smiled. "I always know. Sometimes it's hard to tell, but not for me. I know each and every one of you."
"Who is it?" Gabriel insisted, starting to get anxious.
"Castiel. One of the purest Graces, I should say. But frankly, I never thought Castiel would decide to fall. He always seemed so devoted to Heaven.""
"Castiel didn't fall," Gabriel said when Joshua pointed at the tree that had his brother's Grace in it. "He… well, he died. Kind of. I saw the marks his wings left on the floor. But it wasn't really death, I mean, he… it's a long story."
Angels had been made to be eternal creatures; they were meant to live forever. Therefore, if an angel died – by an angel blade or by holy fire, the only things that could kill an angel – the Grace would simply vanish; there wasn't an afterlife; that was for humans.
On the other hand, if the angel fell, the Grace would simply stay in Heaven, because they belonged here. And Joshua, as the Gardener he was, and as a tribute to his fallen brothers and sisters, always made sure they turned into beautiful trees, and he had always cared for them. Many angels saw the fallen ones as unworthy, but the Gardener always made sure they were remembered somehow.
Gabriel hadn't had much hope that Castiel's Grace wouldn't be lost; but he was desperate, and since his death hadn't been natural – or what passed for natural for an angel – Gabriel had come here as a last attempt to see if there was something, anything he could do for his brother. It was with unimaginable relief that he looked at the cypress now, knowing that Castiel's Grace was safe, even though he had no idea how it had ended up here.
Joshua shook his head. "If he died, his Grace couldn't be here. You know that when an angel dies, he just ceases to exist. The Grace doesn't go anywhere, it just vanishes. The trees are only for the fallen ones."
"I bet that is what Death was counting on; that Castiel would turn into nothing." Gabriel said to himself, shaking his head. "But Castiel sacrificed himself. He was deceived. And if his Grace didn't vanish, if it's here, it's because he's not completely gone yet. And I have a chance to retrieve it."
Joshua looked at the Angel of Thursday's tree for a long time. "If you saw his wings' marks on the floor, I can confirm he died. But for his Grace to be here… someone probably thought he was worth saving, Gabriel. He was brought back."
"You mean our Father…?"
"We don't see Him all the time. Some of us never did." Joshua said with a knowing smile. "But it doesn't mean He doesn't see us all the time. He is omnipresent. Which means He knows you've been helping fallen angels on Earth. But this is a conversation for later. As for Castiel, our Father is the only one who could bring a dead angel's Grace here. I don't see who else would have the power to do it."
Gabriel looked down, his secret now in the open, but he tried not to think about that now. "I told you, Castiel was deceived. He was played like a fool and I need to help him."
"Calm down, Gabriel," Joshua said in his very calm voice. "You have always had a strong temperament. Many of us, me included, thought you would turn into a big prankster. Who would have said you would turn into such a compassionate one?"
"You don't understand, Joshua. Cassie prayed for me. He and Jess they needed my help, but I couldn't go to them and now he is… Crap. Like I said, it's a long story."
Joshua smiled softly. "Come on, brother, why don't you tell me this story of yours? I have all the time in the world."
It was common knowledge that Joshua was one of the only angels who spoke to God, even if he merely listened while God did all the talking. But this time, Joshua came back with a bemused expression, stating that God has asked for his opinion about Castiel and his predicament, of all things. And even if He hadn't done what Joshua suggested, He confirmed that He had been the one who brought Castiel back, because the angel had prayed to Him, and He had listened.
Joshua had stared at Gabriel for a long time before speaking. "I asked Him if He could bring our brother and his human back, and He said He could, but wouldn't. Because, although Castiel was fooled, he still disobeyed. Not because of his love for the human, but because he wanted to be able to choose if Dean Winchester lived or died, and that is Free Will, something angels simply don't have. Our Father said He is not angry, but He wants Castiel to learn that if he wants Free Will, he can have it, as long as he learns how to live with the consequences of his choices. He said you are allowed to take Castiel's Grace back and bring him back, but ours interference ends here. The rest is up to him to decide."
So, Gabriel went to the Garden with Castiel's dead body in his arms. It was quiet and silent, since it was night, or the equivalent to night in Heaven. Gabriel looked around warily, expecting to see one of his many brothers and sisters, but there was no one there. Joshua had assured him that there was no problem taking Castiel's Grace back. But Gabriel knew that if other angels saw him, they would start to question; some would even disapprove and that could disrupt the order in Heaven, because until now, no angel whose Grace was in the Garden had never, ever got it back.
Gabriel smiled softly. "My Father rules," he thought, thankful. Because God indeed ruled everything: past, present and future, everything was His and no one could go against His orders. Those who did ended up like Morningstar, and that alone was lesson enough for the angels. It would never cease to amaze Gabriel how his Father could be everywhere at the same time, how amazing he was, and how he had listened to the prayers of a lesser angel – Castiel – in his moment of despair, and had given him a chance.
He neared the cypress and carefully put Castiel's body under the canopy. He felt a soft breeze on his face, as if the cypress were talking to him, which was crazy. Castiel wasn't conscious in there, was he? Of course not. But Gabriel could almost fell the thank you in the wind. He raised his hand and put it in the tree's trunk.
"Castiel, gassegen ol oiad ge-iad torzv." *
The bright, white light started in the center of the trunk, but soon spread everywhere, seeming exultant, almost dancing, since it was no longer trapped. Gabriel didn't flinch; he smiled instead, because his little brother was beautiful, his light pure and strong. The light then coalesced into a white beam, while a high-pitched sound could be heard. The beam of light enveloped Castiel's inert body and entered it through the nostrils, like air. The sharp sound ceased suddenly; everything was quiet. Castiel gave a loud sigh and opened his eyes.
CASTIEL
Castiel woke up and the first thing he saw was clear blue sky. He instinctively recognized Heaven, his home, the place where he had been created, where he had spent millennia. He blinked slowly and, in the half-second it took him to remember everything, he was at peace.
Then he sat up, alarmed, gasping, eyes huge, moving fast and wildly, looking around, searching, because he had to find –
"Dean!" he gasped.
"Calm down, bro. Save your strength."
"Gabriel." Castiel blinked again, and Gabriel's face came into focus before him. "Why am I here? Where is Dean? Is he alright? I want to see him."
"Cassie…" Gabriel averted his eyes and sighed. "Things aren't pretty for you guys."
Cold dread filled Castiel's insides. "What went wrong?"
"Death didn't bring Dean back."
"What?" Castiel almost jumped from the grass he was lying on. "Dean is still in Purgatory?"
Gabriel nodded. "You shouldn't have trusted the Reaper. Apparently he had no intention of taking your Grace in return for Dean's life. He just wanted to make you disappear."
Castiel buried his hands in his hair in a desperate gesture. "What do I do now? I can't leave Dean there!"
"Can you please stop thinking about Dean Winchester for two seconds and start thinking about you for a change? We almost lost your Grace!" Gabriel lost his patience. "It vanished in thin air!"
"I can't!" Castiel snapped. "He's there because of me!"
"He's there because Death wanted to play tug of war with you! It's Death's fault, not yours!"
"If I had just obeyed him, none of this would have happened. I would have brought Dean's soul to Heaven and…"
"And he would be dead, just as dead as he is now."
"But he would be in Heaven! Not in Purgatory!"
"And you would never have met him." Gabriel rolled his eyes and put his hands on Castiel's shoulders. "Now stop with the self recrimination. Come on, you're alive and you're still an angel, your Grace is back, full power now. Isn't that good?"
Castiel shook his head, not even a little excited to be alive. "How am I even here? I should be dead."
"You were, believe me. Only, it wasn't really death; it was a trade. You made a deal, right? You gave something and you should have gained something in return. The moment Death fooled you, it stopped being a trade and your Grace just zapped itself to the Garden. You were a very impressive tree, by the way."
"My Grace shouldn't have 'zapped itself' anywhere."
"I know. But… well, Dad was looking, Cassie. You prayed to him, didn't you? Well, He gave you a second chance."
Castiel widened his eyes. "God brought me back?"
"No one else could have done it. He knows everything, sees everything, remember?"
Castiel ﷽ listened, bro.. before I ripped my Grace away from , and he gave you a second e? We almost lost you"I did pray to Him before I... before I ripped my Grace away from me. But I had no idea, no hope at all that He would hear me."
"He listened, bro."
"Why did He do it?" Castiel stared at Gabriel, in disbelief. "I don't deserve it. I am nothing; I am not worthy of His mercy. I am only a mere angel, I am less than a grain of dust in Heaven."
"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time He may exalt you." Gabriel half smiled. "Peter, 5:6. You know, there are lots and lots of misinterpretation in the human's Bible, but this one they got right. He rewarded you exactly because you don't think you deserved it. And you know what? Death thinks too highly of himself, Cassie. I believe in due time, Dad will have him reminded of who gives the cards around here."
Castiel took a deep breath, looking around. "I missed the Garden. I missed Heaven, I truly did. But Gabriel, my place is not here. Father brought me back, and I am grateful, believe me. But all I want to do is try to save Dean's soul."
"Are you sure? Because you'll be on your own there, bro. Why can't you be happy to be an angel again and leave it at that? Wouldn't it be good to have your old life back?"
"Things can never be the same again," Castiel whispered. "Not when I know he's still there."
"Is he worth it?" Gabriel asked, almost sounding resigned.
Castiel shrugged. "I love him. I can never be happy without him."
"Well, love is really something, isn't it?" Gabriel nodded, almost to himself, then looked at Castiel, serious "Cassie, you do realize your Romeo needs to at least pay for some of his sins if he ever wants to leave that place, don't you?"
Castiel put his hand on Gabriel's arm, serious. "He doesn't belong there. If there is a way for me to set him free, I will. But… even if there is a way… will I be allowed to try?"
"No one's going to interfere." Gabriel sighed. "Well, bro, if that's what you want…cheer up, because I know of a way. If you really wanna do that, you're going to save your boyfriend."
DEAN
Pain. A mountain of huge stones that needed to be loaded from one side to the other, a pile that never got smaller no matter how many stones you carried. No rest, no food, no sleep. The occasional beast wanting to tear your head off your body. Extreme heat, then extreme cold. Grime and dirt everywhere.
That was life – well, death, actually – in Purgatory for Dean Winchester.
His backs hurt. His limbs ached. His head pounded. His stomach grumbled. And the damn drizzle that never went away made the rocks he had to carry slippery as hell.
There were many others in his situation, but he was not allowed to speak to anyone. He only had his own thoughts to keep him company, and the silence was driving him crazy. He was starting to get a little mad; prone to hysterical laughs intermingled with tears that never seemed to stop. Creatures that looked like the Hunchback of Notre-Dame were everywhere, watching his every move, ready to cut him with a machete if he even looked to the side. It was like living in a maximum security prison.
Only, his sentence would never end.
He had been entertaining the idea of killing himself; of grabbing one of the machetes and burrying it in his own chest. He would welcome oblivion with a smile, because no one could stand this for eternity. On the other hand, what if killing himself took him to Hell? If Purgatory was like this, Hell would be a hundred times worse, wouldn't it? An eternity there would turn him into something he couldn't even fathom.
He could find one of the beasts and stay in its way; maybe it would kill him. But he could still feel pain, dammit, and he wasn't looking forward to feeling his head being ripped off. Besides, he was already dead. How could he die twice? This was it, his forever, and maybe if he got crazy it wouldn't hurt so much.
In short: there was no escape for him.
Castiel's image came to his mind suddenly. More like a carrousel of images, actually, little moments they had lived, that insisted on coming to Dean's mind to torment him: Cas with a pie in his hands, proudly giving it to Dean, wearing the stupid yellow apron with flour everywhere; then Cas quietly reading a book, frowning at the small letters, insisting that he didn't need glasses; then Cas singing off-key to the songs on Dean's radio while Dean drove and drove with no particular destination. Cas naked, under him, his stare intense and full of love.
Dean obviously didn't want to be here, but he didn't regret killing Crowley, because he had saved Cas' life. Cas was alive, he was a freaking angel; he would live forever, because Dean had helped him. Knowing that was enough.
It was sad that he had realized how much he loved the feathery bastard only in the end. Dean had said 'I love you' when everything was sun and flowers but… he'd said he didn't love Cas after the truth came out. Yeah, sure, it was big, Cas was an angel and Dean asked himself if he really knew Cas at all. But then Cas was in danger, and Dean realized that he didn't mind that Cas was an angel; fuck, he could be an E.T. and Dean would still love every piece of him.
Well, it was too late now. He would never see Cas again.
Dean had been in Purgatory for what felt like decades now. He couldn't be sure, because there was no day or night, no nothing, just a gray mist everywhere he looked. But even after all this time, the memory of Castiel's face still plagued him, and he missed the angel so much that it physically hurt.
Suddenly, there was a strong light coming from somewhere, so bright it almost blinded Dean, but he didn't have time to cover his eyes, because he heard screams, terrified ones, and suddenly, everywhere he looked there was fire.
"Leviathan!" he heard in the distance, and Dean looked around, seeing dark shadows amongst the flames. Leviathans were the worst creatures that had ever existed. Cruel, merciless, they roamed Purgatory tearing the poor souls trapped here for fun, apparently, because it wasn't hard to hear their strident laughter among the screams.
Not knowing what to do, Dean started running without even look behind, away from the creatures, from the fire and especially from the heat. That was new: fire, on top of everything, as if the torture to be here wasn't enough? This was Purgatory, dammit, not Hell.
He ran until his whole body hurt. He ran until his feet bled. But he was getting tired, and the heat made it difficult to move. Everything was burning around him and now there was sweat in his eyes, he couldn't see straight. He could feel someone right behind him; whether it was another poor sod like him or a monster, he couldn't tell. There was so much noise, screams, grunts and growls that Dean was a little dizzy with it. He kept running, barely seeing where he was going. It didn't matter, as long as he got away from the heat and noise. But when a cliff appeared right in front of him, he had to stop and turn around.
The last think he saw before being pushed off the edge was Cas' face.
XXXXXXXXXXX
"Castiel, gassegen ol oiad ge-iad torzv.Castiel, Angel of the Lord, rise.