CHAPTER 15

Do you not know?

Have you not heard?

The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth.

He will not grow tired or weary, and His understanding no one can fathom.

He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak.

Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;

but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength.

They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Isaiah, 40:20-31

GABRIEL

"Here, this is the portal," Gabriel said. "This is as far as I can get you."

Castiel looked at the twisted black tree, growing in the middle of the field like a cancer, killing all the plants around it. "It's alright, Gabriel, I am very grateful."

Gabriel put his hand in Castiel'd arm. "Cassie, think again, will you? You'll be an angel in a land of abominations. From the moment you arrive everything will start hunting you."

"I understand."

"I don't think you do. You know what's in there? Not just monsters, Cassie. Leviathans. You'll have a price on your head. You'll make them salivate just from the scent of your Grace. They won't rest until they rip it out of you. This is big, little brother. I told you that purgatory has an escape hatch, but only humans can get through. Once you get in there, the only way you can get out is if you stop being an angel. This is… you can die. For good, this time. "

"Will I turn into a human?"

"I sure hope so, or you won't be able to get out. No angel had ever done this, so it's hard to know."

"If I can…at least get Dean out, I'll be glad."

Gabriel threw his hands in the air, exasperated. "And here you come with the self sacrifice. Haven't you get in enough trouble acting like this? How do you think Dean will feel knowing you're there in his place?"

Castiel didn't want to think about it. If he couldn't get out, so be it. Even if he died saving Dean, he didn't mind. He just wanted Dean safe, because no matter what Gabriel said, it was his fault that Dean was in Purgatory, and no one else's. "How will I find him?" He asked, trying to be objective. There was no use in dwelling in what ifs.

"He died in your arms. There's a connection between you. Your Grace will guide you to him."

The angel nodded, taking a deep breath. "I'm ready," he said. "And… if I don't make it, brother, I… thank you."

"Just… try to come back, okay?" Gabriel said, suddenly blinking fast. "I'll be waiting here for you guys. Someone has to take Dean's soul back to Earth."

They stood side by side, facing the black tree, and together, they started chanting in Latin. Suddenly, a lighting fell on the tree, right in the middle of it, dividing it in two parts. And between the two halves there was a black space that seemed to emanate a foul smell; the smell of pure evil.

"Go on, and be fast," Gabriel said. "It's your best chance."

Castiel gulped, eyeing the blackness before him. There was no going back now. Dean needed him. He walked purposefully to the void between the tree pieces and disappeared inside it.

"Good luck, little brother," Gabriel whispered.

CASTIEL

There was no time to think. The moment Castiel went through the portal, he was assaulted by the worst stench imaginable, like rotten flesh and suffocating smoke. "Dean," he concentrated, trying the connection he hoped would be there, but there was no time, because there was already a group of creatures in front of him. They were human-shaped, black like ink, with twisted and scarred skin there seemed to emanate smoke, black and dense.

Leviathans.

Their white eyes gleamed with delight, their arms reaching to touch him, and they were approaching alarmingly fast. They made a noise; half screeching, half moaning and the angel had never heard a sound so maddening. Castiel had been alive since the beginning of times, but Leviathans were much older, and he had never seen such horrendous creatures in his life.

There wasn't much he could do. Letting them get to him wasn't an option, not before he found Dean. They were stronger than him, and his only chance was taking them by surprise. He raised an arm, pointing his finger to the nearest ones and fire erupted from his hand. Pure, white flames, coming from the very core of his Grace, burned the Leviathans instantly.

But more came. Many, many more, and Castiel knew he couldn't win. Soon there was fire everywhere, because Castiel couldn't do anything other than try to burn them. The trees all around were on flames now, and it was spreading fast. "Leviathan!" he yelled, and all around him, the other creatures, that until now had remained paralyzed in disbelief, started to run.

The confusion came like an avalanche, creatures of all sizes, some humans, some monsters, started running, taking everything apart in their path. The ground itself seemed to shake; they were so many. Castiel started running too, looking around desperately, afraid he had made things worse. "Dean!" he called. "Dean!" he tried to concentrate, but it wasn't easy, with so much confusion and so much noise around him and the smoke making it hard for him to see where he was going.

He reached the center of a gray field where great piles of stones were scattered here and there. He stopped, knowing that the Leviathans would reach him soon, but if he didn't concentrate, he would never be able to feel the connection between him and Dean. And, if he didn't do it now, he would never find the man.

"Dean," he whispered, instead of screaming. His heart, his mind and his Grace called to the man he loved so much, for whom he would give everything up, even die with a smile on his face, if that meant his love would be safe. He tried to free his mind of the fear, the worry, the hesitation, and concentrated on Dean's face, hoping to at least get a clue of where to find him.

He felt, more than saw, something tugging at the periphery of his vision. Dirty blond hair, broad shoulders; he would recognize Dean anywhere. He spread his wings to go after him, but felt a sharp pain at his side, and looked behind him, only to see the Leviathans so near he could see their twisted faces. There was a hook on his left wing now, and they were pulling him, their yellow teeth visible as their contorted smiles showed their glee.

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, Castiel started to run, instead of flying, and the hook pulled harder, but he didn't stop until it cut through his wing, making him cry in pain. It wasn't enough to make him stop, though, because now he could see the back of Dean's head, and he willed himself to be stronger, trying to forget the pain for a few seconds because he was getting closer, closer, just a few minutes and he would be able to reach him.

He didn't have a few minutes, though. More hooks pulled at his left wing, and now at the right one too, and even though Castiel had always known that he would never leave this place with them intact, it broke his heart to know that this was really happening, he was really going to lose them.

A few yards away, Castiel saw that Dean stopped, looking down. He was at the edge of a cliff and there was no way for him to escape anywhere. Seeing no other alternative, Castiel reached inside himself, searching for the purest form of his Grace, using the remaining strength he had, and ran faster, breaking free from the hooks, but with his wings torn and tattered.

He saw Dean turning to him, and there was no time to warn him, or to say 'I'm sorry.' He knew what he had to do, and maybe, if he survived, he could explain to Dean why he was doing that. A flash of surprise crossed Dean's face before Castiel pushed him off the cliff. He could feel the foul breath of the Leviathans at the back of his neck, but they would never get him now, because he was jumping off the cliff after Dean.

He spread what had remained of his wings with extreme difficulty, and fought the nausea that came with the pain, but he flew to where Dean was falling and caught him in his arms. He had passed out, and the additional weight put more strain in Castiel's already ruined wings. He felt them tearing apart, the bones breaking, the feathers scattering. Screaming in pain, he looked down, trying to find somewhere safe to land, but all he could see were sharp rocks below and a small patch of gray grass that he was sure he would miss. He was falling too, his wings no longer working, but somehow still flapping, slowing the fall.

He managed to reach the patch of grass, but he lost consciousness before he reached the ground.

DEAN

Dean woke up with his whole body aching. For a few seconds, he just remained there, with his eyes closed, breathing deeply. As far as he could tell, there was nothing broken. He was, miraculously, alright. Or, as the case was, he was dead, but the important part was that he was apparently in one piece.

What the hell had happened?

Turning his head to one side, he didn't see anything new; only the same gray mist that seemed to penetrate everything. There was no nights and days here, only the same grayness, giving the place a gloomy and unnatural atmosphere.

When he turned his head to the other side, though, what he saw was very different.

"Cas!" he said, his eyes widening, and he fought the pain and tried to sit up. "How – when – where – shit, Cas, what are you doing here?"

Castiel was quiet, taking shallow breaths, with his eyes open, looking at the gray sky, as if lost in thought. Hearing Dean's voice, his eyes focused again and he looked at the man beside him, trying to make his voice sound steady. "Rescuing you," he said. "Or, at least, trying to."

"Oh," was all that Dean could think at the moment. He wanted to touch the angel, hold him and thank him a million times. But what if he was hallucinating? It had happened before; he had seen Sammy and Cas so many times that he'd lost count. He kept staring at Cas' blue eyes, afraid to try to touch him and realize he wasn't really there.

"We need to move," Cas said with a trembling voice. "The Leviathans will find us soon and there is no way I can fight them like this."

The quiver in his voice made Dean stop. "You're really here."

"I am," Cas said, his hand grasping Dean's weakly. "I found you."

Dean wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. He looked, really looked at Cas, seeing his blue eyes, crazy hair, the five o'clock shadow on his chin and jaw. Cas was here. With his beautiful face, his intense stare and his bloodied clothes. His very bloodied clothes.

"Cas, you're hurt!" he said alarmed. "What happened?"

"My wings," Cas grunted with a grimace of pain. "They're gone." He opened his mouth to say more, but they heard rumbles and howls in the distance, and Castiel took a deep, shaking breath, sitting up with difficulty. "We can't linger. We need to go now," he said with urgency. "We need to find at least a place to hide."

Dean nodded, astonished, and got up, extending his hand to Cas so the angel could get up too. Cas did, but lost his balance as soon as he tried to steady himself on the ground.

"Whoa," Dean put his arm around Cas' waist, mindful of the deep gashes on his backs. "You know, we need to stop meeting in situations like that. Come on, lemme help you."

They half ran, half stumbled through the small field, Cas moaning in pain with every step. Dean was not much better himself, but at least he could stand up on his own.

After a while, when Dean's legs were already cramping, they found a small cave. It wasn't much, but it was behind some large bushes, so they would be hidden at least for a while.

"They can feel my scent. The Grace, and now the blood," Cas whispered. He sat down heavily on the cold, hard stone and extended a hand to Dean. "Come here," he murmured. "Please."

Dean went, sitting beside him, but this time he didn't hesitate and hugged the angel. He had practically carried Cas here; he was sure this Cas was very real. "Sorry, sorry!" he said, when Cas grunted in pain. "How come I'm not dreaming?" he asked, holding Cas' face with both hands. "You're really here."

"I am," Cas nodded slightly. "I couldn't leave you here, Dean. You don't belong in a place like this."

Dean sighed. "I don't want to sound like a martyr or anything, but… I did break the Ten Commandments."

"You've already paid for your sins here. And you werw led to commit those sins, Dean. That counts."

"Alright, alright. I'm not gonna argue with you, buddy. You're the angel here, you're the expert in Heaven things, not me."

"Dean… there's something I need to do." Before Dean could say anything, Castiel closed his eyes really tight and put one of his fingers on Dean's forehead. All the pain immediately left the man's body and the cuts and bruises on his skin vanished.

"The fuck?" Dean said.

"You can't die in Purgatory; you're already dead. But you can suffer, and I refuse to let that happen if I can stop it."

The man shook his head in disbelief. Only Cas would think of Dean first. "Why the hell you used your mojo with me, man? Heal yourself first, you look like shit," he finished affectionately.

"I will," Castiel said, already closing his eyes. "But it will take some time for me to heal; these wounds are too deep. I need you to watch the cave's entrance."

"Please, tell me you have a plan," Dean said, looking at Cas with apprehension. The angel looked exhausted, ready to pass out any minute. Dean couldn't die here, but Cas probably could. Still sitting, Dean leaned against the wall, legs straight, and laid Castiel on his side, putting the angel's head on his lap.

"I do," Cas whispered faintly, already half-asleep. "But I need to heal first, while I still can use my Grace; while I still have it."

"What do you mean while you still have your Grace? Cas? What did you do?" Dean asked, but Cas was already asleep. "Cas!" Dean insisted, shaking Cas' head a little to wake him up, dread suddenly filling his whole being. Cas frowned, gave a small whimper, but didn't wake up. "I'm not going to like this plan, will I?" he whispered, running his hand through Cas' soft brown hair.

Outside, the howls and grunts seemed to be farther, but Dean wasn't going to get his hopes up. He knew there was no escaping these creatures, and Cas talking about his Grace like that didn't sound very promising.

Sighing, Dean looked at Cas once more, and at the frown he had on his face, even asleep. His gashes weren't bleeding anymore, but they were still deep. It hurt to even look at them. He wanted to feel bad for Cas, who had obviously gotten hurt trying to rescue Dean, but the truth was that he felt so grateful, so relieved to see Cas again that he could cry. It was selfish, but hey, he hadn't gotten a place here being pure and noble.

What mattered was that Cas was here, and if the angel had said that he had a plan, then he had a plan, and Dean hoped it would work. Cas had come for him, he had gotten inside freaking Purgatory for him, and if that wasn't love, Dean didn't know what was.

An angel of the Lord was in love with him. Him, Dean Winchester, fucked up, stubborn, stupid and selfish. And Cas loved him anyway. Shit. Wasn't that mindblowing.

Then he remembered something, and looked at Cas again, frowning a little. "Hey? Cas?" he asked, even though he knew Cas wouldn't wake up now. "Why did you push me off that cliff?"

CASTIEL

"Wake up! Cas, you gotta wake up, man!" Dean's voice insisted, guiding Castiel's mind through the mist and back to reality. "Cas they are getting closer, wake up, wake up!"

Castiel sat up fast, startled by the panic in Dean's voice. "I'm awake," he assured the man beside him, and seeing the question in Dean's eyes, he nodded curtly, "I'm alright." Well, he wasn't fully healed, he would never heal completely again, his wings were gone and he would missed them forever. But the gashes had closed, leaving angry red marks instead. "We need to leave. Get ready."

"Ready for what?" Dean asked, eyes wide and alarmed.

"Close your eyes," Castiel said, looking at the cave's entrance. The noises were very close now. There was no time to waste. "Remember that I love you."

"Why? Cas, what are you – "

"Just close your eyes, Dean! Now!" Castiel yelled. He was partly grateful that there was no time to have second thoughts. The Leviathans were close and if Castiel didn't do what he needed to do now, he and Dean would be torn to shreds very soon. Dean would suffer and heal, only to be torn to shreds again. And Castiel would die, leaving Dean forever trapped inside this place.

He pulled his angel blade from his sleeve and drew a symbol on the ground. It was his name in Enochian, and he felt his Grace flaring inside his chest. Saying the spell was easy enough, and although Dean whispering "Oh God, oh God, Cas, I love you, don't do anything stupid," beside him was distracting, Castiel finished the last line without hesitation. His Grace poured from his eyes, mouth, nose, everywhere, and went straight to Castiel's name on the ground. There was a whooshing noise, and a pool of white light appeared on the place where the symbol had been.

"It's a portal. Open your eyes, it's okay to look now. You need to jump, Dean. It'll be alright."

"Cas?"Dean looked at him, his breath hitching. "You're coming with me, right?"

Castiel grabbed Dean's head and gave him a fast but firm kiss. "I'll never leave you, Dean. Never, because you're my reason to live. Trust me. Wait for me."

And once more, he pushed Dean over the edge.