EPILOGUE
For by grace you have been saved through faith.
And this is not your own doing;
It is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast.
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians, 2:8-10
Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say of the Lord, "He is my refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust."
Psalm 91
Lawrence, Kansas, December, 2013
Dean usually would wake up at five A.M. He would turn on the coffee maker and go out for a run. That would take half an hour tops, and he would come home straight to the shower. Breakfast would almost always mean just black coffee, but sometimes he had a toast. He ate standing by the counter, looking through the window as the sun slowly rose.
At eight he would be at the garage, which now he called a car shop, because the business had improved, since he had new business partners. He liked to arrive when it was still empty, just to make sure everything was in place before the first client arrived.
At eight thirty he opened the doors. It would be around that time that Dad and Bobby – his business partners – would arrive, bringing with them coffee and pastries that they always insisted Dean took a bite. Sometimes he did, sometimes he didn't, because if Ash or Chuck got to the pastries before him, there would be nothing left, but Dean didn't mind. He never ate too much these days.
It had turned out that, since Dad and Bobby had always been friends, now that Dad had decided to stay, Bobby had lent him some money so both men could propose business partnership to Dean. They'd bought the old house beside the garage so now, with Dad and Bobby helping, Dean was able to take more orders for restoring old classic cars, and the money was coming like never before.
Dad and Mom were together again; he had moved back to the house a month ago. Dean couldn't say he was completely comfortable having him around all the time, but he would get there. What the hell, with everything that happened, who was Dean to criticize or judge anyone's mistakes? Besides, she seemed happy, and that was all that mattered to Dean.
Sam and Jess had also gotten married. They'd decided to anticipate the wedding date and the ceremony had been simple but beautiful. Jess was radiant in her white dress, beautiful like an angel, pun intended. Sam was nervous, sweating in his suit, but his eyes showed everything Dean needed to know: he was completely happy. They were moving to Kansas City in February, Sam's new job waiting for him.
Christmas would come soon and everyone was busy, planning a big party. Everyone seemed happy, like the ending of a soap opera, where all the characters get married or find true love, or win the lottery or all their deepest dreams come true.
Well, except that, for Dean, none of that had happened. He had more money, though, that was true. And if life was indeed a soap opera, this was a good moment for the last chapter, with everyone happy. Only, Dean's role would be that of the uncle, the bachelor with money, who never brought anyone to the family parties, and all the children would be around him begging for a story about his adventures; stories that always featured him alone doing something funny so the little ones would laugh. The children would love him, the adults would worry about him, and he would smile and say he was fine. And, after the party ended, he would go home. Alone.
But life wasn't a soap opera. Life was real, and amazing, and there was more out there that the human eye could see. And Dean's ending in this story wouldn't be sad or lonely. It wouldn't, and he refused people's opinions about his life get to him. He refused to let Cas' absence bring him down.
Cas had asked him to wait. "I'll never leave you, Dean. Never, because you're my reason to live. Trust me. Wait for me," Cas had said, and Dean was still waiting. He firmly believed that Cas would come back, and no one could tell him otherwise. He was an angel, he could do anything, be anywhere, but he had asked Dean to trust him and wait. So of course, Dean had no doubt that Cas would come back. Dean would wait for him, no matter how long it took.
"A penny for your thoughts," John said, waving a cinnamon roll in front of Dean. "You want some? You better be quick before Ash gets there."
"Asshole," Dean batted John's hand away but gave him a crooked smile. "I know that Ash only eats doughnuts. You're the one with a black hole for a stomach."
"I can't do anything if I have a healthy appetite," John said, taking a huge bite of his pastry.
"Yeah, right," Dean snorted. "And Mom says I'm the glutton of the family. Now I know I took after you. Who the hell has lasagna for breakfast?"
"In my defense," John said, with his mouth full, "I had no idea that Mary was saving all that lasagna for you. I was hungry after a particular busy night, if you get me. That's why I ate everything."
Dean covered his ears with his hands. "Oh my God, Dad, too much information! I didn't need to know that! There's a line you just crossed here, Dad, Jesus Christ, no son wants to know that!"
John laughed and sat heavily in the sofa, eating the rest of the roll in one bite. "I can't help it, you're too funny when you get annoyed."
"Idiot," Dean muttered, but there was no anger in his voice. "At least swallow your food, dammit."
The truth was that Dean liked the banter between him and John, and sometimes Bobby. It made the work easier, the hours seemed to go by faster and soon it was time to go home.
"You want a ride?" he asked John, before locking the door at five PM sharp.
"Nah. Mary is going to Pam's house after work, apparently Pam's boyfriend is cheating on her or whatever. I guess Bobby and I will go to the Roadhouse for a few beers. Wanna come?"
Dean shook his head no. "I wanna work on the kitchen cabinets today."
"You sure?" John frowned, averting his eyes. "You could join me and your Mom for dinner later."
"Thanks, but I still have some leftover from yesterday." Dean put on his winter jacket, grabbing the car keys from the side pocket. "I guess I'm going, then."
"You'll be alright by yourself in that house?"
"My house, you mean." Dean looked t his father pointedly. "And yes, I'll be just fine. Are you going to start worrying for nothing, just like Mom?"
John huffed a sigh. "It's just that you spend all your spare time alone in the house, Dean, and for what? You don't even know if he will ever – "
"Stop right there," Dean said sharply. "You know what, I'm leaving now. See you tomorrow." He turned around and started walking to the Impala, not waiting for John's reply. "Bye, Bobby," he said when he passed the old man who was trying to put a cap over his beanie.
"Idjit," Bobby grunted, "Don't forget to bring the coffee tomorrow, it's your turn."
"Will do," Dean gave him a fake smile and kept walking. He didn't like to go to the diner too much these days. Everywhere he looked, it seemed that Cas would step from behind the counter and greet him with his stupid wide smile and intense stare, and it hurt to know he wasn't there.
When Dean came back from death – and wow, how many people could say that? – he woke up in Jess' room, and for a few moments he was a little overwhelmed when Sam, John and Jess started yelling, crying, hugging and shaking him. But then he looked around and Cas was not there, as Dean expected he would be. He was dismayed to see the angel had not come back yet, but he didn't get alarmed at first, because hey, Cas had been right behind him, right?
But as the days went on, Cas didn't come back, and his family started to ask what had happened, why the angel wasn't there yet. The more Dean explained, he couldn't make them understand how he could be so sure that Cas would come back. Shit, Dean himself couldn't explain how he knew it would be alright. But he did.
Jess had been the only one to offer him some peace about this. She'd squeezed his hand and explained that time run differently in Heaven, Purgatory, Hell, and Earth. Gabriel hadn't answered their prayers yet, but that didn't mean he was avoiding them. He did have work to do, after all. Or, he could still be in Heaven helping Castiel. Who knew? She'd said Dean should trust the bond him and Cas had, and not give up. "Pray," she'd added, smiling.
So Dean prayed. Every day. Several times a day, even. At first it was really a prayer, but soon he started talking to Cas as if the angel was right there with him. He started telling him about his day, about Sam, Jess, Dad, Mom, Missouri. He asked him to come back if and when he could, and always made sure to add he was still waiting and would always be.
He didn't know if Cas could hear him. But someone could, because there were freaking angels in Heaven, who could hear them, and if that wasn't amazing, Dean didn't know what else could be. There was even a God out there, and even if Dean wasn't in best buddies terms with the guy yet, He had paid attention to them, apparently, and had lent them a hand. So Dean added a prayer to Him here and there, just in case.
When Dean found the house, he prayed to Cas and told him he would buy it. He hadn't been looking for a new place to live, but as soon as he saw it, he fell for its blue walls and small garden on the front. He bought it on an impulse, and refused to listen to his folks telling him he shouldn't move.
The house was small and unfinished, but there was a little bit of land behind it and Dean figured that he could always build another room if he and Cas needed more space. Yes, Cas, because the angel would come back and they would live there together, and fuck everyone who tried to tell Dean he was crazy or ask him what he would do in a house alone. He wasn't going to live there alone, dammit.
Right now, only the kitchen and the bedroom were finished, but Dean wasn't in a hurry. He wanted to savor it, restoring his house with his own hands, like he did with his cars. It was a special place, so Dean was taking his time. If Cas came back before Dean finished it, he would teach the angel how to use the saw, the hammer, how to paint walls and polish wood, and they would build the rest of their own house together.
Tonight, he was finishing the kitchen cabinets. They were made from dark wood, and Dean took pride in the intricate patterns he'd carved on the doors, but he still had to polish them. That would have to wait until tomorrow, because it was getting late and now all he wanted to do was eat and sleep.
There was a knock on the door as soon as Dean sat in front of the TV with his dinner. Grimacing, he tried to ignore it, because if Mom, Dad or Sam wanted to talk to him they could use the phone, so it probably was someone else. He wasn't expecting anyone, though.
After a few seconds, the knocks came again. Shit, Dean was already in his pajamas, he was so not in the mood to chat to a nosy neighbor right now. Sighing, he put his plate on the coffee table and got up. "I'm coming, hold your horses!" he yelled, annoyed, knowing that he would probably had to re heat Mom's casserole later.
He wasn't ready for what he saw when he opened the door.
"Hello, Dean," Cas said, serious, his face a mixture of joy, anxiety and hesitation.
"Cas…" Dean exhaled, as if he'd been holding his breath for a long time. He couldn't say anything more than that, because he suddenly had his arms full of Cas, and they were holding each other tight. Cas' arms around Dean felt right like they always had, his smell was just like Dean remembered, his soft brown hair was tickling Dean's cheek and it was perfect.
"Dean…" Cas said, releasing Dean a little, "Let me look at you…" There was a soft smile on his lips, and his eyes were as intense as they'd always been, huge blue pools that looked at Dean like he was the most important thing in the whole universe.
Dean closed his eyes and touched Cas' lips with his, softly at first, almost asking if it was alright. But merely a second later, he gripped Cas tight again and deepened the kiss, because he had missed him so much, so much. He had waited three fucking months, and now Cas was here, and if Dean didn't kiss him right now he would think it was another dream.
He only realized he had been kissing Cas by his doorstep, giving his neighbors quite a show, when Cas grunted and started pushing him a little so he could close the door. As soon as the door closed, though, Dean's mind started to cooperate. He didn't want to talk now, and Cas appeared to agree with him, because they stood there just looking at each other for a while.
Then, Dean pulled Cas by the hand without a word, up the stairs, right to the bedroom he had just painted the weekend before, to the bed he had just finished three days ago, to the mattress the store had delivered yesterday morning. He took Cas' shirt slowly, then his own, and he laid on the bed, pulling Cas with him, until they were face to face again.
"You came home for good?" was the first thing that occurred to him.
Cas nodded, his eyes never leaving Dean's. "Yes, Dean, I – "
"Shhh…" Dean said. "Later. We have time. Now just let me…" he took a shaky breath, not knowing quite how to go on. "They said I was crazy, but… I always believed you'd come back."
"You are my reason to live, Dean," Cas said, and Dean closed his eyes and smiled, remembering what Cas had said the last time they saw each other.
"I love you too," Dean said, because it could be a cliché, but it was true. Dean knew that Cas would be able to see in his eyes everything he felt, but he wanted to say it. Because it was real, and it was true, and he felt really blessed to have the love of his life with him again. Because that's what Castiel, angel of the Lord, was; the freaking love of Dean Winchester's life.
Dean lost himself in the feeling of having Cas in his arms again, and decided they didn't need to talk right now. With his heart hammering inside his chest, he pulled Cas to him and kissed him again, sighing when Cas' hands framed his face.
Later, there would be time to talk. Dean would learn that Cas still stayed in Purgatory fighting the Leviathans who entered the cave for a long time; that the angel had always known he couldn't leave the place unless he turned human; that Cas cried when he had to cross the pool of light made by his Grace and had to leave said Grace there, on the ground, trapped by his name written on the cave's ground.
Cas would tell him that he didn't regret turning into a human, and Dean would feel uncomfortable with Cas' sacrifice at first. But Cas would insist he was fine and Dean would let it go, knowing that it had been Cas' choice. A creature who'd never had free will before and now was exercising his right to make his own choices for the first time, should have his decision respected.
Dean would learn that Gabriel had waited for Cas outside the portal, like he had waited for Dean, and that Cas had been so weak that Gabriel had spent some time healing him before he could take him back to Earth. He would learn that God had given Cas a soul, and that Cas was now as human as any other, the scars on his backs the only sign that there used to be wings there.
Later, much later, Cas would tell him that Death had been punished because of his pride, and that no angel would have to submit to him ever again, because God had created Reapers to work only for him, and had banished the Grim Reaper to somewhere between Heaven and Hell.
They would live in this house until they got old, and never, ever, spend another day without seeing each other. Cas would start working as a librarian, grow a garden in the front of the house, and spend the afternoons waiting for Dean in the front porch, reading a book. They would get married in June, because Dean really wanted Cas to be a Winchester. They would build another room years later, because Sam's kids liked to stay with them when they visited, even though John and Mary's house was bigger.
Cas would freak out with his first gray hair, and Dean would smile and say he would love him even when he turned old and wrinkled. But he would understand that in fact, Cas was contemplating his own death, and he was scared. Even though he was sure they would see each other in Heaven, he wouldn't mind when, once in a while, Cas would sit by the window, looking at the garden with a thoughtful expression. Even though Cas didn't regret leaving Heaven, he'd lived there for millennia, so of course he would miss it sometimes.
But that was for later. All those things, those wonderful things that Dean never believed he would have, like a house, a family, someone who would love him forever, could wait. Because now wasn't the right time to talk.
So, Dean just held Cas tighter, kissed him a little stronger, and forgot there was anything besides this moment, in this room, with this guy that had raised him from Purgatory. Dean's own angel, who, even though a mere human now, would love him forever and would always watch over him.
THE END