sorry this took too long to post (food poisoning hit me haaard) then again i dont think there is any set time i post a new chapter
anyway i think i have a theme with making my favoruite characters go through emotional pain, addictions and stuff like that so yeah omg im so sorry

Diamonds from Sierra Leone - Kanye West

Glasses overflowed with Diamonds and pink champagne, and too many bottles of wine that had unpronounceable names, the room was brimming with people the rich, the beautiful and the powerful laughing and getting themselves drunk enough to not care about anything. White powder was left on flat surfaces, some noses still dusted with the substance and those were the ones who looked more at peace with the uproar of laughter and constant thrumming of a beat. At every one Mathias had thrown, Alice had wormed her way in and they'd dance together in a way that was hypnotising and the red or silver or gold of her dresses would flash across the brilliant sharpness of the Dane's black suit as they melted around each other as fluid as molten lava. Their smiles as bright as the midday sun and their eyes sparkling with intoxication and a natural high. He could have sworn they were still together until she'd pull off him and men and woman alike would be at Mathias' side and aiding his body to their will. And on the few occasional slices of heaven he'd found himself with his hands clutching onto the back of the other's shirt and his face pressed against his stomach as the other laughed out sweet smoke above him and ground against his cheek. He moved with a fluidity that appeared unreal, his eyes shut as he let the music vibrate in his bones and control how he moved and who he moved with. However he was yet to see the blonde that was usually the centre of attention that night.

He'd turned down the lines of powder that were slowly diminishing in his discomfort for snorting substances for rapture and turned to the tabs of LSD he had left for a rainy day. Time sped up and slowly down, the music would be too loud and the laughter too obnoxious and suddenly it would be silence, Lars felt too cold and too warm and too happy and everybody around around him were nothing but movable statues. Lars felt endless he felt infinite he felt the stars and the planets sing to him and he could feel the rush of blood in his veins. Time distorted and light grew brighter, the dark grew darker, and everything seemed to go on forever. He rode the high of euphoria with appreciation for how he got it out of a simple substance, complicated, simple, too much to think about he needed to share it with Mathias this high this happiness this wonder. This drug. It should have been a sign he'd had too much too quickly, not enough to kill his mentality but enough to have him a state of lost time for seemingly forever, when he thought dark planets lost to the illumination of sun on their cold surfaces cracked through the walls, Titan planets reaching out with jagged mountains and inky black forests. It should have been a warning but it was not, the music of the room was upbeat enough to keep him moving, to keep him laughing and keep him rooted. He finally understood why Mathias had stood on the ledge and mumbled about how easy it would be. How they would end up on the roofs and he would joke about jumping but would not when the wind blew too hard and he would smile as if there was a music in the gusts of air that told him to stay.

He felt like he could fly.

Lars was shocked to see diamonds, seemingly millions of them scattering prisms of light across the table tops as people gambled them, he would have thought they were fake if not for the big dollars that were being slammed down over them. If not for the wealthy men and woman who handled them as if they were nothing but pawns and indeed they were. They treated each other like pawns on top of that, fake friends and forced relationships that were forgotten after bottle after bottle.

He dragged himself down the hall, deserted as the silent request that the rooms were to be left alone were well known to the people flooding every other room was respected, after he'd spent the better half of the evening weaving through the tightly packed crowd. Leaning heavily against the door he knocked and the door pushed open with his fist. Candles that were identical to the ones Mathias had used to light up their surroundings a few days ago in the middle of nowhere were now lit on every single flat or hanging surface, too dark to see around the room properly he flicked on the lights. And it was almost as if somebody flicked the switch on inside him that brought him back to reality away from the throbbing music and the presence of the too heavy question of the universe.

Mathias looked so fragile curled in on himself in the corner of the room protectively, and so damaged like he'd disintegrate at the simplest touch like autumn leaves. Mathias croaked from beneath his arms for whoever it was to get out and when Lars didn't, did he look up and the tense hold to his shoulders practically slipped away. However his eyes were still carrying fear and something else that made the Dutchman look away so he wouldn't be haunted by it afterwards. Crouching down and avoiding eye contact he took the other's balled hands into his own and pulled him in to hug him. Mathias melted against him, a sigh hitting his neck and carefully the Dane manoeuvred to claim Lars' lap and make it easier for them to hold onto each other as Mathias whispered apologises. He wanted so badly to hold him on the couch again if they weren't claimed by groups of drunk foreigners. Not for sex, just to sleep and for him to comfort the crumbling mess on something more comfortable than the floor. He could have perhaps, moved to the bed, but knowing him and his diminishing self restraint.

He'd take advantage.

"Get them out please it's too loud I can't...I fucking can't..." Shivers violently moved Mathias' body, and he almost swallowed his tongue when his shirt was pinched between his thumb and curled index fingers. "Please please please I'm just..."

"Sshhh it's okay I'll get them out." He pressed a kiss to the other's forehead, congratulating himself despite the situation for getting at least that far. "It'll be alright just stay here."

He'd left with a click of the door behind him and very quickly started spreading the word to grab their stuff and get out, red nosed and bleary eyed people protested against it until he was worn out and simply lowered himself to threats to which once Alice heard and he wasn't too sure how or when she ended up at his side started to work. Very quickly they started to flood out the doors, most personal possessions in their hands. Only after everybody had left with his sister's help, some furious and others too drunk to care, he'd managed to coax the other down to the ruined living room, stains on some surfaces that would be bitches to remove and clothes, shoes and bottles scattered across the floor. He lead the other out with careful hands, his fingers barely pressed against the small of his back. He looked down when hands clenched around his own arm and only then did he notice the red dripping from the ends of the blonde's fingers and in between his palm and the Dutchman's forearm was a gritted layer of crushed glass. It seemed all too familiar and unfamiliar all at once.

Unfortunately not everybody had left.

A group of four two of them drunk the other two looking bored with the setting. The freakishly tall man from weeks ago sat with another with pink cheeks leaned against him, mumbling into his shoulder and hand down his pants. Another with a blank stare dragged his fingers around the rim of a glass while the male beside him that looked no older than 17 sat with his eyes wide in anticipation and something else. The boy from the photo. From the scowl that crossed nearly everybody's lips as soon as he walked in he took to accepting he wasn't who they were waiting for, and he matched every single one of their expressions as he dragged the Dane out.

Mathias locked up immediately, backing up and almost about to run back to his room.

"Don't even think about it." The one with the blank eyes said sharply and much to Lars' surprise Mathias listened, jerking as if he'd been shot with the other's words. "Where have you been?"

Mathias opened his mouth to speak but quickly snapped his jaw shut and turned his head down to the ground, brows pulled together. There was no way he was stable enough to have to talk to people nor be questioned. Lars reassuringly put a hand on his shoulder and was just about to take him back to his room when the voice came again.

"You should be out here, you know it's rude to leave your guests."

"Lukas he...he obviously had...an episode just leave him alo-" The younger looking one slurred before he was cut off. Mathias shrinking down on himself even more when the second male joined in. Their accents all sounding so alike and yet so different.

"I thought I told everybody to leave?" Lars cut in and the deadpan stare quickly lit up in flames. "Obviously he's not feeling well enough to converse right now."

"And who are you?"

"His friend."

"Mathias doesn't have friends." Lukas spoke as if Mathias wasn't there. "He doesn't get sick. He is sick."

"Get out." The blonde at his side spoke up shakily, his voice cracking on the last word. Looking up he squared his shoulders and gritted his teeth, seething as he repeated himself and the shift of energy set a chill in the Dutchman's bones, the defiant hold to the other's chin and glare in his eyes a show of power. "Get. The. Fuck. Out."

They left without another word.

Lars watched quietly as Mathias pulled away, resigned and shuffled back to his bedroom. Only after he'd cleaned up the worst of the mess did he follow after him with a first aid kit and a towel.

xxx

He took him to the park the next day, finding himself surprised yet again when Mathias chose to dress down. The sun would have burnt them in it's heat in the cloudless sky if it weren't for the breeze and every seemed so clear, the air clean. Kites looked like birds against the stunning blue, people running around and the two of them abandoned biking to walk their bikes to the centre of the grass area.

He wasn't too sure when they started playing a game of chase but he found himself sprinting to catch up with the Dane who was laughing uncontrollably, not a word said apart from the quiet 'yes' when Lars asked if he wanted to get out of the house. His eyes were bright and his smile massive and he squealed when Lars in on him and attempted to drag him down to the grass and with a strength the Dutchman didn't expect of him he tore away until he was a reasonable distance away and span, his heat tipped back to feel the sun on his face. Lars' heart thudded uncomfortably in his chest and he walked over, panting to try and catch his breath just in time to watch Mathias collapse to the ground in a fit of laughter that confused the Dutchman but he was pleased to see the other so happy.

Mathias turned his head to the side, his enthusiasm written across his face and it disappeared for a moment, his laughter died down to a confused chuckle and eventually to silence.

"You alright?" Lars said, sitting cross legged beside him.

"Nothing. Just laughed too much I think. Feel a bit queer...shit yes i totally feel gay-er than usual, I mean strange." The Dane sighed and turned his head back up to the sky, skinny arms and legs stretching out until they popped in his sockets and he relaxed boneless into the grass. "You know that feeling...when blood just rushes through your veins and it's lined with adrenaline and this impeccable and strange twist of lust for victory? It just feels like you're the king of the world...and it's your world to take it's amazing." Mathias smiled to himself and curled his bandaged up arms above his head.

"Is that how you feel now?"

"I feel like fucking Jesus right now." He tapped the end of Lars' nose, causing him to scrunch it up in dissatisfaction. "And you're trying to shrink me."

"It's natural habit sue me."

His laugh was too loud but Lars chose to ignore it, it always was. The Dutchman tried not to lock up when he felt fingers slip alongside his own, a calloused thumb running over the bumps of his knuckles and the other's hands were cold, cold enough that if he didn't twist his hands around to lace their hands together securely to feel the thrum of a heartbeat against his fingertips he could have sworn the other wasn't alive. He must have fallen in love with this man when he had fallen into him and caught sight of that brilliant yet hollow smile that sent a shudder throughout his nervous system and had him unable to refuse the offer to stay with somebody he'd just met. He however couldn't pin point the exact time and day they started to tip toe around each other in and out of them being around each other, the days they were together seeming like the blink of an eye and the months apart eternity. He didn't understand however how desperately he craved the attention from Mathias, how he craved these small moments of ignorant bliss where they would just rest side by side either talking in hushed mutterings or sitting in absolute silence to fully feel the wind on their skin. There was no doubt about how the Dane needed a support, whatever had happened to him left him damaged and fragile and he was using Lars as that crutch and Lars didn't mind, he took pleasure in feeling trusted by somebody with so much potential.

The falsity of stableness in Mathias shattered as soon as the faint sound of his phone vibrated against both of their hips and they sighed in unison. His eyes darkened and his jaw set when his phone was beside his ear, and when he seethed down the line in just another language that barely sounded like a language that Lars was adding to the ever growing list. The expression Mathias wore left Lars feeling scared and maybe almost definitely a bit turned on. Resting his chin on his knees after he pulled himself to sit up he watched families share picnics and people lazily walk through the grounds while the other entirely snapped out of that dreamy state he'd been in moments ago. It was worrying to watch that easy smile twist and disappear into something no less than a memory. As well as the comforting feeling of the Dane's hand in his, everything gone with the whisper of the trees.

"Lets go out for ice cream." Mathias' voice made the quick transition from an alien tongue to one Lars actually understood and he nodded, standing up and trying not to wince at the way his limbs cracked at being in the same position for too long he held out a hand to help the other up. A pleasant warmth was left under his palm once the other had taken it and remained once the touch was gone.

They left without much of another word, the Dutchman keeping his lips firmly closed to silence his complaints and questions about the call and they biked into the deeper reaches of the city until Mathias hissed under his breath and nodded for them to ditch their bikes and continue on by foot. Still no question was uttered even as Lars watched from the corner of his eye as the Dane took the edge of his scarf between his fingers and rubbed the fabric together to keep himself calm. The scarf would go missing sometimes when Mathias went to work, there would be no word of where it went until it would appear hours after the Dane would return home with it still in his hands and he'd be fast asleep against the deck chairs on the balcony and his breath would be no more than a whistle. It was the same thing every time.

It got under Lars' skin how Mathias was acting too normal, too fucking calm and too nonchalant to be normal. A small and recognisable figure dressed head to toe in black save for his silvery blonde head banged into the Dane's arm and he watched as the other simply pulled his arm away and tucked his hands into his pocket. Uncaring if he were obvious or not he fished out a piece of paper from his own coat and scanned over the scrap of note, a scowl present momentarily before he turned it into an excited beam and had to slap a hand over his mouth to smother a squeal of delight. His head turned over his shoulder to where the person had disappeared around a corner and he'd rested his head against the other's shoulder, a smile of contentment turning his lips and his hands buried back in his pockets before they themselves turned a corner of their own and slipped into an offhand shop selling frozen treats.

It was colder than it was outside, small couples and families all enjoying their fair share of food and easily they slipped into German to request their food. Lars continued to watch from the edge of his vision as the other tipped his head back and stared up at the ceiling. In silence or in words whatever left the Dane was in metaphors and soon Lars found his thoughts spiralling into the same manner, nothing as straight forward as it had been unless it was a night he put his mouth to the bong and let words of 'wisdom' pour straight back out. The other was mysterious in his own way but clear as day, patches cleaned up and reformed and other's left to fog over unless he chose to wipe it down himself to let people see through. Lars was starting to wonder if he was the only one who saw these parts of Mathias, he'd seen him loose and drunk and laughing around crowds of people he didn't seem to know but felt comfortable around, he'd seen him intimate with countless others his face a mask of practised pleasure and he'd seen him show his ranking among those who were too close to him. Lars still didn't under understand who the group of men were who came over the night before, or who the boy in his late teens was that appeared on the street or who that 'Lukas' was with his bored eyes and cold words.

Eventually they moved from the counter to the booth's and Mathias curled his feet around the table legs, chin resting in his hands as he picked at his food. Gaze still dreamy until a hum broke through with a gust of air and he turned his attention back to the real word, ice cream being shoved into his mouth as he sat up straighter.

"Do you ever think about how short life is?" The Dane said around a mouthful of coffee ice-cream that Lars had no idea how the fuck he managed to simply bite into it like it wasn't freezing cold. Blinking he bit back a remark about the other eating with his mouth full and shrugged. Again came the strange sentence starters.

"Yeah I guess." Lars sat back, the heels of his feet pressed against the edge of the table and his arms remained draped over his knees as he dug his spoon into his cup of caramel.

"Hmm so what do you think are the most important things to do during our brief time here?"

"Are you trying to 'shrink' me now?" Lars said trying to hide his smile with the little plastic spoon. When the other simply rose an eyebrow expectantly he turned his gaze down the melting treat and shrugged again. It was becoming habit by the looks of thing. "I always think it's about breaking rules to experience things to their full potential, to forgive, not to regret things that once made you feel happy...and accept opportunities as they come. What about you?"

Mathias smiled, his eyes cast down and his lashes cast shadows on the tops of his cheeks in a way that had Lars chewing on the end of his tongue. "To love, to take time to appreciate the feeling of a kiss with somebody who truly cares...those are the best kind they're sweet and passionate all at once...and...to let happiness come through even in the darkest of times."

His views seemed contradictory to the way the he acted when he thought nobody was looking but he swallowed that observation down with another lick at his spoon and nodded. Mathias seemed distance after he was done and went as far in his dreamy state to leave the remainder of his food to melt into a puddle at the bottom of the paper cup.

"And books. Books are the most important thing of all."

"Books...hmm...like a Fairytale?"

He grinned and stood up, brushing his already spotless coat down and gestured for the other to follow suit. On their way out, Lars noted how close the other was standing, their arms brushed together and the slight warmth was enjoyable to say the least. Nowhere near the same as the contact of their hands had felt. He was also able to take in the way there was a slight hop to his step and a laugh rested at the back of his throat at how childish it was but just as he did with most things he kept it back.

"What's got you so happy?" The note from earlier was pressed into his palm, the top of it ripped off. And underneath slopped writing that looked like somebody had smashed down on the keys of their computer was a translation in scribbled hand writing P.S Sve & Fin broke up. Tino found out about you and Ber.

"Do you like him 'Ber' or something?"

"Me? Like Berwald? Fuck off. He's just an old friend that sometimes ends up with his dick in me." Mathias chuckled and took it back from Lars' palm. "I'm just happy karma finally bit him in the ass. Anyway care to celebrate with me? I'm thinking about buying some Champagne that we can enjoy just you and me."

"What are we celebrating." He tried not to get over excited or at least show his enthusiasm at the statement just you and me.

"The truth in 'What goes around comes back around'"

"I guess you won't tell me what he did to get screwed over?"

Mathias twisted his lips together to hide his smile and he shrugged, legs kicking out in front of him with every step and head tipped back to look at the Dutchman. It would have looked childish and perhaps a little goofy if not for the fact he still managed to make it look attractive.

"He slept with me." And he laughed until his voice grew wheezy and he was doubled over. "Basically if you sleep with me. You're fucked."

"Great pun there."

"Oh it's no pun." The look in Mathias' eyes was dead serious the joking from before chased away by storm clouds and even that smile that still remained was tormenting. "It's the truth. Sleep with me. And anything good that ever happened to you is Psshpt gone, it'll ah what's the word...wane faster than you could imagine."

"Anybody managed to escape such a terrible, terrible fate." Lars said sarcastically, dragging the other back down the street to their bikes.

"...Your sister. Let's hope it runs in the family hm?"

Mathias had gotten on his bike and was halfway down the street, yelling at him to catch up by the time he'd thought of a response.

xxx

Both men were down to their boxer briefs and shirts by the time they'd joined each other in Mathias' room, the pale blue sheets folded over and glass cleared from the floors hours ago. The Dane sat in a spinning office chair, a shining green bottle beside him on the desk and legs curled up under him as he span in the seat while he waited for Lars who, stood for a while in doorway with a bowl of cheese in crackers and gave the other an eye roll of epic proportions before sticking his foot out to stop the other's dizzying spin.

"Are we getting drunk tonight or?" Lars questioned, trying not to worry about how the Dane with bared knuckles had managed to reopen the wounds until they were dripped specks of red down the length of his arm again.

"Don't you have work tomorrow?" Oblivious.

"Yeah and?"

"Teaching. Takes effort don't it?"

"It's brainless trust me I'll be okay."

Mathias' eyes narrowed but he said no more, instead he hopped up from his seat taking the bottle with him and dragged the Dutchman up with him to the bed. Grinning, his eyes sparkling he held it up and in the other hand the remote to his own sound system.

"To a mix to drown in our dreams come true!" He laughed, flicking on the stereo so the music flooded the room and wrenching the cork off so it hit the opposite wall he bounced on the spot and screamed happily. "THEY CAME TRUE!"

Unsure of what to do Lars joined in awkwardly until laughter bubbled in his own throat and he took the bottle from the other male, drinking what he could from the foam that spilled on the sheets and on their toes. He was surprised at his own ease at joining in on whatever personal joy the other had but seeing how bipolar Mathias was with his highs and lows he took to enjoying what he could and tipped back as much as he could to as least get a false sense of this celebratory feeling Mathias had. He had not smiled, nor had he laughed or spoken to any other the way he had with his proclaimed best friend. His best friend who touched him as if he had a right and talked to him with words that penetrated into his head and did things to Lars that words probably shouldn't.

He loved this feeling of being free with how he felt and how he had always wanted to feel and so when the sweet liquor took it's hold on him he embraced that light airy sensation with all his might and they passed it backwards and forwards until he grew too tired to bounce on the complaining mattress for too much longer and Mathias had collapsed down beside him, cheeks red and chest heaving for air but he looked well...

"I love seeing you laugh you know...Alice told me you never have and I mean if I can get Berwald to laugh and even Lukas I sure as heck could get you too. And now look at ya, you're doing all the things the happy people do on a regular basis."

Truly happy for once.

And he caused it.

"You're a dork Mathias." Lars said warmly, collapsing against the sheets careless for the dampness of alcohol that seeped through his shirt.

"Did you seriously just use that word." Mathias said, looming over him in a way that had hope building in his chest and if he wanted he could just bury his hands in that hair that was softer than it looked and pull him close so their lips would mee...

"Yes I did."

"Really showing your degree there." The Dane rolled his eyes and rolled back onto his side, wrenching that hopefulness with him.

"Really showing your maturity there."

Thin fingers with cracked wounds were slapped onto his chest and he took the wrists similar to that of royalty, a queen if he dear say, and were unfortunately marked with the signs of the worst of days and pressed trails of kisses up to the seeping knuckles which he was sure had been drenched in blood more than they had been water and littering the motion of his lips across rusty tasting skin he cleaned away the bitter taste under the other had fallen asleep at his side and he turned over to kiss the crevice of his lips before slipping away back to his own bedroom on shaking feet.