Screaming oh my gosh the positive response to this has made me beside myself in happiness you have no idea!
Thank you so so so much for all of your sweet comments and oh I was so close to thinking of leaving you guys hanging even in this chapter but I decided against it either way and I think (maybe) here's my proper gift to you UwU 3
I seem to have this habit of listening to Chet Faker's 'Arch Angel' whenever I'm writing romantic scenes between these two perhaps I should incorporate that in somehow at some stage haha

(btw nsfw when I said I owe you guys I meant it (; )

Anyway enjoy! And thank you all a massive bunch big hugs hope you have a lovely week!
Calvin Harris - Feel so close

"Kiss me."

He could have sworn the flowers and thorns that had been growing in his chest since their meeting flourished into a full blown garden.

Unthinkingly he manoeuvred Mathias from his spot beside him and rearranged him on his own lap. From there he chose to covet the inviting press of the other's body against his and the warmth that radiated off it that was however not anywhere near as inciting as the tilt of the blonde's head or the laughing lips that went with it. He took the time to run his hands up the length of Mathias' legs long and covered in a surprising amount of tough muscle that was rock hard against his hands, he moved to the curve of his waist that took on a rather feminine slope with the sharp protrusion of hipbones that was still able to be felt through the layers of cotton and denim and eventually up to the angle of a tipped back head that exposed lightly freckled skin that hadn't been able to be covered in a thin sheet of foundation and pressed powder.

"Take your time Lars." Mathias murmured, his body entirely pliable under the Dutchman's touch and Lars smiled thin lipped as he pressed his thumbs to each temple and aided the other's head back forward. Eyes that were once rolled back came back in all their intense glory under heavy lids and still giving in the desire to simply touch he finished his mapping with his fingers combing over stiffly gelled hair and he leant in to close the air between them.

At first it was just a soft press of lips, their breath being exchanged from ones lungs to another's and Lars could taste the anticipation crackling in the air until he drank deeper. It was so much better than what he'd remembered of them being drunk and pressed against a hotel couch, despite the scenery and the place in general he wouldn't have given this moment up for the world. Not the eager tongue that flicked into his mouth and against his own with a skill he shouldn't have been shocked to have known the other possessed, not the hands that wandered into his own hair to keep him as close as was physically possible or the timid roll of hips against his. Not the warmth nor the natural taste of Mathias' mouth or even the laugh that hit his own teeth when they slipped against each other at the wrong angle so their noses bumped together.

And he could have stayed like that for an eternity and it certainly felt like it when he was trying to get out a confession of affection in between with gulp of air that was only smothered by a mouth he'd been fascinating about for months. But not everything on the planet was smiling down on the pair in that moment and car lights flooded the phone box and a horn tooted loud and unnecessarily long. The Dane's head rested on Lars' shoulder, body shaking with laughter until eventually he pulled away and took the Dutchman with him. Before they pushed through the doors he leant up and caught his lips a second time and it was confusing, like a promise he wasn't even sure the other would keep.

"Sadiq!" The Dane was beside himself in laughter was he leant over the window of the silver convertible to leave a scattering of kisses along a darkly tanned and densely stubbled jaw. Lars was about to pull him back when the blonde was dragged over and the two men in the front seats were sharing a lapful of a laughing Mathias after he was tugged over the edge and Mathias shared his warm welcome with the other warm skinned male. Their colouring was unbelievably similar though in the lack of light he was able to make out the modest green of the taller male and the burning almost gold of the other.

Mathias sat up quickly, a smile on his face and the cigarette back between his lips. "Come on! Isn't the Bentley just beautiful Lars?" He said as he slithered from his spot to the back seat another dry eruption of laughter leaving him. "Come in don't just stand there. Mm. Sadiq, Ga..Ge..Gupta this is Lars."

"We've seen him in the magazines. You two make quite the spectacle of yourselves." Gupta smiled slightly in amusement at Lars obvious discomfort.

Lars sort of starting tuning out the talk after that and watched on quietly as Mathias spoke with over expressive hand gestures and his unlit cigarette bounced haphazardly between his lips as he spoke. The Dutchman was still able to taste him faintly on the roof of his mouth and oh how he was craving another hit so soon, Mathias caught his gaze and smiled at him warmly before leaning over the car seat to have his smoke lit by Gupta and still managed to talk around the now burning tube. He kept to the background of the trio's life for the time being as he dozed and daydreamed while watching the other talk. Stealing one of the Dane's cigarettes he sat back and watched the world pass him, his world for now 3 of billions of people as they talked about stories and memories that he shared no part in nor interest. It all seemed like code after a while, places he hadn't seen and people he hadn't met. The background and foreground of his own existence in that moment as he curled smoke in his lungs and listened to himself inhale over the buzz of a three-way conversation.

Mathias turned his attention back to him after a while and gave him the audacity to believe he was important to whatever they were talking about and he added his own input when it was relevant but it all appeared to be rather mechanic to himself. His thoughts were louder than his and their words combined. He thought about the brief intimacy he'd shared with the blonde that had a completely different feeling to any other time they'd been in a similar situation. There was a desperation to it, a hidden message and a secret he wasn't clever enough to entirely uncover or understand. A sort of sophistication and a spin to the way Mathias had looked at him when he'd asked for the simple and complicated request.

It must have been written across his face or in his eyes or something along those lines as Mathias shuffled closed and pressed their heads together. His fingers finding their way between each of Lars' and he held on tight.

"It meant more than you'd think it did Lars." He said. "It meant a hell of a lot more than anything I've ever done."

Lars was lost for words, the ability to structure a full sentence dead on his tongue and he chose to pull the other in closer and revelled in the mouth that pressed a curved peck to the end of his nose. The moment they'd shared in the glass confines rapidly faded into history and for now he would look forward to what could be as opposed to the could have beens. This was better, this was now this was what he was living and breathing for and sharing the same air and warmth as the Dane he couldn't have asked for much more.

Mathias pulled away and bent backwards across the back-seat of the convertible until his back hit the cold metal and his arms were in the air that caught his excited laughter with the wind. Lars found himself tugged down beside him and together with their hands interlaced above their heads they appreciated the rush of the air, the purr of the engine and the quiet conversation going on in the front seats

"I can nearly fly." It was a quiet statement, but loud enough for Lars to hear over the wind whistling through their ears. "Lets be free for a while."

"We're free now."

"Be free with me."

"I am."

"Always?"

He laughed. "Always."

xxx

Mathias was twitching by the time they got back, his hands running through his hair in distress and his jaw clenched. He kept his grip tight around the Dutchman's until it hurt Lars' fingers and made the ends of them numb. Conversation had long since died by the time they'd pulled up and even the pair at the front watched him in concern as he bolted from his seat and disappeared through the doors of the building in record speed. Before Lars could even consider following after him the Turk turned around and stared him down.

"Do you know what's wrong with him? He was fine just a few minutes ago." He said carefully, his stare intense and his counterpart matched it.

"Uh...no?" In all honesty Lars never had a fucking clue what was ever wrong with Mathias no matter how much the awareness of it sat at the back of his head tauntingly. "You've known him longer so you tell me."

"He's never opened up to anybody enough for anybody to be able to piece it all together." The smaller male sighed.

"He makes up a lot of stories so people don't really know much." Sadiq added. "Pretty much all of them are bullshit to be honest."

"Not many people know the full story. Something about you hints however..." Gupta leant forward curiously. "That you do. Even unintentionally he must have told you something."

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat and prayed his internal discomfort wasn't evident on his face. When it appeared they had nothing else to say he thanked them and took off in the same direction the Dane had and relaxed once the elevator doors slid shut behind him. By the time they reopened the introduction and goodbyes were memories of the past and something he willed himself to shrug off his shoulders.

Lars found Mathias shaking with a glass of god knows what in one hand and a bottle in the other, his eyes were closed and his forehead pressed against the front of the fridge as he breathed deeply, chest heaving with each inhale. He pulled away once the Dutchman coughed into his hand to get his attention, his lips were tight and his eyes stony but he nodded once and finished the contents of his glass.

"What's going on?"

"...Panic attack..."

He tried not to be too obvious in his noticing of the syringe sitting on the counter. Or the fact Mathias was hastily tugging his sleeve down. Or the fact the other was swaying on the spot and trying to use the fridge as a support. To say the least yeah he was a little bit more than disappointed, but rather than lecture the blonde on the reasons why it was stupid he shook his head and set to making himself something caffinated.

"Don't look at me like that I haven't..."

"Don't do it again."

"Okay."

He didn't think it'd be that easy. But Mathias sounded sincere enough with that single promise. Lars took his mug and left wordlessly to the living room and was surprised enough to hear the shuffle of feet following after him, but rather than take a seat beside the Dutchman Mathias stood beside him with his mouth tightly pursed in thought. Trying not to place his hopes in a drop in the ocean and a change in the weather he beckoned him forward until Mathias' toes hit his own and he pulled him down by the shirt collar until they were eye level, noses brushed alongside each other's and he let his breath etch against Mathias' lips. At some point the Dane's legs had given out and he found himself with a lapful of indifferent blonde and a drugged smirk that made fury burn in his stomach. There was the arrogance he'd seen when they'd first met.

"Uh Lars what are you..."

"Sh. Don't talk don't think just...just fucking..." He struggled for his words, for an intelligent sentence that would get the point across, for anything that wouldn't reduce him to action which resulted in failure as the seconds ticked by and his lips covered the other's in a kiss more searing and treading the line of bruising. He could feel the excitement, the desperation and the relief radiating off the other male when fingers clawed at his jawline, his hair and neck as if to draw him in closer. Lars felt as if he were in a state of dreaming as the other responded to him almost too enthusiastically, the teeth biting at his tongue and lips massaging against his gradually turning from something that may have been shared in one's last moments and more to a tender exchange that held a pace that felt as if they had all the time in the world. For the first time he was kissing the Dane not as if he were a tourist to the other but more of a resident, he belonged there. It was meant to happen, whatever this was, they were meant to have this memory and time in history to themselves.

He travelled his attention from Mathias' mouth to his jaw, tempted to leave a mark and he would have if the other had not spoken up.

"Stop acting like you own me." Mathias whispered hotly into his ear, his hands under his shirt and down his pants. "I own the world but it doesn't own me. I'm freer than the wind and I blow in any direction I so wish, I'm like the ocean I'm unable to be contained or controlled. My prayers remain nothing but syllables and curses to any God who so much as hears a breathe of it because I'm the equivalent death."

His teeth grazed the side of the Dutchman's neck.

"Everything that exists in this moment and knows my name fears me."

That should have been enough of a warning. And he would have taken that into account if Mathias wasn't higher than a kite and curling his tongue around the edge of his earlobe in such a deliciously tantalising way that his words sounded like nothing more than background music to the movie of their own lives. Perhaps it was an example of Mathias telling him something about himself that he hadn't told others, something written in code that would be clearer than daylight if he'd so much as taken the time to look between the lines but for the time being he couldn't care less.

He shouldn't have ignored that hidden and yet most obvious message. But how could he not when he was being lavished and granted the attention he'd been so long pining for. Not with his hand kneading against the tenting in his briefs or the one that clawed unseen lines down his sides or the tongue that being it's exploration once again against his. Lars could have screamed when all of that went away briefly but when he heard the sound of shifting fabric and watched through blurry eyes as the Dane's shirt was thrown away to the side and eventually his trousers with it, he still could have screamed however not in protest but in relief. Mathias was back on him again in an instant and eagerly he leant in to take his claim back on that taste of the other's bottom lip. The male who covered his thighs and rutted down into his crotch burned brighter than the sun, intense and unbelievably warm against him, pleasant and for a few minutes appearing to be the reason why he was living and breathing and claimed to have a pulse. A blindingly hot sweep of lethal stardust that created and destroyed any sense of conscious and replaced it with raw need and spontaneous, unexplainable bursts of emotion.

Idiotic it was, but a love like that was irrational enough for simply being.

Their tongues slid together messily the further along they found themselves getting, Lars being stripped away from the navy shirt and white tie, his jeans being yanked down to his knees along with his briefs and he could have written enough poetry to fill a notebook about the vulnerability that crossed Mathias' eyes, the set to his lips and the stuttering to his breath as he stretched himself open on the Dutchman's lap. His head fell forward and the loose strands of his hair with it to conceal whatever expression he wore to match the quiet mutterings in his original language, panicked perhaps, hopeful maybe.

The cool coating of lubricant had Lars tipping his head back and hissing, the other incredibly capable of multi tasking between preparing himself and Lars simultaneously. The jerks of Mathias' hand were long, practised and skilled with every twist of his wrist and a voice at the back of the Dutchman's head reminded him that he'd done this with so many others, however that voice grew quieter and quieter the more Lars willed himself to be entirely immersed in wave after wave of toe curling pleasure in it's almost most perfect form.

"Is this what you want?" Mathias said just as he rested his hands behind each of the Dutchman's shoulders and hovered above the flushed head of his arousal.

Lars nearly laughed in disbelief. "It's what I need."

"Stop being so sentimental." The Dane wasn't as good at hiding his amusement and snickered against the side of Lars' neck before aiding the brunette between his legs. It was better than Lars could have ever hoped for, pleasantly tight but not impossibly so as if to hurt the two of them and just the right kind of warmth. It was all, the right kind of warmth and he could have stayed like that forever and selfishly he wished they could, so he wouldn't forget any of this, how inciting the other felt around him tightening at just the right time as he eased himself down until they were hip to hip and both panting through their restraint.

Lazily Mathias sealed their lips together again, his hips rolling leisurely and grinding down to take the other as deep as physically possible and perhaps even further, the mental depth that confused Lars from where their bodies began and ended and settled for them both being entirely endless. His hands held onto the backs of Mathias' thighs, taking control over what he could when he was sure he was losing control on himself and set up at least something akin to a pattern or rhythm, skin mere seconds from slapping together and each of them filling the air with horny moans but he kept it balanced, set and slow for the time being. It was impossible to stretch this out forever but he could only pretend and make it last as long as he could.

Mathias laced his fingers through the brunette's hair, nails digging into the back of his head as he pressed Lars' cheek against his chest and rode through the rest of the resemblance of a rhythm, rising, falling and tightening at just the right moments until the Dutchman was almost shaking with the need to let go and reach his peak of euphoria but the hands in his hair kept him at bay, reminded him that perhaps this wouldn't be something that could happen again and if the splattering of hot tears on the top of his head were anything to go for, his hopes were set in how the future treated them both.

In eerie fascination he pulled away and looked at the evidence of the Dane's crying streaming down his face and Lars was amazed he made it look attractive. He coveted the sobbing that the other tried to smother against the crown of his head, the whines and gasps of his name and when he asked what was wrong Mathias had replied with 'it hurts'.

"Where?" He stopped altogether and the Dane growled, forcing his hips to start moving again.

"Not there dumbass. Here." He leant back to point just over his heart. "My chest hurts so much."

"Can I help it?" Lars said in fond amusement.

The answer was undoubtedly there but Mathias shook his head and pushed himself further to make the conversation die, picking up the pace as his legs tensed on either side of the Dutchman's thighs and his hands smoothed over the plains of his chest as if to map out every inch of unfamiliar territory in the short time they had. Salt water tears dried on his cheeks by the time Lars' was supporting him from the curve of his back and tipping him back as he took over complete control, his thrusts rough and fast to get the job done. Nails scraped down his back until the skin was raw and stinging however not unpleasantly and he whispered Mathias' name with every slide in, whispering it every time he felt a jolt in the other's body and a reply to every hoarse uttering of his own name.

He ran his tongue over his own lips and watched through half cast lids as Mathias rode him with his head tipped back and his words a bare whisper, taking him into that intense heat even long after the Dane was spent. The rise and fall of his hips lazy and slow, but he still kept himself tense up until Lars reached the same release.

They stayed joint together at the hips until Mathias saw it fit to move and they'd both caught their breath again. Salt water tears dried on his cheeks and his lips were red, bruised and ruined and left Lars confused as to it the torn skin on his lips was the product of his own teeth or the other's nervous habit. The Dane managed to hide his limp as he pulled his jeans back up and silently moved to the bathroom leaving Lars to run his hands through his own hair completely confused as to what exactly happened and feeling more than a little proud of himself for achieving that much.

Taken out of his state of paradise he basked for a little while, cock limp against his thigh and sweat drying on his skin in the morning sun. He held his hands up in out of the beams, watch it become a silhouette against the brightness, the odd ray struggling through the gaps of his fingers and he kept his breathing even until he found the nerve to move and slip in behind the Dane who jumped out of his own little world and into reality when Lars' lips pressed against his shoulder.

"You're going to regret this." Mathias murmured. "Everybody does."

"I'm not regretting it right now."

"It's strange." He turned around, blue a restless ocean as the Dane stared into his own eyes. "For some crazy reason I believe you."

Lars cupped the sides of his face and drew him in to press their lips together in a brief kiss that the blonde sighed into and responded to leisurely. There was champagne in his saliva and the more their tongues and hands sought out each other's water slicked skin and desperate, exhausted muscles Lars found himself drunk on the taste. The water that used to be Lars' excuse to be touched was replaced with the warmth of the blonde's body pressed against his and it was far from heated, it was sweet, something to be filed away for a to be continued when they were both wrapped up in that same lust they'd been wrapped up in ten minutes ago, or was it thirty.

When they pulled away he swore he could have seen a part of the Dane he'd never seen before, vulnerable and raw and so completely him, something stripped away from that mask he wore so perfectly but snapped back in place as soon as it had come as soon as Mathias began to chuckle and threw the scrubber at him while he went back to rinsing his hair and immediately took that warmth and taste of sunshine with the turn of his back.

The Dutchman watched the rivulets cascading down Mathias' back that was marked in both scars and ink before he began lathering himself in the same fashion the other was.

xxx

Mathias' limp was more evident when he tried to walk faster down the road with a bag of freshly baked bread for sandwiches he'd claimed to be craving and a paper cup of coffee and a smile that seemed to compliment the sun above them. Lars was well in front, walking backwards with no care for anybody else that happened to be strolling down with them just to watch the Dane complain about him walking too fast. He kept an envelope and his own cup tight between his hands, the mail he tried to avoid thinking much on as soon as he'd opened it to see there was a new offer for something further away, something a better pay and the potential for success.

He'd pushed it to the back of his head but the flimsy letter felt like it weigh a ton in his hand. Lars wasn't expecting to see Mathias sprint towards him an obvious struggle to give into the ache that resided in his lower back yet still he managed and leapt into his arms with his legs around the Dutchman's waist, the Dutchman who had to fight with his hands to not drop his drink or the condemning opportunity.

"Carry me." Mathias demanded.

"I don't think I have much choice."

The Dane tipped his head back and laughed, his lopsided smile one of the closest things to natural Lars had seen him wear and rolling his eyes he dropped the other and gestured for him to get on his back before he stumbled his way to their home, ignoring the disapproving stares of the people flooding on either side of them. Mathias appreciatively pressed a kiss to the back of his ear and continued to chatter about odds and ends between sips of his latte and the request to be bumped up when he felt himself slipping. Lars was amazed that half of his own coffee didn't end up spilled on the pavement.

In the middle of Mathias' soliloquy regarding his amusement at some of the people who passed them he said in a wondering voice that seemed to reflect the slightest resemblance to a wanderlust he'd produced when he'd asked if the Dutchman would like to go to that rotting mansion in the middle of nowhere so many months ago. His voice soft and almost confuse when he'd suggested. "We should go to Rome."

"You still haven't taken me to Denmark yet." Lars chewed on his laugh of mirth that the other's groan of protest. "Maybe one day."

"Let's go tomorrow!" He said, flopped his arms over the brunette's shoulders and his grip remained tight on both the cup and brown bag.

"Unfortunately some of us have to work Mathias." He bounced him just as the doors slid open to their destination. "I can't just leave and go places like you can."

"In all honesty I do have to work but that's like Wednesday and it's still in the city but come oooooon." He whined into Lars' ear. "You don't really have to work I can just pay for everything."

"I still have to pay rent."

"Wait you're still paying that?"

"Yes Mathias."

"Oh. That's stupid you can stop doing that now."

Lars turned his head to stare at the other curiously from the corner of his eye and Mathias smiled back. He wished he could say okay, he wished that his self esteem wasn't dripping on the expensive marble floors of the lobby along with the courage he had been trying to build up to tell the Dane he had an offer for something more. He kept his mouth shut and shook his head exasperated and took comfort in the arms that wound tighter around him and that legs that tensed around his waist to keep himself locked into place as if he belonged there and Lars couldn't deny that to a degree he did, he fit into the curve of his own back more perfectly than anything or anybody.

But as they entered through the doors to the penthouse and Mathias hopped off his back to make the sandwiches he'd promised to make before they left he figured that no he wasn't perfect, not that Lars was either and nobody really was but he made him laugh. Laugh in a way that had him back tracking and looking over it twice to make sure the sound he heard from his own throat was real or not because it seemed so out of place after years of keeping it in. And Mathias had told him time and time again that he was only human, he admitted to making mistakes and making decisions that ruined many things but that he'd tried to learn from them all. That unlike Lars he didn't find too much comfort in the flow poetry but the words and hidden messages that made them up and that alone made Lars smile more than once to think about that a person who went with the flow preferred the deeper meanings rather than the obvious and he had to tell him that he himself preferred the base of the poetry than what was on the surface and perhaps that was what made them...

...compatible.

They were similiar and worlds apart all at once and he loved that, he loved wishing to pry open hidden doors with a crowbar to see what was behind them if it scared him or not just to get a better idea of why, why the meanings behind words meant more to the Dane than the pleasure of them simply being. Then again it made him a hypocrite when he was refusing to just accept the surface of the Dane and craved to push further through for a glimpse of the more complex parts. Lars had seen the weaker parts of Mathias, when he was broken or breaking, when he was mad and when he was so sad he drowned himself in bottle after bottle of liquid self medication and yet still he couldn't help but think at times he was so fucking perfect for and to him that he let all of that be the background to the best parts he saw on the best of days. Because he made him smile and he made him laugh and he made him say and think things he'd attempted to ignore for the earlier parts of his life and now he couldn't see any way to go back.

Mathias came back with their lunch and pulled him out onto the balcony so they could smoke and eat and for Lars look over his schedule for the next day. The Dane kicked his legs up onto the railing and tipped back in his chair until the front of it was lifted off the ground. The bread was still warm and true to Mathias' claim it was absolutely delicious, they finished their coffee and laughed in unison and yet still no matter how peaceful it would have been Lars was buzzing on a strange tension.

He gave up on the paperwork and leant across quickly peck the corner of the other's lips, his nose, his cheeks, his eyelids, everywhere he could get to until the taste of foundation was heavy on his tongue and made him laughed again at the ridiculousness of it. Worry crossed Mathias' expression and he held the Dutchman's chin on his fingers and raised an eyebrow.

"What's wrong you're laughing too hard." He said slowly, hesitantly almost.

"Nothing I'm just...I don't believe any of this is happening." It was a lie and the truth all in one and he smiled just a little wider and pressed their noses together.

"You're rubbing off on me I think."

"What the 'crazy'?"

"Not that part." Lars ran his fingers down the other's neck and his smile swept away with it until it was barely detectable. "The part of you that sees something enjoyable in everything."

"Even the worst things have something in them to like."

"You're ridiculous."

"And for somebody with a Ph.D and the title Doctor you're surprisingly stupid." Mathias snickered and kissed him quickly before returning his attention to his food. He popped a slice of tomato into his mouth that had slid out from between the bread slices and winked. "You're my weird stupid and strangely beautiful doctor if you like it or not."

He did like it

Oh he liked it a lot.

However he didn't know how long that would last when he shifted and felt the envelope in his pocket jab him in the thigh and remind him of the burden of telling the Dane about how far he could utilize the 'doctor' part of his name if he so chose. But with the other smiling at him so sweetly and so easily saying he was his...

No. He couldn't leave behind the man who was created of the seemingly millions of books the lined the walls of nearly every room or the songs that he'd sing to himself when he was in the shower and thought Lars couldn't hear or the thoughts that he talked about on Saturday mornings...or nights and were eaten back up again with pathetic looking meals. He couldn't leave behind the thousands of things that he'd met and discovered...not when there were a million and one things he still didn't know and making his decision...

Fuck.

Later that night before Mathias had hugged him from behind and asked him to spend the night with him in his room he set the letter up in flames.