Pickles had been very excited when the Snakes n' Barrels reunion tour was announced. Everybody appeared to be somewhat happy for him; but not Toki. The rhythm guitarist wasn't ready to see his friend, his lover, be on stage with some other band. Pickles rehearsed with his old band, and they were brilliant. Toki couldn't even begin to describe the feelings that coursed through his body when he heard his drummer sing. He worked away as normal with Dethklok, trying not to cry whenever someone mentioned Pickles' abscence. Every time Pickles spoke to him over the phone, his heart fluttered. As much as he knew it would never happen, Toki could not help but be absolutely petrified that Pickles would join Snakes n' Barrels, leave Dethklok, and leave his lover.
"I would gives my life to be likes Skwisgaar..."
"Theat's fuckin' stupid!"
"But Pickle," Toki protested weakly, holding the phone with both hands, as if it would bring Pickles literally closer. "It's my dream, to has the solos, to bes great, and maybe you don't, but I do! Isn't a greats dream worth givings up life fors?"
Pickles wished he could hold Toki, kiss him, but he was too far away. A phone didn't suffice. "It's naht," he whispered. "There are dreams worth fightin' fer, but naht ta be like Skwisgaar. He's an asshole most of da time. You have pe-assion, when yer playin' the guitar. He don't. He's all about speed. A dream to be like an asshole ain't worth you dyin', Toki..."
He knew Pickles couldn't see it, but Toki smiled.
Mordhaus, as large as it was, was quiet without the drummer. Toki loved the feeling that Pickles brought into his life, and now he was gone, he realised how much he missed the redhead. It hurt him that he left, just like that, even if he had said a temporary goodbye. He wasn't going to be gone forever. He knew that he wouldn't go back to Snakes n' Barrels, he had confirmed that plenty of times. Toki was willing to wait. Even Murderface had said that he missed Pickles, followed by a quiet agreement from Nathan. Skwisgaar didn't say a word.
Nobody questioned his actions when Toki took his guitar off halfway through a drum-less version of 'Go Forth and Die' and ran out of the studio, crying his heart out.
Toki's room was cold. It was cold, and he was glad to not be in a room where the walls were made of stone. His breath misted in front of him. A clattering from a nearby corridor - the front door of Mordhaus. Toki wildly ran to the doorway and sprinted to it, only to be disappointed. Nathan had returned from shopping. Searching for something, he said. Nathan actually felt pity for Toki. He was still such a child - but now, a terrified child, searching desperately for its only source of comfort. In Toki's case, that source was Pickles.
After Nathan shrugged and walked back to the main room to argue with Skwisgaar some more, Toki sighed. "I's searchings for something, too."
"I used to lies on de sofa in my old house backs in Norways and watch de meteor showers through the windows. They gots closer, every time they cames by. Eventually, they blocksed out the stars. They gaves me hope...that life would gets better..."
The older man stroked Toki's hair as he leaned on his shoulder. He knew the drummer was listening.
"Pickle...I thought you wasn'ts going to comes back...I wanted to sees you. I was so lonelies."
He was met by a kiss - and Toki obliged. Sometimes, Pickles didn't need to say anything at all.