What I intended to be Zant's first brawl that ended up being this random crack

Author's note: Lots of reviews! Yahoo! Well, as suggested by Foxpilot, the vote amount will be lowered to five. Well, too late this time around! But anyway, next time, only five votes are required. Even so, vote if you want.

Anyway, sorry for the delay. I've had so many ideas for this story.

"GOOD MOOORNING, SWEET SAMUS!" warbled a voice outside. Meta Ridley was back, not even twelve hours after Samus had brutally injured him. Zant knew that he wasn't the brightest button in the stack, but also knew that Meta Ridley made him look all shiny and new. Geez, no wonder that guy had been cut.

"Would you just SHUT UP?" bellowed Princess Peach from inside her room. Meta Ridley whimpered and retreated. He was really afraid of that girl. Well, her and Samus.

"GOOD MORNING, LINK!" Zant shouted. He himself had been up since 5:30, practicing his ballet routine, which he hoped to perform for the other Smashers soon. Why he hadn't woken Link, he didn't know. Link groaned and rolled to the other side of his bed.

"LINK! BUENOS DIAS! ZHAO-SHANG HAO! BONJOUR! WAKE UP!" Zant continued shouting. Looking at his clock quickly, he shouted "IT'S ABOUT... 7: 3!"

"7:15, Zant. Don't you know how to read a clock?" Link moaned and got up. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Link? It's torture session time!" shouted a voice from outside. Link suddenly acted as though a fire had been lit under him and pulled his clothes on (though he slept with his hat on), and raced outside to meet none other than Zero-Suit Samus with a laser whip.

"Where should we go that doesn't disturb Peach?" Samus asked.

"Why not... in here?" Link asked. "She's used to my self-harming, so she put some sound-deadening stuff in." Samus nodded and walked inside. Zant was passing by her to leave the room when all of a sudden, a pair of sharp teeth sank into his arm. He shrieked.

"Oh, that's just Pikachu. He'll bite anything or anyone that gets within thirty feet of me except for Link (unless he asks Pikachu to) or Ridley. I am the only one allowed to torture Link or Ridley," Samus explained coolly. "Down, Pikachu." Pikachu nodded and sank his teeth into Link's arm, who affectionately patted the large yellow mouse.

"SEE YOU AT BREAKFAST, LINK! I'LL SAVE YOU A SEAT!" Zant shouted. Link whimpered and turned to face Samus.

"So, which weapon are you going to use on me first?" he asked. Samus grinned and pulled out a piece of her Varia suit.

Outside, in the hall, despite the early hour, there was already a great amount of activity going on. Pit was whimpering in a corner, complaining about how no one loved him, and how even Zant got more attention than him in this fic. Kirby walked over, said "Poyo," and tried to dance to make him laugh, but Pit just swatted the pink puffball aside and moaned something about how even pink puffballs got more attention than him.

Ganondorf, meanwhile, suddenly burst out of his room in a blaze of darkness, laughing insanely. Jigglypuff, who'd been walking by, quickly rolled in the other direction. Ganondorf turned bright pink at frightening the object of his affections (unless it was Kirby, but as I am not a yaoi fan, I believe Process of Elimination works here).

"WORD OF ADVICE, MY LORD," Zant said in what he hoped was a confidential (though everyone in the hall could hear him) tone. "WHEN TRYING TO PICK UP A CHICK, DO NOT TRY TO SCARE HER."

"And you know so much better than I how to impress a girl?" Ganondorf asked dryly.

"NO," Zant replied. "YOU KNOW SO MUCH MORE THAN I ANYWAY. YOU ARE A GOD, AFTER ALL."

Ganondorf sighed.

"We've been through this, Zant. I am not a god. What gave you that idea?"

"YOU'RE IN MORE GAMES THAN PIT, WHO'S THE PREMIERE PROTAGONIST OF HIS SERIES!"

Pit gave a howl.

"Okay, seriously, I think even Captain Olimar's been in more games than Pit. So what else gave you the idea?"

"I FORGET RIGHT NOW."

"Okay," Ganondorf sighed, "That was entirely pointless."

Meanwhile, Marth was standing shirtless in front of the door that led to the room that he, Ike, and Roy shared.

"For the last time, Ike, I am manlier than you are!" he bellowed. "And I am actually glad you kicked me out shirtless!" Zant could practically hear Ike roll his eyes. Zant almost rolled his eyes. Those Fire Emblem characters were weird.

Speaking of which, Roy was standing a few feet away, having an intense conversation with a wall. Now that was a weirdo.

"Hey, Zant!" shouted Zelda. "Nice to see you!" With that, the princess strode down the hall, her dress billowing behind her as she walked.

SO PRETTY, Zant reflected. WAIT, WHAT THE H***?
"C'mon, Zant! You need some breakfast before your first brawl, don't you?" Zelda asked with a smile.

"WAIT, MY FIRST BRAWL?" Zant asked.

"Yep, your first brawl," Zelda replied, grinning. "Master Hand wants you to be a normal Smasher-I mean, Brawler. Which term do you prefer?"
"I HONESTLY DON'T CARE! WHICH TERM DO YOU PREFER?" Zant asked.

Zelda blushed prettily. Gosh, she was so elegant-WHAT'S WITH ME TODAY? wondered Zant.

"Well, I prefer Smasher, but I prefer Brawler," Zelda replied. Her eyes glowed red at the 'Brawler' part.

"SO ZELDA PREFERS SMASHER AND SHEIK PREFERS BRAWLER! I'LL GO WITH ZELDA!" Zant replied. Zelda nodded, her eyes returning to their sky-blue eyes.

"Anyway, now for breakfast," Zelda grabbed Zant's hand and strode back down the hall. Zant was forced to follow her if he didn't want his arm ripped off. For her rather ladylike appearance, Zelda was as strong as Link.

"WAIT! I WANNA SAVE A SEAT FOR LINK!" Zant shouted when Zelda took him to one of the booths in the cafeteria. Zelda just sighed.

"He's going to be awhile. Samus is torturing him. Keeps her from torturing the rest of us," Zelda replied. "Besides, he usually sits with her anyway."
"SO, HOW DO WE ORDER FOOD?" Zant asked. Zelda pointed to a control pad next to his placemat, then indicated to her own, pressed a few buttons, and in about thirty seconds, a stack of pancakes with syrup on the side and a pat of butter on top, hot chocolate, and bacon appeared in front of her. She looked annoyed, banged on her control panel, and snapped, "You forgot silverware." With that, a knife shot out of who knows where and almost hit her in her forehead, and a fork shot out of another area dubbed who knows where and hit her shoulder pad.

"Good thing I wear some armor, mm?" she smiled at Zant and politely waited for him to order. Zant banged the control panel with his fist, hitting every single button. A puff of smoke emerged from his placemat, and in a minute, the machine announced "Error. Overload" in a voice that sounded suspiciously like R.O.B's.

"R.O.B RUNS THE KITCHEN?" Zant asked.

"Nah, Crazy Hand just programmed every mechanical thing in the house to have a voice like R.O.B's. Roy goes beserk every time it happens," Zelda replied.

"WELL, WHAT DO I DO ABOUT FOOD NOW?" Zant shouted. Zelda indicated to the panel next to her (it was a four person booth and Zant had been seated on the opposite side). Zant leapt up, ran over to it, punched in random buttons, and shrieked "DON'T FORGET HAND WIPES, SILVERWARE, AND NAPKINS!"

About a few seconds later, a waffle topped with pineapple, orange juice spiked with caffeine, hand wipes, a parasol made of napkins, ice cream topped with eggs, and silverware was sitting in front of Zant. Zelda sighed as Zant quickly wiped off his hands, put the parasol in his lap, grabbed his silverware, said "BON APETITE," and took a massive bite out of his ice cream topped with eggs. Zelda began eating as well, and the two discussed a few timeline-related theories that the two had about the Legend of Zelda canon. All of a sudden, their peace was shattered when R.O.B entered.

"ちょっとそこ！どのようにして、今日ですか?" R.O.B asked in his metallic voice.

"UH, DON'T FOLLOW YOU!" Zant replied.

"あなたがいないのですか？もう、あなたは、私が思ったより厚くている！" R.O.B shouted.

"R.O.B, Zant (and I) didn't understand you," Zelda replied.

"厚ヘッド！"

"Lay off 'em, R.O.B!" Ike mumbled. "That was just mean."
"Thanks, Ike," Zelda smiled.

"And Awesome Ike saves the day again," Ike grinned arrogantly. Zelda sighed.

"HOW DOES HE UNDERSTAND R.O.B ANYWAY?" Zant asked.

"He's got a pen pal from another fanbase who doesn't speak a lot of English," Zelda replied. Before any other comments could be made about R.O.B or Ike, Master Hand came shooting in. Seeing Zant's choice of food, he gasped.

"You can't eat that swill! Seriously, eggs on ice cream?" Master Hand nearly shouted.

"I CAN EAT WHAT I WANT, CAN'T I?" Zant replied with a question.

"Well, anyway, I came to warn you that your first brawl is in five minutes. You'll be against a young woman who severely ticked off Peach in the middle of the night by making an unplanned arrival after Peach's match."
"How did Peach's match against Dedede go, anyway?" Zelda asked. "I bet Dedede won," she added, her eyes glowing red.
"No. peach actually beat the s**t out of Dedede. The poor penguin is now in the med bay, sore in twenty places no one should be sore in," Master Hand replied.

"AND THE OTHER NEW ARRIVAL?" Zant asked.

"Peach didn't get a chance to beat the anything out of this one. She only barely managed to KO her," Master Hand seemed to be smiling to himself, before the smile suddenly faded. "Oh no…"
"WHAT?"
"I just received reports from Mario that Crazy Hand took Popo and Nana bungee jumping in the elevator shafts. I'll have to stall all the elevators," sighed Master Hand. "Gotta go."

With that, he zoomed out.

"Ah, the drama," sighed Zelda. Then, she looked at the clock.
"OH MY GOSH, ZANT! YOUR FIRST BRAWL IS IN THREE MINUTES! C'MON, I'VE GOTTA GET YOU READY!" Zelda shouted, sounding not unlike her new friend, and dragged Zant off.

"SO, AFTER EACH BRAWL, THERE'S A PHOTO SHOOT?" Zant asked. "AND BEFORE EACH BRAWL, WE HAVE TO ENTER IN SPECIALIZED PORTALS? AND MINE IS TWILIT ENERGY?"
"Correct on all counts," Zelda replied. "And what are you going to do for the time in between?"
"DUKE IT OUT AND FIGHT TO THE BEST OF MY ABILITIES AGAINST WHOEVER I MIGHT BE AGAINST, USING ALL THE WEAPONS AND ALL THE TOOLS THAT I HAVE AND THAT MASTER HAND DROPS FROM… WAIT, WHERE DOES HE DROP IT FROM?"

"Duke it out? Did I really say that?" Zelda asked.
"I GUESS SHIEK DID!"

"I guess," Zelda smiled. "Anyway, I don't know where he drops it from. Also, good luck." With that, she walked out of the teleporting chamber where Zant was standing. He waved goodbye to her and jumped into the teleporter, appearing in a wave of Twilit energy.

On the other side of the stage (which turned out to be Final Destination), another wave of Twilit energy had appeared.

"SO I'M AGAINST GANONDORF, EH?" Zant wondered very loudly.

"No, silly!" came Link's voice from the earpiece that Zant had been fitted with. Each Brawler-or Smasher!-an earpiece and a wristband in each brawl, the earpiece allowing the Smasher-or Brawler!-to hear their audience or other Smashers-or Brawlers! Meanwhile, the wristband allowed the Smashers-or Brawlers!-to tap into their interface, namely check their popularity, look up the time of their next match, check their scores, sweep the area for the troublesome Boos or Poes that haunted the mansion (only used by Link when he was trying to complete a sidequest or by Luigi, who was terrified of Boos), and the like.

"WHY AM I SILLY?" Zant asked.

"Because Master Hand specifically said you were fighting a young woman. And as far as I know, Ganondorf is not a woman."
"Wait a sec-" came the voice of Zelda in Zant's earpiece. "Twilit energy and a young woman? No-"
"IT COULDN'T BE-" I think everyone knows who said that.

"MIDNA?" the three chorused together as a tall redhead appeared on the other side of the stage, causing most of the men in the crowd to start drooling.

"That is the hottest woman I've ever seen," gasped Wolf, Snake, Ganondorf (who had never seen Midna's Twili form), Captain Falcon, and Wario, among others. As a matter of fact, the only one who wasn't watching with rapt attention as Midna picked up and threw a Pokeball at Zant was Fox.

"What's the matter with you?" asked Falco. "Haven't you ever seen such a good-looking chick?"

"I have," Fox replied. "Her name is Krystal."

Author's note: So, since I was gone so long, I have decided that I will be publishing at least one, if not more, chapters a day.

Personal chapter notes: Well, well, well, Zant's got a little crush on someone, eh? I was originally making this story Zelink, but thanks to a suggestion from Dark Lord Link, I decided to spice things up a little and have Link go with Samus (They work together better in this story anyway), leaving Zelda open for someone else.

Aww, Fox and Krystal fluff there at the end! I'm thinking of adding Krystal some time, actually.

Also, I have R.O.B speaking some language or other. I am pretty sure that you all have a good guess what it is, but if not, submit your guess in a review. Whoever gets it right first gets their vote in the next tally counted twice. Not major, but it gives their chosen chapter just a little boost.

Also, whoever provides the correct translation gets their vote counted twice. Cheap reward, I know, but until I think of a better one (or until you lot suggest another), that'll be it.

Finally, can anyone venture a guess what problem Midna would have? I already have it figured it out, but I want to see what my readers think she might have wrong with her. Whoever gets it right gets their vote counted three times! Yes, I am pretty sure none of you will get it right, to be honest.

Finally, keep suggesting your characters, and vote on whichever one you want!

Current tally:

(The two most popular characters that didn't win last time will be counted again. Don't worry, Seth will be back some time)

Vaati:_ Zim:_ Krystal: _ Daisy:_

Last tally

Vaati: 2. Midna: 4. Seth: 1. Zim: 2

Final winner: Midna

As always, please, if you have any character ideas, submit them!