Dr. Jude; There are no shortcuts in life or love. The pain must be felt. It's what makes us special; what makes us beautiful; what makes us worthy. The pain of how we love. But that pain is accompanied by something else. Hope. With that pain is hope.
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"We-we can't do this here." She panted, pulling her mouth from his but then he was kissing her again, his large hands gripping her hips.
He smirked, watching as she tried to catch her breath, her lips were swollen from his teeth and her eyes were almost black with lust. He decided he could get used to the delectable image she made. "We just did."
She bit her lip, giggling at his line and she smacked at his shoulder, letting him press his mouth back onto hers.
Never in a million years did she, Haley James, think she would be making out with somebody at school, let alone in the janitors closet. But here she was, being pushed back against a wall by Nathan Scott, a bucket on her right side as a mop leaned feebly against the wall on her left. After he had kissed her that night at his party he just didn't seem to want to do anything else - at tutoring she had to bribe him into paying attention.
A small noise sounded in the small space and then she realised it was her, he was doing sinful things to her neck with his tongue and she lifted her leg, wrapping it around his waist and pulling his lower half more tightly against hers.
"I want you." Nathan's heated whisper sent Goosebumps across her collar-bone and she gripped his thick raven locks in her fists.
"I need you." Haley gasped back, biting her lip to stop herself moaning as his fingers dug into her backside at her words.
.
"Bad time?"
Knocked from her thoughts Haley's eyes flickered upwards, smiling at the man standing on the other side of the small table she was seated. She shook her head 'no' and he sat opposite, the chairs legs scratching on the tiled floor of the coffee shop.
"New song?" He asked.
Haley laughed, yet again stroking a large line through the words she had just written down. "If only."
Quickly, before she could stop him his long fingers snatched the paper from beneath her frustrated hands.
"Hey!" She tried to swipe the crumpled sheet back.
"Chris Keller's just looking." He assured, keeping it out of reach. "'He's stealing my breath when you're around.'" He quoted out loud, his eyes scanning over her writing scratched onto the paper, usually all loops and straight lines.
"Give it." Haley ordered, making another snatch for her coffee stained paper.
"You seem to be feeling awfully inspired lately." Chris announced, finally sliding the sheet back to her. "This wouldn't happen to have anything to do with that tall, dark and handsome hottie you were whispering with at your party?" Grinning as she sent him that look he clarified. "And by dark and handsome, I mean your husband-to-be."
"Hmm." Haley nodded, eyes wide with a 'I so, totally believe you' look as she took a sip of her mocha frappuccino.
"Well whatever, I'm just glad you're writing again. And this stuffs good." He complimented, watching her lick the leftover whipped cream from her top lip.
"I'm glad you think so."
"Sarcasm." Chris nodded, as if he had just figured out some big secret. "Well just think, in a few weeks we'll be on a tour bus, headlining every city in the world."
She laughed. "Actually, I'll be headlining, you'll just be opening."
He clutched at his shirt - which Haley wondered if he had borrowed from his sister - where his heart lay underneath. "If only people knew how truly cruel you really are. Nice disguise by the way."
Haley smiled evilly, pushing her large sunglasses up the bridge of her nose as her phone vibrated on the table and after seen the caller-display flashing she pressed the 'ignore' button on her Blackberry.
She noticed him staring at her quizzically and rolled her eyes. "Brooke." She explained and he nodded, letting out an ah in understanding.
"She's probably just wondering why you've been ignoring her since your party." He announced as he stood up, ignoring the evil eye he was receiving. "And she's probably wondering who that gorgeous man you were having eye sex with is."
She threw a balled up napkin at his ridiculously gelled hair as he chuckled, walking away from her table. "I'll see you in the studio tomorrow."
She sighed, looking out the clear window of the café as people bustled by outside, many clutching shopping bags tight, wrapped up in coats and scarf's to protect themselves from the air, which was getting colder everyday.
Despite trying to keep her mind busy it ended up on him. When Nathan and her had started - well, to this day she wasn't sure what it was. They were together all the time, for the first few weeks it consisted mostly of making out. In his bed, her bed, his car, his dad's office, the school gym, the cafeteria… He wasn't ashamed of been seen with her, this nobody girl who no one knew, and she wasn't bothered by what anyone thought. His mere presence washed it all away.
She felt more comfortable with him than she had anyone else - like she felt with Brooke, who had been her only true friend since she was seven. But it was different, she didn't get a tingly feeling all over when Brooke hugged her, and her insides didn't melt when Brooke merely looked at her.
Then one night she had a huge screaming match with her mom. And unlike going to Brooke's - like she usually would she wound up outside his house. And as she sat in Starbucks she realised how lucky she was that his parents weren't home. He had immediately taken her inside, pulling her up to his bedroom and she told him what happened, her eyes brimming with angry tears as she repeated the hurtful things she had said and her mother had yelled back. He just sat and listened.
And she understood now that's why she probably went to his that night, he didn't judge her. He didn't ask a million questions, didn't try and get her to realise she was in the wrong, he just let her get it all out.
She could still see it clearly in her mind. Sitting on his king-size bed, close enough to smell the soap from his skin, his hair still damp from his shower. She had leaned forward, pressing her lips to his and she had needed him then, truly needed him and he was there, kissing her, holding her.
He had pulled back, gasping for air and declaring they should stop, or he wouldn't be able to.
But she had silenced him by pulling at his belt buckle, and then he had pressed her into the mattress, taking everything away and just letting her feel.
Their relationship wasn't just about sex after that - not that you could even call it a relationship. She heard the whispers at school everyday, 'are they like, together?', But truthfully she didn't even understand it herself. But Nathan made her feel things she never had before and the more time they spent together, the more time she spent learning his body the more she fell into the swirling mass that was Nathan Scott.
She decided the closet thing she could call them was 'Friends With Benefits,' even though they had never really been friends and it wasn't all about the benefits.
She made the biggest mistake one night as they lay, quietly entwined in her bed - tiny in comparison to his, but they made it work. As she had run her fingers down the side of his face as he lay on his side, his head half hidden in her pillow she came to a realisation as he 'heavy breathed' into her face.
She was in love with Nathan Scott.
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"Brooke I can't talk right now." Haley sighed into her phone after ignoring the buzzing against her thigh for as long as she could. "I'm grocery shopping."
Brooke's raspy voice let out a breath in a 'what am I going to do with her' way - her point for calling momentarily forgotten. "What kind of rock star goes grocery shopping?"
Haley rolled her eyes. " I'm not a rock star and shut up I like it, it calms me."
"You are so weird sometimes." Brooke announced, her easily distracted brain remembering her reason for calling. "And now, would you like to tell me I was just imagining things the other night and I did not see you talking to he-who-shall-not-be-named?"
"Kcchhh." Haley made a rustling noise in the back of her throat. "Sor-cutting off-can't-tunnel-"
"You're in a supermarket!" She heard Brooke's indignant voice yell before she hung up, throwing her phone into her large handbag, thinking she could just pretend she never heard it.
"You always were subtle." A deep voice announced as if on cue and her cheeks instantly heated, her heart twisting. She closed her eyes for a second, she should not be reacting like that to a man's voice. Especially a man who wasn't Dean.
"Unlike you who was more of a screw-you-over-without-any-second-thought kinda guy."
Nathan tried not to wince at her tone. "I deserved that."
"You also deserve a kick in the balls but I'm thinking that would cause a scene." Pushing her cart further along the isle Haley picked up a bag of oranges, pretending to study the fruit.
Even though he shouldn't, he found himself smirking as he walked around to stand in front of her trolley, his own basket resting in the bend of his elbow. "I don't think anyone would recognise you." He told her, taking in her large sunglasses, baseball cap and large purple scarf. "Didn't know you were a Red Sox's Fan." He announced, reading the word 'Boston Red Sox' from the cap she wore.
She dropped the bag into her cart. "I'm not. But Dean is." She replied, it felt awfully tight on her head all of a sudden.
Nathan ignored the jealousy swirling in the pit of his stomach. His eyes finding their way to her hands, which were gripping tightly onto the bar, her engagement ring flashing at him mockingly as if to say 'just think, it could've been you.'
"What are you still doing here, anyway?" She asked, taking in his stubbled jaw and the hat he wore. "Aren't you like, a professional basketball player?" She asked as if she didn't know but of course she did. She had even caught a couple of his games, torturing herself with 'what-ifs' as she watched him ran around the court.
He rubbed at the back of his neck - an action Haley had learned meant he was uncomfortable, nervous, un-sure of himself.
"Still working stuff out?" She asked mockingly, remembering his words at her party days before.
Nathan rubbed his chin with his knuckles. "There's this charity event tonight, you should come."
Forgetting that he hadn't answered her question she looked at him as if he had two heads. "Are you serious?"
He nodded. "It's for a good cause."
She scoffed, going to make her way around him but he blocked her path.
"You can even take Dean." He told her, even though the words cut at his throat. "It's for children." He added, hoping to make her change her mind. "And it's only a small organisation right now, they need more people to get involved, people who can get it publicity. Bring big donations." He shrugged. "And I'm sure a big rock star like you going would get a lot of peoples attention."
She ignored his charismic grin. "I'm not a rock star." She repeated those same words she had to Brooke mere minutes before, trying to remember her reason for not wanting to go.
Nathan smirked, picking something out of his basket and flashing it at her. "Number one album three weeks in a row. That's pretty rock star-ish if you ask me."
His blue eyes were burning into her as she let her own brown ones look at the copy of her album he was holding. "Why are you buying that?" She couldn't help asking, feeling weird as he held something he had pretty much helped create in his hands.
"Well, I already have the deluxe edition, the DVD version and the live concert one." He grinned his charming grin and she found her own lips twisting upwards.
Remembering who she was standing talking to she sobered, her face blank except for her cheeks which she could feel burning. "I have to go." She told him, ready to walk away when he was standing in her way again. "Nathan-"
"Please come tonight, Haley." He asked. "It's a really good cause. And you wont even have to speak to me."
"Win-win for me then." She said back, noticing his smile lift at her joking tone and she immediately wanted to get away, being with him for more than five minutes and he was already making her forget. "Send me the information and I'll see if I can make it." She replied, even though she knew she could, she had some downtime until her tour in a few weeks.
Nathan's smile could have been seeing by a blind man. "Oh wait. I don't have your address or anything."
She kept on walking. "If you really want me there you'll figure it out."
.
.&&.
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"So, I hear the total hottie and man-whore Captain of the basketball team is going out with some total loser." A loud raspy voice could be heard echoed throughout the nearly empty tutor centre, her voice mocking of that of half the girls in their school.
Haley rolled her eyes at Brooke's dramatics as the stiletto wearing girl plopped into her chair across from her.
"Does no one at this school have anything better to talk about?"
"Apparently not." Brooke replied, pulling her make-up bag from her large shoulder one and they sat in a comfortable silence, each girl doing their own thing. "Doesn't it bother you?"
"Why should it?" Haley asked, not expecting an answer but of course the immaculately dressed girl had one.
"Because their whores calling you a whore." Brooke told her in a pissed off tone, her manicured nails helping her to open the lid of her compact. "They all think he's using you for sex."
"Do you include yourself in that?" Haley questioned, letting the test she was currently marking fall forgotten to the table, the chicken scrawled Nathan written in the top corner not going unnoticed to the other girl.
"A 93." Brooke nodded, impressed. "You ask him questions and for every one he gets write you remove a piece of clothing?" She asked, pretending to un-button the blue blouse she was wearing, her tongue exaggeratingly licking her lips.
Haley rolled her eyes but couldn't help but laugh, throwing a pencil she had strewn across the table at her best friend. "Shut up."
Brooke giggled along with her, winking as she handed Haley her small mirror, motioning for her to hold it up. "Boys are nothing but trouble." Brooke insisted, opening her eye wider to apply a thick layer of mascara, as she looked at her reflection "I'm thinking of turning lesbo."
.
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"So, I hear the total hottie and man-whore Captain of the basketball team is going out with some total loser." Brooke made her presence known loudly as she walked into the recording studio. "Oh, wait. That was seven years ago and though I thought things had changed, apparently I'm a little late on the up-take."
Haley sighed as she made eye contact with Chris over the sheet music they were working on. "And somehow you're still as sweet as ever."
Brooke glared at Haley's large grin, folding her arms defiantly across her chest. "Do you want to explain to me why you were talking to him or am I going to have to sit on you?"
Haley looked at her for a second, knowing she would do it if she had to. That's how she had managed to get her to spill about losing her virginity, sitting on her stomach until she had choked out an answer. "We weren't talking."
"Reminiscing, then." Her sarcasm wasn't lost at the two musicians.
"Surprisingly, no." Haley spoke back mockingly. "I wanted to know why he was here."
"And did he tell you?"
Begrudgingly she answered. "No."
Brooke laughed loudly. "And why doesn't that surprise me."
"Brooke I'm not stupid okay. I'm not just about to run back to him simply because he showed up." She promised.
The fashion designer raised an eyebrow then sighed, falling into the seat beside her. "I know, I just don't wasn't to see you get hurt again." She explained, softly.
"And I love you for that." Haley replied, smiling at her. "But I'm not going to. I'm happy, I have music, friends, Dean." She smiled wider at the thought of him.
"Good." Brooke grinned.
"I am so confused right now." Chris announced, receiving eye rolls from both curvy girls.
"Besides, you're only in New York for the next couple of weeks, we have to make the most of it." Haley said, ignoring Chris. "And I know just the thing. There's a big charity ball tonight at the Plaza hotel."
.
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"You what?"
"What was I supposed to say?" Haley asked, putting her shopping bags onto her large hotel bed.
"Well, I'm thinking no would have been appropriate." Dean replied, his arms crossing over her broad chest.
"It's for charity." Haley explained. "I couldn't say no."
"Or you couldn't say no to him?"
Surprised at the jealousy clearly running in his tone she looked up, her eyes meeting his for the first time since she had entered her hotel suite. "Dean, this is for a good cause." She promised, taking his hands in hers, ignoring the fact that she had just used the same words Nathan had to get her to agree to go. "It has nothing to do with him." She released his fingers as she turned back to her purchases. "And why would it, anyway?"
Dean watched her movements as she pulled her new dress from the pale pink bag. "He's the guy who broke your heart."
"God." She laughed, hiding the rawness she could feel in her throat. "Don't be so dramatic."
He could see her back tense and her movements become sharper. "Haley." He touched her elbow softly, waiting for her to stop moving. "He hurt you once and I promise I wont let him do it again."
Haley let him turn her around, her heart giving a soft tug at the protectiveness in his green eyes. "Dean, what happened between us was a long time ago. Before I met you. And I'm over it, we were kids." She shrugged, as if that explained everything.
His gaze never wavered. "And yet you wrote an entire album about it."
Her own eyes flashed along with her flaring nostrils. "Dean-"
"Look I have to go buy a new tux." He told her, quickly pressing his lips to hers in a chaste kiss. "I'll see you tonight."
Haley was left standing as she watched his back disappear behind the door. She closed her eyes, willing the angry tears she could feel stinging the backs of her eyes to stay there as she turned back around, running her fingers over the soft material of her dress.
.
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"I'm starting to think you don't enjoy our tutoring sessions." Haley announced into the quiet room, after having gone to Nathan's to in his words 'try and teach him something' and had ended up wrapped in his bed sheets.
Nathan's deep chuckled sent Goosebumps over the back of her neck. "Oh trust me, I definitely enjoyed that."
She found herself giggling as his lips trailed up her bare back, teeth pulling at her bra strap.
"Why didn't I take this off?" He mumbled into her soft skin, his hot breath fanning onto the already over-heated flesh.
"I think you were a little bus-y." Haley gasped on the last word as Nathan's tongue touch the newly freed skin as the material fell apart. "Doing that." She breathed out, feeling his hand grip her hip tighter, his fingers curling around her hip bone. "Nathan." She put her arm behind her, clutching the back of his head as his lips worked there way up her shoulder to her neck.
He smirked against her neck, feeling her push back against him and he groaned into her skin as she pressed against his obvious arousal. "Jesus. What are you doing to me." He growled out, his hand sliding up her stomach to pull away the cups of her bra, throwing the material to the floor.
Her breath caught in her throat as he moved over her, his arms on either side of her head, the look in his eyes making her inner thighs burn. And she prayed he couldn't see what she was feeling in her own.
He could see it, her liquid orbs were a swirl of emotions that he had never had directed at him before, and it scared him, the lurch his heart gave in his chest. So he didn't try to figure it out, instead he kissed her, let them both bask in the need neither could understand.
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.&&.
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"Wow." Brooke's awed voice was heard by the three people she had shared a limo with. "Swan-ky."
"Why, thank you." An accented voice responded. "Now, if you'll please come with me I'll escort you to your seats."
Brooke raised an eyebrow as she watched the slim mans behind swish as he walked in front of them.
"Stop it." Haley told her sternly but her tone was filled with amusement.
"Is that Chad Michael Murray?" Julian asked, his eyes scanning over the many round tables scattered about the room.
"He has such a crush on him." Brooke explained to Haley and Dean, giggling as he squeezed her hand in return.
"I just think his movies are good." Her boyfriend clarified.
"You okay?" Haley asked quietly as the couple beside her continued to bicker.
Dean nodded, sending her his stunning grin. "I'm good." But she knew he was lying, his shoulders were so tense she was scared if someone bumped into them his shoulder blades would snap.
"Here we are." The man in the white tux announced, his manicured hands gesturing to the beautifully decorated table, situated in the middle of the room, a few tables behind the stage.
"This is gorgeous." Brooke awed as she sat in the chair she pulled out for herself, smacking Julian's arm as she noticed Dean pulling Haley's out for her.
"What?" He asked, annoyed.
Brooke simply smiled back, her eyes once again moving around the decorated room. "This place is amazing, I wonder who did all of this?"
Dean snorted behind the event card he was looking at, ignoring the warning glare form his fiancé he spoke. "Looks like we're having dinner first."
"Thank god, I am starving." Brooke announced, rubbing her stomach over her devil red dress. "You okay, Hales?"
The small girl looked at her friend, instantly sending her an 'I'm so totally not fine but I'm not going to tell you that' smile.
"Hello everyone." A voice boomed from the stage, saving Haley from answering. "We would like to thank you all for coming and supporting the charity tonight. Sports for Kids is a charity dedicated into helping underprivileged kids get all the normal experiences of everyone else, even if that's a simple thing like throwing a baseball." The greying haired man smiled into his microphone. "Now, dinner will be served and then we will see where the night takes us. Thank you."
Brooke leaned into Haley's side. "Hopefully it'll be taking me to the bar."
Haley laughed quietly, smacking the young fashion designers bare shoulder.
And then she felt it, something burning into her back, a shock of heat crawling up her spine before settling low in her stomach.
She closed her eyes, willing herself not to turn around.
It seemed Dean had felt it too as he looked behind her, his green eyes turning into emerald stones as he glared at the tall raven haired man. "I'm surprised he doesn't just walk over and drag you off."
Haley sighed. "Well it's a good thing I wouldn't let him, isn't it?" She smiled, placing her hand on top of his and leaning over to press her lips to his, her other hand cupping his stubbled cheek.
Nathan watched them from across the room, feeling his fists tingling with the desire to punch that Dean guy in the face.
It was going to be a long night.
.
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"How much are you going to give?" Brooke asked, tapping her pen against her chin.
Haley pursed her lips, her own pen between her teeth. "I'm not sure."
"Well, how about a dance while you decide?" Dean asked, sneaking up behind her.
"Go ahead." Brooke said, making shooing motions with her hands. "Go be in love and all that."
Haley smiled, she hadn't heard that tone of voice in days. "Gladly." She grinned, letting him pull her onto the dance floor.
I'm finding my way back to sanity again,
though I don't really know what
I'm going to do when I get a breath and hold on tight,
spin around one more time,
and gracefully fall back to the arms of Grace
"So, I've been thinking." Dean's voice broke into the trance his dancing partner seemed to be in and he smiled as her brown eyes flashed back to the present apologetically.
"What have you been thinking?" She asked, trying to make the feel of his palms on her bare back burn, make her so dizzy with lust and want that she could barely stand. But they didn't, it felt nice. Warm.
"I think we should move the wedding up." He told her, watching for her reaction.
"To when?" She wondered, her hand which was holding onto his shoulder tightening, she prayed he didn't notice.
"Before you go on tour."
She laughed, her large eyes widening as she saw he wasn't joking. "Dean, my tours in less than a month." She reminded him, the ring on her finger feeling far, far too tight.
"I know." He replied.
"We haven't even started planning things."
"I know." He said, then asked the question which had been plaguing his mind for a while. "Do you still want to get married?"
"What?" Her eyes snapped to his. "Of course I do. I love you." She reassured, her fingertips brushing against the back of his neck.
"Really? Because it seems like you're having no trouble finding reasons not to." He told her.
Haley opened her mouth to respond when a dark figure appeared behind him.
"Mind if I cut in?"
She watched the solidness of Dean eyes turn into a liquid fire.
He let out a disbelieving laugh, then he was turning around and walking away. "She's all yours."
Haley watched his back move beneath his tux, anger suddenly overwhelming her. He was always sensible, never one to cause a scene. But just once she would like if he would stop bottling up his jealousy or anger and let it out. Fight for her.
"Having fun?" Nathan asked, having already wrapped his arms around her waist.
She told herself if she hadn't of been mad at her fiancé she would have gone after him. "When are you going to get it? I'm with Dean, Nathan."
He grinned down at her, shrugging. "It's just a dance, Haley." He promised as the song changed. "And if you're 'with' Dean then why don't you go find him?"
I want to hold the hand inside you
I want to take a breath that's true
I look to you and I see nothing
I look to you to see the truth
She couldn't answer him so she didn't simply let him turn her around on the dance floor. She hated how the skin she had wanted to burn seconds before was immediately ablaze as his calloused fingertips merely brushed against her back. This is wrong. Think about Dean, do you remember him? The man you promised to spend the rest of your life with?
"You look beautiful." Nathan's breath whispered against her forehead, even as he hunkered down slightly he still towered over her. And she did, her midnight blue dress gave her pale skin a gorgeous glow, the sweetheart neckline giving him a lovely view as he stood tall above her. "But you always do."
"What are you doing, Nathan?" Haley snapped. "I don't know what you think I came here for but it sure as hell wasn't for you."
He met her challenging gaze. "I think you did."
"Well you're wrong." She replied, removing her eyes from his and instead tried to find Dean in the seemingly endless crowd of people.
"I think you're lying." He told her, relishing at the soft skin he could feel against his palms. "You still want me, Haley. You never stopped."
"You don't know what you're talking about." She snapped, feeling her face flush as she tried to pull out of his grasp. "You left and I moved on."
His blue eyes burned with want. "Then why are you dancing with me instead of him?"
She met his determined stare and then she was free of his grasp.
Then she was walking away, leaving him alone on the dance floor as she felt her heart stretch painfully in her chest as if it was been pulled away from where it was meant to be.
.
.
As she manoeuvred her way around the tables and passed the free bar Haley's upper arm was suddenly grasped tightly.
"Tell me I was just imagining things." Brooke asked her. "And I did not just see you dancing with Nathan Scott."
"You were imagining things." Haley replied, tried of talking about him. Tired of thinking about him.
"What are you doing, Haley? And why didn't you tell me Nathan invited you here tonight?" She asked, her vodka and coke forgotten on the polished countertop. "Dean just stormed past me like a raging bull, he looked really upset when he spoke to me."
"Where did he go?" She asked, not letting her guilt trip her into spilling her guts.
"Do you still have feelings for Nathan?" Brooke questioned a heartbeat later, dreading the answer as she waited for her friends response.
"Excuse me." That same voice boomed from the stage, saving Haley once again. "But tonight we have a very special guest, one of the founders of the charity, the very generous, Nathan Scott!"
The whole room burst into applause as they watched the point guard make his way onto the stage.
Brooke and Haley momentarily letting their argument go watched him as well. "What is he doing?"
"Sorry for interrupting." He smiled into the microphone. "But I just wanted to personally thank you all for coming out here tonight. It means a lot to know people are supporting the charity." He said, earning another round of clapping. "And I also have my own announcement today, as today is also the day I retire from basketball." There was a stunned silence around the room. "As much as I love the game I realised there are more important things." His blue eyes found her, as they always did. "Something I love more."
Suddenly the room was too small, there were too many people and she couldn't breath. "I have to go." She choked out, not waiting to hear the rest of what he had to say as she tried not to fall in her dark blue heels, ignoring the brunette calling her name.
.
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"Okay seriously Duke, I think you're about to pull my arm off." She puffed, trying with all her might to pull on the brown Labradors leash. "Heal. Heal."
Her walking partner chuckled, his Nike sneakers making no noise against the sidewalk.
"Duke!" She finally lost her patience, he looked back at her with his golden eyes, burning with the desire to run. "He doesn't listen."
"He just doesn't listen to you." Nathan explained, placing his hand over hers and giving the red leash a sharp yank. "Duke. Heal."
She watched with amazed eyes as the dog immediately slowed, coming to walk in-between them. "That is so unfair."
Nathan smiled proudly. "You just need to be stern."
"But he's so cute." Haley said, fluffing the dogs ears. "Look at that face." She awed in a baby voice as he looked up at her, his tongue hanging out the side of his smiling mouth.
"You are such a pushover." Nathan's deep voice was amused as he unhooked Duke's collar, letting him go as they reached the large park.
They sat on the old bleachers, one of her thighs resting over his. "So…" She twisted her lips, not able to keep her mouth shut any longer. "I saw the big envelope on the kitchen counter." She told him, watching as his blue eyes met hers as if he was just waiting for her to bring it up. "It was pretty thick. Surprised it could even fit through the letter box."
He kept his smile at bay as she continued to ramble.
"I mean, the postman probably had a hard time carrying it, probably had to use all his strength to pick it up. It's lucky Duke didn't try and bring it to you he might have lost a tooth and how long are you going to make me do this?" She asked after running out of breath.
"I just wanted to see how far you could go." He teased, resting his arms on her jean-clad thighs.
She sent him a dirty look, her smile giving her away. "Was it from Duke?"
Nathan nodded, his eyes following his Duke as he rolled about on the grass. "Yeah. I haven't opened it yet." Lines appearing on his forehead as a million thoughts ran through his head.
"You know you got in." Haley teased, weirdly missing his usual cocky confidence. "When does the semester start, September?"
"Yeah, I just don't know if I do." He replied, his voice a million miles away, losing himself in her touch as her thumb rubbed softly at his temple, making the worry lines disappear.
She bit her lip, taking his wrists in her tiny hands. "Nathan, I know you've been working towards Duke College your entire life, but was it your dream, or your dads?" She hedged, unsurely.
"It was always the plan." Nathan's firm tone replied.
"I know. But I just don't want you to look back and think 'what could have been' if you hadn't done what your dad wanted and had instead done what you wanted." She told him earnestly. "What do you want out of life?"
In that moment he felt something he never had before and he realised he could easily spend the rest of his life feeling it.
.
.
Leaning against the wall outside the huge hotel Haley finally felt like she could breathe again, only just, but it was something.
"He never was one to do things by half."
Her head swivelled in the voice's direction, the last few days having shocked her so much she wasn't surprised at who she saw. "And you would know."
Clayton grinned that same boyish grin and she felt a small comfort in that fact. "I've missed you, James." He announced and she found herself been pulled into his large form.
She smiled into his white and pink shirt - Clay was never one to blend in. "You too, Evans." She replied, and she had. She had found an unlikely friendship with the blonde boy as she and Nathan grew closer, he was on the basketball team and despite their occasional heated comments, she also found out Clay was Nathan's closest friend. His only friend, if she was been honest. Only true friend.
"You look good." He declared, taking in her small form with his knowing blue eyes.
"And you look buff." She laughed, hitting his large bicep. "Jeez Clay, what've you been taking?"
He just smiled back at her, making her think he knew all the things she wasn't saying. He removed something from his tux bottoms, flipping open the lid and offering her one.
She shook her head. "I don't smoke."
He raised an eyebrow. "Since when?"
"Since I figured out it's bad for you." Haley replied, looking out into the car park, the hidden meaning in her words not lost on him.
"He was a wreck, you know." Clayton announced, lighting up his cigarette. "All through college if anyone even looked at him the wrong way he was jumping down their throats."
She looked up at him, watching the smoke swirl out of his mouth as he spoke. "And I should feel bad about that?"
"No." He answered without hesitation. His mind wandering back to the day he found her sitting all alone in the school gym, her eyes seeing a thousand things he would never be able to understand. He had hated Nathan in that moment, where she turned to him with her large doe eyes, brimming with un-shed tears and had then finally broke down in his arms. It broke his heart. "But I thought you'd want to know. He was a mess without you." He quickly continued at her glaring gaze. "What he did was wrong, I know. But I have never seeing that boy smile the way he did when he was with you, or look at anyone with such… wonder."
"We were in high-school, Clay." She replied, trying not to let his words sink in.
He smiled a ghost of a smile. "Yet, even after he left, broke you into a million pieces you still asked me to watch over him at Duke." Her burning eyes found his, shocked that he remembered her words to him the day before he himself left for college.
"Could you just do me one favour? Look out for him."
And then it all came rushing back, the nights alone in her bedroom, the days spent down at the dock, the inside jokes, the heated looks across a crowded room had her reaching for the half finished cigarette in Clay's hand.
.
.&&
.
Haley clutched at her side as she felt her stomach muscles cramp up, God she had never laughed so much since… she couldn't remember when. She listened to Clayton as they reminisced about the old days, missing out the third leg of their tripod as they told they stories, neither wanting to taint the short time they had together.
"I forgot what trouble you used to get me into!"
Clayton grinned wolfishly and then it faded, a softer one touching the corners of his mouth.
He didn't have to say anything. She could feel his presence behind her.
"I'll talk to you later." Clay promised, touching her shoulder softly as he kissed her cheek, giving Nathan a warning look as he bumped shoulders with the taller boy.
And then it was quiet, all traces of the earlier laughter gone, replaced with un-sure silence.
"You left the NBA?" Her question was rhetorical. "Are you stupid?"
He shrugged. "Maybe."
She didn't know what to do with him. "That was your dream, Nathan. You worked for years to get into Duke and then you got it all. And now, now you're just going to throw it away, over what? Me? Because that is just ridiculous-"
"Why? Why is it ridiculous? Because I couldn't possibly do something without having some kind of hidden agenda?" He thundered back, tried of this tentative dance they had been swaying. "The NBA was my dream Haley. One my father had drilled into me since I was three. I want to finally have what I want."
"You are not giving up the NBA." She told him matter-of-factly. "I wont let you."
If they hadn't of been arguing he would have smirked - actually, when they first started seeing each other and they were fighting he would simply smirk, then she would laugh and it would be over. But now they were older, had scars they had each caused each other and they were no longer the care-free kids they once were.
"I wont live my life without you, Haley. Not anymore." He swore, his voice firm. The end of conversation tone making her anger spark up a notch.
"Your life?" She shot back. "What about my life, Nathan? I'm happy."
"You're settling." He corrected, his blue eyes daring her to tell him otherwise.
She hated how he could tear down whatever defences she had and make her feel completely bare in front of him with something as simple as a glance. "So what if I am?" She challenged. "Dean makes me feel good. I know he'll always be there. He loves me."
"Does he really?" Nathan's now husky voice deepened. "Does he make you feel the way I did? Make you so hot that you had to pull me into an empty classroom?"
She didn't let the sinful image he had just painted enter her mind. "He's reliable." She came back with, trying to forget the way Dean's touch simply made her skin warmer while Nathan's made her burn.
"That's not a reason to be with someone!" Nathan told her, trying to get her to see past all the shit he had put her through, make her see him now.
"And what? You're who I should be with?" She found herself angrily shouting back. "You show up after years of silence and just expect me to forget everything. Forget the nights I cried myself to sleep over you. How I spent month after month trying to figure out what I had done wrong." She watched with sick satisfaction as his face contorted, as if the mere thought of it caused him pain. "You left me, Nathan."
.
.
"What the hell was that?" Haley's pissed off tone echoed around the empty living room she had just been practically shoved into. "That was fucking humiliating, Nathan." She said after having him just pull her away from the conversation she was having.
"He was hitting on you." Nathan growled, the jealousy and protectiveness he felt hidden in his tone by anger.
Her eyes widened and she scoffed. "And why would you care?" She challenged, watching his face harden. "You have been acting like a complete jackass, lately. I cant do anything and you're bitching at me."
Nathan wanted to explain it to her. How he couldn't help it, how he found himself falling more and more into her everyday and instead of telling her he took it out on her. Unable to understand the feelings swirling inside him, the fact that whenever she was speaking to another guy he saw red, felt a protectiveness what was damn caveman like.
"Fine." He bit out. "Why don't you just go back in there and drop to your knees for him."
She had never wanted to punch him in the face before, but in that moment she could have. "Why are you been like this?"
"Me? I'm not the one who was just practically throwing myself at that prick." He knew it wasn't true, he had seen that punk West grab her elbow, leering at her as she tried to push him away. Years later Nathan would realise that had pushed her away because he was scared he wasn't good enough for her, that one day she would realise it and leave him. And that was a pain he didn't think he would survive.
"I would not throw myself at anybody else, Nathan." She bitched back, her brown orbs reflecting the same anger as his now dark blues. "Why would you care anyway, we're not together, right?"
Nathan felt that horrible gut wrenching pain in his stomach. "Why don't you just go fucking sleep with him, then."
She released the inside of her lip which she had been chewing. "I couldn't sleep with anybody other than you."
"How the hell am I supposed to believe that?" His tone was mocking, making the backs of her eyes sting with angry tears."
"Because I'm in love with you, you stupid jackass." She declared into the suddenly deadly quiet room and she found herself remembering back to a year earlier where they had sat in this same room and he had kissed her for the first time and she had felt her whole world disappear.
But this time instead of stumbling out together she got to watch his back as he walked away from her. And she felt her whole world crumbling down around her.
.
.
"I made the biggest mistake that night." His voice was hoarse, a smorgasbord of emotions. "I never wanted to hurt you-"
"But you did anyway." She fired back, not letting him talk his way out of what he did. "Do you know what it was like to have to find out from Dan the next day that you had left for college? You packed up your life and left without so much as a backwards glance." She couldn't help the hurt in her voice as she remembered the smarmy grin on Dan Scott's face as she turned up on his doorstep the following morning, hoping to rectify things with Nathan.
He's gone.
What?
He left for college this morning.
But the semester doesn't start until next week.
Haley, is it? Look, let me give you some advice. Nathan's older than you, he needs different things. And some high school infatuation clinging to his ankle isn't what he needs. Just move on, you'll be a lot better off.
"I-"
"I don't want to hear your excuses." She turned, ready to walk away when he grabbed her elbow, swinging her back around to face him. She hated the lurch her heart gave at the fire burning in his eyes. "I told you I loved you, and you pretty much slapped me in the face. Actually, a slap in the face would have been less painful."
"I did love you." He told her, with all the sincerity and passion that she felt herself believe him.
"Don't say that."
"I still love you. I never stopped."
"Stop it." Haley raged, trying to pull her arm free of his tight grip.
"It's the truth." He never let her go, instead he gripped both her wrists in his fists, pulling her closer to him. "I was a stupid teenage boy back then, Haley. I had basketball and my dog, nothing else mattered. And then you came crashing into my life and turned everything I'd known upside down. You made me feel things that I didn't even know I was capable of. And that scared me, terrified me that I could want someone so much. Need someone as much as I did."
Haley felt the fight wash out of her, simply letting his touch remind her of everything they once had. "So you ran." She spoke, not understanding.
"I've lived the past seven years without you and as selfish as it is I wont do it anymore." He told her, earnestly. "I can't."
Despite her best efforts she was getting lost in his words, in his smell in his touch. He was leaning down then, his lips almost touching hers when she was jarred back into reality by a cars flashing headlights.
"What am I doing?" She asks incredulously, mostly to herself. "I shouldn't be here." Her whispered declaration was for him only as she pulled away, and this time he let her go.
"You're it, Haley." Nathan called those same words to her he had the other night. "You still love me, no matter how much you wish you didn't."
She walked away, his words finding her ears and entering her thoughts, swirling around until she was sure she would collapse. And she knew if she let herself look deep down, into that drawer she had padlocked shut years ago and thrown away the key, she would see that he was right.
You're it.
.
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I wasn't going to post until i had chapter four finished but i can't help myself, plus it's been two weeks. Plus i'm ill and have nothing else to do. I never thought i would actually want to be at work. Now enough of my complaining, i really hope you enjoyed this and mostly everything is clear?
Thank you ridiculous amounts for the reviews(:
Oh and that awesome quote is from Brothers&Sisters.