Chapter Fourteen:

Waiting for the Watcher

A sense of uneasiness swept over her as Sara unlocked her apartment.

She'd had a strange feeling ever since Gracen had left the lab.

Her heart thudded out of control as she opened the door.

He sat there in the chair and the sight of him eased her worries.

"Hey," she whispered.

He extended his hand and she dropped her things into the floor, coming into his arms, needing to feel his warmth.

"You're shaking," he said as he rubbed her arms.

"Gracen…is everything okay…I feel…strange…like something…is off between us."

He kissed her lovingly. "You look tired."

"You didn't answer me," she pressed.

"I'm sorry for what Vivian tried to do," he said softly but then added, "I didn't like being cruel...even if it was to Vivian."

She settled into his arms.

Gently he stroked her hair as she closed her eyes.

Hours later she woke in bed.

She grumbled when it was just a few hours before work.

Why did I sleep so long?

I always sleep better with him.

He was gone.

She called out for him but there was no sound.

She jumped out of the bed, searching the apartment but Gracen had left.

A note sat on the counter.

My Sara,

There are some things that need to be done before we can move forward. Be safe at work.

All my love,

Gracen

She read the note over and over, ignoring the small voice inside her head that told her things were not right.

She showered and dressed, tidying up the apartment as she counted down the time before she could make a decent entry into the lab.

Early but not too early…

She found herself on the couch only to slide over to the chair and then back to the couch.

Nothing seemed comfortable.

She stepped into the bedroom, throwing open the closet to make sure his things still remained.

Get a grip Sara…

He doesn't have to be with you all of the time…

Stop being so needy…

It was difficult to put into words.

From the moment Gracen divulged his identity, she had felt a sense of security. Feeling "safe" was a rare feeling for her, always on her guard, fearful of the shadows. She knew it was a result of her childhood when she had to hide in the shadows from her drunken father.

Gracen's very essence soothed her soul, giving her a peace she had not thought possible. What had transpired earlier as well as his abrupt departure left her feeling unsettled.

Most good things never lasted and she feared it was going to come crashing down any minute.

By the time she drove to the lab, she was a nervous wreck, not sure what to make of her behavior.

Grissom felt her uneasiness as he watched her from across the break room.

She sat in idle chat with Warrick and Greg but it was obvious her mind was elsewhere.

She'd checked her phone at least a dozen times, not sure if Gracen even had the number.

She knew Gracen had called Grissom but she wasn't about to sink lower in her desperation and ask for it.

It would certainly tip him off that something was wrong.

Why didn't I think to get his phone number…

Wait, does he even own a phone?

Of course you ninny, he called Grissom…

He called me but his number didn't come up on caller I.D.

Calm down, Sara.

Everything is alright…

No it's not…

Something is wrong…

Terribly wrong...

I just don't know what it is but I can somehow feel it...

Suddenly she realized why she felt different.

Gracen was not with her, physically or spiritually.

A sense of loss rushed over.

Grissom watched her demeanor from across the room, not sure what to make of her behavior.

"Earth to Sara," called Greg.

"Hmmm?"

"I asked you if you would like to go to the diner for dinner?"

"Dinner?"

She was used to eating with Gracen.

This evening had been the first time she had to eat alone and she could not bring herself to face her old seat at the counter where she ate alone for so many years.

"No…thanks."

The others stood glancing toward Grissom.

"You coming?" asked Catherine.

"I'll pass."

Sara placed her coffee mug into the sink.

"Sara…I didn't think you would have heard already…about Randle."

She had no idea what he was talking about.

"The coroner confirmed it was a suicide…not foul play."

She sucked in air. By her expression, he realized she had not heard yet.

"I'm sorry. I thought you were quiet because of…Randle."

"No."

"Sara…"

"I've got some errands to run during dinner break."

She drove like mad to her apartment, rushing inside to find it empty. He'd been there because there was a salad in the fridge marked "You need to eat."

She flipped open the lid but then closed it.

"Gracen, where are you?" she said out loud.

She drove by his house, knowing that she was going to be late getting back to work but she hoped she would catch a glimpse of him.

There were no cars parked out front.

The house contained a three car garage and so he could easily be at home but she wouldn't know it unless she went and knocked on the door.

She told herself over and over to get back to the lab but she found herself ringing the door bell a little too much.

The door finally slung open and Vivian stood before her.

She glared at Sara.

Sara looked shocked.

Vivian's snarl turned into a cruel smile. "What? Do you think he really meant it? You haven't won…anything!"

Sara straightened her shoulders. "You're not betrothed to him anymore."

"No…I'm not but then I don't see you living here."

Sara turned on her heels and left.

She practically ran into the back door of the lab, trying to catch her breath.

Grissom glanced up, irritated that she had disappeared and he'd spent his dinner break worrying. "Sara….you help Warrick…in the lab."

The hours were grueling as she watched every hour slowly tick by, flying out of the lab in order to rush home.

Surely, he'll be there…

He's finished his errands….

He came back, Sara…

He left the salad for you…

He'll come back again...

She wasn't prepared to come home to an empty apartment.

She slipped off her shoes and sank onto the couch.

An hour passed and there was still no sign of Gracen.

She reached for her laptop and shot off an email.

Gracen,

Call me…please…

Your Sara

Another hour passed and then her phone finally rang.

It was Grissom.

"Sidle"

"You feel up to working in the field?" he asked.

Of course, she didn't.

She was too preoccupied with thoughts about Gracen.

The next several hours became a blur.

It did help take her mind off things as she processed the crime scene.

She looked over her shoulder a few times but Brass was nearby.

It was even good that Grissom was not there, not feeling up to a confrontation.

She trudged into her apartment, not bothering to look for Gracen.

She knew he was not there.

She felt his absence as soon as she unlocked the door.

She went through the motions of preparing for bed, showering, brushing her teeth, slipping on her gown and pulling back the covers but she could not bring herself to lie in the same bed that she had shared with Gracen.

Her phone rang and she cursed thinking it was the lab.

"Sidle," she said harshly.

"You didn't eat," he said softly.

She tapped down her emotions trying to remain calm.

"Gracen…I've missed you."

She felt his smile through the phone. "That's good."

"Are…you…I'm about to turn in," she said hoping that the phone call meant he would be there soon.

The need to feel his arms around were overpowering her pride not to beg if he had other plans.

"You should eat something then turn in. I can feel your exhaustion."

"Really? You can feel my emotions?"

"Yes….I felt how upset you were when you came by the house today and Vivian opened the door. She was getting her things. I'm glad you didn't run into any of her family."

"Where were you?"

"In my father's study."

"You knew I was there and…you didn't….have I done something…wrong?"

He paused for a moment. "We need some space. You need space. I'm giving you space…so you can sort out your feelings."

"I don't need…to sort out my feelings," she almost pleaded.

"Sara…the other day…when you were teetering on the edge…you almost said Grissom's name."

"I didn't! If I did…it was a slip…I swear I wasn't thinking about him."

"Perhaps not but your heart was."

"I'm sorry, Gracen. I didn't mean to hurt you. I am so sorry," she sniffled.

He smiled. "I know, Sara. You wouldn't intentionally hurt me."

"I know you're angry and you have a right to be but…"

"I'm not angry," he emphasized. "I'm not doing this to punish you or sulk. I'm stepping back…letting you think clearly."

"I could…with you…here."

"No, you couldn't. I would be too tempted to…do what we've been doing and honey that is just confusing you….and hurting me."

"Come over and…"

"No."

She gulped.

He almost gave in when he felt how she struggled to keep her composure.

"Night," he whispered.

She hung up the phone not wanting to hear the click, cutting off his connection.

There was an email the next morning waiting for her, wishing her well.

She responded not wanting to sound so miserable but she was.

The past few weeks had been the best she had ever known.

Her loneliness had disappeared and for the first time in her life she felt loved.

She never realized how much she disliked sleeping alone.

She was awakened by her own scream that evening.

She'd sat there shivering and gasping for air as she glanced around the room.

Lately Gracen had been able to chase away the monsters by softly talking to her, soothing her into a deeper, restful sleep.

Now, it was as it was before and the loneliness seemed to choke down her spirit with each hour that passed.

Gracen Merci was definitely giving her space.

She thought it would swallow her up.

She avoided Grissom although they worked a case together, being ever professional.

He didn't like the way she looked and wondered if perhaps they had initiated the mating ritual leaving her sleepless and tired.

He gritted his teeth at the thought of Gracen making love to Sara.

He caught sight of her a few times.

She seemed to have a far off look these days.

He snapped at her when she did not answer him about her report.

Her head turned as if she was in pain but it was brief.

She stormed out of the break room returning shortly with her report.

On the third day, she was on the verge of tears, not able to control her emotions.

Gracen had sent a few emails as well as called another time.

"Have dinner with me?" she pleaded.

"Sara…"

"Gracen…" she didn't know what to say, a memory flashed briefly of her standing in Grissom's doorway as she asked him to have dinner only to be turned down.

It had been painful. She felt the same feelings of inadequacy swell up within her.

He realizes he doesn't want me either…

She closed the phone, not wanting to drag out the pain.

She went into work early, not having anything else to do. She saw an assignment that had been slipped in Grissom's mailbox.

He was surprised to see her there so early.

"I can take that," she offered.

He glanced at the details.

"This is a two person case."

"I don't mind," she stated.

He knew she just wanted to get out of the lab.

"Let's go."

It wasn't a difficult case but rather a slam dunk case but still the evidence had to be documented and processed.

She cursed when her trembling hands smudged a fingerprint.

She acted as though it was the end of the world.

"Grissom…oh God….I've…destroyed the fingerprint."

Any other case he would be angry since crucial evidence had just been lost at their hands but there were finger prints everywhere.

"Be more careful," he said trying hard not to sound too harsh.

"Did you see what I did? I lost a print…I smudged it."

"Sara, there are prints everywhere. These guys did not bother to wear any gloves. You were lucky…this time."

"I've never done that before. I've always been…so careful."

"Like with your relationship with Gracen?" he spit out before he could stop himself. Her lack of sleep was indicative that she'd been doing "other" things rather than sleeping and he wondered if Gracen was just as tired.

"What...do you mean?" she barely got out.

"How are you sleeping these days?" he gritted.

He didn't know what to say when she stepped back as if he'd struck her, tears glistening in her eyes.

Before he could say anything she bolted from sight.

Note from author:

Ouch...that didn't go well...big chapter coming up... I'm getting snowed in also...

Take care!