Chapter Fifteen:
Angelic Plea
Why did I say that?
It shocked him but he was angry that she had trudged into work the last three nights, looking as if she had not slept nor rested.
The rest of the shift went downhill from there.
She avoided him like the plague and then glared daggers at him if he came within a few feet of her.
He was actually relieved when the shift ended.
She returned to her empty apartment, tossing the soggy salad out, grabbing a beer from the fridge.
There was an email for her but she slumped down on the couch, trying to get up the nerve to open it.
Go ahead Sara Jane and open it…
He's going to let you down easy…
While you fall hard…
She finally clicked on it.
My Sara,
You're not taking care of yourself. I'll call you after shift.
Yours,
Gracen
Her phone rang at that moment.
She picked up the phone without saying a word.
"Sara…get something to eat and then sleep. I'll be over in a few hours."
The phone clicked before she could reply but she didn't know what to say.
She was a mess and she knew it.
Since Gracen had made himself known to her, she had finally felt wanted and loved but more importantly cherished.
She knew her feelings for Grissom had not changed.
Her heart still fluttered every time he entered the room but she wasn't about to fall victim to his cruel ways any more.
Grissom's track record spoke for itself.
"In order to have her, I had to risk everything… I couldn't do it."
Gracen Merci had risked everything.
She opened the fridge, staring at the few contents and dismissing her options.
She'd not eaten much in the last few days but she wasn't hungry.
There was a beautiful crimson bottle in the back.
She'd not seen it before and knew Gracen had recently placed it there.
She took the bottle and examined it, opening the top.
She froze.
It was a vial of blood.
Her heart thudded loudly.
He's preparing for the ritual…
Letting me decide and then…
She showered and then slipped on her gown but she could not bring herself to sleep.
She was too anxious to talk with him.
Thoughts of Grissom swirled around in her brain.
Once I choose there is no going back….
If I don't choose Gracen then I give up the only man who ever loved me…
If I don't choose Grissom then….
He can't hurt me anymore…
She rubbed her temple, exhausted beyond thinking clearly.
There was a tap at the door and she forced herself to walk rather than rush to open it.
Grissom stood there.
"May I come in?"
"Yes. Look, I know I screwed up today. It won't happen again. I've just not been…" she stopped, licking her lips. "I wouldn't blame you if you reprimanded me."
"I didn't come for that."
"What did you come for?"
"Us."
She swallowed, glancing toward the fridge, knowing what Gracen had already offered her.
He had never hurt her.
"There's no need to do this. Grissom, I'm really tired."
"Are you saying…you don't want to consider…a life with me?"
Did you ever consider one with me?
I've offered and pleaded for years…
You never showed any interest until Gracen came into my life…
You just want Gracen out of my life…
If he were gone would you be here?
Not likely given your track record…
"You're…not worth the risk," she bit out.
He stepped toward her and she braced herself.
"So you've chosen Gracen?"
She looked down at the floor and folded her arms.
Gracen is safety…
He's warmth…
He's comforting…
Gave me space when he thought I needed it…
I know I never want to be alone again…
If I choose you…you'll just break it again…
"Yes," she said closing her eyes, feeling very lightheaded.
I would have given you my heart Grissom…
Instead I'm giving my tattered heart what it needs…
Love…love that you're incapable of giving…
She felt arms try to encircle her and she stepped back, not wanting the contact.
"Grissom, leave. You're too late…you've been too late. I love Gracen," she said feeling a twinge in her chest as she kept her eyes shut, not wanting to see whether her words even affected Grissom.
They tore through her, piercing her already battered heart.
This was it.
She was letting go and it hurt to the very core.
She felt her body sway a bit as she waited to hear him leave.
"Sara, open your eyes honey," whispered Gracen.
His voice shocked her.
She opened them, searching around the room but Grissom was not there.
He never was.
"Forgive me...for the deceit but I needed to make sure. I wanted to give you more time but honey you…haven't slept or eaten."
He started to hold her but she shoved him away.
"I don't like games! Don't play with…my heart. It's too…"
Her fist hit him, attempting to shove him away but he ignored the blows.
He grabbed her, pulling her into his arms. "I'm sorry. This is not the way I wanted to do this but I couldn't stand watching you…hurt yourself. You're so self destructive when it comes to matters of the heart."
"That was cruel and…" she didn't finish, bursting into tears.
"Sssh Sara. It's going to be alright."
"How is it? I…trust you and you…just leave…me. You controlled all of the shots…just like him!"
"You're right," he said trying to lift up her chin so that they were eye to eye.
He pulled her toward a chair, forcing her to sit in his lap as if she were some child that needed consoling.
She scrambled to get out of his lap but he held her firmly, rubbing her back while he repeatedly gave his apologies.
"I promise Sara…I will never take on his form again."
He let her calm down before explaining how difficult it had been for him to stay away.
"It took most of my strength to stay away even though I felt your turmoil. I almost came…just to sit near you…but I was afraid you would sense my presence…after all of these weeks."
"The vial…"
"I came here a few hours before shift ended and left it."
"Is that…intended for me?"
"Yes. I'd hoped…prayed…that you would…turn Grissom away."
Just like he did me…
"How…do I…how long before it has to be used…"
He hushed her with a kiss.
"When you're ready, I'll show you," he urged.
He kissed her on the top of her head.
"You're exhausted…come let's get you something to eat and then…"
She halted. "Just sleep."
"Alright then," he said softly giving her full control.
She thought she would fall asleep immediately but she couldn't seem to shut down.
"I promise I'll be here when you wake," he vowed.
She shifted in the bed and snuggled into his shoulder. Her hand clamped onto his shirt in a grip and it pained him to see how fearful she had become in just a few days.
"I hated leaving you. I know you felt…abandoned…again. I did not like deceiving you but I had to be sure. I didn't want to let you go on hurting. If you wanted Grissom then I was going to slip out of your life…return to the shadows to watch over you."
"I didn't need space," she sniffled.
"I know that now but honey, this is a huge decision and I feel like I'm pressuring you…especially with me so close."
"I want you."
He smiled kissing her on the top of her head.
"I know that now."
Hours later she woke still wrapped in his arms.
"Good…evening," he whispered.
"What time is it?"
"An hour before shift," he said.
She groaned. "I need to shower and get dressed."
"I'll have breakfast ready by the time you get dressed."
"Toast," she yawned.
He rolled over to pin her down.
"You feeling okay?"
"Yes."
He stroked her hair. "Marry me Sara Sidle."
She grinned. "What happened to joining…for life?"
"I wanted it to feel right….to you. Marry me," he urged, kissing her on the nape of her neck.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
His lips devoured hers.
He shot out of the bed and returned dropping to his knees while he placed the ring on her finger.
"So even humans…will know that we belong together."
"What about…the joining ritual?" she asked.
He took a deep breath. "If you're ready, I'll…we'll begin after shift…but Sara, you'll need to take some time off…later."
"I'll submit my leave request to Grissom."
"You won't be able to ask for specific days just yet but you could at least give him a heads up."
She nodded.
"Go…shower…before we start something," he teased.
She followed him as he walked through the lab making his rounds.
Grissom finally stopped in the middle of the hall to glance at a lab result handed to him by Hodges.
"Griss, could I talk with you?" she whispered.
He turned and felt a sudden twist in his chest at the sadness in her eyes.
His heart thudded loudly.
"Yes…come with me," he said as he headed to his office.
Once inside, he shut the door.
"Is there something wrong?" he asked.
"I'm going to need some time off," she began.
"For how long?"
How long should I ask for?
"I'm not sure…maybe a week."
"When do you need to take off?"
I have no idea…
"I uhm…soon…maybe in a day or so."
He frowned. "You can't be more specific than that?"
Her eyes shot to the floor.
He found it hard to breathe.
"You're going…to…go through with it," he bit out.
"We're getting married."
"Call if for what it is Sara. You're going to join with a fallen angel."
"Fine. Then that is what I'm going to do."
"Your leave request is denied."
"What? I have more leave on the books than anyone…except you."
"You've already taken time off. Nick is still not back and…"
"Swing is helping out."
She wanted to scream at him for being so unreasonable.
"Three days. Surely I'm entitled to three days."
He didn't want to give her any time off.
She reached for the door knob and he grabbed her hand.
"Is there anything I can say to dissuade you…Sara, please."
"Grissom…you've had years…you didn't even acknowledge you had feelings…until Gracen came along….it was like that with Hank. You only want me when you think someone else just might want me."
"I'll admit I never…"
He growled when there was a tap at the door.
It was another C.S.I. from swing.
She flew passed them, refusing to look back.
He grabbed his phone and dialed Gracen's number.
"I want to talk with you…it's urgent," said Grissom.
"Is it Sara? Did something happen?"
Grissom rattled off directions as he hurried out of the building.
He was surprised when he arrived to find Gracen already in the church, sitting down in one of the pews.
"Sara told you what we were planning," said Gracen.
"Yes, she did."
Grissom sat down and looked toward the altar.
"How much do you know about me?" asked Grissom.
"I checked up on you a few times."
"Why?"
"I already told you. Your life had crossed paths with Sara."
"Why?"
Gracen leaned back. "I don't know."
"I think you do know."
Gracen bristled. "No, I don't."
"Gracen…you say you're not fallen…but an angel. I…need help…from you, an angel."
Gracen swallowed. No human had ever acknowledged his angelic heritage. "What do you need?"
"For you to finish what you began," he said.
"I don't know what you mean," stated Gracen.
"You were intended to watch over Sara, protect her for our Creator which you have done….but he did not give you instructions…he did not tell you to take her as a wife. You are her angel…you were not intended to be her husband. I love Sara…you know that. I was intended to be her husband. Deep down, I think you've sort of known that. It's the reason you've checked into my life, seen where I was…what I was doing."
Grissom took a deep breath. "Please…I am begging you. Don't do this. If you are truly an angel, then prove it. Show me by your actions. Show me by giving Sara back to me and I swear I will never hurt her again. I will never let anything come between us. I will put her needs above my own."
Grissom's face was wet from tears. "You asked me when I last prayed? I've been praying again…praying that I won't lose Sara…because she is the most important thing in my life."
"Grissom, she made her choice."
"She's confused….still hurt. I was too blind to see how much my rejections hurt her. I know now! She didn't respond to you…until she thought it was me. She wanted it to be me…but then when you showed her it wasn't, it hurt her even more to think that I didn't do those things…I didn't say those things. You made it worse between us whether you want to admit it or not but you've driven her from me. Please Gracen! Do what God intended for angels to do and that is to help us in our time of need. I need you to help me!"
Gracen looked torn as he shifted in his seat. He'd worried that by using Grissom's appearance he had done just what Grissom was accusing him of doing and it had never set well with his conscious. Still, Sara had chosen him and he knew that his human side longed to have her.
Grissom was fearful he would leave so he pressed further. "You don't know for sure whether you are condemning her by taking her as your own. If you truly love her can you risk her soul? Can you do that to her for a few years here…on earth?"
Gracen looked toward the altar. "When he cast us down, he stopped talking to us. My…grandfather begged, pleaded for centuries to hear our Creator's voice again but He is silent."
"Is it silent or do you ignore it?"
Gracen's head fell into his hands. "You don't know what you are asking of me."
"Yes I do. I'm begging you to return to your role as watcher and let Sara live out her life…with me."
"You'll hurt her! Day after day she sobbed herself to sleep because of your actions!"
"I know and I'll spend the rest of my life trying to undo the pain I've caused."
"I asked her to marry me and she said yes. To go back now and…I won't hurt her. I won't be like you."
"Gracen, search your heart and…soul. You know I love her. You know that if you'd not made yourself known to her she would still…want me. Give her to me….let me marry her."
Gracen shook his head as he sobbed softly. "She's already a part of me. I feel her through my veins."
"You are an angel. It is your job to…to love and protect her."
Gracen's hands coiled into a fist.
Grissom shifted his approach.
"Gracen…you…are not human. You are….an angel. Your actions decide whether you are fallen or not. I am begging you to help me….as an angel. Give me another chance…with Sara."
Gracen closed his eyes trying to breathe through the pain of what he was about to do.
"I'll…go back…tell her that we can't….I'll try to explain." His hand held his chest as if he were in pain. "I swear Grissom if you hurt her I'll personally take you to hell."
Note from author:
Is he angelic or fallen? How do you think Sara is going to react... It's cold and very busy here...keep warm wherever you are and don't forget to leave a review.
Take care,
Penny