A/N: Okay, so about halfway through proofreading this and I realized...I'm Camille. At least this version of Camille. So far, it's a good thing. Anyhoo, her username is from a Taking Back Sunday song, "Liar (It Takes One To Know One)" and just seems to fit her. Howard Jones, Shane Told, Buddy Nielsen, and Chester Bennington are all name dropped and are totally awesome and if you don't know who they are, I feel bad for ya.

MSN is property of Microsoft and an awesome way to troll friends. (Hiiii, Nath! *angel face*)

Shout outs to everyone who's reviewed this. Love each and every one of yas!

And sorry, he's still mopey Kendall...

Enjoy the update :D

His mother's words stayed with Kendall for days, repeating in his head over and over again, like the cliched broken record that it was.

"He's gonna be meeting countless fans at this meet and greet, not to mention the hundreds he's met before and the hundreds he'll meet after."

"I don't want you to get too carried away and too lost in these fantasies that you end up thinking they're real, only to be crushed when reality sets in and he doesn't notice you the way you wanna be noticed."

It was those words, plus the other negative thoughts his own brain created that put him in another depressive mood, one he pretended not to be in, one he hid from everyone around him. He didn't want anyone to think there was anything wrong with him, that anything was actually happening inside of him. Especially not his mom. Last thing he needed was her to feel bad for upsetting him or for her to realize she was right, that her son had more than just a li'l innocent crush on a celeb, that he was likely to actually get crushed when he's turned away. Because it wasn't gonna happen. Well, the getting turned away or ignored or treated like every other fan out there was gonna happen, but the getting crushed part. Because he knew all it was was just that, a harmless crush, one he'd had on countless people in the spotlight in years past. This wasn't any different.

God, his denial was so bad he couldn't even tell he was drowning in it.

Which was why he kept watching that fucking video. A couple different versions of it, from different angles. And, yeah, okay, he could admit it was really fucking sad that he was doing that, that he was basically feeding his denial and totally not helping himself in any way, shape, or form. He was like his own enabler—or maybe Youtube was. Either way, it wasn't healthy and he knew better. But he still did it anyway.

Yep, he was an addict. Although whether his addiction was to James or to his belief that there was something between him and the singer, he wasn't sure. Maybe both?

No matter what, he continued to give in to it, to feed his addiction by not only watching that video, but staring at pics from that night and from concerts since, by going on Tumblr and reblogging James Diamond related posts, by going on messageboards and seeing what people had said about the shows they'd recently gone to, and by hiding the entire thing from those closest to him.

Just like an addict would.

Which was probably why he was in his room in the dark, the only light source being the screen of his laptop, headphones in as he listened to that same James Diamond song—the live version, of course—over and over again, having ripped the audio off the Youtube video and made an MP3 of it. And damn if it didn't have the same effect on him then as it did the first time he heard it. His chest got tight, his heart started pounding, his stomach started flipping which probably pissed off the butterflies in it, and a shiver raced down his spine as the singer said his name.

"Guys, give it up for Kendall!"

He totally wasn't imagining the pop star saying his name for a different reason in a different, more husky, more desperate tone.

Okay, he really needed to stop that train of thought before it crashed, burned, and created a huge mess in his boxers.

His laptop beeped, helping aid his cause, a minimized window flashing along his taskbar at the bottom of his screen. His MSN messenger was blinking orange, meaning he had a new message. Clicking on it, he brought the window to the front, seeing he had a new IM from his friend Camille.

AddictForDramatics: 10 days til ur concert! u xcited?!

A smile spread across Kendall's face at that. Only ten more days and he'd be reunited with his—his brow furrowed as his thought stopped short. With his what exactly? It's not like he and James had any kind of relationship going on, besides an artist-fan one. And it wasn't like Kendall could say "his favorite singer", not when Howard Jones, Shane Told, Buddy Nielsen, and Chester Bennington were out there doing vocals for their respective bands.

Fuck knew Kendall didn't idolize James so that was out.

Shoving that mental conundrum aside, he focused on the current conversation he was supposed to be having with his friend.

Kenny: excited doesn't begin to cover it

Which was true. Sure, he was fucking stoked to go, couldn't wait to see what he knew was gonna be an amazing concert—both from his own past experience, as well as stories, pics, and videos he'd seen from those who'd already been to the dates on this current tour. Plus he was stoked to see James again, knowing this meet and greet would give the blond the opportunity to look the singer in the eyes, to touch his hand and see if that connection, that spark was still there.

But he was also scared shitless. What if it really had been a one time thing? What if it was just a mix of adrenaline, lighting, and lyrics? What if it had been one-sided? What if it was all in his imagination? Or worse.

What if James didn't remember him?

His downward spiral was interrupted by a new message appearing in the MSN window.

AddictForDramatics: ik watcha mean. i couldnt sleep for a week wen i saw him last tour lol. Hows ur sleep?

He smeared a hand over his face, green eyes going to the bottom right corner of his laptop screen. 1:20 AM. Camille was two hours behind, living in Cali, but knowing he was in Minnesota. The wonders of the internet. You could make all kinds of friends all around the world, in various countries, continents, and time zones. Friends who didn't know you were actually a metal head and your obsession with this pop star was a secret hidden from those who were physically around you.

Friends who had no idea you were the only guy ever brought onstage by said pop star.

Friends who were clueless about how deep you were in with the guy.

Fuck.

He finally typed a response.

Kenny: no worse than usual. altho i'm sure that'll change when it gets closer to the concert date.

Wasn't that the fucking truth?

AddictForDramatics: lol. sounds accurate.

Kendall replied with a simple 'lol yup', not entirely sure what else to say. He was dying to tell her the truth, dying to get it all out there. Sure, he'd met her on some messageboard, but over the past couple months of private messaging and IMs, he'd grown really close to Camille, feeling like she was a real friend, not just some random internet acquaintance. And she was blunt as hell, not the type to beat around the bush. If she had a thought in her head, you were gonna know it straight up, no sugarcoating. He wondered what she'd think of him and his situation, if she'd call him nuts or an obsessed weirdo or tell him to calm the fuck down and come back to reality. He'd sure as shit say that to anyone else who'd tell him, were the shoe on the other foot, so to speak.

Hell, he was already calling himself crazy and he'd actually gone through it, had experienced it firsthand.

AddictForDramatics: :O OMG I just realized! i finally get to see ur face in ur meet n greet pic! :D

That had Kendall's eyes going wide. He'd totally fucking forgot that all those pics were more or less public property, that the password to see the pics was passed around Tumblr, that all the photos were posted on there, reblogged, edited, people cut out, all kinds of shit. Meaning people were gonna see the guy who'd been brought on stage during the St. Paul show at the meet and greet.

Fuck, he seriously hoped he wasn't the only dude there.

But shit what if he was? What if all those photos came out and he was the only guy there, or the only one with a girl who was clearly his li'l sis? 'Cause Camille knew he was taking his sister, so she'd be looking for a teenage looking dude with an eleven year old looking girl. And she'd find him. And find out that he was the guy who was brought onstage. And that he'd been lying to her this whole time.

Right, 'cause he didn't have enough to worry about going into this fucking thing.

Inhaling deeply, he puffed his cheeks up, blowing the air out in a harsh sigh before typing his response.

Kenny:dunno y u wanna see my ugly mug so badly
AddictForDramatics: i'm sure ur not ugly. just would be nice 2 put a face 2 the name ya know? all ur dps are of james.

Kendall didn't see anything wrong with that. Besides, having the much better looking singer as his display pic for all his secret accounts on Tumblr, Twitter, and MSN meant it was less likely anyone would figure out who he was, would realize he's the Kendall that was onstage with James at the St. Paul show. Or worse, one of his friends would find the accounts and figure out the truth. As far as Carlos knew, the blond was just into the music and it was a guilty pleasure. The Latino had no clue how big a fan Kendall actually was and the blond was keeping it that way.

Camille sent another message before he had a chance to reply.

AddictForDramatics:not that there's anythin wrong w/ that. just would be nice to see YOUR face for once.
Kenny:i getcha, but james is so much better to look at. esp in that pic.

And with that, Kendall's green eyes went to the display pic on the left side of his screen, a photo of James singing live. To Kendall. Brow furrowed as he hit a high note, hazel eyes soulful and locked onto Kendall's green ones. Well, they would be if the blond hadn't cropped the photo so it was just James' head and hand as he held the mike in front of his mouth. But the photo had become his avatar for every site that needed one. Because the blond clearly enjoyed torturing himself.

AddictForDramatics: Urgh! ik whatcha mean. he's 2 damn good lookin, i cant even handle it. & that pic is just...damn!

"Damn" was one word to use in response to it, Kendall agreed mentally.

AddictForDramatics:that pic is what makes me think he's at least bi, if not fully gay

That had Kendall's eyebrows shooting up again. Neither of them had discussed James' sexual orientation. Sure, it wasn't a secret that the blond was gay, he never really hid it, especially when he was making comments about how hot James was and how he wouldn't mind walking into his bedroom and finding the pop star naked and waiting in his bed. But it had never come up about what the two of them thought the singer was as far as gay, straight, or bisexual.

But now it was out there, Camille having randomly stated her opinion. And damn if Kendall wasn't gonna delve deeper into this topic, especially given the way she'd brought it up and what exactly it was she'd said.

Kenny:whaddya mean?

He sat there, impatiently staring at the "AddictForDramatics is typing a message..." that was at the bottom of the MSN screen. His hands were folded in front of his mouth, elbows resting on the desk, right knee shaking up and down. He didn't know why he was reacting this way, why he was waiting on the edge of his seat—literally it seemed, scooting back on the swivel chair—why he needed to hear what she had to say as soon as possible. It's not like it would change anything. It was just her point of view on something neither of them really knew for sure. And, yeah, she was a good friend, and he did value her opinion and took everything she said seriously, but it's not like whatever she was typing was a be-all, end-all kind of thing.

Still, he couldn't help but feel a huge amount of anticipation and anxiousness as he waited for her response.

Which finally came after what felt like forever.

AddictForDramatics: we've all seen the videos and the photos. the way james was lookin at that kendall guy? it was like there was only those 2 there, not an arena full of thousands of fans. just him & that guy, a personal serenade for someone he was really into, that he really liked. u could practically see the sparks flying between them, see them fallin in love, if they weren't already.

Camille was still typing, so Kendall kept his response to himself, waiting for her to finish up before allowing himself to react in any way.

AddictForDramatics:plus when u compare that video to past vids of all the girls he's taken onstage, there's clearly a difference. james never lets go of kendall's hand, his eyes are locked on kendall's the ENTIRE time, he never looks away once. & that kendall guy doesn't look away either, he just keeps focused on james, like he isn't on stage with thousands of people staring at him. it's just them in their lil bubble. plus that's the only guy he's ever brought onstage, which makes me think that james is hiding his sexuality but for some reason he couldn't ignore this guy and had to be able to touch him in some way, even if its just hand holding onstage during that song

Kendall stopped breathing. All he could do was just stare at the screen, reading what Camille had typed. Twice. Three times. Okay, maybe four, but who was counting?

AddictForDramatics: so yeah, judging by the way he was looking at kendall, which u can clearly see in ur dp, i think he's gay, maybe bi. maybe just kendall-sexual idk. but no matter what, he & that guy had a connection & I like to think that the 2 are secretly dating $ no one knows about it. cuz otherwise that's just heartbreaking.

The blond had no idea what the hell to say. Sure, Carlos had said something similar, about how the blond and the pop star had a connection and how it seemed to him that there was something there, words that Kendall had been dying to hear. But the Latino could've been making the whole thing up. Yeah, okay, he wasn't a liar, wasn't one to make shit up like that, but he would if it meant making his friend happy and trying to cheer up his pal that he'd said was bumming out recently.

But Camille had no clue that she was talking to that actual Kendall who'd been onstage, had no clue how the blond felt or that he had, in fact, felt that spark and that intensity. That was her honest to god opinion, being spoken to someone she thought had nothing to do with that situation. She had no reason to lie, to make shit up. If anything, she could've been a jealous fan and ranted about how she didn't see the big deal over some guy being on stage and how she didn't think that guy was special, that there was nothing there. Instead, she was gushing about how she felt the pop star was falling in love with the fan and how she hoped they were together.

Kendall wanted to kiss the girl. And he wasn't one for any sorta displays of affection.

But he also felt that earlier urge to confess everything, to tell her who he really was, to come clean about being a metal fan who was converted into being a James Diamond fan with a simple glance at the show, to inform her that he was that Kendall guy she'd been talking about.

But he didn't. He kept his mouth shut, just like he always did. Because he didn't want her treating him differently, because he didn't wanna deal with the millions of questions or the fangirl reactions or any of that bullshit. Sometimes it was easier to just keep quiet, no matter how hard it actually was.

AddictForDramatics: is it weird i kinda ship them? even tho they aren't actually together or anything like that?

Kendall let out a small laugh, smearing a hand over the top of his head before typing his response.

Kenny:nah. cuz honestly? i kinda ship em too.
AddictForDramatics: really?
Kenny: yeah. u aren't the only 1 hoping there was sumthin there btwn em

It was the most honest statement he'd made all night.