SPOV:

It was just disgusting, he was disgusting. He was an embarrassment to the male race, that's what he was. No... worse. He was a man whore.

Christ, I'd just agreed to raise a baby with a man whore. What was I thinking? His apartment was exactly what I expected, ultra modern, sleek and cold - just like him. There were very few personal pictures around the place I noticed. He was big on art, nice tasteful abstract pieces mostly, but very little on the personal touches. It felt like a show house more than a lived in home.

Jessica seemed to get over her wailing fit nicely. She was finding bouncing up and down on Eric's couch very entertaining. When I remembered that she might have been hungry, I wanted to see if maybe Eric was too. I knew I was starving having not eaten anything since the day before.

Walking into his bedroom was a bold move, and one I regretted instantly. Being greeted by the smell of sex and … cheap perfume on an empty stomach wasn't pleasant. He was shoving some t-shirts into a suitcase, and had a suit-cover lying on the bed.

Right, a suit, because there would be a funeral. I held on to Jessica tighter as I judged him and his man whoring ways before I made a swift exit.

Like I said, disgusting.

We set off for the other side of Shreveport to my restaurant silently, this time he was in the front seat beside me.

"What crawled up your ass?"

"Nothing."

"Nothing. Right. Is it because of my place? Did it not meet the Ice Queen's standards?"

I flashed him a glare, keeping my eyes on the road. Jessica was sitting quietly, her pacifier firmly planted in her mouth this time, playing with a set of keys Eric gave her to amuse herself with.

"Stop calling me that."

"Then stop acting like that."

"Acting like what? This is me, this is who I am."

"Yeah well, that..." I guessed he meant the state of his place, more to the point, his bedroom. "Is who I am, and if you have an issue with that, then that's your deal."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning just that, I'm doing this for Alcide and Hadley, no one else, and just because I'm stuck with a kid doesn't mean I'm stuck full stop. My life is still my own. Yours too. None of that has to change, it just has to be… readjusted."

I was silent, I really didn't want to have that conversation with him right there in the car on a busy lane-way. We rode in silence for the twenty minutes it took us to get across town to the restaurant. I got Jessica out of the baby seat and by that time she was starting to get fussy. I only hoped Lafayette could give me something simple and soft for her to eat.

Walking into the restaurant I was immediately group hugged by both Tara and Amelia. Both of them sprouting questions—how was I, how was the baby, how was I dealing, who the guy staring at us was…?

"I'm fine, tired and starving, but fine. She's fine, a little restless but that's to be expected, and this…Well, this is Eric Northman. Eric, these are my friends, Tara Thornton and Amelia Broadway."

They shook hands and exchanged pleasantries as I dragged over a high chair with one arm, holding Jess in the other. She went in without a fuss thankfully, still playing away with Eric's huge ass bundle of keys. I guess she liked them because they were shiny and made noise. I'd keep that in mind.

"Wait, Northman… Not…" Tara turned to look at me her eyes widening. "This is Asshole?"

"Uhh Tara, not now okay?"

"You're the guy… the date guy. Oh. Wow. This is fucked up!"

Eric smiled awkwardly before admitting. "Yep, I'm Asshole date guy, nice to meet you, can we have some menus here please?" His pleasant demeanor instantly gone.

Nice Tara.

"Sook, can we talk to you for a second?" She asked pushing me towards the kitchen, Amelia in tow. We left Eric sitting at the booth with the baby.

"What are you doin' here with him!" Tara whispered hashly.

I took a deep breath before I went to explain, changing my mind mid-sentence. "Hold on, where is Lafayette. I' m not repeating this speech three times. Go get him."

She hollered into the kitchen and he came outside the door, his cloth on his shoulder.

"WUT."

"Sookie has shit to say, listen up."

He offered me a hug first and foremost, then I began to tell them exactly what had happened. All about the accident and the will, and how Eric and I were meant to look after Jessica and the house and all their assets. My three friends stood mouths agape, not that I blamed them.

"But that's the asshole that you tricked for that champagne right? He's still an asshole from the looks of things." Tara commented.

"Yeah but a hot one… Damn, look at those shoulders though… They're nice." Ames added peeking around the corner again. "And his neck? Damn girl, it's lick-able. He's an asshole, but he's a pretty asshole."

"And WHAT has that to do with his baby raising skills? Huh? Amelia, really, stop being such a slut for dick."

"I am not a slut! I'm just… pointing out the obvious here."

"Look guys, really that's the least of my worries right now." I looked around the corner to see Eric on the phone, deep in conversation as one of the busboys brought him his water. "We have so much to do, there has to be a funeral, I don't know what I'm going to do about my place, I can't even think straight right now. So yes, he's a pretty asshole, but right now he's the only other asshole that knows what's happening here. So, we're gonna get something to eat. I'm going to go to my place and pack some things and I don't know what to do from there." I was starting to freak out again. Lafayette butted in as usual with his sage advise.

"Okay baby girl, listen. I'mma cook for you and that tall glass of fine you got over there, and make that baby something good too. You're gonna sit, relax and eat for an hour. You's also gonna have some wine."

"I'm driving. I can't."

He gave me the stink eye. "Let your man drive then."

"He's not my man. BELIEVE ME, he's so not my man."

"Fine, whatever he is. Let him drive. You need to relax; you need to breathe and when you do the solutions will come."

"What are you like Yoda for single women?"

He smiled.

"My talents are endless baby girl, you know that."

He motioned for his 'two bitches' to come and leave me alone for awhile and actually "do their jobs." To anyone else that may seem degrading and harsh, but to everyone Lafayette had a love for, he called us bitches. And he loved his bitches.

This bitch swallowed whatever panic I'd been feeling and made my way back to the table. Eric had just hung up the phone.

"What was that, another hot date?"

He glared at me. "No, smartass! I was calling the funeral home if you must know. The hospital has released the bod—released Hadley and Alcide, and the funeral home is making the arrangements now. All we have to do is tell people the time and the place for the service, and I guess hold a wake after."

"I'm sorry I assumed… I…God, I'm not usually this much of a bitch I swear."

"I just bring it out in you, huh?" He grinned, still sarcastic.

"Yeah you do, it's annoying as hell."

We ordered and while we were waiting Lafayette brought me a little bowl of mashed potatoes and gravy for Jessica with pureed carrots and a pint of warmed milk that I transferred into her bottle before I fed her. The potatoes went down like a charm right before she almost pulled her "uhhhh" out of my hand. She hadn't mastered her words yet, so it seemed most things were an "uhhh" for now.

Eric and I ate in comparative silence—the only sounds from our table were us breathing, chewing and the sucking sound of Jessica at her bottle. I caved and had one glass of wine to attempt to chill me out and by the time we were done, Jessica was just drifting off to sleep. I guess one p.m. was as good a time as any for a nap.

I lifted the check to go pay, but Eric wasn't having it. I argued that I stiffed him for eight hundred dollars the last time we shared a meal, and that I owed him. Then he handed it right over. Of course, when I went to the bar to pay Amelia waved it off.

"Sook, you're my boss. I'm not charging my grieving boss for food. And besides, Lafayette said he isn't taking your money for his cookin'. So just go."

"Ames…"

"Nuh uh, go."

I thanked her and made my way back to the table. Eric had already scooped a sleeping Jessica out of the high chair and into the blanket in his arms.

"Ready?" He asked holding this little bundle of pink to his shoulder.

"Yeah, let's go."

Since I'd had a glass of wine, Eric insisted he "drive that piece of crap before I got us both killed," a comment that he hadn't thought through, given our current circumstances. We rode to my place in awkward silence. And since we didn't even have the noise of Jessica to filter it, it became stifling.

Speaking of stifling, the heat had begun to rise rapidly since we left The Crown.

"I'll wait here." He offered nodding to the sleeping madamoiselle in the back seat. Unlike Eric, my parking was outside and very much in the heat, and I didn't know how long I'd be.

"No, you can't sit out here with her in the car, not in this heat. It's dangerous."

"Can't you just slam some shit in a bag and go?"

"I'm a woman, what does that tell you?"

He rolled his eyes and angled himself out of my car, a car that was just not built for a man with legs as long as his. He stretched himself out, his white t-shirt riding up a little too much exposing a quick glance of what looked like a very tanned and toned tummy.

Not that I was looking or anything.

He suddenly became gentle when he managed to scoop the baby up out of her seat and into his arms without waking her. Hmm, maybe he had skills other than just epic asshole-itious after all.

We rode the elevator to the third floor, apartment three one four.

My apartment was nothing like Eric's. The only place that was white was the kitchen, everywhere else I'd done with warm comforting colors, soft fabrics and big over stuffed furniture. Thankfully, Hadley shared my interior design tastes and though her house was large, in my opinion too large, it felt warm.

Eric made it known that he was being nosy looking around my walls—family, friends, holiday pictures hung up—unlike at his place. He was looking at the books on my shelves and coffee table. I watched him saunter around my living room like he'd been there a hundred times before.

"You about through giving it the once over?"

"Just about, I might start on the bedroom next. Is that where the magic happens?" He teased me.

"You are so gross you know that?"

"And you are so easy to wind up you know that?" He smirked. "Besides I'm willing to bet the ice chamber doesn't get much action. No guy is willing to risk freezing his dick off… No matter how nice your tits are."

I rolled my eyes at him and his juvenile behaviour not wanting to give him the response he was so obviously looking for. Instead, I watched as he nursed Jessica and went to look out my window, while I went to my room to pack a few suitcases.

I threw a few sundresses, sandals, underwear sets, and pyjamas all into a bag—the necessary stuff for right away would be folded. I had a black shift dress that was light and formal enough for a funeral without being sexy, even if it encased my ass like a Kardashian, according to Tara. I threw in a few pairs of heels and zipped everything up. My makeup was already sitting on my dresser so I dumped it into my vanity along with my tooth brush, and I was set.

By the time I got back to the living room, Eric was reading my subscription of Cosmo to himself. It was a funny sight to see—a six-five asshole sitting with his legs crossed against my coffee table, reading Cosmo with a baby beside him.

"If you're finished finding cures for your monthly cramps, we can go." I said wheeling my stuff to the door.

"Two suitcases? Really?"

"For now. I'm not like you. I actually have stuff that has to be folded and ironed, not just rolled in a ball and thrown into a sports bag."

He scooped Jessica up, this time I noticed she stirred a little. I was guessing thirty minutes wasn't long enough for a sufficient nap. But she'd be in her own crib soon and maybe she'd stay calm.

Maybe.

By the time we got back to the house it was well after two p.m. Eric had been on the phone to the lawyers, the funeral home and various friends he and Alcide had in common on the ride back. This time I got Jessica out of her seat, and shocker of all shocks, he got my bags. I was almost waiting for him to tell me to deal with it myself, but I guess anyone can have a freak moment of chivalry.

From what I understood of the will, Alcide and Hadley wished to be buried together in his family plot in the local cemetery. They wanted a simple service, and Hadley requested if possible, white roses as the flower of choice.

It was organized for the next day. Neither Eric nor I saw the point in delaying the inevitable, and since neither of them had family that needed to travel a great deal, the timing was fine. I called Lafayette and asked if he and the cooks could cover a buffet service for the wake, and they agreed. Tara and Amelia and Tommy from the restaurant agreed to cater. All in all, it was planned in a few hours. Two lives, laid to rest and all it took was a few hours to organize. It was a chilling thought how quickly it all went by.

I left my things in the guest room I'd slept in, Eric put Jessica in her crib and knocked the batteries out of the baby monitor by just touching it. Seriously, how I'd he walk upright?

I'd agreed to go to the market after seeing that there weren't things in the fridge that needed to be there. Necessities, like milk, coffee, an AK47 for Eric … Okay, maybe not.

EPOV:

Sookie had been out of the driveway maybe five minutes when I heard the unholy screaming coming from Jessica's baby monitor—the twin of that I couldn't SEE but I could hear. It was somewhere in the kitchen. Either way, I ran taking the stairs two at a time till I got to her room. The way she was screaming her little lungs out, you'd think someone slapped her or something.

"Hey, hey baby it's okay, it's okay!" I tried to calm her in my softest voice. No deal. She still kept on screaming. I tried the floating heads hanging over her crib, seriously? Floating heads of clowns and ducks? No wonder this kid was so messed up. Who does that?

"Okay, Jessica work with me here…" I reasoned picking her up, and swaying her in my arms, 'hushing' her as best as I could. That's when I felt it. Something... something very wrong. Something squishy and wet in her diaper region.

OH HELL NO!

"Jess, please tell me that's not what I think it is?"

She just kept on crying. Well, I guess if I was lying in an encasement of my own piss and God knows what else, I'd be crying too. It was humiliating. Poor thing.

"It's okay, Uncle Eric will get you clean… he hopes."

I looked around the room and there was everything a kid could need, and a few things she wouldn't for a few more years. I laid her down on the changing table that had everything I thought I'd need right there. Thank you for being weirdly organized Hadley. Diaper... check; white weird cream stuff... check. Wipes... check.

"Okay, here goes." I unsnapped her sleep suit, slid off her booties and found the diaper. Level one, complete.

"Okay, I know you're a girl and I'm a guy and usually there is some protocol for this, but since I'm kinda like your caregiver-diaper changer-feeder person now, I think it's okay that I do this? Right?"

More tears.

God I couldn't stand it when women cried, even tiny little women. I opened the tabs and sweet baby JESUS what the hell.

"When did you eat a bomb? Sweet Christ." I almost gagged. Thank God Sookie wasn't around to see this.

I wiped and folded any extra... waste. Gross. And dumped it in the tiny pink trashcan. I used the wipes till she was all clean, and it took like ten of them, good God. Cream, and new diaper. Only when I went to close it, it wouldn't stick and then the little sticky things kept ripping off. By the time I'd cleaned her off and found her pacifier, she was enjoying the air on her bottom while I freaked out over the tiny sticky tabs sticking to my FINGERS and not to the plastic of the diaper. What the hell!

Three diapers later and six sticky tabs used on one diaper to close it, I thought I had it, but I lifted her up and the damn thing just fell right off again. She laughed at me. Even the one-year old was laughing at my failure. This sucked.

I opened a drawer in the changing table and found a roll of duct tape stuffed up under some leaflets on breastfeeding and after birth? What the hell…? But the duct tape I thought could work.

"Okay, so this is weird but it just might work. What do you say, Jess?"

Again, with the staring.

"Okay then!" I took the tape and managed to stick two massive bits on one side and then the other. Perfection! Diaper was secure, baby was no longer crying, I no longer wanted to jump out the window.

Success!

I didn't bother to put her pants back on as it was a hot day and the kid seemed to like the air at her skin. Not that I could blame her. Even with the air conditioner on, the house was stifling, and it was too hot for her outside.

I knew Alcide's den—or his 'man den' as Hadley had called it—was to the back of the house and had the most shade from the trees outside, so I decided that Jessica and I could chill and maybe watch some TV till Sookie came back. I flipped on some football, much to Jessica's chagrin, but of course the second I hit a kids channel her little ass was crawling towards the TV like that kid from Poltergeist.

Annoying singing furry things it was then.

My cell rang telling me it was Pam.

"Hey."

"You sound like shit."

"Well, I feel like it."

"You should get some rest, Eric. Tomorrow is going to be a busy day."

"I know, I know, but I have a one-year old here, Sookie's gone to the market for things, and I can't leave the kid to sleep; she just woke up."

"I'm coming over."

"What about the bar?"

"It's dead right now. You know the after work buzz doesn't start till after six. Gimme fifteen minutes."

With that she hung up. So I guess she was coming over then. What was it with all these women in my life just pushing me out of decisions? I needed to start putting my foot down... but later. I was too tired to give a damn.

True to her word, Pam arrived in style as usual, fifteen minutes later. She'd brought me a twelve pack of beer and two takeout pizzas.

"How'd you get them so fast?"

"Maybe I'm magic…? Or maybe when I called you I was already picking up the food?"

I smiled.

"I had a big lunch like … not even two hours ago."

"So? You're like waste disposal and you know it. It's highly unfair how you eat like a horse and still stay skinny."

"I'm not 'skinny'."

"Fine, you're built like a brick shit house but your waist is still smaller than mine."

She waltzed into the kitchen as I carried the pizzas in one had and Jessica in the other.

"So, this is little Jessica." Pam said in a flat tone. Most people went all baby voice when they spoke to a baby, but not Pam. Pam didn't 'do' baby voice.

"Hi Jessica, I'm your Auntie Pam, I'll be the one you come to for sex advice and who'll take you on your very first trip to Chanel, okay my darling?"

Jessica tightened her grip on my t-shirt and turned her face into my neck.

Smart kid.

"Where's the Ice Queen?"

"At the store still." I set Jessica in her high chair and switched on the TV in the kitchen, she was instantly entranced.

Good to know.

But just in case I left her, her sucky thing and some rattling pink things she seemed to like as Pam and I took a seat at the island. She popped me a beer and opened the pizza.

"So what the fuck, Northman?"

"What?"

"You know what! Last time I saw you, less than twenty-four hours ago I might add, you where about to go balls deep with some trampy looking broad, now? You're covered in … what is that?"

I looked at my jeans, the baby crème. Oh.

"It's baby crème for the diapers."

"My point exactly. What the hell are you thinking? You can't do this!"

"Don't tell me what I can't do, Pam."

"Fine, but even you have to admit this is insane. Taking on a kid? And HER and this … massive yet stylish house? The house I love; I love the vibe. It's country yet cool—"

"Pam?"

"Right no, not the time for style tips. Look my point is, you don't like her, she apparently dislikes you enough to stick you with a eight hundred dollar bill…"

"You said that was elegantly evil, at the time if I recall."

"Hey, I didn't say I didn't like the girl's style, I just mean you've bitched about her ever since. She's the one with the nice rack that didn't fall for the world famous charms of the Dick of Northman, and that bothered you… now you're raising a kid together? What, are you gonna live here too?"

I was too tired for this.

"Pam."

"No, don't Pam me. You need to think about this, Eric."

"Yes okay, it would be easier if we lived in the same house, so yeah, maybe that's what happens. But for right now, I'm a little preoccupied with the idea that I have to bury one of my oldest friends and his wife tomorrow okay? So where I live doesn't really matter to me right now, because you know what? I get to live. They don't."

She looked to the floor.

"I'm sorry."

I heard the front door close and Sookie shuffled in with three bags piled in her two arms.

"Oh… hi?"

"Hi." Pam turned on her bitch mode faster than I blinked.

Sookie dumped the three bags on the counter before fixing her shirt. Was she self conscious?

"Uh, hi. I'm Sookie… And you are?"

"Pamela Ravenscroft."

I smirked, Pam wasn't about to admit any unnecessary details.

"Oh. Okay?"

Sookie looked weirded out.

"Um, Eric if you're going to be bringing … ladies of a certain… um… employment to the house, could you at least not do it when the baby is awake? Or when the neighbor's might see?"

Oh, God. I burst out laughing. Sookie though Pam was a prostitute. HA!

"What? No! Pam is my business partner."

"Is that what you call it? Look it's fine if that's your… thing but really…"

"Sookie, in my bar, she's my co-worker."

"Ahem, co-owner. And you little Miss country bumpkin, you are too funny."

Trust Pam to find funny what normal people find insulting.

"Oh. Oh crap. Shit, I'm so… so sorry. I …ugh it's been a stressful time I'm not really thinking all that straight."

"Or thinking at all." Pam added.

"Excuse me?"

"You two really think you can take care of a kid, together? You can't stand each other. This makes no sense!"

Sookie looked at me and I looked at her, and for the first time I think there was a sense of team work, because we'd both had it with people telling us what we could and couldn't do.

"Pam, is it? Okay, Pam listen cause I'm not going to say it twice. Jessica is my blood, and Hadley was my cousin, but she was like a sister to me. I wasn't around for her much this last year, and for that I 'm sorry, but she trusted me to take care of her baby girl for her, and now she's dead Pam. Dead and not coming back and won't be around for her little girl like I know she so desperately wanted to be.

And yes, Eric and I don't get along but I trust that Alcide knew him better than I do, and I trust that underneath his asshole persona is actually maybe a person—otherwise, why would they have chosen him too? I don't understand their logic with that one, I'll be honest. But I've been with him and Jess all day, and she likes him, she responds to him, and he's good with her. That's all I know, and right now, that's all I give a damn about. Because that baby girl is the last of my family that honestly, is fading fast. So I might not be able to do this very well, Eric might suck too, but goddammit I know we're gonna try. What else do people want?"

I was stunned, Pam was stunned and I think even little Jessica had her mouth open, but that might have been so the rattle could go back in there.

"Oh." Pam said looking from me to Sookie before she smiled. "Fine. Well, if that's how it's gonna be, that's how it's gonna be. Does this mean I'm Auntie Pam officially then?"

SPOV:

My hands were killing me. I'd stuffed everything I could into the three bags so I wouldn't have to do a second trip to the car. I'd taken my time strolling around the market, mainly because I needed the time away to collect my thoughts. I was scared shitless and I couldn't lie about that, but either way, all I knew is that it was Hadley's wish that I be there for her little girl. And I knew I would be. Even if Eric wouldn't feel the same way in a week, I knew I had to be there for her, despite the fear.

I carried the bags into the house and heard talking in the kitchen. I really hoped that if Eric was going to have a date over so soon they'd at least wait until nighttime, or until Jessica was in bed.

When I walked into the kitchen the talking stopped. All I heard was the TV and the sound of an excited Jessica babbling away to herself in her high chair.

She was sharply dressed, but in an elaborate way. Her heels were easily six inches, and her tank top was a size too small, showing off her breasts to the world at large. She wore wide legged pants from what I could see of her sitting, but she was in full makeup that was a little too heavy on the eyeliner and lipstick for that time of day.

So yes, it was an assumption—a wrong one that I made on a snap judgement. Eric, was, from what I knew, kind of a slut. Sluts like sex, hookers provide sex, sue me for making the common steps to that flawed thought.

Pam got on my last nerve with her version of bad assumptions, since I'd already dealt with a phone call from Jason at the store, yelling at me about Hadley and how I couldn't take care of a baby with some stranger, yadda, yadda... I offered the job to him, which promptly shut him the fuck up, so when Pam got up on her high horse, I decided to knock her down a peg or two.

It seemed that I ranted when things got too much for me. Gran always said it was like I built everything up inside for so long that somehow it just had to find a way out—and it usually did in rant form.

Eric's eyebrows were raised and he had a sly smirk on his face. Apparently I'd taken one for the team because he uncapped me a beer, handed it to me and got me a plate for my pizza. He then dragged Jessica's highchair between us at the island and chopped tiny bits of the soft pizza topping and bread into her little bowl. We sat quietly; Jessica ate the pizza happily and so did I. Pam was silently observing us, but I didn't really care. We could do this.

We would do this.

A/N : Hey guys! So what did we think? Is there hope for these two yet? ;)

A couple of people have asked in reveiws/pms and such that if the fic is "exactly" like "Life as we know it", and the truth is that the film did plant the original idea of these two, a baby that isn't theirs, and this life turned upside down. Now I can promise that it won't be "exactly the same" - because how boring would that be? Why read the fic when you could just go watch the film? You know? So, no, it won't be the same. Parts of it might ring familiar since it did inspire the idea it's stuck in my brain now. If that bothers you, I'm sorry, but there isn't much I can do about that. I wanted to turn this idea into a SVM fic, and that's what I'm going to do. If that's not cool, stop reading, if it's fine, I look forward to hearing what you think of my writing!

And remember girls, make love/cupcakes/Askars pic spams … Not bitchy comments war :D