EPOV:
After her little outburst on Pam, there seemed to be a silent solidarity that dawned on Sookie and I. We'd both been getting crap from all sides about our choice—not that it was much of a choice—but for making it, we got nothing but crap from the people who thought they knew better. It seemed that she and I did share something in common after all, we were both stubborn as dirt.
We had no clue what Jessica's sleeping schedule was like, but since I offered to pop by the bar with Pam a little after seven, I knew I'd only be gone an hour or so. She insisted that she had everything under control, and I trusted her completely. But I wanted to have a final look over the schedule of the next few weeks, since I had a feeling things weren't going to run like clockwork like they had before. Sookie had waved it off like it was nothing, that she would use the time to unpack and play with the baby and maybe get a feel for the house. Seemed like a solid enough plan.
Walking into the bar just as it was starting to get busy, I was greeted by my staff. I was good to my staff, if they were good to me, which the majority of them were so it worked out well. I didn't coddle them and they didn't bullshit me, we both did our jobs and what resulted was Northman's Tavern—one of the most frequented bars in Louisiana. We'd even been given the green light to expand, and in this economic climate, that was not easily done. I realized now that an expansion on the business might have to be put on hold, at least for the time being. I didn't know where I was even living never mind what to do about my business…No, I'd decide on that later.
Pam gave me a quick update on the drink orders, the party bookings, takings and how the new waitresses were fairing. All in all, things seemed to be going fine. Taking a deep breath sitting back in my leather chair, I realized my biggest worry yesterday had just become the least of my worries today. It's funny how fast your priorities shifted, and that realization terrified me. A day. I'd been with them a day and already I was thinking of pushing my life aside so I could make sure they were okay! Didn't I JUST pep talk myself OUT of doing that?
Ugh, God... sometimes I was an idiot. I needed to flirt with something to gain back my manliness.
I made my way out to the bar, receiving a "What the hell are you still doing here ?" look from Pam who was talking to the bar guy Steve about something. I shrugged and ordered a whiskey neat from Tiffany one of the new waitresses.
Tiffany. Hmm, she'd do.
She was nice and tall for a chick—five ten in heels, tan, long brown hair, and brown eyes—the exact opposite of what I'd been around all day... Usually my tastes laid in the smaller formed ladies, but Tiffany was required to ease my boredom. I flirted with her and not very hard either. It should have disgusted me that she was willing to do, and I quote, "anything" to make sure that I was "taken care of." And really, who was I to deny her such a thing?
SPOV:
"It's okay, Jessica it's okay! Aunt Sook is here and she hopefully knows how to make you stop crying! It's okaaay." I'd began to singsong my words as I swayed her back and forth. But still she cried. The poor thing just wanted her Mamma I was guessing, and I, clearly wasn't her Mamma. It wasn't so much "mamma" that she cried for, more so "mim". But to me her mim was her mom and I still wasn't it.
It was just after eight thirty and at this point, Eric had been gone hours longer than he said he would. It was pissing me off. Pissing me off more than it should have. I shouldn't have cared that he was gone, or at work or just in general, not here. Hadn't I just hours before told him that I was perfectly fine doing all of this on my own full time? Yeah, what a mistake that had been. He'd been here all day and all evening and he somehow seemed to know what to do when she cried. That or she was so in awe of the big giant man that she was stunned into silence. I didn't know his trick, but he seemed to have one since she was silent all evening … till an hour after he left.
One minute she was sitting happily, throwing tiny multicoloured building blocks all over the living room floor, the next she was screaming bloody murder and hadn't really stopped since.
I'd tried everything. I'd tried feeding her, rocking her, burping her, and changing her - which was a shock.
He'd duct taped the diaper ? Oh yeah, we'd be needing to have a talk.
"Okay Jessica, baby please I am beggin' you, please just tell me what you want and I'll give it to you, please?"
More red faced tears.
God, I was a failure. I'd had her a day, and I was failing already.
I had one last trick up my sleeve.
I packed her up with a fresh bottle, her pacifier, a plush teddy and her pink blanket and strapped her into her car seat.
We were going for a little drive.
With the help of Lady Gaga, we had radio silence in a record breaking ten minutes. She'd then reached for her bottle all on her own and started sucking away at it. I lowered the radio and switched it to a classical station—I needed to mellow out and I needed no words. Twenty more minutes of driving around town had her out and sleeping soundly. I pulled back up to the house just after nine to find Eric's car in the driveway. Instantly, my calmed relieved mood was replaced with my bitchface and many thoughts of hitting him with something heavy. Not that I would and not that I really knew why, but I'd put in a really stressful scary evening with that kid, and he flaked. I needed to know that if he said he'd be back at a certain time, that well, he'd be back!
I scooped her up as gently as I could tiptoeing quietly to the back door. I saw him standing in the kitchen with a beer in hand. He looked like he was about to say something but I held a hand up to silence him, without saying a word. I crept up the stairs and managed to get her into her crib in the dark before I switched on her little night light by the door. I set the baby walkie talkie by her head knowing the other one was somehow stashed in the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Cracking the door so it wasn't fully closed, I made my way back down stairs.
Eric still stood in his spot by the fridge. I gave him the silent treatment which he instantly picked up on.
"Jesus, what now?"
"Nothing."
"Bullshit. What did I do?"
"Nothing."
"Sookie, I'm tired can we not play this game tonight? Why the fuck do you look so pissed? Is Jessica
okay?"
"She's fine, she's sleeping like you saw, now. But…"
"But?"
"Eric… I… you said you'd be here an hour after you left and you weren't here. You weren't here for hours. And …"
"Was she hard to handle or something while I was gone, is that it?" He looked annoyed, and if I saw what I think I saw, he almost looked concerned. That's when I saw it. There were lipstick marks on his shirt collar.
Son of a bitch. I knew this was a shitty idea. He'd gone back on his word to get laid? Are you fucking kidding me right now? That tipped my mood over the edge. I think everything got on top of me at that moment. All of it. Deaths, babies, crying, moving, him, my own failures. All of it was just too fucking much right now. And to top it off, the reason he wasn't here on the first night of having that kid, was for sex?
Yeah it pissed me off.
I picked up the monitor before I turned to face him again.
"No, she wasn't, in fact she was perfect, we had no issues whatsoever."
"Oh, well, that's great… so, why the mood?"
"You know… I get it, you are who you are and that's … great. It's your life and what you do on your free time isn't any of my business. I get that. But you said you'd be an hour, Eric and I was depending on you to come back and help me out here—strange house, first night, new baby, bit freaked out? Ring any bells?"
He looked to the floor for a second before looking at me again.
"I'm sorry, work just got really… busy and well, I just couldn't get away."
I rolled my eyes at him. He was a lot of things which included being a man-whore and apparently a shitty liar.
"Really?"
"Yeah."
"Weird, because you might wanna tell the lipstick marks on your shirt collar and your undone fly that 'work got busy'."
With that I turned on my heel and marched to my bedroom, baby monitor in hand. Apparently, I couldn't rely on him like I thought I could.
Typical.
EPOV:
I woke up at six a.m. Well, woke up wasn't the right term. To wake up one must sleep, and I didn't sleep.
Jessica slept soundly. I'd kept my bedroom door open just in case she cried or needed something in the night. Sookie on the other hand, I could hear her tossing and turning two walls away. We both knew the funeral was in the morning, we both knew there'd be a wake and yet somehow both of us were, once again, at each other's throats.
Yes, I skipped out on her for sex. Well, not really sex, more of … Tiffany and her epic oral skills at work. But that wasn't the point, and I'm sure Sookie wouldn't think it any less sex just because I didn't even have to work for it. She was tired and emotional, her eyes were rimmed in red and she was pale. Her harsh words to me in the kitchen felt like a slap in the face. I'd told her I'd take my responsibilities with the kid seriously and first night, I skip out? Yeah, she had the right to be bitchy. I blamed both our highly charged states and serious lack of sleep for both our moods. I could only hope that eventually she'd get over it and maybe not hate me so much.
Then again, I hadn't been giving her much of a reason not to hate me… Both of us had started off hard on each other, and it had just stayed that way. It's not like I bitched out every woman I met, and I was sure Sookie was more than pleasant to be around, as long as you weren't me. But there was just something about the two of us that when we got together, we antagonized the shit out of both of us to reach our boiling point. It was exhausting and we were only at day one of forever.
The service was beautiful. Friends, neighbours, Alcide's old ass Aunt showed up with her friend from Texas. Sookie gave a eulogy for Hadley and I gave my best for Alcide. Sookie and I hadn't spoken a word to each other all morning, or all afternoon for that matter. The house was packed with people; Lafayette and his crew had taken over the kitchen. He shook my hand, told me I looked like hell and proceeded to wreck the kitchen with all his stuff. He made a mean cup of coffee and omelette though. Breakfast was ate with him as he unwrapped pre-prepared foods brought from the restaurant. A endless supply of sandwiches, rolls, buns, cakes, chocolate covered things all lay before me, but he insisted on making me an omelette to start my day.
Sookie's day started in silence as she came down stairs already dressed to kill at seven thirty. She'd had Jessica in her arms still in her all-in-one jammies and bed hair—with what little hair she had. She hugged her friend, thanked him and prepared a bottle for Jessica. Pure silence.
Lafayette whistled like he knew something before he blurted out, "What did you do?", to me.
Oh sure, of course, it's my fault.
"What makes you think I—"
"Dude?"
"I pissed her off."
"Well that much is obvious. What did you do?"
"It's nothing."
"It's something if Sook is giving you the silent treatment, particularly on a day like today."
"Meaning?"
"Meaning, I was there when her Gran passed, and that girl she's all strong and bull strength on the outside, but on the inside she's just…Well, she's just not as sturdy as she appears, and she's alone. Her asshole of a brother is lying drunk somewhere in Bon Temps, her ex-boyfriend is this asshole who treated her like shit, and then there's you. Pissing her off on the day she buries one of two remaining family members."
Nice, he could really lay the guilt on thick couldn't he? Jesus.
So I tried to make nice. I took the baby while she shook everyone's hands and told them of the wake, I stood by her side in the church, and at the burial site. But still she didn't look at or talk to me.
I felt like shit.
Burying my friends tugged at something in me—watching their coffins go into that hole—it's almost like it snapped something inside me.
We were all going to die, maybe not now or not tomorrow, but we would. And what would I have to show for my life? A bar, that I loved but it was just a bar; a handful of one-night stands from the time I was twenty three. That was almost ten years of fucking around without consequence—without settling down, without giving a woman a second chance. I looked at Sookie as she stood by the gave. She gave the appearance of a strong woman but her dark glasses hid the tears that I knew were flowing. I ached to hold her hand in that moment, to tell her, to reassure her that I wasn't the complete fuck up she though I was.
That's when he arrived.
Everyone shook our hands again and offered even more apologies for our loss, cooed over Jessica of course, and returned to the house. I drifted back towards the cars with Pam, leaving Sookie by the graveside to talk with the man that had appeared out of nowhere.
He shook my hand and introduced himself as William Compton, and from the look on Sookie's face she hadn't expected to see this 'Bill'.
I wanted to stay. I wanted to see who he was and what the hell he wanted with her on today of all days. But she insisted that I take the baby out of the heat and back to the house; that it was rude to the guests. Fuck the guests. They were just there for the free food. My nosiness almost got the better of me when Pam ushered me into her Escalade.
"She's a big girl. I'm sure she'll be fine." She said, adjusting her Chanel glasses to the top of her head.
"I know that. I just don't like him."
"You said two words to the guy. How is it that you don't like him already?"
"A vibe."
"A vibe? Okay, if it's possible you're getting weirder. I need some coffee, so let's hit the road."
Packed house, many people picking up and admiring Jessica like she was a plant in a window. The kid had had enough about ten minutes in and let one of her signature wails out. I made excuses to slip away to the kitchen where I hid out with Lafayette, who despite his love for purple glitter wasn't all that bad company.
Sookie came to the kitchen a little while later, instantly going for Jessica.
"Hey baby girl, hey did you miss me? Huh, did you miss your Aunt Sookie? Can you say Sookie? Sook-key?" She shrugged at both me and Jessica as she picked her up "Eh, it was worth a try. Has she eaten?"
First words all day, and they were actually accompanied by a pleasant tone.
Color me shocked.
"Uh, yeah she's had little bits of everything here. Ham, bread, tiny sausages, juice. She's having fun."
"Mmmhmm, let's see how fun it is on the other end."
Oh, no.
"Crap."
"Exactly."
"So uh, who was the guy?" I figured if she was up for talking to me now, I may as well ask.
She licked her lips nervously and looked at what Laf was fixing.
"No one… I mean, it's obviously not no one, but he's just…Bill."
"Bill came?" Lafayette seemed shocked.
"Yes. Can we not talk about him?"
"But I thought you dumped his ass."
"I did. Or… well we were over, but then..."
"Oh, Sookie no! Tell me no. You told me a week ago you was gonna do it. Did you do it?"
She looked at me and shifted Jessica in her arms. She was clearly not comfortable talking about this with me in the room.
Well, screw her I wanted to know. I was nosy.
"He and I … Well, yes, the night of the accident I was finishing it. Finishing it AS I got the phone call actually."
"Hallelujah." He said. "So what the fuck did he want? To find a way of making someone else's funeral somehow about him?"
"Laf, I don't want to talk about it okay?"
"Wut? No! Look, Eric has to know what this asshole is like okay, so just …"
"NOT NOW OKAY?"
She yelled. She really yelled. She yelled so loud it startled the baby and she started to cry.
Well fuck.
Just as she was about to walk out the door with a crying Jessica in her arms, I stopped her.
"No."
"No?"
"Give her to me. You, you're in no state to be looking after her right now."
"EX-cuse me?"
"You're mad—at who I don't know and really I don't care—but you're not storming off to have a bitch fit
with that kid in your arms. Now hand her to me."
She looked stunned and embarrassed as I saw the blush flood her cheeks.
She handed me the baby and excused herself out the back door.
Lafayette shook his head before telling Amelia, who was freaking out over lack of trays, to "put the damn trays down and go see to Sook."
She did and went after her friend leaving me to deal with the sobbing infant.
Awesome.
SPOV:
I tripped on some stones or something on the way out the back, almost landing on my face. It would have been a fitting end to a hellish day. And really cement how I felt. I can't believe I'd yelled at Lafayette, in front of the baby, scaring her and pissing Eric off to boot. I was losing it. I let the tears I'd been holding in finally fall as I plonked myself on one of the sun chairs out by the pool.
The funeral had gone off without any problems and for that I was thankful. The service was beautiful, and Hadley got her wish as the flowers where long stemmed white roses, and everyone at the funeral had one to toss on the coffins for them. It was a sweet gesture.
I hadn't slept the night before, and I couldn't really even blame the baby. She'd slept like a log. It was me. I was worrying about everything and anything that entered my mind. I was thinking about my parents and how I'd lost them at a young age, how had it not been for my Gran stepping in and raising Jason and I, Lord knows where we would have ended up.
I knew my decision, while hard, was right. And I knew Eric felt the same way, even if he and I would never be on the same page about anything. I knew he wanted to do right by Alcide's request. I was still pissed at him, him and his cavalier playboy vagina hopping asshole-ness. I just didn't get it. When I saw him with Jessica, he could be the sweetest guy when he thought no one was watching. Or like when he took my hand and was sweet to me in the hospital, he didn't think so, but I noticed. And his epic amounts of being an asshole just made those tiny moments seem fake. And I hoped they weren't.
The last thing I expected was for Bill to tap me on the shoulder at the funeral. I had called him shortly after I'd arrived at the hospital, and told him of the accident and just how bad it was. In true Bill style he wasn't very concerned for my feelings. Just his, and how "work wouldn't allow" for him "to be involved." Which was fine with me. I had more on my plate than I needed, and he was just another distraction. One that I should have gotten rid of ages ago. But he showed up, he hugged me and told me that he was sorry—sorry for being an asshole and sorry for making me do this alone—and that he was there now should I need anything.
It was a speech I'd heard a few times over the course of our dating history, but in that moment I wanted to believe him. I took the cuddle he offered me because honestly no one else had offered one, and it's what I really needed.
We sat on the bench at the graveyard for a while, not talking, just being. He held me and rocked me, and for all his issues and problems, right at that second I was thankful for him.
"Let's go home." He offered.
"No, I can't. Bill, I have people at the house, I have Jessica…I need to get back."
"Let the others handle it. You've done your part now, it's over. We can go."
Had he not heard me?
"I have Jessica now, Bill. I can't just leave without her. And I can't just leave the house either, it's her home."
"You're minding the baby, that's fine… Get someone—"
"No, not minding. I'm her guardian now Bill. Eric and I—"
"Who's Eric?"
"He's a friend of Alcide's. He and I have been tasked with her guardianship from now on."
He froze.
"So, you're saying you're her mother now?"
"No, Hadley is… was her mother. I'm just… a substitute of sorts. But, I'm still her blood."
"And this Eric?"
"He's on board."
"I see. So let me get this straight, you were breaking up with me, and now you're shacking up with some
stranger and a kid that isn't even yours?"
"Bill."
"No, it's fine, Sookie. I know that it's bothered you, the fact that you can't…"
"Bill now is NOT the time."
"Look, I know that it's a sore point for you, but Sookie you can't just take this child on as a substitute for the fact that you can't have—"
"Bill can't you see that I'm upset? Do you really want to bring up my problems right now?"
"Well, are they not why you agreed to this? I know you want children, and this gives it to you. All the pleasures of motherhoo, none of the stretchmarks."
I slapped him hard and square in the face.
"You are a selfish asshole, you know that? Why did you come Bill? Was it just to piss me off some more or just to rub salt in the wounds?"
"I—"
"No, you know what... I've reached my quota on bullshit this week. I'm done. We're done. Don't call me."
With that I walked on my too high heels across the grass and got into my car. I wouldn't cry.
I didn't. Instead, I'd bottled it up until I snapped at a friend and scared the freakin' baby. Some mother figure I was turning out to be. Amelia came out not long after I did, her hug was most welcome even though I felt like I didn't deserve it.
"You want me to tell people to leave? Cause I can do that." She offered.
"In a bit. It's not polite to kick them out after an hour."
"They got their free food you think they give a shit?"
I smiled.
"You are holding up so good, Sook."
"Tell me about it. I'm losing my mind Ames. I'm trying to hard to be and do the right thing, but I don't know what the right thing is anymore." I sobbed into her nice white blouse. See, I'd even ruined that.
"You aren't losing your mind darlin'. It's just a super stressful time and you're allowed to be a little out of sorts."
"This out of sorts? I yelled at Laf, scared the baby—who hates me by the way. She cries all the time when we're alone and she loves Eric. Eric hates me and maybe it would be just better if I just left."
"Hey, hey! Now listen to me, Sookie Stackhouse... you are a strong woman, stronger than this bullshit that's been thrown at you. You love that baby and you have a kind heart in you. I see that and once she gets used to you being around, she will too. She's a baby. She's mixed up and probably confused just like you, only she can't say it out loud like we can yet." She dabbed my tears with a tissue from her wrist. Amelia would make an awesome grandmother some day.
"As for Eric, I don't think he hates you, he just… doesn't really know you. And the you he knows is the stressed, starving, sleepless you who can be a bitch. I won't lie." She smiled. "But be yourself and he'll soon come around…. Unless of course, he's still a ass and you want me to sneeze in his coffee?" She giggled.
"No, no, don't do that. You're right. He doesn't know me. Hell, I don't know him either. I know… parts of him, his man-whoring parts that I just don't agree with."
"Is he a slut?"
I nodded.
"Damn. That sucks for the living situation huh. Awkward."
I nodded.
"I'm just…so tired Ames."
"I know honey, but here's what we're gonna do. You sit here, take off those shoes. And wait."
"What are you going to do?"
"I'mma be a nice southern belle and be polite and kind when I tell your guests—ninety percent of whom you do not know, by the way—that they can go the hell home. Wake is over…." She patted me on the knee as she walked inside.
I laid back on the sun chair, as far back as my tight shift dress would let me. I looked up, and glanced at the bathroom window, only to see Eric looking down at me.
Shit.
Had he heard me totally lose my shit? Oh, great, more ammo for him to use against me.
EPOV:
Dealing with diaper duty wasn't fun. What was fun however was laughing at just how happy that kid seemed when she was naked. Honestly, I knew where she was coming from. Air and freedom, it was awesome. But she was a baby and apparently babies had to wear silly outfits they hated and looked uncomfortable in sometimes. Just like life. I felt her pain. She kicked and squee'd as I wiped and powdered her necessary areas, all the while assuring her that she'd need to time it better next time so Sookie got stuck with this and not me. I felt like she was picking on me.
"Like I don't have enough women's shit to deal with." I nodded at her as I attempted to stick the diaper together, this time sans duct tape.
It worked, we have progress!
That's when I noticed Sookie's voice get higher outside. I went to the window to find her head buried in Ameila's shoulder. She was sobbing her heart out.
My stomach clenched. Like I said, I couldn't stand when a woman cried. And something in me hated seeing Sookie cry even more. That urge—the one I had in the hospital, the one at the graveside, the one where I just wanted to reach out and comfort her—that came again. Instead, I listened as she sobbed and told her friend how she though I hated her. It wasn't a totally off center assumption to make based on my behavior toward her, but I didn't hate her. How could I hate her? I didn't know her.
I listened as Ameila dispatched sage advice like a pro. She and Pam would get on like a house on fire, I thought. Then I watched as Amelia went inside and Sookie sat back.
Busted.
She saw me watching her. I instantly moved away from the window, not that it mattered she'd seen me and she'd known I'd heard. Great, another reason for her to bitch at me. Now she'd think I was some kind of weird peeping Tom as well as a man whore.
"Sometimes you just can't win, Jessica." I sighed as she pulled my hair. That was a habit I'd have to nip in the bud. She had a hell of a grip on her for such a tiny thing!
I walked down the stairs with the baby to be greeted by a suddenly empty house.
"What the hell?"
"Change of plans big man." Tara came around the corner.
"Where is everyone?"
"They gone. It's family time now."
"Family…What?"
She smiled and took Jessica from me. "You own swimming trunks?"
"I… Huh?"
"Go get them and meet us by the pool."
I was so confused, but marched back upstairs anyway. I'd been hooking through one of my cases that Pam had dropped off for a few minutes, when I heard footsteps to Sookie's room.
"Put it on."
"No, it's too…there isn't much of a bathing suit in that Amelia."
"So? You need a tan, now put!"
I heard her sigh. Amelia was kinda bossy to her boss.
I put my long Nike shorts on and a blue t-shirt. Relieved to finally be out of that damn suit.
"Sookie, put it on and meet me downstairs. Jessica is with Tara and she's fine. Shut up! Your ass doesn't look big." Was all I heard, not being able to hear Sookie since she didn't yell when she talked.
I made my way downstairs and outside where I found Lafayette, Tommy, and Tara who was now in shorts and a t-shirt too, smothering sunscreen on Jessica and putting her in a tiny baby bathing suit and hat.
"What's goin' on guys?"
"We're celebrating."
"Celebrating what?" I asked Tara.
"Their life. With copious amounts of Margaritas—Hadley's favourite—and Heineken for Alcide. We toast, we talk, we soak. You down with that date man?" Tara asked me, handing me a bottle of beer.
"Should we be drinkin' with a kid here?" Tommy spoke up, and he raised a valid point.
"No, but one or two ain't gonna alert the police, and besides I am the designated driver today, so that means I get to bond with my new little white friend here." She jiggled Jessica to and fro dancing. Jess was of course, loving it.
Amelia came out the double doors and dropped her robe, sporting a modest one-piece. She smiled at the baby before laying down to tan.
Next came Sookie, and I had to look twice. Gone was the tight, black dress that did frame her ass magnificently might I add, but was built for funerals, not fun. This Sookie looked, well... fun. She tiptoed out, her hair now up in a messy bun on top of her head, shades on, and the tiniest red bikini I've ever seen on her body. From her neck to her breasts, hips, tummy, thighs…. Why was she allowed to wear clothes?
Margaritas and memories might be fun after all.
A/N Thank you guys SO much for all the reviews and pms and adds and alerts, it's all amazing! Really glad you're enjoying these two idiots so far! x Big thank you to my beta vikinglover elle for all her work on these chapters! And to Makesmyheadspin for being an awesome cheerleader!