I was center stage at a huge rock arena, jamming on my guitar, screaming the lyrics to "Rock You Like a Hurricane," by the Scorpions. Fans were going crazy, there were crowd surfers in the seated sections. If you thought that was impossible, you were wrong. I saw it happening right before my eyes. But I kept singing the chorus over and over again, that was it. The rest of song was incapable of coming out of my mouth, or my guitar. I was on repeat, and then all of the sudden it stopped. The crowd stopped going crazy and just froze, staring at me, until the band started playing again, and I was forced to sing the same chorus over and over again.
I lazily opened my eyes and reached for my phone that was wailing out the very same ringtone. I sent Jared to go get it from Ben last night, I was too afraid to face him.
Stuff from real life always entered my dreams. I had to sleep with music on, and unconsciously, it always affected my dreams. I didn't even bother looking at the caller id, just placed the phone to my ear and growled out a "What?"
"Oh, were you sleeping?" she said. I looked over at the clock. It read "6:34." Six thirty-four a.m.
"Of course I am still asleep. Why would I be awake this early?" I yawned and sat up.
"Because your best friend is getting married, and you need to be there."
"Mama Santino, he didn't even invite me. No way in Hell am I stepping foot near that church."
"Get your lazy ass out of bed," she started.
"Language!" I smiled into the phone. I always loved busting her on that.
"Oh hush," she said, she was being dead serious, and that was what was scaring me. If I didn't get out of bed and go to the church, I wouldn't have put it past her to bust through my door and throw me over her shoulder to carry me to the church.
"He obviously doesn't want me there," I sighed, and flopped back down on my pillow. Graceful.
"He was just hurt that you weren't happy for him, but Peyton, do you blame him?" she asked.
"No. I really don't." I closed my eyes and wanted to go back to sleep, but I knew I wouldn't get that chance.
"Get up. Get ready. Wedding is at 12." Click.
I lowered my phone and stared at it. I threw it down on the bed and just laid there for a while. Going to Nick's wedding uninvited was something I didn't feel comfortable doing.
I ended up lying there for an hour. I had time, so I figured a jog would be perfect right now.
I didn't change out of my sweat pants or tank top, just threw on my New Balances, threw my hair back into a ponytail and put on one of John's old baseball caps, which I stole, and bolted out of the door. I hadn't gone running in a while, and I should have stretched, because two miles in, my legs were killing me. I used to be able to do six miles, no sweat.
Oh, I was getting out of shape. I stopped and held onto my side, gasping for air. I looked at my watch and it was already 8. When I looked up, I realized I was a few blocks from the church. I wanted to see if Mama Santino was there already setting up, because I really needed to talk to her.
I trudged the few blocks, still trying to catch my breath, and finally ended up in front of the church. I couldn't bring myself to go in though, just stood out front, staring at it. This was where Nick was either going to ruin his life, or make it.
I was a horrible, selfish person lately. Believe me, I knew it. My intervention last night, it was hard to hear, but I needed to hear everything everyone had to say. I took all of it to heart. If I hadn't have, I wouldn't be standing in front of a church right now.
Nick wasn't the church type. Did Sophia know him at all? Did she know what kind of person he was, did she know anything about his past, anything about his life?
Did she know that every Christmas he helped my dad and I decorate the tree if he was in town? Did she know that if they got in a fight, he would more than likely block her on twitter until the fight resided?
Did she know Nicholas Bernard Santino? I decided to stop giving the church dirty looks, it wasn't at fault. I went and sat on the swing in the garden of the church, it was peaceful and there was less traffic. I got a few dirty looks of my own from the florist, who was bringing in flower arrangements. I didn't know how much time had lapsed, and right when I was about to look, I heard someone call my name.
"Peyton?" she asked.
I looked over to my right and there she was, and she was so beautiful, even I had to catch my breath. Now I understood why Nick got in the wreck. He was staring at her, and I didn't blame him. She had long, curly dark brown hair freely falling down her back. Her features were well defined. Simply put, she was gorgeous.
"How did you know it was me?" I asked.
"Nick showed me some pictures of his friends," she smiled and walked a few steps towards me. I looked at my watch and cringed. I had sat here for hours just thinking. It was 11:30. The wedding started in thirty minutes and I was in my sweatpants and tennis shoes. "We weren't sure if you were going to make it," she said, lifting her dress to sit down on the swing next to me.
"You're going to get your dress dirty," I said, before she down. She shrugged. "It's okay. It's my wedding day. If my dress is dirty, then it was meant to be dirty. Everything happens for a reason."
"Nice logic," I smiled at her and then kicked a rock with my tennis shoe.
"You know, I am glad you are here. I haven't gotten to meet you, and I have wanted to for a while."
"I am sorry," I half smiled at her, "I have just been all over the place lately and I have been so caught up in myself, I haven't really made time for anyone else. It sounds horrible, I know. It was."
"Everyone has talked so highly of you," she smiled. "Are you going to stay for the wedding?" I looked down at my clothes and then back at her.
"Well,"
"My dad's the pastor here. I used to keep dresses in the back for when I rolled into church hung over, come on," she said, grabbing my hand and leading me through the side door. When she opened the closet, she wasn't lying. Around 30 dresses all hung neatly on their hangers, and a row of shoes were lined up on the floor.
"Pick any one you would like," she said.
"Thank you," I said.
"I'm glad we finally met. I really hope we can be close," she said and just as she was walking away, I pulled her back and gave her a hug.
"Nick is so lucky," I said, finally pulling away. I felt like a horrible person for jumping his shit when he told me he was getting married. Now I understood. He didn't want to let this one go. She was amazing.
"We both are," she smiled again, and then left me alone to change.
/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\
When I walked out of the door, I ran into Mama Santino. Like, I literally ran into her.
"Ooof," she said, and then turned around. "Peyton, you came!"
"Of course," I smiled, and she threw her arms around me. "I didn't want you killing me for missing the most important day of Nick's life."
"Did you meet Sophia?" she asked.
"Loved her."
"I did good," she said, doing an old lady rendition of the "fist pump."
"You did do good," I nodded.
"What is going on with your hair, child?" she asked. I just shrugged and tried to get away, but she pulled a hairbrush out of her bag and made me sit in a chair. She braided my hair into some complicated looking braid, and tied a little white ribbon at the end. My dress was black and white, and pretty much skin tight, since it seemed like Sophia was half a size smaller than I was, but it was okay. I would make it through this ceremony without breathing.
"Here," she said, shoving her make-up bag into my hands. "I don't think my foundation matches your ghostly white tone, but do something with your face. It is all red and sweaty," she said, shaking her head, and then kissing my cheek. "Love you, kid."
"I love you too, Mama Santino."
She was right, her foundation was about ten shades too dark for me, so I didn't put any on, just some eyeliner and mascara. I washed my face off, and I guess I looked okay for someone who jogged to the church in sweatpants and a tank top.
When I finally looked presentable, I walked towards the main part of the church. Sophia and her wedding party were all waiting to go in, and a little brunette caught my eye.
"Miss Olivia, you look smashing," I said, before she even saw me. She turned around and her face lit up like the fourth of July.
"Peyton!" she practically screamed and ran my way. She jumped right into my open arms and I held onto her for a minute. She was jabbering away in my ear about her dress and how pretty everything was, but I just focused on not crying. Olivia was one of the sweetest kids I had ever gotten the privilege of meeting, and I didn't get to see her as often as I used to. I missed the hell out of her, and I guess I missed the hell out of thinking what our family would have been like. I kissed her cheek and set her down.
"Here," she said, handing me a flower petal out of her basket.
"What's this for?" I asked, bringing it up to my nose and sniffing it.
"For luck," she smiled. I smiled back and looked up at Sophia, who was watching the whole exchange. I looked back down at Olivia.
"Thanks kid, I need it."
"Go ahead," Sophia winked at me, urging me to go find a seat before the wedding started. I opened the door and was amazed at how many people were here. As I walked down the aisle, I spotted a lot of friends that I had fallen out of touch with. All of the members of The Summer Set were there, along with most of Forever the Sickest Kids. That tour, while it was crazy, will never be forgotten. I waved at some of them as I passed, trying to find an open spot. Nick was standing up at the altar, talking to Justin, who was his best man. He looked the happiest I think I had ever seen him, and I had seen him through some happy times. When I was halfway down the aisle, Nick broke away from their conversation and saw me. I expected him to be mad, but a look of relief was evident in his face. He took off running down the aisle and enveloped me in a hug.
"I am so glad you are here," he whispered into my ear. Not a second later, I was sobbing into his shoulder.
"I am so sorry," I finally said, wiping my eyes and pulling back so I could look at him. He tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear, and then brought my head back to his shoulder, wrapping his other arm around me. "I missed you," I choked out, trying to speak over my tears.
"Shh," he said, finally pulling away and kissing my cheek. "I missed you too. I am glad you came." I nodded and wiped my eyes.
"Can we not fight ever again?" I asked.
"Deal," he said.
Just then a slow clap started from somewhere to my right. I looked over as Mama Santino was standing up, tears rolling down her cheeks and a huge smile on her face. Soon, everyone else who knew about our drama joined in, and I was embarrassed, so I ran to sit down next to Julia. Nick walked back up to the altar and waited for Sophia to make that short walk that separated them from marriage.
I looked over at Kennedy as soon as Olivia started practically dancing down the aisle, throwing flower petals everywhere. She looked like she was having the time of her life, and Kennedy looked like the proud father he was. After the bridesmaids, all dressed in a deep red, made their way down the aisle, the doors closed and it was time for my best friend to have his life changed. Now that I met her, I could honestly say that they would last, and I was happy for them.
As the doors opened, and we all stood up to look at Sophia, gasps erupted and I smiled, because she deserved every single one of them. I looked over to Nick, and just like that, I wanted to cry. The way he was looking at Sophia, was the way that Kennedy was looking at me when I walked down the aisle, however brief it may have been. I looked over at Kennedy again, and he was already looking at me. Our eyes locked, and my insides turned to jell-o. I quickly looked away and sat back down as soon as she made it to the altar. Her father, who was also the priest, walked her down the aisle and then took his position at the head of the church. The ceremony was beautiful, and I wasn't just saying that. It gave me hope that maybe one day, I would have a do-over. Maybe next time I wouldn't run away.
/\\/\\/\\/\\
"You know," Justin started his best man speech. "You may think I don't have stage freight, but that's a common misconception. You see, just because we sing in front of people almost every night we are on tour, giving a speech in front of people you don't know is so much worse. So I am going to keep this short and simple," Everyone laughed, but I knew Justin was being totally serious. "Nick and I have been friends for a while, and to be honest, I thought he would be alone forever, but god smiled down on him the day he crashed into Sophia. Literally," more laughs. "I can't say much for the cars, because they are both totaled, but if it wasn't for that collision, Nick would still be single, living in Braintree with his mom. I just wanted to say thank you to Sophia, for being so gorgeous that Nick couldn't look away. I don't think many car crashes have happy endings. Just take care of each other," he said, raising his glass, and everyone else did the same. "I love you, buddy." Justin smiled and Nick stood up and gave him a bro-hug.
We all applauded and listened to the Maid of Honor's speech. It was sweet, and A LOT longer than Justin's and Olivia was getting antsy.
"Where is mommy and daddy?" she asked, looking around.
"I don't know," I said, "Do you want to go find them?"
"Yes, please," she said, tugging on my hand. I placed my napkin in my chair and followed Olivia. We looked all around the church and then decided to look inside. We finally found them in the room that I changed in earlier.
"You were staring at her the whole time," Gabi yelled. I grabbed Olivia's arm and pulled her back. We weren't meant to hear this.
"No I wasn't, Gabi," Kennedy sighed, not even bothering to raise his voice.
"I saw it," she growled. I tried to back track my steps, pulling Olivia along with me, but the floorboard creaked and Gabi's head shot up, looking straight at us.
"You have got to be kidding me!" she yelled. "This doesn't concern you, Peyton," she spat out. "Why are you eavesdropping?"
"I wasn't," I answered, stepping in the room. Kennedy just shot me apologetic look. "Olivia wanted to find you guys, so I was helping her look. I didn't want her to get lost," I said.
"Stay away from my kid," she raised her voice again. "and stay away from Kennedy." I ignored her and squatted down in front of Olivia.
"Are you okay now, sweetie?" I asked. She just stared at Gabi, horrified, but she finally nodded. I stood up and looked over at Kennedy. He looked ragged and wore out. I am sure fighting with Gabi was horrible as I imagined it.
"I'll see you later, Olivia," I smiled at her. She smiled back and nodded.
"Peyton, just because you screwed up your chance at a family, don't you dare think you can come in here and screw up mine." I just stared at her. I didn't even know what to say.
"Gabi, stop!" Kennedy broke in, but she just pushed him away.
"Is your life so pathetic you have to interfere with everyone else's?" she asked.
"What are you even talking about?" I asked. Honestly, I had no idea what I was even interfering with.
"I saw you looking at Kennedy in there, and quite frankly, I think you need to get over it."
"I'll get right on that," I replied, letting go of Olivia's hand. She looked scared. She didn't like people yelling, and her mom was going off on a rampage. I squatted down in front of her again.
"Are you going to be okay?" I asked. She just shrugged and wrapped her arms around my neck.
"Olivia, come here," she demanded. Olivia just hugged me tighter. "Olivia Grace, come here. We are going home."
"You're scaring her," I said, lifting her. She wrapped her legs around my waist and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Don't act like you know the first thing about my daughter," Gabi said, walking towards me, to get Olivia, I imagined.
"Gabi, calm down," Kennedy said, again, but she ignored him. What was wrong with her? Gabi yanked Olivia from my arms, and Olivia immediately started crying. Gabi handed her to Kennedy, who shot me, yet another, apologetic look. I turned around to leave, when Gabi forcefully grabbed my arm, dug her nails in and let her other hand come flying across my face. It stung. It was undeserved, and it hit right across my cheekbone. My hand flew up to where she hit, and I wanted so hard to hit her back, but Olivia practically jumped out of Kennedy's arms, flying across the room and held my hand.
"Stop it, mommy," she yelled. This was getting out of control, and it was nothing a three year old should be seeing. I looked from Olivia to Gabi, and narrowed my eyes. "It's okay that you have a problem with me. It's normal. I understand it. But don't you ever pull something like this in front of Olivia again," I said, with clenched teeth. I picked up Olivia, despite Gabi's warning and walked back to the reception. This kid was a big part of my life, and as much as I wish she was my child and not Gabi's, I knew who she was leaving with, and I hated it.
"I am sorry mommy hit you," she sniffled. I kissed her forehead.
"Don't worry about it, Liv. Your mommy doesn't like me, and that's okay." I tried to comfort her.
"I love you, Peyton," she started, tears streaming down her face. "I thought that you and daddy were together, and you were going to be my other mommy, but that didn't happen. I miss you. I wish you and daddy would get back together and I could live with you instead of mommy," she stopped to take a breath and I put my finger over her mouth to quiet her down.
"Want to swing with me?" I asked her. She nodded, and we went outside and sat on the swing. It didn't take long to cheer her up again. Soon enough we were on the dance floor. Olivia had run to Nick, demanding that he play the YMCA. She dragged him onto the dance floor, and soon, everyone joined in. The kid was in heaven. She thought that Nick hung the moon, and so did I. He was amazing, and he would make a great dad.
I went to sit down and talk to Julia, until Nick asked me to dance. I grabbed his hand and he we danced. I wasn't paying attention to the song. Brighten was the entertainment of the hour. It was amazing to have friends in the music business at your wedding.
"I am so glad you came," he said again.
"So am I," I smiled. "She's amazing," I said, nodding to Sophia, who was dancing with Jared Monstercock Monaco.
"Believe me, I know," he said. "I want to tell you, before anyone knows," he said.
"Oh god," I smiled. It felt good to still be the first person he told things to.
"I'm going to be a dad," he chuckled, and my mouth fell open.
"You are shitting me," I gawked. He shook his head from side to side, still smiling.
"Oh my god," I said. "This is amazing!"
"We found out yesterday," he informed me. We were still swaying back and forth.
"Nicholas Bernard Santino, my how far you have come," I smiled, but I felt a tear roll down my cheek.
"Why are you crying?" he asked, wiping it away.
"I am just so happy for you," I said.
"I love you, P." he said, pulling me into a hug. "And Soph and I discussed it. We want you to be the godmother."
"Stop it," I sniffled, "You're going to make me cry."
"Excuse me!" someone said, tugging on both my dress and Nick's jacket.
"Yes Miss Olivia, how can we help you?" Nick asked.
"I want to dance with you!" Olivia said, and Nick picked her up. "And you," she said, looking at me, "Can have my dance partner. He stinks at dancing," she giggled. I looked over to see John O'Callaghan awkwardly standing a few feet away, watching Olivia. I walked over to him, and he placed his hands gently on my hips, keeping his distance. Brighten started to play "We Are Birds," and I cringed. Of course they would play the song John sang that day on the swing, his ringtone when he called me.
"John," I started.
"I know. You're sorry," he interrupted. I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded.
"Are you sorry you did it or are you sorry you got caught?" he asked me.
"I am beyond sorry that I put both you and Ben through that. I don't know what I was doing."
"I accept your apology, Peyton," he sighed. "but it's going to take me a while to forgive you."
"I can live with that. I kind of have to, don't I?"
"Pretty much," he said. "Have you ever just tried being single?" he asked.
"That's what I am doing," I smiled. "My whole outlook on life was changed last night."
"Oh, the intervention. Pat told me about it," he nodded. Of course Krabby Patty did.
"I just want to know that we are going to be okay," I said. "I love you John, and I didn't mean to hurt you, I just got so caught up in-"
"Peyton," he interrupted, "Shut up and dance with me," he smiled. So I did.
/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\/\\
I caught a ride home from Julia. It was midnight by the time I got home. I jumped as I rounded the porch. A figure was sitting down on the steps, his head buried in his hands.
"Kennedy?" I asked before I got any closer. He looked up, and he was crying. I didn't mean he was shedding a few tears, he was sobbing.
"Oh my god, Kenny," I said, running to the porch. "What happened."
"I didn't know where else to go," he wiped his nose. "I just knew you could help me."
"Help you with what?" I asked, trying to get him to spit it out. This was scaring me.
"I know you love Olivia," he started.
"Kennedy, what?" I asked. I hated that it took him forever to tell me what was going on. I hated it and loved it, because it was what he did every time.
"Gabi," he yelled, standing up, pacing back and forth. "She took Olivia and bolted. She took my car, she took my kid, and she left."
"Call the police, Kennedy. She stole your car, and she can't take your kid away from you like that."
"Well, I didn't know what to do," he said, burying his hands in his hair. "We got home, she told me to go to hell, took my keys and just left. I don't know if she's gone for a little while, or if she's long gone."
"Kennedy," I said, digging for my phone, fumbling with it when I found it. "Call the cops," I said, thrusting my phone into his hands. He hung the phone up and tossed it into the grass.
"We have to go find her," he said.
"Call the cops, Kenny!" I said, for the last time.
"Damn it, Peyton, I just need you to do this with me. The cops never do anything." I looked around at the lack of a car, and then ran into the house, taking the keys to Jared's baby. He would understand.
"I'll drive," he said, trying to suck the tears back.
"No," I said, pushing him towards the passenger seat. "Let me take care of you for once," I said. Then we hit the open road, heading to any and everywhere Kennedy thought Gabi would take Olivia.
I was tired already, but this was important. We had to find her, and neither of us would sleep until we did. That was a promise.