Chapter Twenty Six:

Shepherd Harms the Flock

Doc checked and rechecked his blood count.

"What did you do?" asked Doc.

"We…repeated…sliced our palms and then joined again. I guess her blood did help."

"Well Sara's numbers are still the same...so I guess you found a miracle cure for the anemia. Are you keeping a journal of this stuff?"

"Yes. Doc, I may have found someone who knows about…the process."

"Can they be trusted?"

"I used to think so," he said.

The team was surprised when Grissom showed up for work that evening.

"We were told you were gravely sick," stated Catherine.

"I was…but I'm better. I'm getting my energy back…every hour."

"Good to know. Ecklie wanted your hide after what you did to him."

Nick smiled when he got his assignment. "It's my lucky day. I get the pretty girl," he drawled as he looked at Sara who had not even acknowledged Grissom's presence when she entered.

Grissom watched as they sat down at the conference table, not sure what to make of Nick's arm wrapped firmly around Sara as he leaned in and whispered something in her ear getting a hug in return.

"You look better….I think," commented Catherine as she noticed the look of jealousy in Grissom's eyes.

"I feel better…I think," he sighed.

"So how are things with you…and Sara?"

He turned his attention to the other assignments in his hand, leaving her to grumble as she finally sat down at the table.

Grissom couldn't help but feel Sara's eyes staring at him as he ran through the cases.

His eyes met Sara's but she turned away.

He called for her to remain, letting the others leave before speaking.

"You left quite suddenly," he whispered.

"I had…things to do," she lied.

"Thank you for taking care of me. I feel great," he said with a smile.

Why did you agree to have dinner…with her?

After everything, you still…have this urge for her…

"Have dinner with me," she blurted out.

Show me Grissom, you've changed.

His face paled.

She had no idea what she was asking of him.

"Sara…I can't. I have to meet someone."

"Heather?" she asked.

She won't understand…

She'll think I'm doing this because I'm attracted to Heather…

I'm doing it to protect her, us…our future…our family…

"No," he lied.

She knew it was a lie the moment it left his lips and it hurt her to the very core.

"I need to get to my case," she said emotionless.

"Could we meet later? Come to the house after shift," he offered.

"Sure," she lied.

Two could play at this game except she wasn't going to play by his rules.

He fidgeted when he rang Heather's doorbell and she opened the door in a rather seductive gown.

"I'm glad you came," she said with a smile as she embraced him briefly.

He bristled, stepping out of her arms. "I wanted to talk…nothing more."

"Really, Grissom. You act as though I'm going to sexually assault you. I promise I will only do what you want me to do."

"Then that will be talk…only," he declared.

"Very well. Let's see," she purred.

He ventured inside, hesitating a moment before letting her lead him.

Sara sat across the street in her vehicle.

She gripped the steering wheel as she watched Heather fall into his arms.

I should have known…

Even though we're bound, he still seeks her out…

Once inside she offered him a drink.

He chose coffee, feeling as though it was going to be a long night.

"Heather, tell me…what you know," he asked.

"You're not bound…to her," she said as she poured herself a glass of wine.

"Yes, I am."

"What your…angel didn't tell you is that this craving…you feel…for her…will cease if you abstain…it's like being thrown into a drunk tank…going cold turkey from a drug. Once your body has it out of your system, then you are no longer bound."

"What…about…if I die…then…"

She smiled. "It's works like any drug…or addiction. If taken over a long period of time, it's difficult to go without it. Persons who have bonded for a long period of time…do die if the other spouse dies…we used to call it grief…but…it is a form of…withdrawal. The longer you remain with her the more likely the certain death sentence will occur."

"So…if we…remain apart…get through the withdrawal symptoms then…she won't die if something happens to me?"

"No," she said taking a sip of tea.

Her eyes drifted up to his. "Why…her?" she asked.

"I love her," he said simply.

"You crave her. You'll think clearly once the affects of Gracen's blood wears off."

His eyes widened. "How do you know Gracen?"

Her eyes shot to the floor. "To know the sect, one had to know Gracen Merci."

"Did you know him personally?"

"No. He did not care for my establishment."

Grissom sat down, feeling rather tired.

"You're tired. Why don't you lie…"

"No…thank you."

She smiled. "I used to think you craved…me. You looked forward to our dinners together."

"I enjoyed our friendship."

"It could be more than that," she offered as she sat near him.

"Heather…I don't want to lose our friendship…but I won't compromise my relationship with Sara."

"Relationship? Grissom, for the past several years you've come to me when you were…down, needed a shoulder…I hardly categorize using another person's body for carnal pleasure…"

"It's not sex…it was never sex. Sex without love…is sad. You should know that."

She did.

She turned her head concealing how painful his words had hurt.

"Are you sure…it's not Gracen's blood…the illusion of love…"

"I loved her before I ingested his blood."

"You felt a connection with her," she spat as she set the tea cup onto the table and leaned forward.

The outfit displayed way too much cleavage as she eyed him. "Both of you are…disjointed from the rest of the world...thus the connection. If you really loved her, you wouldn't have waited years to do something."

"I was a fool. I was afraid of getting hurt. Sara will not hurt me."

"Hasn't she? She was going to give herself to Gracen but then fate stepped in and he was killed."

"It wasn't fate. I don't believe in fate."

"None the less Gracen is dead and you took his place in order to save Sara…how noble. Tell me, if her life had not been in danger would you have bound yourself to her?"

"Yes. I wanted to marry her."

Heather pressed. "Love isn't difficult, Grissom. It's either there or it's not. I hardly believe you've cared for her all of these years and yet…"

"I've loved her since the day she walked into the lecture hall. I've wanted her the moment she smiled at me. I've yearned for her ever since my name left her lips. If you want to call it desire then do …but my desire was fueled by love…not lust."

His words hurt but she continued hoping to dissuade him.

"You spoke of your concern…always your concern for the choices she was making. Really, Grissom, she's a grown woman…if she can't make…"

"She made choices because I was too much of a coward to do anything…to take a risk and…"

Heather slipped to the seat next to him. "Grissom you've always been fearful of letting someone get to truly know you. You're afraid they won't like what they find…you're different. I think you would have dismissed any romantic notions of Sara years ago if you were like other men. I think you would have seen that you did not belong with her. There were doubts…don't deny them. You didn't have a chance to make a choice. You saw she had gotten herself into trouble and you acted on impulse not wanting to see her hurt. That's admirable Grissom…but that's not love."

"I think I know what love is. I saw it every time I hurt Sara and yet she forgave me…gave me another chance."

Heather scoffed. "That's not love. She wanted what she couldn't have…tell me, now that she has you…how has that been? If it were not for the urge, would she desire you?"

Doubt flashed in Grissom's eyes.

Heather smiled. "I thought so." She retrieved the cup of tea and took a sip, feeling quite smug at the chink in Grissom's armor.

"She's…afraid…I'll hurt her. I'm not going to do that…not anymore."

"What do you plan to do?"

He looked confused.

"You don't have to remain bound to her."

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

Heather's hand trembled slightly and he caught sight of it.

He glanced around. "What do you know about a fallen angel…named Darius?"

The cup slipped from her hand, crashing into tiny pieces at her feet.

She bent to pick up the pieces. Grissom bent down to help her.

"Heather…what are you afraid of?"

"You."

He looked shocked. "I've never hurt you."

"No," she admitted. "You've shown me nothing but kindness…gentleness. Grissom, your actions…hurt me…will hurt me."

"I don't…understand how my actions have or will hurt you."

"You should have left Sara…to live with the consequences of her actions."

"And risk losing her? Letting her die? If she dies…then bound or not, it would surely kill me."

She smiled sadly remembering a time she once felt that way toward a man.

"You didn't answer my question. What do you know about Darius?"

"He's a fallen angel."

Grissom eyed her. "Why does his name make you nervous?"

"He's quite cruel."

"How do you know of him?"

"Men like him…fallen angels like to frequent establishments…like mine. They get off being in control, degrading women…Darius was especially good at it."

"Did he hurt you?"

Far worse than you can imagine…

"We have an agreement. He doesn't frequent my establishment for…favors from time to time."

"Have you recently done any favors for him?"

Heather licked her lips and poured herself another cup of tea.

"I keep away from Darius just as you should."

She turned and smiled at him. "Are you going to stay…away from Sara?"

"No."

She looked a little nervous. "Why not? If you do then…"

"I could never deny her….much less myself. I've already wasted too much time."

"There is another way….to break the ritual."

"What is it?"

"Having sex with someone else."

"That will never happen," vowed Grissom.

Heather stepped toward him. "One time…is all it would take…then the urge would be over and both of you would be free…"

"I won't…do that. I won't break my vows."

"Vows? You didn't marry her Grissom," huffed Heather.

"In…my heart, I did. We're bound…forever. I won't touch anyone else. I won't…do that to…us."

Heather hid her disappointment but a slight smile crept across her face.

"Sara…may feel different….given the chance she might just…do that."

"She won't…I know she won't hurt me," he said trying very hard to sound convincing.

"Are you sure about that? You said so yourself she's not…satisfied…with you."

"I didn't say that."

"You forget I can read you like a book, Grissom. It's obvious she's not satisfied with you. Besides, she chose Gracen…over you. Given the chance, she might choose someone…again."

It was his biggest fear.

"She…would choose me," he said softly.

"You don't sound so convincing," she purred.

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

"Sara's been…doing her own research. Her name has popped up in closed circles. She offered money for information. She probably already knows…how to…break the ritual."

Grissom became angry. "What if she does? She's not going to just throw herself at the first man and…"

"Already your voice gives you away, Grissom. Her infidelity is what you fear the most."

Grissom looked to the floor.

He could not bear the thought of losing Sara.

Even when she lashed out with the hurtful barbs, he couldn't bear the thought of never having her again.

The moment his body slipped into hers he felt complete, whole, a fullness he'd never known before.

He knew he would never feel this again with anyone else.

Without Sara, he would surely die. He didn't need to test that theory. His heart was sure of it.

"I trust her," he said as he hurried toward the door.

"Gil?"

He stopped and looked back.

"You'll…know if she has. She'll no longer feel the urge for you."

He started to leave but then halted. "I feel ill whenever you're near...is that part of the joining?"

She sighed. "Yes, it's quite cruel. When you're mated, you have no desire for anyone else because of the pain you experience...guilt for being with someone else. A side effect of the ritual. Angels can be just as cruel as the fallen ones."

"Because they believe in mating for life? Because they found a way to force these human bodies to remain faithful? I don't consider that a side effect...but a relief."

She snorted. "You are such a fool, Grissom. The ritual doesn't change human nature. She will tire of you and you will be destroyed by her actions. If you change your mind, I'll be here."

He stepped back into the lab with only a minute to spare, grabbing his messages as he searched for her.

She sat in the break room with Nick. They were whispering softly to one another.

He watched as Nick's hand reached out and tucked a strand of Sara's hair behind her ear.

He couldn't make out Sara's face, unsure how she felt about the intimate gesture but his gut twisted when her hand slipped into Nick's.

He slowed, not sure if he wanted to enter the break room.

Nick brought her hand to his lips and kissed it.

He felt the strong urge to slam Nick's body through a wall.

His hand clenched into a fist and he started to confront Nick when he caught sight of Sara's face.

While she tried to wipe them away quickly, tears streaked down her cheeks.

His anger disappeared immediately.

He wanted to comfort her and his feet hurried toward them.

Her head turned and she caught sight of him.

She swiped at her cheeks with both hands and fled the break room.

Nick turned and scowled at his boss.

"Is Sara alright?" asked Grissom.

"How was dinner…with Heather?" Nick growled.

Grissom's shoulders slumped, realizing that Sara knew about the lie.

"It wasn't dinner. I went there to get…this is none of your business," glared Grissom.

"No, it's not…but it is Sara's and she…deserves better than you!" barked Nick.

Grissom stepped back, feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness.

His hand caught the end of the chair.

Nick suddenly became concerned. "Are you alright?"

"Nicky, I wasn't doing anything…only trying to get information…I wasn't…I wouldn't hurt her," he grieved.

"Well, you did…whether you meant to or not. She said you lied to her intentionally."

He groaned.

She knew I was going to see Heather…

"I did….only to protect her…not to hurt her."

"Explain that to Sara."

He nodded.

"You might want to sit down…before you fall down," warned Nick.

He felt hands shoving him into a chair.

"Mind if I have a word with Grissom?" asked Brass to Nick as he stepped into the doorway.

Nick glanced at his boss. "You okay? You need anything?"

"I'll be…fine, Nicky. I'm sorry…I was short with you."

"Rest. Doc was looking for you earlier," said Nick as he slipped out of the room.

Brass sat down across from Grissom.

"Nick...is right. You look a bit pale."

Grissom wiped his forehead. "I'm…good."

"Glad to hear it because Sara looked pissed. What did you do?"

"I lied to her."

"Got a death wish?"

Grissom grinned slightly and then grimaced as he got up. "I guess I do."

He went through some paperwork, signing off on a few cases.

Catherine leaned in the doorway. "Trying to make yourself sick again?"

He glanced up.

"Gil, you need to go home."

"Do I look that bad?"

"You look…tired…worried."

He leaned back in his chair. "I…am."

"Anything I can help you with?"

He sighed. "No…thanks. I think I'm done for today."

Once he arrived at the townhouse, he called her and was surprised when she answered immediately.

"Sara….I need to talk with you," he began.

"I'm really tired, Grissom."

"It won't take long…can I come over?" he asked.

"No."

"Would you come here?"

"If you want to talk then talk," she demanded.

"I went to see Heather because she knows about fallen angels. I went there for information, Sara…nothing more. I didn't think you would understand if I told you I had accepted an invitation for dinner at her place after what happened earlier. I didn't want to go but it was the only way she would give me the information. I swear…nothing happened."

Sara was quiet for a moment.

"How was dinner?"

"I never stayed to eat. I just want…to protect you…us. I don't know how to do that unless we have more information…know what we're dealing with."

There was a silence.

"Sara?"

"I'm here….you could have told me what you were planning to do."

"I know. I'm sorry. I won't do that again," he urged.

"You've…been saying that a lot lately."

"I'm not good at relationships, Sara. I'm trying…I am," he sighed as he slumped down on his couch.

"How…are…you?" she asked.

"Tired…worried…nervous," he admitted.

"You should have remained at home…you're still recovering," she chastised. "Why are you worried….and nervous?"

"I'm worried that I caused the tears on your cheeks. I'm nervous…because I think you're tired of…me doing that."

"You're right, I am tired."

"Sara…"

"Get some rest, Grissom."

"Can I…come over?" he asked.

"I think you… I need some time to think."

"I just want…to see you," he pleaded.

"We'll see each other soon enough."

They would have to join soon.

Would you want to see me, Sara…

Rather than need to see me?

"Sara…"

"Space…I need space right now," she gulped not sure why she felt off.

"You think space will fix this? Sara, if we don't address some things then…"

"You know I don't like Heather and yet you go to her…for help…for information…for whatever."

"If this is about the dinner dates, Sara I tried to explain them…I only went for…"

"Information. You told me…and I sort of understand…but to trust her…her of all people."

"Heather has never hurt me," he urged.

"I'm sure she hasn't…unless she got carried away with a whip," she lashed out for some unknown reason.

"We never did anything like that," he griped.

"Look…this isn't going anywhere…let's just hang up."

"Oh so you can just attack me and then hang up?"

"I didn't lie to your face today. I need to trust you, Grissom. I need to feel…" she stopped.

Her emotions were out of whack for some reason.

"To feel what?"

"Just leave it alone, Grissom. I'm tired and I need to sleep."

She hung up ignoring his protests.

She rolled onto her stomach, glancing at the clock as she tried to get some sleep.

There was a knock on her door and she sighed, figuring Grissom had decided to come anyway.

She gathered her robe about her body and opened the door rather irritably.

She gasped when Gracen stood there.

Note from author:

Well, there is a Christmas part in this story but we just didn't get to it...LOL. It's not until around the mid thirties. Have a wonderful Merry Christmas!

Take care!