My dad told me that when I was five, I sang along to every song in The Sound of Music. I wanted to grow up to be just like Julie Andrews. When I was ten, I had watched Grease so much that my VHS tape stopped working. And no matter how old fashioned Seven Brides for Seven Brothers was; when I was fifteen, visiting my cousin in Alabama, we would act out all of the scenes. I didn't realize it, but I had wanted to be a musician all of my life. As I looked around my room at the various piles of clothes that needed to be sorted and packed, the realization that I may just get to live my dream was sinking in. I know I always told everyone that I didn't want to pursue a career in the music industry, but I was afraid that I would fall flat on my face. I had already made it this far. I had been signed, I was moving to California to record my first album. I could still fall flat on my face, but at least I could say that I gave it my all.
I had only told a grand total of three people that I was moving. Everyone else would hear it through the grapevine. News traveled fast in our group of friends, and I hated saying goodbye. Julia already knew, because, well she was recording with me, so therefore Garrett knew. Soon, all of The Maine would know, but I really hope he could keep his mouth shut for a bit. Nick was the one who helped me get signed, so of course he knew. I ended up telling Ben, because in that moment of time, I needed a friend. I told my dad, and to be honest, he wasn't very happy with me.
"What is this big news?"
"Well," I started, afraid of what he would say. Things could either go really good or really really bad with my dad. "Nick sent some stuff that we recorded together to a friend at a record company, and well," I hesitated, taking a deep breath. "I got signed."
"You got signed?"
"I got signed. I am moving to California to record."
He was silent. I could hear my heart beat, it sounded like it was echoing off of the walls.
"What about college?"
"What about college, dad? I will finish, eventually. I just want to see if I have what it takes to do this."
"You won't get anywhere in life without a degree, Peyton. How many times do I have to tell you this?"
"What if this could help me pay for college, daddy?" I asked, shooting up out of my chair. "Do you not think I can do this?"
"No, Peyton. I don't. How many people actually make it in the music industry?"
"Thank you for the boost of confidence dad. I appreciate it."
"I am not saying it to hurt you, I am saying it to make you think about what you are doing to your life."
"What I am doing to my life? What I am doing to MY LIFE, dad. It is MY life, not yours. Thanks dad, I guess I'll see you in a few months." I said, turning on my heel, slamming the front door on my way out.
I sighed, trying to find the clothes I wanted to pack in the suitcase. The record company generously rented a house for me instead of an apartment. I would have been fine with either. I didn't know what to take, I couldn't concentrate clearly. I heard tiny feet running full speed towards my room, and my mood instantly changed for the better.
"Peyton, have you left yet?" Olivia screamed before she even rounded the corner. It was just Olivia and I in the house last night, bonding and trying to spend as much time together as we could. I promised her I would still be here when she woke up, but she had a hard time believing me.
"I am still here!" I said, folding a pair of jeans and placing them in the bottom of my suitcase.
"Praise Justin!" she said. It was a habit I couldn't break her of, even though I was the one who had started it.
"Come here," I said, holding my arms out. She came running. "I am going to miss you so much," I said, squeezing her close, placing a kiss to the top of her brown curls.
"Don't go," she started crying.
"What did you promise me," I said, trying to stay strong.
"That I wouldn't cry. But Peyton," she said, wiping the tears away, "I haven't seen my own mommy in a long time. I don't know where she went. You are my mom."
My heart swelled with pride and love. I pulled her into my lap, and rocked her back and forth, running my fingers through her hair for a good ten minutes. We both loved each other's company, which made this one of the hardest goodbyes I would have to say today.
"Do you want to help me pack?" I finally asked her after our long bout of silence. She nodded and stood up. I remained sitting on the floor, asking her to toss me stuff to put in my suitcase. Nick and Sophia arrived thirty minutes later. When we heard the front door open, we both froze and looked at each other, knowing that these were our final moments together for a few months. This time, it was my turn to tear up. She slowly closed the gap between us and held onto me again.
"Write a good song for me, Peyton."
"I will. I promise, baby. I love you."
"I love you."
Nick and Sophia knocked on my door, even though it was open, I know they didn't want to disturb our moment, but the clock was ticking. The cab would be here soon to take both Julia and I to the airport. I let go of Olivia and stood up. I hated goodbyes. It wasn't like I would be gone forever. It was only a few months. The length of a tour, perhaps.
"Take care of yourself," Nick said, pulling me into his chest and wrapping his arms around me.
"I will, I promise."
"People in California aren't as nice as we are."
"Okay, dad." I joked.
"I got you pepper spray just in case," he said, pulling out a small can on a key ring.
"Are you kidding me?" I asked. I walked to my suitcase and pulled out a key ring. On this key ring were 7 identical key chains of pepper spray.
"I have collected these over the years. I have not once had the opportunity to use one, yet. I am looking forward to cranking one of these bad boys out."
Nick just chuckled.
"You can't blame us for being worried."
"Guess not," I shrugged. I looked at Sophia. Her tiny, tiny baby bump was starting to appear, she looked so happy and cute.
"Take care, Peyton," she smiled at me.
"You too," I smiled back and gave her a hug. "And take care of my girl," I said, placing my hand on Olivia's shoulder. Kennedy may not be happy with me when he found out that I left his daughter with Nick without telling him, but it's not like I left her with a complete stranger, and it was only for a week.
"OH, hold the phone!" Olivia exclaimed, throwing her hands out in front of her for emphasis. "I forgot to give you something," she said. She ran down the hallway to the makeshift room Jared and I made for her to grab whatever it was.
"Uncle John helped me make this for you a long time ago." she said, handing me a light blue bag with anchors on it. Cute bag. I took the tissue paper off it and held up a purple microphone with glitter and sequins all over it. There were no words. I didn't know what to say. It was… interesting.
"You have to use it whenever you make it big and go on tour," she said. I smiled and looked down at her.
"I promise you, I will use it every time I sing," I said, squatting down to hug her one more time. I had to rip myself away from her so that they could leave, because I needed to cry in peace.
/\\/\\/\\/\\
"Nick and Sophia just came by to pick up Will and I didn't want to let him go. I am only going for the weekend," Julia said, letting go of her suitcase and dropping her carry-on bag on the floor. I turned around, tears still clinging to my lashes.
"Olivia said that I was her mom." I choked out. "I won't see her for months," I continued. Julia was silent, she just covered her mouth.
"I can't do this," I said, holding back a sob that was threatening to escape.
"You can do this. We can do this."
"No. I am going to fail. My dad even said I was going to."
Julia placed her hands on my shoulders and looked me directly in the eyes. "You, Peyton Elaine Smith, are not going to fail. I will be there with you, every step of the way. Well on the weekends. You will devote your life for the next few months to this. You can do this. You will do this, or everything Nick did for you will be for nothing. Saying goodbye to Olivia this morning, that was for nothing. Do you want to let her down? She is so proud of you. She was talking about you getting signed the other day, Peyton. She believes in you."
"She's also four years old," I said, wiping a tear away with my finger.
"She's super smart, though." Julia shrugged. "You can do this."
"I can do this," I nodded, letting out a shaky breath. "I am going to kick ass. We are going to kick ass."
"Just like we always do!" she said, offering her hand for our secret handshake.
/\\/\\/\\
"Do you have your ID?" she asked me as we made our way into the airport. I rolled my eyes, flashing her my driver's license.
"Dear Justin Richards, child, what was happening with your hair that day?" she asked.
"Oh shut up," I smacked her, tucking it away in my jacket so I wouldn't lose it.
"Do you have your ticket?" she asked.
"Jesus! Ever since you became a mom, that need to make sure everybody had every single thing became so overpowering, it is now annoying. I bet Garrett hates you before he leaves on tour."
"He sure does," she smiled. "But I bet he never complains when everybody else forgets things. Like that time Kennedy forgot to bring a single pair of underwear. I bet he wished he had a girlfriend who thought to make sure he had everything."
"Hey, that wasn't my fault, okay. I asked him if he had everything, and he said yes. He was the one who didn't double check. Maybe all five of them should marry you."
"If only that were legal," she said, setting her bag on the scale to get weighed.
"God I bet mine is like, one pound over the weight limit. That would be my luck," I sighed, rolling my bag up to the next counter. I set my bag on the scale, and wouldn't you know it. It was 6 pounds over.
"I'm sorry miss, but you either have to pay the additional fee or take something out," the guy behind the counter said. I looked at him and sighed.
"How much is the fee?"
"29 dollars," he said.
"For six pounds?" I asked. "That is ridiculous!"
"Or you could just take something out," he said.
"But I need everything," I sighed.
"Just go," he said, grabbing my bag and tagging it, placing it on the belt.
"Really?" I asked, smiling at him for doing me a favor. This never happened.
"No worries. Have a safe flight," he winked at me. Gross. Julia and I walked away giggling. We started making our way to security so we could go sit at our gate for an hour. That didn't seem like a lot of fun, but I haven't gotten to hang out with Julia, just the two of us, in what seemed like forever. No kids, no boyfriends, no husbands, just us. I was looking forward to the weekends she would be coming up to work.
"PEYTON," I heard someone yelling my name. I whirled around to see someone I thought I would have never seen there.
"What is…" Julia started, but trailed off.
"No idea." I said. "Hang on."
I met him halfway. He was sweating and out of breath, meeting me at the airport, when I never even told him I was leaving.
"What are you doing here?" I asked.
"Uh," he started, but then he stopped. I just waited.
"Why are you so out of breath?"
"I rode my bike," he shrugged.
"From Tempe? That's like, thirteen miles. When did you leave?"
"Early, this morning," he said, placing his hands on his knees and bending over, trying to catch his breath.
"Why didn't you just drive? God do you always have to be so fucking indie? Do you need to sit down?" I asked.
"No," he said. "Need to stop drinking so much beer," he said more to himself than to me.
"What are you even doing here?" I tried again.
"Saying goodbye. Since I had to find out through the grapevine that you got signed, congrats, by the way," he said standing up.
"I didn't really tell anyone," I shrugged. "I really should get going, though."
"Uh," he seemed like he was looking for something to say, anything to say to keep me there longer. "I get sick on planes sometimes."
"What?"
"Yeah. And sometimes it helps if you chew gum when you take off. It helps if your ears pop really bad like mine do."
"It isn't like this is my first time flying," I said, trying to get him to stop ranting.
"And if the person next to you snores or lays on you, don't be afraid to elbow them in the gut. This is the real world. Don't let people walk all over you."
"Do I ever?"
"And I know everybody ignores them when they tell you what to do when the plane crashes, but don't. And if someone tries to hijack your plane-"
"What are you even doing?" I asked, trying to get to stop whatever this was.
"I just worry about you."
"Why? We haven't REALLY talked in over a year."
"And whose fault is that?" he asked, finally looking me in the eyes. Ouch.
"I," I sighed. "So much has changed. I don't know what to say."
"You don't let people walk on you? Peyton, you let John break us up."
"Eric, it wasn't like that."
"It wasn't like that at first. That isn't even what I came here to say. I just wanted to give you this," he said, reaching in his pocket for the exact same tiny keychain of pepper spray that Nick had given me this morning. I chuckled and then handed it back to him.
"Thank you for the thought, but I already checked my bag. I doubt they will let me carry this on."
"Oh, right," he sighed, stuffing it back in his pocket. "Just take care of yourself, kid," he shrugged.
"I will. Take care of yourself too, buddy. Lay off of the beer." I smiled.
"I will try," he said.
I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck, his arms automatically draping around the small of my back.
"I love you, Peyton."
"I love you too, Halvo."
With a kiss to my forehead, he was gone, back to his bike to ride home, I assumed. I almost felt like there was more to his "I love you" than what should have been. He was the first boy I had ever loved, and I would always love him. Watching him walk away, I realized that. I smiled and walked back to Julia, who was just watching me, waiting for me to tell her everything.
/\\/\\/\\/\\
To Halvo's relief, I am sure, our plane landed safe and sound. The car taking us to our new house for the next months was waiting at the airport, with our own personal driver for the day. We put the suitcases in the trunk and got ready to get to work. Now, I don't know if you believe in fate, I did. Somehow, I don't think you would believe it as much as Julia and I did.
"Are you kidding me right now?" I asked nobody in particular.
"Shit!" Julia yelled.
"Hello, ladies."
"Phil?"
"At your service," he said, slowly pulling away from the curb.
"Are you just our driver today or are you our driver the whole time?" I asked, genuinely stoked that Phil was in our life again.
"Just for today, but I can pull some strings, if you'd like me to drive you ladies around every day. Got to put food on the table somehow."
"Fuck yes, I am snatching you up, Phil." I said. Phil was the best bus driver The Maine had ever had to drive them around. I guess he now worked for the record label I got signed with, which was a plus for me!
We talked to Phil the whole ride to the house, which was forty-five minutes away from the airport. His daughter was graduating high school in the spring. I didn't even know he had a daughter. It made me realize how caught up we were in our own lives that we never really got to know Phil. We were selfish kids when we went on tour with The Maine, only thinking about our lives and things that were relevant only to us. I looked over at Julia, thinking about how much she had changed in the course of the past few years. She was married. She had a kid, and she was a damn good mom. She took care of business, and I loved her for that. I looked at what I had accomplished, and it seemed like a whole lot of nothing.
/\\/\\/\\/\\
"Wow, this house is so cute," Julia said, helping Phil get our bags out of the trunk. For some reason, I really didn't want to go inside right now. Being on the flight, and then in the cab, I just really wanted to be outside right now.
"I think I am just going to explore for a bit. I have never been here before."
"Oh sure, we'll carry your bag inside," Julia said, sarcastically. I smiled.
"Thanks!" I smiled and started walking down the sidewalk, stuffing my hands in my jacket. The location was in downtown Los Angeles, right in the middle of everything. I didn't know which direction to go first. It didn't look like I was in a bad part of town or anything, but I almost wished I would have thought to grab my multiple cans of pepper spray. My purse was secure around my shoulder, it wasn't going anywhere, not that I had anything anyone would even want to steal. I didn't have that much money, just a hairbrush and some chap stick.
I walked a mile or so down the street, and found my new home away from home. A used record store, it may have looked a little rough on the outside, but on the inside, it looked like heaven. I started flipping through some bins, going through used CD's and vinyls. I found a used Ryan Adams cd, unscratched that I had to own, even if I already owned the songs on my itunes. There was something about having the hard copy. I kept searching the bins, and found a hard copy of a Pink Floyd CD, a Led Zeppelin CD, and a few others. By the time I looked at my phone, five hours had passed, and it was 7 pm. I paid for all of my little gems and left the store, promising myself to return again another day and search through the whole second story of uncharted territory.
Now, was I supposed to turn right on 4th Avenue? Or left? Or was it even 4th Avenue? Damn it. I whipped my phone out of my jacket pocket, and wouldn't you know it. It blinked twice, indicating it was dying, and then, it died. I shoved my CD's into my bag and racked my brain trying to remember where the house was. I tried to remember any distinctive landmarks or anything, but nothing was setting off that bell in my head, so I just walked. I walked for an hour and a half, until I finally found it.
"PRAISE JUSTIN RICHARDS, JULIA. I FUCKING JUST GOT LOST FOR ALMOST TWO HOURS IN FUCKING L.A." I yelled, sitting my bag down on the table that was right by the front door. I took a glance around the house and was impressed with what I saw. "WHERE EVEN ARE YOU?"
I walked through the foyer, looking at the artwork on the wall, and in the mirror. I looked like a wreck, because I had frantically walked around a city that I have never been in once in my whole life. I tried to fix my hat and then gave up entirely, continuing on my exploration of the new house.
I walked through the kitchen, somewhere I would never be. Take out for me, please. The kitchen looped through to a hallway that I assumed led to bedrooms. I would check those out later. I backtracked through the kitchen and the foyer to the living room, where there was a gentleman. Did I have the wrong house.
"I'm sorry, sir. Either I have the wrong house or," damn it, I wish I had some pepper spray. "I am sorry about my language earlier too. Am I even in the right place? Oh god, is this your house?" I asked, covering my mouth.
He stood up from the couch and turned around. If my heart hadn't already stopped beating, it would have right then.
"It's an easy city to get lost in" he said. "but don't worry. You'll get the hang of it."
"I…"
"Do you want to know what I have been holding in since I left? When I said goodbye to you, I didn't want to. I wanted to stay there with you, or I wanted you to come with me. I wanted us to be together. I don't care if you don't want to hear this; I just need to tell you," he said, when I opened my mouth to say something. "This past month, it has taken all I have to stay on this tour. I wanted to come home to you every single day, because my life without you is miserable. I have lived most of my life without you, Peyton. I don't want to do it anymore." He took a step closer to me. "I have seen you with other guys, and it literally felt like someone ripped my heart out and I have been going through life without it for a while. It hurts every day. It doesn't hurt right now," he said, taking a few more steps and closing the gap between us. "It doesn't hurt because I have you right here. You are in front of me, I can see you, I can touch you, I can feel you. I don't want to lose you, Peyton. I don't ever want to lose you again. I have lost you too many times in the past," he said, pushing my bangs out of my face.
"But how many times are we going to try before it actually works," I said, already feeling the stinging of tears forming in my eyes. "How many times are we going to put ourselves through complete agony before we find happiness."
"Until it works. Until we are old, living in a beat up old house, with grandkids running all over our yard. Sitting in rocking chairs, yelling at the mail lady for stepping on our flowers," he said, looking me straight in the eyes. I had to remember how to breathe. "Do you remember that day you left Halvo at the park, and you came to the house." I nodded, my eyes still locked on his. "Do you remember our drunken conversation?" I nodded.
"We said that if we were thirty and single we would get married and have lots of sex and babies," I started sobbing, "and that we would name them all Kennedy junior."
He gently placed both of his hands on the sides of my face and continued to gaze into my eyes. "We don't have to wait until we are thirty. You can't stand there and tell me that you don't love me as much as I love you. You are my life, Peyton. You and Olivia are my whole world. There isn't anything I wouldn't do for either of you. So Peyton, I am asking you now, I am asking you once, if you love me. If you don't, if I am not who you feel you are meant to be with me, now is the time to tell me, but if I am, don't give up on us."
No words could form in my mouth, the tears were still falling, and it didn't feel like they would ever stop.
"Kennedy," I tried, but that was as far as I got. I pulled him towards me and gently brushed my lips against his. I knew I wanted Kennedy. I wanted Kennedy for the rest of my life. I wanted my life to be his life, his life to be mine. I wanted to share everything. I wanted him now and forever. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, but he was never one of them. John, Ben, Justin, everyone else. They were mistakes. Kennedy was the only boy I had ever been with that I had never regretted. Not once, and I never would.
"Thank god," Julia said, coming out into the living room. I pulled away from Kennedy and looked at her, wishing I could smack her for interrupting this moment.
"Did you bring him here?"
"Hey, he was the one who heard you were here. He called me."
"I am missing the show tonight," he shrugged.
"You missed a show for me?" I asked.
"I would miss a whole tour for you," he said, picking me up, his lips continuing where they left off.
"Oh, let me just… leave," Julia awkwardly shouted in our direction. I flipped her off and continued to kiss the man I was, and had always been madly in love with. It was going to work this time. There was no way John was going to get in the way, or Gabi, or anyone else.
Life works in mysterious ways. Let life happen. Don't try to counteract it. It works the way it is supposed to. You may think you know who you are meant to end up with, you may not. You could be with the wrong person, or you could be lucky enough to find the right one the first time. Whatever happens, don't give up on love. It really is everything that matters in life. Never give up on your dreams, they are what shape you. Never give up on yourself. Your life will end up amazing if you let it.
/\\/\\/\\
It has been my honor writing this fanfiction for all of my readers. I am literally crying writing this last chapter. I feel like this story is my baby and I am sending it off to college or something. I think this is the end of this story for me. Maybe a day will come when I want to continue it, but for now, I will say that this is finished, and I hope that you all enjoyed this journey that we have all been through together. Don't be afraid to comment on this story or leave me something in my ask box. I love every single one of you. Thank you for everything. =']
-Donia