Chapter Forty Two:
Frightening The Lamb
Hours passed as the house became quiet.
Brass slipped in once or twice to check on Sara and the baby.
She had nursed him and then Brass had done the honors of changing the soiled diaper before placing him back into the bassinet.
Jim had managed to grab a couple hours of sleep on the couch in the living room before the house erupted in pandemonium.
Sara struggled to her feet at the sound of the baby's wails.
Brass was already through the door and gathering the baby when the others charged into the room.
"Sara, get off your feet before you fall down," warned Brass.
She slumped back onto the bed as she reached for the baby.
"He's not wet," stated Brass as he handed her the baby.
"Maybe he's hungry," stated Francis.
"He's got a temper," snorted Darius.
Sara glared at the others when she started to nurse him but the others remained.
Brass took the initiative to shove them out of the door.
Grissom made a pot of coffee as he leaned against the counter, not liking the pitiful cries coming from the bedroom.
Francis and Darius paced in the living room, the effects of the baby's crying unsettling them.
"How long does it take to nurse?" Darius griped.
"Maybe she doesn't have enough milk," offered Francis.
"Her breasts are gorged. I don't see that as a problem," stated Darius and Francis growled in disgust.
"Nothing sexual…just observation," replied Darius.
Grissom had observed the same thing but the thought that Darius was looking at her breast made him want to hit Darius but knew to keep his distance.
When the baby continued to cry, Brass tapped on the door lightly and then poked his head inside.
Sara was frantically rocking the baby back and forth.
"I don't know what's wrong with him," she cried. "He won't nurse. He's not wet. I can't tell if he's in pain."
"Do you want me to try?" offered Brass.
Brass took the small baby and rubbed his belly. "Maybe he has gas…this should help."
The baby continued to cry as he looked about.
Darius and Francis made their way to the doorway.
"Something is wrong with him," worried Darius.
"Do you want me to call Doc?" Brass asked.
"Yes," Sara urged as she took the baby and tried once more to comfort him but the baby's cries turned to wails.
Sara burst into tears. "I don't know how to help him, Jim."
"Newborns get colicky…especially preemies. Maybe that's it," offered Brass.
"May I try?" asked Francis.
The baby was passed to Francis as he tried for several minutes to ease the baby's distress but nothing seemed to work.
"Give him to me!" barked Darius.
He swayed back and forth with the baby but his wails grew louder and Brass snatched him back, placing him in Sara's arms once more.
By now the baby was having a full blown tantrum.
His face was beat red as he kicked his legs back and forth.
The men huddled around the bed as Sara tried over and over to comfort the baby.
"Is Doc on his way?" she asked frantically.
"David is trying to locate him," stated Brass.
"He didn't answer his phone?" asked Sara, desperate for someone to help the baby.
Grissom stepped into the room.
He couldn't bear to hear the baby's wails anymore.
Grissom placed the baby on the bed and rewrapped the blankets so that they were snug.
As soon as he held him tight against his chest, the baby quieted.
Brass chuckled. "Well, we know who he likes."
Darius frowned but was relieved the baby had stopped crying.
He remembered the countless beatings from Silas for crying.
Darius scooted closer to Sara, slipping his hand in hers.
She took it without thought.
Grissom talked softly to the baby.
His voice was barely audible as he walked back and forth, gently swaying.
To everyone's surprise, the baby gurgled as if trying to respond to Grissom
Grissom's eyes twinkled as he continued to quietly talk to the baby, getting a slight gurgle here and there.
Finally, the only sound that could be heard was Grissom's voice as he walked back and forth.
"What is he saying?" whispered Darius.
"He's quoting Shakespeare," chuckled Brass.
"Is he asleep?" asked Sara.
"No, he's just watching me," stated Grissom.
He glanced at Sara and noticed how Darius held Sara's hand.
He remembered the sleeping arrangements and he handed the baby to Sara.
"He's better now," he said sadly as he stepped away from the bed.
"Maybe we can get some sleep again," stated Darius as he headed toward the door. "Old man, you hog covers."
"You snore!" grumbled Francis.
"I do not. Sara, tell him I don't snore," griped Darius.
"You do…when you sleep on your back," she said without thought.
She'd grown accustomed to sleeping with Darius over the months.
She glanced briefly at the baby, wanting to thank Grissom but her smile faded when she noticed Grissom was nowhere in sight.
He returned to the kitchen, retrieving his coffee cup.
"Good job, there," stated Brass as he observed his friend.
Grissom said nothing as he poured himself another cup.
"Did you get any sleep?" asked Brass.
"Some," Grissom lied.
Brass stepped closer. "While you were trying to sleep, she kicked Darius out. Gil…"
"They know each other's sleeping habits," seethed Grissom.
"Did you hear me? He's not sleeping with her. He's sleeping with Francis."
It didn't seem to change Grissom's disposition so Brass pressed. "So she slept with him...she didn't have sex with him. That much is clear," muttered Brass.
"Jim, he caused Sara's miscarriage. He even tried to rape her...while she acts as though..."
"She loves him?" finished Brass.
"Yes," mourned Grissom.
"Maybe she does. Look, Darius has been the only thing between her and monsters. Captives can create an emotional attachment to the very person holding them..."
"Save your lecture, Jim. I know this. It's more than that and you know it."
"So what if there is? He says he can't...do the wild thing with her. He's a eunuch. That's the best kind of guy you can have around Sara."
Whimpering was heard from the bedroom.
"I think it's going to be a long night. We better check on them," sighed Brass.
Brass opened the door as they quickly rushed in finding Sara on the floor.
Brass reached Sara first.
"Jim, the baby," she panted.
"Griss, she fell….check the baby."
"I just laid him down to go to the bathroom…dizzy," she said.
Grissom gathered the baby into his arms.
The baby quieted.
"No more leaving you alone," stated Brass as he forced her back to the bed.
She threw the covers off of her.
"Where do you think you're going?" they huffed.
"I still need to go," she miffed.
Brass started to lift her but she smacked his hands away.
"I do not intend to go to the bathroom with you!"
"How about I get you there and when you're finished, I'll come and get you," he offered.
She nodded as she checked the baby.
"He's fine," whispered Grissom.
"I think he's attached to his father," stated Sara as she let Brass walk along beside her.
Grissom gathered the baby closer.
"He needs to hear stuff like that," whispered Brass.
"I know."
By the time she returned, she looked rather pale.
"Rest," ordered Brass.
"What about the baby?" she asked.
"I'll…stay," offered Grissom.
She lay there as Grissom walked with the baby.
"Is he awake?" she asked.
"He can't decide if he wants to stay awake and hear another sonnet or sleep."
"Tough choice to make," she teased.
He continued for several minutes but she knew he was growing tired.
"Maybe he'll be content with you just holding him?" she offered. "Come and sit."
He sat down on the bed so she rolled to her side in order to see the baby.
He scooted down so that she didn't have to sit up.
"He's so inquisitive," she remarked.
"He's beautiful, Sara."
"It took every ounce of energy I had not to tell you the moment the pregnancy test was positive. I had to hide him…from you…at least until I was gone," she whispered.
"Why?" he croaked.
"Darius and the others would not have stopped. He would have continued until one of you was killed."
"You didn't give us…me a chance!" he bit out.
"The stakes were too high. I had to go with him…or else…"
"There was another way," he accused.
"No, there wasn't," she gulped. "Darius would have killed you as well as the others. I wasn't going to let that happen."
"I would have rather died trying to protect you than let him…touch you!" he growled as he moved away with the baby.
"Which is the very reason I had to leave especially after I got pregnant. I had…to…so that he would think…the baby was his. We did the ritual and…"
"Why?" he agonized.
"Darius…gave me an ultimatum...go with him or…" she swallowed. "I prayed…actually prayed Grissom that it would be you…who fathered my child. Gracen came to me in a dream….warned me of what I was about to do….had to do and so I went with Darius in order to protect you...to protect all of us. At the time I didn't understand everything he was telling me until I joined with Darius. I saw what they did to him. I realized that Darius did not belong...with them. but he would need to be convinced that he was not evil."
Sara winced as she sat up. "I had no idea that by joining he wouldn't be able…," she looked down at her trembling hands. "He couldn't have intercourse with me. Every time he tried…he became ill. He then realized that I was already pregnant and I was afraid he would…"
"Abort it? Like he did our first child?" Grissom spat.
"There's good in him, Grissom. When we bonded, I saw how cruel they were to him. They made him into what he became."
"He became a rapist…a ruthless killer," seethed Grissom.
"I'm not condoning what he did in the past…but he saved me. He protected me…and this baby. He could have given me to his guards but he didn't."
"He killed our child!"
"He saved this one."
The door opened and Doc appeared. "He must be better if he's not crying."
Grissom handed the baby to Doc and started to step out of the room when Doc called him back.
"I did a paternity test," stated Doc.
Sara's eyes flew to Grissom wanting to see his reaction, hoping she would not see doubt in his eyes.
"I didn't tell him to do that," defended Grissom. "He said it was blood work."
"It was….and to clear the air," stated Doc.
"I was pregnant before I left," huffed Sara. "The ritual would have only changed his blood type."
"She's right," stated Doc. "The baby carries traces of all of you…including Francis but he belongs to…you, Gil. His genetic makeup…is yours."
Doc examined the baby, as he glanced back at the two.
"I went a little further and did some more tests. Francis is the father to Darius. I told Francis a little while ago. He's a little stunned."
"I can imagine how I would feel if I found out years later that my child had been kept from me," gritted Grissom.
"I did what I thought was best…to protect all of us," urged Sara.
"You had no right," stated Grissom.
Sara threw back the covers stepping away from Doc and the baby.
"Get over your pride, Grissom," she spat. "I left the pregnancy test…so that you would know…eventually."
"Do you have any idea how painful it was to know that you went with him willingly? That you were spotted all over town, freely walking around…pregnant?" he bellowed.
"Three times! I only went out three times during the months that I was with Darius! The rest of the time I stayed in a bedroom….away from everything and everyone I loved."
He remembered the feeling of isolation he felt when he rejoined with Sara.
"I didn't know…that at the time, Sara. I went on what I saw...the evidence I had. I saw you in bed …with him...and then pregnant…with him," he seethed.
"You saw what you wanted to see! You didn't bother to really look at me, Grissom! You didn't waste any time falling into someone else's arms? Sofia was all over you on that dance floor."
"We were dancing," he said quietly.
"You held her close…you did it to…hurt me. You wanted me to see that you had moved on. Well, I did! I saw the way she wanted you and it hurt," she yelled. "Then…the guys, they wouldn't even speak to me! They walked away and never looked back. I should have given up then but no! I had to see you on Christmas Eve. Even if it was to catch a quick glance…a single moment when our eyes met…" she stopped gulping down a sob. "You were so cruel!"
Her words rang with truth.
He had wanted to hurt her as much as he was hurting.
Still, he regreted his words the most.
"You're dead to me."
Those damn words still haunted him.
"I was. I'm sorry," he said softly as he slowly approached her. "You were all I could think about that day and then when I ran into you…saw you pregnant…the pain returned and I lashed out. By the time I realized what I'd done, you were gone. I tried to find you but it was as if you had vanished. I was blinded with too much pain to see your own, Sara. I told myself you had made your choice and that you were…"
"Fallen? Father Brannigan declared that I was fallen. I wasn't permitted inside the church. I had no one…except Darius."
Grissom cringed.
Doc spoke up. "Sara, I'm just to blame as the others. I blew you off when you called."
"The guards monitored the phones. They hoped I would try to call one of you so they could punish me," she whispered, shivering at the memory. "When I became ill, Darius…was worried. He made me call you; gave me his personal cell phone so the others wouldn't know. I didn't want to get any of you involved again and yet here we are," she choked.
She'd never felt as though Grissom really wanted her until he was pushed into the predicament she'd created.
"Sara..."
"If I had called you, Grissom, would you have hung up on me?"
He opened his mouth and started to speak but she waved him to silence. "Yes...you would have since I was dead to you!"
Sara halted as she grabbed for the end of the bed to steady herself when her knees threatened to give way.
"Sara!"
Grissom reached for her but she smacked his hands away.
"Don't touch me!" she cried.
Doc quickly placed the baby into the bassinet.
"This bickering is not going to help matters!" muttered Doc.
Doc offered to help Sara but she insisted on returning to the bed without any assistance.
"Brass said you had a dizzy spell. Is this another one?" he asked.
She said nothing as she tried to calm down, too angry to speak, feelings of abandonment too fresh.
"Sara, answer me!" ordered Doc.
His tone got her attention as she turned her eyes toward Doc.
"That's better," he said softly. "Another dizzy spell?"
She shook her head. "Tired."
He glared at Grissom and then directed his statement to both of them. "I suggest you postpone the fighting for another day."
Sara rolled to her side and pulled the bassinet closer.
The baby whimpered and Grissom reached for him but Sara blocked him.
"I'll take him," offered Grissom.
"No," she said in a hollow voice.
The baby's whimpers increased.
Grissom tried once more but she pulled herself up, intending to get the baby.
"Sara, you're in no condition to care for the baby. You could drop him," warned Doc.
"I won't," she managed to get out, swiping at her cheeks.
"Well you can't do it by yourself. You're going to need help and that means accepting help…not being stubborn."
Her stormy eyes drifted toward the door.
He knew she wanted Darius.
He gritted his teeth, angry that Darius had been there for her when he had wanted to be.
"I'm staying," announced Grissom.
Sara bristled but said nothing.
"And risk the two of you continuing to argue over things that are not important?"
"We won't argue," offered Grissom quietly.
"Until you two settle this, the baby goes in the other room," threatened Doc, hoping to get them to resolve their disagreement quickly.
Doc's hand landed on the bassinet.
"Don't take him…away!" cried Sara.
Her hand gripped the side of the bassinet like a vice, jerking it toward her, unsettling the baby.
Doc had no intentions of removing the bassinet but he wanted to make it clear to them the seriousness of the situation.
He meant only to scoot the bassinet closer to Sara but she misunderstood his action thinking he was about to remove the bassinet.
"You can't take him!" she yelled as she snatched up the baby.
The baby was startled, causing his whimpers to increase.
Sara gathered the baby to her breast in a protective manner.
Grissom immediately moved toward Sara intending to prevent Doc from taking the baby but she quickly moved away from both of them.
"Don't!" Sara begged.
Doc glanced at Grissom. "Gil, I wasn't going to take…him."
Darius flew into the room. "What is going on?"
"Sara, I wasn't going to take the baby. I was going to move the bassinet closer to you," explained Doc.
"He wouldn't take the baby, honey," soothed Grissom. "I wouldn't let him. No one is going to do that."
Sara glanced down at the baby as she pressed her back fully against the wall.
She tightened her hold on the baby as his whimpers became more insistent.
Her breathing was rather shallow as if she was struggling to breathe.
Grissom quickly stepped to her side, his hands gently sliding under Sara's in order to support the baby fearful she might drop him. "Honey, you need to lie back down."
She started to pull away but Grissom refused to let her budge. "No one is going to take him," he soothed.
Sara's eyes locked with Darius. "Are you alright?" he questioned.
"Yes," but she didn't sound very convincing.
Grissom gently guided her to the bed.
She visibly shook from the sheer effort to get back into the bed but she refused to relinquish the baby, insisting on keeping him beside her in the bed.
Doc immediately went to Grissom's side. "I'm sorry, Gil. I didn't mean to frighten her."
"She's lived in fear that the baby would be taken from her," griped Darius softly to the men.
Darius sat down on the bed. "Sara, look at me," ordered Darius.
Dark chocolate orbs turned toward Darius. "I'll kill the first person who tries to take this baby from you," but then added. "Grissom and Doc were only trying to take care of you…and the baby."
She nodded loosening her hold on the small bundle.
Darius leaned over and gently caressed her cheek. "Sara, he can't sleep with you. You might roll over on him."
"I won't sleep," she said.
"You need to sleep," Darius urged. "I'll place him back in the bassinet where he'll be safe."
Grissom slid the bassinet close to the bed.
Gently Darius reached for the baby. "Sara, let me take him."
"I want him here," she choked. "I need to see him."
"I know and you will. I promise he'll be safe," whispered Darius.
She glanced at the baby briefly, releasing her hold on him letting Darius return the baby to the bassinet.
Darius shifted her so that her hand could touch the baby.
"Close your eyes and sleep, Sara."
He sat there for several minutes, ensuring she had fallen to sleep.
"Thank you," whispered Grissom.
"In…my world, babies do not remain with their mother. Women are considered weaklings….and that weakness might be transferred to the baby so they are taken from their mothers. Babies are trained…not taught. There is no gentleness and none is tolerated. A beating is considered a caress. Cruelty is an act of kindness."
Darius caressed the baby's cheek. "I couldn't give that kind of life to…him. I couldn't…wouldn't let Sara endure what my mother endured at the hands of Silas…as well as myself and the others."
"You are not evil," stated Grissom.
"That's debatable."
"Did you know that the antidote would cause Sara to miscarry?" asked Grissom.
"Yes…I didn't consider what was growing inside Sara as a life. I saw it as a hindrance…something of an inconvenience, an unwanted obstacle that needed to be removed."
Darius' eyes locked with Grissom's. "When we joined, I felt what it was like to lose that life…to feel it ripped from Sara's body, to feel her pain at the loss of it. It haunts me now…will always haunt me."
Darius stood. "When I discovered she was already pregnant, I felt her fear again. She begged me not to harm the baby. I knew she would fight until her last breath to save her baby, begging for her child's life without regard for her own. She would have sacrificed herself…her soul in order to save this baby. I couldn't give her back the child I had taken from her but I could protect this one….and I will until my last breath."
Darius stopped before leaving the room. "If either of you scare her again, I won't hesitate to harm you...and I don't care if Sara knows."
Grissom sat down on the edge of the bed.
"I'll stay with her," he said softly.
Doc shut the door leaving them alone.
He stretched out on the bed and rolled onto his side, stuffing an extra pillow under his head so that he could see the baby but she blocked his view.
He scooted closer, fearful she would wake and he wasn't sure how she would take to him being in bed with her.
Gently he molded his body to hers, closing his eyes.
We slept during the last ritual...
I only saw part of what she went through...
His lips gently kissed her.
The baby woke Grissom several hours later.
At first it was a slight whimper followed by movement within the bassinet.
He quickly went to the bassinet hoping he could stave off the baby's wails by picking him up.
The baby stared intently at Grissom.
He smiled as the baby attempted to suckle his fingers.
"Is he hungry?" asked Sara, startling Grissom.
"Very," he said.
Gently he placed the baby beside Sara. She fumbled with the buttons on the gown while trying to hold the baby in place.
Suddenly warm hands took over the task and soon the baby was suckling at her breast.
She leaned back, closing her eyes while Grissom sat on the edge of the bed, enthralled with the sight.
His hand gently caressed her cheek but she made no move to acknowledge his touch.
She could barely stay awake through the feeding.
"He's very hungry," yawned Grissom.
There was a tap on the door and Francis appeared with a tray.
"I'll leave it here…and get it later," he offered as he slipped back out.
"You should eat something," Grissom stated as he looked over the food.
"The glass of milk would be good," she said.
She drank the glass followed by the orange juice.
"Nursing makes me thirsty," she explained.
He poured her another glass of milk and handed it to her.
The baby released her nipple and she quickly covered herself although his eyes never strayed.
They knew Francis and Darius were just outside the door.
Grissom grimaced when a foul odor came from the baby.
Grissom wrapped the baby in the blanket and then took him to the door.
"He's all yours…for awhile," he announced as he handed the baby to Francis.
Darius rushed forward but then backed away. "What is that smell?"
They ate breakfast in silence, smirking when they heard the men trying to clean the baby.
The moment the baby began to cry, Grissom was out the door in three strides, gathering the baby into his arms.
Sara listened but the baby was quiet once more.
Grissom returned with the baby, placing him between them in the bed.
"He needs a name," she said.
"I thought you and…him had already chosen some names," he huffed.
"Never mind," she said angrily. "You don't understand."
"Understand?"
"I had to make sure Darius bonded with the baby….so that he would be willing to protect him…from them."
He remembered feeling Sara's fear during the ritual.
"Matthew," he said quietly.
"Matthew? Why?" she asked.
"It means 'gift of the Lord'…he was a gift….nothing less," whispered Grissom.
"Matthew…Gracen," she said.
He fidgeted. "Matthew Gracen."
"Matthew Gracen Sidle," trying out the entire name but Grissom fidgeted. "Grissom. His last name will be Grissom."
"Gil, we're not married."
"No…marriage is not holy…like mating."
She swallowed remembering Gracen had said these very words.
"There's no proof….we're even joined anymore," she said sadly.
"We are," insisted Grissom.
"I don't feel anything," she said quietly.
"I do," he said gruffly.
He glanced over and noticed she had fallen asleep.
Note from author:
Well, I'm trying to fight gremlins in my computer who are determined not to let me finish the last chapter...UGH...