Of Really Big 'Effin Puddles

In retrospect...maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

As incredibly out of character as this is going to sound...you'd expect me, as a swordsman, to have some sort of grace...a bit of finesse if you will, in bouts of physical activity.

Thank God Zack isn't here to hear that one...

Moving on...

...You'd expect...after all the crap I've been through...after all the time I've spent hiking around this God forsaken planet, jumping through the air, killing things and whatnot...I'd formed some type of ability to do things quietly. Now, for some things...this is true. For others...however...

Hmm...

How is it that I cannot successfully climb in and out of windows with out falling flat on my face?

I mean, it's not like I've never climbed in and out of a window before, so I'm trying to figure out the problem. I can do it quietly, I know I can. I've done it before.

I think the problem is the fact that I know I have to be quiet...if not...

Well, let's just say Barret would easily find himself a rat.

Getting out of Tifa's room was easy enough...after a two story drop into a dumpster.

Good times, let me tell ya, good times.

I used the drain pipe to scale up to my room, which actually wasn't too disastrous. The problem was getting in the room. I was sitting there, scrabbling to get to the windowsill, my arm stretched out, and trying to stay balanced on the pipe with my legs. My fingers scratched the sill, and then I finally got a good grip...

...But I let go too soon.

And there I was...dangling from my bedroom window above the street in my boxers at twelve o'clock on a Saturday morning. I'm pretty sure I heard more than one whistle from behind me...err, below me.

I'm pretty sure there will be some scandalous rumors going around the town for a while. Better warn Tifa. Somehow, I manage to scramble into my room, and I ended up rolling over the windowsill, and landing softly on my feet.

And then my face.

Alright...that was good...not too bad.

Crap.

Barret left my door open. I can hear footsteps coming down the hall.

Of all the excuses...why did Tifa have to pick me going on a walk?

So I roll...that's right.

I, Cloud Stife, rolled across the floor to my door. I couldn't close it, for fear of someone seeing, so I had to hide behind the door as I did in Tifa's room. I listen to the footsteps stop outside of my door, and then there's a head poking in the door.

"Cloud?" Tifa hisses.

I poke my head out, and she lets out the beginning of a scream.

"Be quiet!" I hiss back.

She slaps me on my arm.

"Don't scare me!"

"Sorry, I thought you were Barret coming to kill me."

"Well...I thought you were Barret!"

"Well, I'm not. Just...listen, just shut the door, I'll change...climb out the window...and come in saying I've just got done with my walk, okay?" I say.

This is way to difficult.

"Okay...oh, and Cloud?"

"Yeah?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

"Don't fall this time, there isn't a dumpster to catch you."

My eyes shoot open, "You saw that?"

"Mm hmm..." she kisses me on the lips once. "Now get changed."

And she's out the door, and closing it.

I dress quickly, ignoring my fowl stench, and climb back out the window. I scale down the pipe rather easily, not attracting much attention, and then made my way for the door. I walk in as if nothing's happened, and cast my eyes around the bar. Tifa's at the stove, cooking. Yuffie is lounging on the couch, Marlene and Denzel hanging on her every word. Barret has got his head lying down on a table, and Vincent and Nanaki are listening to Cid ramble about something. Shera comes down the steps and looks up.

"Well, there he is!"

"Cloud!" Denzel shouts, and runs up.

"Where were ya Cloud?" He asks me, pulling on my shirt.

I pat his head, and smirk slightly, "I went for a walk."

I hear Tifa clear her throat, and out of the corner of my eye, I see Barret tense at his table.

"See, I told you there was nothing to worry about." Tifa stated, walking over.

She pulled on my arm slightly, before kissing my cheek and returning to the stove.

Denzel backs away slowly, his nose wrinkling. "What's that smell?"

"Erm..."

Cid walks over to me, and puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Um...Cid?"

"Walk with me." He states, and pulls me out the door.

I think I've just been kidnaped. He pulls me out onto the street, and I'm regretting I let him...because I think there are still some people hanging around to see if they'll get another show.

"Um...Cid? I just took a walk, can I go back in now?"

"Right...you took a walk..."

"...Um...yes?" Why did that come out as a question?

"Cloud...I'll let you go back in...in fact, we don't even if have to go for a walk...as long as you answer one question for me."

"O...kay..." Should I fear agreeing to this?

"Now, the question I have for you...is why exactly...hmm, how can I put this delicately?" He scratches his chin.

Cid? Delicate? Come on.

"What?"

"Just tell me this. Why is it, the first thing I see upon returning from purchasing some cigarettes...is your scrawny ass in your damn boxers hanging out your 'effin bed room window?"

Why is nothing in life simple?

Why? Someone tell me please. I need to know. I need to figure out what the reason is that I allow myself to suffer through these people's antics.

Hey buddy, that was your own antic...You were the one that climbed into bed with Tifa last night.

Okay...answer me this...Why the hell does my conscience sound like Zack?

"Cloud? Hello Cloud..."

"Oh...um..."

"Now see here...Barret came to me this morning, askin if I had seen ya. I told him I hadn't. He asked if I'd seen ya after I got back, too. Now, why would Barret be asking for ya?"

"Because...he couldn't...find me?"

"Good...good...so now, why was it exactly that he couldn't find ya?"

"Because...I wasn't...in my room?"

"Right right...now, I just have to put two and two together, and say...Barret had something to do with the little show you gave everyone, correct?"

"Erm...I guess so?"

"And the reason he couldn't find you was because?"

"...I went for a walk...?"

"Now Cloud...it isn't nice to lie...it also would be nice to take a shower, especially after that plunge into the dumpster you took."

"You saw that?"

"AH! So you do have emotions! No...sadly, I didn't...Shera did. Now me, me and Shera were talking...and well, I figure you aren't telling me the truth. What was the reason you were climbing out around the house half-naked for? And for the love of God, please tell me you put on clean boxers, cause you stink."

"Erm...I said I was walking...and yes, I did."

"In your boxers?"

"My clothes...got wet...I fell...in a lake..."

"In a lake, Cloud?"

"Yes...well...actually...it was a very big puddle."

His eyebrows raise in amusement.

"How big?"

"Lake size..."

"A lake size puddle...Cloud...we haven't had any rain for at least a week."

"Erm..."

"That's right...just keep digging yourself deeper." He crosses his arms, "Now, let's try this again. Cloud...why were you climbing around the house?"

"I spent the night with Tifa."

"There! Now that wasn't so hard, now was it?" He's smiling, but I see some malicious glint to his eye.

"Erm...no..."

"Okay then! Cloud...try and understand...Barret, he's got two daughters, not one. Marlene...and Tifa, understand?"

Cid talks with his hands...that frightens me. I'm afraid those hands are about to clench around my throat.

"Yes."

"And, now...Barret is a good friend of mine. He's a lot like me; I ain't met a man who could compete with my fowl mouth in years! But he can!" He laughs here.

I give a nervous laugh.

And then he goes deathly silent, "And now, I as a good friend to Barret...I don't like to see a man messing around with my best bud's little girl."

"Well Tifa isn't exactly little-

"Quiet Cloud...an adult is talking here."

Okay then.

"Now Cloud," A hand on my shoulder again, "I like the idea of you and Tifa...I really do...God knows it's been something all of us have been waitin for...bout time if I do say so myself...but!"

God, there's always a but.

"And I reiterate...but! I don't want you to mess this up. And whose to say what could happen if you broke poor little Tifa's heart."

Me? Break Tifa's heart? What the?

"I mean, I know Barret would have a few choice words...and you do realize that's metal his arm is made of? And I myself have been known to shove my spear up other guys asses when I catch em looking at Shera."

Okay...obviously he does not get how wrong that just sounded.

"But I like you Cloud, and so does Barret...so we don't want to do those things to you, get it?"

"Um...yes?"

"Good!" He smiles, clapping my shoulder once, "I'm glad we had this talk."

"Um..." he's walking towards the door. "You do realize if Tifa ever heard you call you little, she'd rip your legs off at the knees to show you what's really little?"

Cid shivers, "Yes I am damn well aware of that...and that is why this conversation is strictly staying between you and me...got it?"

"Yes." Well, that's a relief.

"You might be able to hide from Barret, but you can't hide from me. I'm watching you."

My goodness, how corny can you get? Is the whole pointing at me and the your eyes thing really necessary?

"Oh, and one more thing."

"What?"

"Take some responsibility for your actions...show a little respect to your woman."

"Well..I do Cid."

"No...well, I guess this is the best way to say it." Cid opens the door.

"Cid?"

And I watch him as he yells out across the room, "Hey guys! Guess what! Me and Shera are getting 'effin married!"

A/N: Another crisis averted! BWHAHAH! Please pardon the late update. I've been so busy w/ work and exams...I find it hard to write, and whenever I write diaries, I need inspiration. And I just wasn't getting anything. My muse died for diaries these past couple days...but fear not! I revived him!...he's purple...and that's all you need to know. Man, I loved writing this...I loved writing how Cid was basically walking Cloud through his words...twas awesome. And to Ghostly I feel you need this explanation. You'd be suprised at how many people over/under react to the title of boyfriend/girlfriend...esepcially after stuff they've done. I know people like this...and it frightens me dearly. And yes Rend Cloud is pretty confident...but after saving the world twice...a little confidence couldn't hurt him, right? Though Cid did sort of put him in his place this chappie. Sabith, my fav. line too...I'm giving myself mad props for that line...man, that was cheesy. Glad to welcome nova dragon and sephiroth2021 to the wagon. Seph, I'm just glad you discovered it period! THANKS to everyone for reviews! I LOVE YOU GUYS...will we break the 200 mark? GO FOR IT! Tee hee...mes love it when you review! Till next time! farewell my loves! Fare well.