Chapter Forty Nine:
Lying Down in Green Pastures
Francis and Darius bickered outside the door.
"Half…full…who cares!" griped Darius.
"Darius…you're an angel…not half…"
"Who can keep it straight? How long have we been here…waiting in silence…for our judgment? When I thought I was a fallen angel, I didn't care that He didn't talk with us. I was screwed anyway…but you guys….you guys are the worst with your stupid rules of full versus half versus blood…unless He speaks to us, we are fallen!" seethed Darius.
"Elena…was not half…nor I…that makes you…"
"Oh so now you're coming to terms with it! Now, you'll admit to me that I'm a full angel rather than half so I won't get involved with this…Catherine. News flash, I'm not interested in her anyway. I can't believe you're finally going to admit that an angel can act like a demon."
Francis gritted his teeth.
"I bet that was hard for you to tell me," Darius snarled. "Why didn't you just say it in the first place?" he yelled. "Well, I'll tell you what I think. You think you are so above the others…that you didn't want to admit that you have the same evil tendencies as they do. I'm proof!"
"Look, let's drop this and focus on them," whispered Francis.
"I am! Gracen never should have stopped being her watcher. If he had stayed in the shadows, then she and Grissom would be living a normal life…with Matthew…not like this," he agonized as he pointed into the other room.
"Matthew is sick and we can't help him. If they were human…without our blood, they could take him to a hospital!"
"We have no power...except prayer," admitted Francis.
"Prayers from fallen angels," agonized Darius.
Despite her splitting headache, she rocked Matthew, refusing to place him in the crib as he slept in her arms.
Francis seemed odd as he stood near the doorway, watching her intently as Darius paced the floor.
Matthew had gotten crankier and his cries were unraveling Darius minute by minute.
She caught Darius looking at Francis, mumbling something she couldn't make out.
She thought she would cry out in relief when Grissom appeared taking the child from her arms.
She stepped into the bathroom, splashing water over her face as she listened to Grissom's voice try to console the baby.
Softly he told him a story about a young woman who had come to Vegas at the request of a very lonely man.
She listened as he talked about his love for this woman, his need to end the loneliness in his life.
It was getting too difficult to love her from afar.
He then spoke of a chance he had been given to take the woman as his wife in order to save her but in essence she was saving him.
"I've never believed in destiny but I do believe that sometimes two souls are so closely intertwined that one cannot exist without the other. They are two halves yearning to become one. One is desolate without the other."
He gently kissed Matthew. "Sara and I are those two souls."
A sob escaped Grissom lips, letting his fear finally slip through his voice as he whispered, "Call Doc. Tell him to hurry."
Darius was already on the phone while Sara sank to her knees. "He's getting worse, isn't he?"
"We have to take him to the hospital, Sara. There is no other way."
Fear gripped her at the thought of going to the hospital.
She tried to take the baby from Grissom but he refused to let her.
"Doc said he will meet us there. He said we need to hurry," emphasized Darius.
"Wait! Gracen said we couldn't go to the hospitals because they would find out…what if they run tests and discover…"
"Sara, we have to go now," choked Grissom.
She nodded, feeling them rush her down the stairs, not even feeling her feet touch the floor.
"I'm wearing my nightgown," she heard herself say.
One minute they were getting into the car and then the next she was standing in a waiting room, not sure when they whisked the baby away.
No one seemed to notice that she was still in her gown.
Grissom sat in a chair with his head in his hands.
Catherine was trying to comfort him. "Gil, you should rest. The doctors are not going to like you staying here like this."
"We just got here," whispered Sara as she noticed the others in the waiting room. "How did they get here so fast?"
Greg was off sitting in a corner while Brass spoke on the phone.
"There was a change today. They said she would probably wake. I need to be here," he said wearily.
"She? Where is Matthew?" she choked.
"Sir, they are finished with their tests. You can go back into the room now," announced the nurse.
Grissom flew out of the chair as Sara followed along.
He stepped into a room, oblivious that she was just a step behind him.
She gasped when she saw her lifeless body lying in a bed.
"She's showing signs of waking…it might still be awhile," stated the nurse.
Grissom nodded as he sat down, taking her hand.
"This is a dream," she said over and over.
Sara stepped away from the bed too horror stricken by the sight.
The noisy machines became erratic.
Sara watched as her heart rate began to slow.
"Sara!" Grissom begged.
Sara stepped toward him, needing for him to acknowledge that she was standing there on the other side of the bed.
The heart monitor picked up with each step that she took bringing her closer to the bed.
"That's it, honey. Please come back," he urged.
"That's not me, Gil. I'm right here. Look at me," insisted Sara.
"This is not me! I'm right here in front of you!" she cried. "This is some cruel joke that Lucifer is playing. We need to find Matthew and get out of here!" She grabbed the lifeless hand and held it up. "This….is…not….me!"
She felt herself falling as she cried out. Any second she expected to feel the hard concrete floor but instead she turned her head to the sound of machines blaring.
A bright light flashed in her eyes and she struggled to get away from it.
"Ms. Sidle, if you can hear me, squeeze my hand," came a voice.
She squeezed the hand causing a flurry of activity in the room.
Five hours later:
She woke for brief periods, hearing the sound of familiar voices each time. Nothing made sense as she struggled to remain wake long enough to ask about Matthew.
My head hurt….
Maybe I got sick and was admitted…
Where is Matthew?
The blinding light reappeared and she smacked it away, causing a few chuckles from others nearby.
"Stop!" she croaked.
"Sara, you have to stay awake."
The voice was stern this time.
She opened her eyes, but everything seemed to be out of focus.
"Give your eyes a few minutes to adjust," instructed the voice.
Finally, she saw an unfamiliar face standing over her.
"Welcome back," her doctor announced.
"Where am I?" she asked.
"Hospital."
"Why?"
"You were injured," he explained.
Someone took her hand and she turned toward the warmth.
It was Nick. "Hey, Sunshine! How are you feeling?"
"Gil," she croaked.
"He's here. The one time we force him to take a break, you wake up. He's coming," assured Nick.
But he was just here…
"Sara, we've been trying to wake you for several hours now," explained the doctor.
"Matthew? Where is Matthew?" she asked.
Nick glanced at Doctor Roberts.
"Do you know Matthew?" he asked in a whisper.
Nick shook his head.
"Nicky…what happened?" she begged
"We were ambushed in the warehouse. We were shot…you've been out for quite awhile," he choked.
"Warehouse?"
"We were working a case," began Nick.
"Lumber," she said. "Lumber fell on us."
"That's right, honey. We were trapped under the lumber. Grissom shot the assailant…but he got off one last shot. It hit both of you."
"Both of us?" she asked suddenly.
"Grissom covered you. It passed through him…into you. Both of you have been critical. Grissom was released a week ago."
"A week ago? How long…how long have I been here?" she asked.
"Three weeks," answered Nick.
Sara shook her head. "Can't be."
"You were the most critical. Head injury…along with gunshot wound near the heart. We didn't think you were going to make it out of surgery and then there was an infection. They induced the coma to give your body time to heal from the head injury. They started bringing you out a few days ago."
Brass appeared along with Grissom by his side.
"Hey kiddo," smiled Brass.
Her eyes locked with Grissom.
Sofia and Catherine appeared along with Greg and Warrick.
"Matthew," she choked.
The others grew silent.
Nick whispered to Grissom. "She's been asking for Matthew? Do you know him?"
Grissom shook his head. "She has a brother…maybe it's him," offered Grissom.
Sofia took Grissom by the hand and pulled him away from the bed. "Gil, we can cover the shift tonight. Maybe you should stay here with Sara."
"I have to meet with the undersheriff…but thank you, I'd like to come back here."
Sofia smiled as she hugged him. "We told you it was going to be alright."
Grissom returned the embrace not able to speak. He'd prayed too often for this moment and now he felt wiped out, exhausted from all of the upheaval of dealing with her injuries.
Sara turned away from the spectacle. She felt a huge whole that threatened to engulf her as she struggled with her emotions.
"Hey," whispered Nick as he caught the slight sob that escaped her lips. "It's going to be alright."
He sat down on the bed as he held her.
"I didn't want to wake," she cried. "I don't want to be awake."
His arms tightened around her as he felt her struggling to maintain control. Nick looked helplessly at the doctor, not sure what to make of her breakdown.
"I think it's best if everyone left so I can examine Ms. Sidle," informed the doctor.
The others left but she continued to cling to Nick. Grissom stood to the side, not wanting to leave but the doctor motioned for the door.
"We'll be just outside the door," whispered Nick.
She nodded, slipping back into the bed, her eyes staying clear of Grissom and the others.
Minutes passed as they hovered outside.
Doctor Roberts came out a few minutes later.
"She's going to be alright. This is not uncommon…in some coma patients."
"What?" questioned Grissom.
"She's having difficulty dealing with…all of this. She's just been told she's lost three weeks of her life, been in a coma with a serious head and heart injury. Depression is not uncommon…"
"Depression?" asked Grissom. "Sara is not weak…she's strong."
"Even the strong can become fragile Mr. Grissom. She needs time to adjust. I want to limit her visits to one person at a time."
Grissom nodded.
"She seems very upset that Matthew is not here. Can someone contact him?"
"We…don't know who Matthew is," replied Grissom, wondering if Sara had been seeing someone without their knowledge. He immediately shook off the idea.
He'd been practically staking out her apartment for weeks, never noticing anyone by that name.
Days passed as she slept less and less.
They came individually, not sure what to make of her melancholy.
She questioned each of them about the shooting, finding no discrepancy each time she was told what happened.
Gracen never existed…
Darius never existed…
Grissom and I…were never mated…
Matthew….
Her headaches were troublesome but they told her it was part of the recovery process.
She knew that if she began talking about angels or demons she would surely get a straight jacket and a padded room.
She could not bring herself to acknowledge that Matthew was a figment of her imagination, a dream conjured up by drug induced coma.
She stood in front of the mirror in the bathroom and stared at the wound on her chest. It was ugly and hideous. She would never be able to wear anything low cut but then she was never the type to flaunt her cleavage.
"Make-up can help conceal it…once it heals," stated Catherine as she stood behind her.
Sara quickly covered herself. She detested the hospital gowns and robes that itched her skin.
"I'm sorry. I knocked but you didn't answer…so I was just going to leave this for you," offered Catherine.
Sara glanced at the file in her hand.
"It's a copy of the report," explained Catherine. "I thought it might help you to remember."
"Thanks," replied Sara as she took it.
"Sara…if you tell me who this 'Matthew' is, I'll try to contact him for you," offered Catherine.
Sara shook her head. Just hearing his name made the ache return.
"The doctor says you'll be able to leave soon," stated Catherine.
"Yes," she acknowledged.
"Sara, is there anything wrong?" asked Catherine.
"No," she lied.
She knew they meant well but she cringed every time there was a tap on the door and one of them appeared.
Grissom had come a few times but his visits were the hardest.
She looked at him and could almost see him holding Matthew.
Why can't I go back to sleep…
Just slip back into a coma…
Return to Grissom, and Matthew and Darius and Francis….
"Sara?"
She turned and noticed Doctor Roberts standing there. "How are you feeling today?"
Like I'm dying inside…
"I'd like to go home," she announced.
I'll never find my way home…
"Do you feel you're up to it?"
"I don't like hospitals," she admitted. "I'd feel better if I was…home," she choked.
"Sara, I'm concerned about…how you're dealing with this emotionally? I know that a near death experience is hard to grasp but…"
"Near death?"
"Your heart stopped during surgery. We were able to revive you but there was a concern about brain damage."
"How long?" she asked.
"Four minutes."
"You've said my tests look good," she stated.
"They are…but there can be some emotional trauma that goes along with these kinds of injuries."
"I just want to get out. I want to go…home. Can you understand that?"
"You've asked for a person by the name of Matthew and yet no one seems to know who he is."
"Family member," she whispered.
"Is there a way to contact him?" he asked.
She shook her head. "He's gone."
She felt as if he were scrutinizing every word and gesture.
"Can I leave…today?"
He studied her for several minutes. "Is there someone going to stay with you?"
"Yes."
"I'll do the paperwork."
Greg appeared in the doorway.
"Greg, I need a favor."
Greg placed the medication bottles on the counter as he watched her roam around the apartment.
"Glad to be home?" he asked.
"Sure," she lied.
"You don't have any food in the apartment. I can…"
"There was hardly any before," she admitted. "I ordered from the café a lot or just ate out."
"You still can't drive for awhile so I'll make a run."
She gritted knowing that she would have to tolerate his presence for awhile longer.
"Not necessary…but thanks."
As soon as Greg left, he called Grissom.
"She's home…but she doesn't seem…alright," whispered Greg.
Within an hour he was back with several grocery bags.
He put them away and felt a little relieved when he noticed she had showered.
"Going to bed?" he questioned.
"Doctor orders," she said. "For a few more days."
Good, she's following doctor orders…
Maybe she just needs some time at home…
She locked the door the moment Greg left.
She went to her bedroom, noticing that Greg had turned down the bed.
If I sleep, maybe I can dream…
I want to go home…
I want to hold Matthew…
She tossed for over an hour, cursing that sleep would not come.
Doctor Roberts gave me something to help me sleep….
Her trembling hands fumbled with the medicine bottle as she stood in the bathroom.
"Open, dammit," she cursed as she struggled to get the top off.
She sat down on the edge of the bathtub, twisting the top until it finally opened, spilling the pills onto the floor but leaving a handful in her palm.
Take them, Sara…
Take them and sleep will come again…
You'll be back with Matthew…
She gulped in air, her hand trembling as she stared down at the pills.
"Sara?"
She looked up and found Grissom standing there.
"Sara, what are you doing?"
"I want to sleep," she choked.
He grabbed the pills from her hand. "How many did you take?" he said as he flipped open his phone. "Answer me!"
"None."
"I'm calling an ambulance," he said as he tried to ascertain how many she took by counting the pills.
She closed his phone, shoving him away. "I didn't take any!"
His hands were like vice grips on her shoulder. "How many?" he barked.
"None. I couldn't get the top off and then when I did they spilled everywhere."
He let out a gulp of air. "I'm sorry. It's just that..."
"I just want to sleep," she wept.
He pulled her into his arms as he held her. "I don't want you to sleep," he admitted. "I've been watching you sleep for weeks…I didn't think you were going to wake."
"Would it have mattered if I didn't?"
He jerked her around to face him. "Would it have mattered?" his lips crushed hers as he kissed her over and over.
"I thought I had waited until it was too late. We were getting to…know one another again…communicating," he choked.
"Communicating?'
"Emails…we hadn't done that in a long time…not since San Francisco."
"Emails?" she asked incredulously.
He pulled her gently to her feet, guiding her to the laptop that sat near the bed.
"Look," he said as he opened her email.
"How did you know…my password…access to my…"
"I have a confession…one that I think you already knew about before the shooting."
"Confession?"
"Sara, things haven't been right for a very long time. I'm to blame. I'd hoped that I wasn't too late…to do something about…us. I started sending emails."
Sara breathed in deeply as she saw the list of emails in her inbox.
"I thought if we started out slow then…the cases have been taking a toll on all of us."
"Not you," she countered. "Everyone seemed affected except you."
"An act...I was trying to set an example."
"Of how not to feel?" she spat.
"I feel Sara. I feel everything that you do. I knew you were struggling…I could see it every time I handed you an assignment."
"I didn't think you even…saw me," she whispered.
"I did! It's why I used that key you gave me to come, pour over your emails, hoping you were not planning to leave...I was also watching over you."
He made her settle into the bed, pulling the covers up as he sat beside her.
"I would come and sit with you…like this." He stroked her hair as he leaned over and kissed her. "Sometimes, when you were frightened by the nightmares, I held you, comforting you."
"I remember," she said softly.
"I wasn't sure," he said quietly. "I seem to upset you more than comfort you these days."
"Sofia," she said.
"I knew you would hear about it," he griped. "She's not taking your position, Sara. It's only until you're able to return. With the three of us out..."
"Three?"
"Nick was in the hospital for about 4 days and then he was off work for two weeks. I got out…last week…went back to work for a day or so but I needed to be with you when they decided to bring you out of the coma."
She nodded.
"Catherine and I decided to coax Sofia into filling in until the lab was back on its feet."
He caressed her cheek. "Honey, you've had me worried. They'd tried to bring you out of the coma once or twice but a complication would come up and…" he didn't finish resting his head against hers.
"I didn't want to wake," she whispered.
"Why not?"
"It was nice….where I was."
"Where were you?"
"Somewhere between heaven and hell."
"And you preferred there…to here?" he choked. "You would choose that…instead of me?"
She shook her head. "We lived in a white cottage house with a white picket fence. We had a son…his name was Matthew."
"You dreamed…we were together…had a child?"
"It was a wonderful dream and now it is gone. My sweet, sweet Matthew is gone and I don't think I can bear to live here…anymore."
"Then don't," he whispered as he kissed her tenderly on the lips, his tears mingling with hers.
He stretched out on the bed, pulling her close to him. "When you're better, we'll look for that white cottage house with the white picket fence."
"You mean it?" she choked.
"I love you, Sara. I don't want to waste anymore time. I want you. I want us. I want our dream home…with Matthew."
He closed his eyes as he pulled her closer. "Sleep my Sara. I'll watch over you."
In the shadow a slight figure drifted away, coming to land outside the apartment.
"This is the way it should have been," whispered Francis.
"It didn't because I interfered…before," sighed Gracen.
"You almost interfered again when you saw her with the pills," stated Darius.
"As did you!" replied Gracen.
"I wasn't sure what she was going to do. She was so sad about not having Matthew."
"Grissom intervened," stated Francis. "Just as he would have…before we made a mess of this."
"I took matters into my own hands. I didn't trust God to take care of her. I just wanted to protect her," grieved Gracen.
"As her watcher, you should have…but only as He permits. You acted…didn't wait for His instructions."
"I know," admitted Gracen.
"By saving Darius, she saved all of us. His prayer enabled us to go back and fix it…the way it should have been," stated Francis.
"But I don't understand," stated Gracen to Darius. "Why did you want to change it? She was with Grissom and they had Matthew and both of you were with her."
"Sara deserved a simple life…with a husband and children…not angels or demons. She didn't need to worry about angelic blood or any of that crap so I prayed for Him to forgive us for interfering and to allow us to fix it. I just didn't think it would be so painful…losing Matthew," choked Darius.
"He's not lost…just delayed," smiled Gracen. "He'll be making an appearance within the year."
Darius seemed hopeful.
"I know. He told me," assured Gracen.
Darius grinned. "Well, what do we do now?"
"I get to watch over Sara and Grissom," announced Gracen.
"I volunteered to take Brass and…Heather," smiled Francis.
"Ooooh that was a stretch of the imagination there," snorted Darius. "You still hope to save her."
"Yes, I do…and Brass is going to help me," replied Francis.
"So that leaves you, Darius. What is your assignment?"
"I get Catherine and the guys….the guys will keep me busy…at least keep my head straight while I try to handle the vixen Catherine."
"Remember, we can't screw it up this time," warned Gracen.
Six months later:
Grissom smiled as he felt her warm body snuggled up to his backside.
He gently rolled over, pulling up the covers she'd tossed away during the night.
Her arms were cold as ice as he rubbed them.
"Nice," she murmured.
"We need to get up," he said as he kissed her lips. "Catherine and the guys are coming over…remember….dinner?"
She groaned.
"We can cancel. You haven't been feeling well," he said as he observed her slowly getting to her feet.
"Your son likes to keep me up. I can't find a comfortable spot."
"My son…doesn't like spicy food. I warned you," he teased.
"I had a craving," she said as she yawned.
He expected her to head to the bathroom but instead, she went into the nursery.
He followed, slipping his arms around her. "Just a few more months and we'll be holding Matthew."
"He came early last time," she said.
"Sara…you know none of that really happened. It was a coma induced dream."
"Maybe…maybe not," she said as she looked out the window and saw a young man standing across the street.
She swallowed recognizing Darius. He waved at her.
"Yeah, you're probably right. It was a dream…but a wonderful dream," she said as she swiped at her eyes.
"Parts of it weren't so wonderful. Are you alright?" he asked quickly, turning her around, concerned about the tears.
"Hormones," she sniffled.
"I love you, Sara."
"I love you, too."
"I'll go down and fix us some waffles. Okay?"
"Whipped cream," she called out.
She waited until he was gone to turn toward the window once more and saw that Darius was still standing there.
He waved once more and she did the same.
Within a blink of an eye he was gone.
She caressed the small bulge. "Let's go help Daddy with those waffles."
The End.
Note from author:
Different kind of ending…but what can I say? It was a different kind of story. Thanks for those who read along and actually reviewed.
Take care.