Chapter 6: The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
And the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with every day
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
That's why I need you to hear

AN: This chapter demanded to be written, so I had no choice but you update. Thank you to all of my readers and everyone who has added this story as a favorite, follow it and especially those who review. Chapter six is dedicated to Natalie, for being awesome editor, and suggesting the title. You rock!

Killian stormed down the dock to the Jolly Roger, fury running through his veins like he hadn't felt since he lost his mother. His crew sat lounging around on the ship, drinking rum, when they saw him approaching. On seeing the look on their captain's face, they scrambled along the deck — they knew that the look on his face meant they needed to get to work immediately. When the captain was in a mood like this, you didn't want to piss him off anymore. If you did, you would either end up job-less, beaten — or even dead, if you pressed your luck.

"We are taking off NOW!" he yelled as he walked onto the boat. He looked around at his crew working and then turned to Smee. "Are all the men on board?" he asked him, making his way over to the helm.

"Robertson and Smith are at the tavern — we can pick them up when we come back though, Captain Jones…" he reported, wondering what had happened to send the captain into such an intense rage. It must have been something that involved Princess Emma.

"We ARE NOT coming back!" he raged at Smee, who bowed his head while flinching slightly at his words. "We will pick up two new men on the way — and if we have not set sail in less than two minutes, someone will pay the price, someone of my choosing!" he warned them. The men all knew that he would do just that and maybe choose more than one victim.

Much to Killian's displeasure, his crew had the ship sailing away from Charming's kingdom in no time at all. He had needed and wanted an outlet for his rage — but he would surely find some reason to punish someone very soon during their voyage.

Killian refused to look backwards at the land fading away, almost making him forget that he was Captain Hook. He swore to himself that he would forget about every second he had spent there — and most importantly, he would forget about her.

The Castle

"Emma," Alexandra called out, running towards her on seeing her sitting in the garden on a bench and reading a book. "Do you and Killian want to go horseback riding with me and Eric?"

Emma looked up at her, forcing a smile on her lips. "Killian had to leave, but I'd love to."

A stunned look crossed Alex's face; she had a bad feeling that Emma and Killian had had a fight. "When is he coming back?" she asked her.

"He's not. Captain Jones is a pirate, and he was just visiting. End of story." Emma had a firm tone in her voice — it was one that her best friend knew quite well, and it meant never to ask about the subject again.

"Alright." Alexandra sighed; she knew that nothing she said now would change Emma's mind. She would let it go for now and maybe she should give her some time to cool off before asking her about it again. "Eric is at the stables, waiting for us. What do you think of him?" she asked, hoping that Emma liked the man she was planning on marrying.

"Eric seems nice," Emma replied in a curt tone, seeing Alexandra flinch at her words. She instantly felt guilty for hurting her best friend's feelings. "I'm sorry, Alex. It's just I'm worried about his past with women. Men like him — they don't change. They pretend to change, telling you that you're the only girl for them, but once you turn your back, they are in bed with the first tavern wench that they see," she warned Alexandra as they approached the stables.

"Good afternoon, Emma. Where is..." Eric began but stopped at Alexandra's frantic waving at him. "Are we ready to ride?" he asked her, smiling and walking up to them. Eric pulled Alex in his arms and gave her a short but loving kiss before turning back to Emma.

"Let's go," Emma said, already walking away from them as Alex mouthed that she would explain later.

The castle throne room

Sir Lancelot walked in the room towards Snow and Charming. "I wanted you to know that Captain Jones has left," he informed them. They only stared at him with stunned looks on their faces. "He left this for you," he added, handing them a bag along with a letter.

Snow took the letter from him, unfolding it quickly to read it. A look of utter confusion crossed over her beautiful features. "Killian will not be returning to our kingdom. He thanked us for our hospitality but that's all the letter says. That can't be right," she told Charming, looking over at him to see the full set of her mother's jewelry all there. "Oh Emma, what did you do?" Snow whispered, shaking her head.

"What did Emma do? I bet that pirate grew bored when he couldn't seduce Emma as quickly as he hoped to!" Charming said, narrowing his eyes at his wife.

"You can say what you want about Captain Jones's past or reputation, but he is in love with our daughter! I know that look…because it's the way that you've always looked at me. He didn't leave because he wanted to," Snow said, getting up off her throne and starting to leave the room.

"Snow, we need to talk about this. It's for the best," Charming called out, not able to believe that she would blame Emma for this instead of that no-good pirate.

"It's for the best?" Snow hissed, spinning around. Anger flashed in her blue eyes. "No, Charming, it's not for the best! Our daughter has been fading away — literally disappearing more and more every day until that pirate showed up in our kingdom. In my opinion, he was the best thing that happened to Emma since Graham. I don't care what Killian did in his past — he loves our daughter, and I'm pretty sure that she loves him. But she is too hurt, too stubborn, and too scared to admit it!" Her voice caught then, tears running down her cheeks. She started to turn away from him.

"You're wrong — Emma will be fine without Captain Jones," he called out after her, making her pause once again.

"No." Snow shook her head, and then took a deep breath. "I know that you are too damn stubborn to see it, but we have just lost our last chance to save our daughter," she sobbed, running out of the throne room.

"SNOW!" he yelled after her, but she disappeared out of the throne room without looking back. Charming sat down on his throne, deciding to give his wife time to cool down and realize she was overreacting to all of this. He couldn't help but think that Snow had grown to like the pirate, just like his daughter had. He could only hope she eventually would see he was right.

With Snow upset with him, the day seemed to drag on for Charming, but now everyone was seated at dinner. There was uncomfortable silence in the dining room as everyone sat there, not speaking while eating.

"So how was everyone's day?" Charming suddenly asked, smiling across the table at his daughter and Alexandra.

"The three of us went riding — it was good," Alexandra replied, the sound of her tone and the look on her face implying quite the opposite feeling.

"What are the three of you doing tomorrow?" Charming questioned, trying to keep the conversion going.

"I'm taking Alexandra into town to do some shopping," Eric answered, his blue eyes glancing over at Emma, who was rolling her eyes. "Emma, I was hoping that you and I could take a walk after dinner — so we could get to know each other a little better." He forced a smile on his handsome face while looking at his girlfriend's best friend.

"Fine," Emma answered, not bothering to look up at him before continuing to eat.

Charming peeked over at his wife, and somehow he wasn't surprised to see an "I told you so" look on her face.

After dinner the garden

Eric and Emma walked in silence without any guards nearby because the princess was with another royal. She turned to look at him and blurted, "I don't mean to be rude, but if you're not going to talk, we can just end this walk." Eric stopped mid-stride, anger filling his light blue eyes.

"That's it!" he exclaimed, surprising Emma. "Emma, I know that the worst thing possible happened to you — and I'm sorry for that — but I will not let you destroy my relationship with Alexandra!"

"Excuse me? How dare you?!" Emma retorted, her face contorting with rage.

"No, Emma — how dare you?! You don't know me yet, but you were quick to tell Alexandra that I won't change and that I can't change," he said, running his hands through his short blonde hair which was slicked back. "I'm the first to admit that I've been with many women, but I've never made promises or led any of them on intentionally. I've always made it clear that it was just about sex and that was it! I never wanted more that…until I ran into Alex at that tavern."

"Wow…I should think more of you because you told them that you were just using them — you took what you wanted from them and then you left them!" Emma exclaimed, throwing her arms in the air. She couldn't stop the words from coming out of her mouth, but they weren't really for him. She had told Killian to leave — actually, pretty much forced him to do it — but a part of her was angry at him for giving up so easily. Killian wasn't there for her to yell at because he had left her, and he was most likely on top of the first beautiful girl he had seen afterwards. She kept telling herself that Eric would do the same thing to her friend, so she had to look after her.

Eric let out a loud, angry laugh. "You know, they were using me as well, Emma! Do you know what all of them wanted from me? They wanted my money, my power, and to be seen with a prince! None of them cared about me at all!" he hissed at her before taking a deep breath and closing his eyes. "I remember the first time that I saw Alexandra at that fall ball…she was only sixteen, but she was the most beautiful girl — woman — that I'd ever seen." His voice was now calm, but his eyes were still closed, a small smile on his lips. "She was wearing a white, off-the-shoulder gown with sliver beads across the top of it, her long blonde hair pulled up exquisitely. I had trouble to not stare at her all night like she was at me because I knew she was too young for me to court."

"You remember her from that night? You danced with so many beautiful princesses that night." Emma's voice came out in a whisper, her guilt hitting her hard as he opened his eyes. She could see in that moment that Eric had the same look in his eyes that Graham had when he spoke of Emma to other people.

"She is all I can remember about that night. Alexandra asked me about myself and the things I like to do — not about my money or the things that I could do and buy for her. When I made her laugh, it was the cutest damn thing that I've ever heard — it was a cross between a laugh and a giggle. I think I fell in love with her right at that moment, but her parents said that I could only ask to court her once she was eighteen…so I waited," he explained, which caused Emma's mouth to fall open.

"It wasn't by chance that you ran into her," Emma whispered, embarrassment running through her thanks to her behavior. She could only look down at the ground.

"No, she had just turned eighteen a month before that, and I was nervous to approach her in case she wouldn't accept me because of my past. But once she started spending most of her time with Pinocchio, I didn't want to risk losing her," he said to Emma, seeing tears brimming in her eyes. "I'm sorry that I yelled at you, but she was distant since she talked to you this afternoon. Maybe it wasn't your fault and if…" he started, but Emma cut him off.

"No, it was me." Emma swallowed hard, looking up at Eric and expecting to see anger. She didn't. "I'm so sorry — I shouldn't have said what I said to her," Emma choked out as tears fell down her cheeks. "It's just — I was so angry that Killian left me so easily when I asked him to. You care about her…and you're not Killian," she said, pausing before she added, "I'll talk to her and make it right."

Eric took a step towards her, putting his hands on her shoulders and then looking down at her with a small smile on his face. "I'll talk to her, Emma. Thank you for the apology." He paused before continuing, "I may not have known Killian long, but I know that he didn't want to leave you. You are right when you say that Killian and I are much alike, so I know what it meant — the way that he looked at you when you weren't looking at him."

"What did it mean?" Emma whispered, looking up at him and scared to hear his answer.

"It was the look of a man who is in love for the first time. I can tell you from personal experience — it can be scary as hell, especially if you don't think you're good enough for the one you love," Eric replied. A loud sob left Emma, so he pulled her into a hug. Emma held onto Eric as she cried, his words making her feel like that she had made the biggest mistake of her life. "It's not too late — you can go after him," he told her. Emma pulled away from him, wiping away her tears.

"Yes, it is too late. But even if it wasn't, I don't think that he'd forgive me - I was such a bitch," Emma said to him. She saw Alexandra walk up towards them. "You two talk. You're a good man, Eric, and Alex is lucky to have you." Emma smiled at him, taking his hand and squeezing it before walking off in the opposite direction.

"Eric?! Please tell me that you didn't make her cry!" Alexandra frowned as she reached him. She had seen Emma wiping her tears away when she was leaving. "I should go talk to her."

"No, Alex — we need to talk. I need to tell you something that I should have told you a long time ago," he said, watching her blue eyes fill up with fear. "I should have told you that all I could remember about that fall ball where we met was you — you looked so beautiful in that white gown with the silver beading. You were all I could think about after we danced, and I asked if I could court you then, but your parents said you were too young. They said to wait until you would turn eighteen," he admitted to her. Alexandra's eyes filled with disbelief. "I had to wait so long that I almost gave up —- until I heard you were spending all your time with Pinocchio. So I followed you two to the tavern," he finished, a slight blush on his cheeks for the first time since he was fifteen.

"I love you," she told him, putting her hands on his cheeks and smiling. Tears filled her eyes. "I'm tired of waiting to be with you — I want to be with you completely." Alexandra pulled him into a kiss, and Eric wrapped his arms around her, kissing her back passionately.

"Wait…" he said, pulling away slightly. "What do you mean exactly?" he asked, raising a brow. He didn't want to make any assumptions.

Alexandra laughed. "I mean…that I want to marry you, no matter what our parents say about it." He grinned at her, moving closer, but she put her fingers up to his lips, stopping him from replying. "And…I'm saying that I want you to take me upstairs." Her blue eyes darkened, looking at him wantonly.

"Whatever my fiancé wants she shall have." He grinned, kissing her before picking her up bridal style and carrying her to the castle. Their joined laughter rang through the garden.

Emma watched them from behind a large bush, a bitter-sweet smile on her face. She was happy for her best friend, but her own chance to ever find happiness had passed when Graham died — and when she set Killian free. She sighed and then left the garden, going back up to her bedroom.

The next morning

It had been a day since Killian had left the castle, and Emma was still trying to convince herself it was all for the best. Eric's words to her about how Killian felt about her — the look on Killian's face when she told him that she didn't care about his feelings or what he wanted — they ate at her with more intensity during every second that passed. She had dreamed about Killian last night and had woken up this morning knowing that she cared about him so much it scared her. Actually, the dream had been more of a nightmare involving Killian flinging himself at two brunette tavern wenches, and the memory of it had left her feeling so angry and jealous that she wanted to scream. She tried shutting off her feelings, but that stupid dream made it impossible.

Emma threw her door open to see Lancelot standing there ready to knock. Her green eyes blazed with annoyance and anger. "Can I help you?" Emma asked in a rude tone, one that Lancelot had never heard her use before.

"I thought you should know — Killian left the jewels and didn't ask for anything in return," Lancelot replied, watching Emma's jaw clinch as she fought to keep her face neutral.

"Why would I care?" Emma asked, starting to shut the door. He stopped her. "Yes?" she snapped, desperate to shut the door because her emotional wall was crumbling fast.

"Graham was like a brother to me," he started, moving through the doorway in case she tried to shut him out. Emma needed to hear this. "When Charles died two years ago in battle, Graham and I went to the tavern to remember our friend — and during our celebration, he asked me to look after you if something ever happened to him," he explained. Seeing tears forming in her eyes, he rushed to finish, "He made me promise that if you found love again, you wouldn't push it away. You were everything to him, and he wanted you to be happy — even if he couldn't be here with you."

"I'm so sorry I was rude." Her voice caught as the tears finally fell down her cheeks.

"You don't need to apologize — I'd rather have you yell and scream at me than feel nothing," he said to her, pausing. "After you returned from Captain Jones's ship, I had a talk with him that night in the garden. He told me — before I could even get a word out — that I was wasting my time if I was trying to get him to leave. I doubted his intentions, but he set me straight, saying that he'd never hurt you. Did he lie?"

"No," Emma whispered, looking down at the ground. "I hurt him…I wish I could take all my words back, but I can't," she admitted, wiping the tears off her cheeks. "He's gone and never coming back."

"He might be gone, but I know where he went," Lancelot replied. Hope flooded over Emma's face in an instant. "I'll help you get to him, if you…" he started to say, cut off by Emma wrapping her arms around him.

"Yes!" she cried out, smiling as she hugged him. It made him chuckle. "Can we leave now?" Emma asked him, pulling away. There was unconcealed excitement now in her green eyes.

"I'm still working on getting a boat, but I should be able to get one in a few days. Of course, we could always ask your parents…" he trailed off, knowing that Prince James would be very unhappy with this whole idea — but Lancelot needed to keep his promise to his friend.

"I can get us a boat — meet me at the pier tonight at sunset, where the Jolly Roger was docked." Emma grinned, jumping up to kiss him on the cheek before running down the hall.

Lancelot knew he would be in deep trouble with the prince and princess, but it would all be worth it, even to just see Emma smile. He headed back to his room, ready to pack a bag for his journey.

Meanwhile

Emma threw open Alexandra's bedroom door, forgetting to knock. The consequence was seeing Eric quickly pull a blanket over himself and Alexandra. They both had been naked. "Oh, I'm so sorry — but you need to get dressed and out of bed!" Emma exclaimed while covering her eyes. She wasn't going to leave the room. "I'm going after Killian," she added, grinning while peeking through her fingers. It was a relief when the couple was finally covered up.

"It's about bloody time!" Alex grinned back at her, forgetting her embarrassment about being caught in bed with Eric. "Wait, how do you know where he is?" she asked, smoothing out her rumpled hair.

"Lancelot knows where he is — he's helping me," Emma replied, glancing over at Eric. "I'm so sorry," she repeated, able to see the frustration in his eyes.

"You have really bad timing but... it's okay." Eric sighed, trying to get his body to cool down. "Do you have a boat?" he asked, raising a brow.

"No — but I will." Emma smirked, walking backwards out of the room. "Can you meet me in three hours, in the training room?" she asked him. "Have fun!" she added with a wink before shutting the door behind her.

"We should..." Eric began to say before he was cut off by Alexandra's lips. She pulled away, grinning at him. "You still..." he stopped, raising a brow.

"We have two and half hours until then — so shut up and make love to me," she commanded before he kissed her passionately, running his fingers through her long blonde hair.

Sunset

Emma paced the pier nervously next to a small ship as Eric and Alexandra watched her. "Emma, you need to calm down. The sun just set!" Alexandra shook her head while leaning against Eric. She was happy for her friend, but…

"There he is." Eric pointed to the woods leading to the pier. They all turned to see Lancelot approaching, holding a bag and large map in his hands.

"Wait — what if he doesn't want me to come after him? What if he's bedding every tavern wench in sight?" Emma asked, beginning to panic and nervous at the very thought that he might reject her. She had rejected and hurt him, so what if he had moved on already?

Eric walked over to her. "I'm not going to lie to you. He could have done it — out of anger — but even if he did, they didn't mean anything to him. He wants you, Emma," he assured her, knowing that his truthful words could hurt her, but that she needed to hear them.

"Thanks, Eric. Take care of my best friend," she told him before giving him a hug. Eric was right — if Killian had slept around, she couldn't be mad at him for it because she had been the one to hurt and reject him.

"I will — you have a safe trip." Eric smiled at her as she let go of him and turned to Alexandra.

"I'm sorry that I have to go. Tell my parents that I'm sorry and I'll be back soon. I love you, Alex," Emma told Alex, who pulled her into a hug.

"I love you too, Em. Eric and I will take care of your parents. Good luck and take care," Alexandra told her. She then whispered, "How did you get the boat?"

"I stole it," Emma confessed in a low voice so no one else could hear. Alexandra laughed. "Hey, I left some gold, so technically…it's not stealing."

"No wonder you fell for a pirate!" Alexandra giggled. Emma pulled away, shrugging at her. "Make sure you send me a letter when you're back."

"You got it!" Emma laughed. As Sir Lancelot reached them, she nervously asked him, "Are you ready?"

"After you, Princess Emma." He motioned towards the boat, and Emma followed him, waving back at her friends before they climbed into it.

"Go get your pirate!" Alexandra called after her, grinning and watching Emma and Lancelot's boat pulling away a few minutes later. She turned back to Eric. "I guess we should go back. Hopefully, Charming won't kill the messengers when we give him the letter Emma wrote."

"Something tells me that we're not going to be welcome here for a while…" Eric said, putting his arm around her shoulders as they walked to the woods.

"It's worth it." Alexandra looked back, seeing Emma waving and smiling at her from the boat.