If You Got It...

There comes a time in every man's life when he realizes just how much he is mistreated and or abused.

I unfortunately, have reached this conclusion on several occasions, at the results of several different people.

Life hates me, and there lies the answer to everyone's question. Really, I mean, you can fix answer any problem with that bit of knowledge. I'm serious! Okay, for example, let's say…that…the world was in a crisis that involved the depletion of our water supply. How does life hating Cloud answer this? Why, like this of course! Life hates Cloud, therefore doesn't want anything to do with Cloud, so it wants to send Cloud to death…so it depletes the world's water supply in hopes of dehydrating Cloud to death.

See? Point proven.

Now, what has led us into this happy little speech? It's my birthday…which means I'm a year older…which means more things to deal with and less time to deal with them. Okay, granted, I'm not that old. Hell, I'm in my twenties…but you know what comes after twenties? Thirties…forties…and God forbid, fifties…eck…then sixties.

Ugh, I can only imagine myself that old.

"Kuh-loud!" Oh wait! I think I see a gray hair sprouting now.

Yuffie flings herself in my general direction, and I easily evade her. She catches herself, turning to pout at me.

"Geez, Cloud…you could at least let me hug you! It's your birthday for pete's sake!"

"Yeah, and I'd like to see another, so no death squeezes, please." That's right, back off bitch.

She stomps her foot, "I'm not trying to kill you, Cloud."

It wouldn't stop you though, you fiendish little devil ninja, you—

"Hey hey! The party can begin, look whose here!"

Oh no…no no no no! Who the hell invited them?!

"Reno, Rude, glad you could make it," Tifa smiles at them from across the bar.

Augh! NO! This is my birthday, and you know what?! Birthday boy always gets what he wants and I do not want them here! They'll humiliate me! …well, Someone's going to humiliate me regardless, but with them here, it'll be like a double whammy.

I move quickly towards the door, where Reno still stands, Rude just a step behind him.

Reno grins as he sees me advance, "Hey, birthday boy! I think someone's due some spankings…is Tifa going to give them to you in the dead of night?"

BAM!

Bitch! In your face!

Reno grabs his forehead and his nose as the door bounces back off of it.

"Ouch! My fwibben nobe!"

Oh get over it you big baby.

"Cloud!" Tifa cries, "What are you doing?"

"There's something stuck in the door, Tifa…I can't get it shut," I prepare to slam it again.

Reno throws up a hand in defence, "W-wait!"

Too late! I bring my arm back, preparing to do another smack down on Reno's face, but it gets cut short. I look up, seeing Rude brace his arm across the door.

Oh come on, I didn't hurt him that much the first time.

He's glaring at me from beneath his sunglasses, I can feel it. What was it that Reno said? To protect the lesser being? Take them off, I dare you…I'm not a lesser being.

…God, I hate being short.

Screw that, Rude's just too tall. I'm not short.

"Cloud," Tifa hisses, and I glance over my shoulder.

Shit…if anyone needs sunglasses to protect the lesser beings, it's Tifa. Doom glare...scary.

I stare back, pressing my lips together tightly.

She huffs, placing her hands on her hips, "They're just here to give you a card…and then they were going to leave."

…oops.

"Erm…" Do I ask for the card now? That would be kind of rude…well…I mean, like slamming the door in Reno's face wasn't rude enough.

Speaking of humliation...look who did it? Me!

"Reno, do you need some ice for that?" Tifa asks, concerned.

"Nah," he shakes his head once, putting down his hand, "I'm obay. Cloub's a panby anybway."

Oh! OH! A panby?! You freaking…oh if there weren't witnesses.

…ahem, pansy, excuse me.

I grip the door tightly with one hand, and I see Reno's eyes widen slightly. He thrusts a card at me.

"Habby birfbay, Cloub."

I take it reluctantly, and shut the door gently behind the two Turks. I turn back around, face with Tifa's wrath.

"What?" I try to make my voice as innocent as possible.

No sir, I certainly did not just break Reno's nose.

She narrows her eyes, "Why were you so rude?"

…um… "Um…"

"It's because Rude was here!" Cid shouts from the bar, halfway drunk already.

I smirk, as a chorus of laughs picks up in the room. Then I meet Tifa's eyes, and my smirk falls.

Obviously she didn't think that was a very good answer.

"Erm…I'm sorry?"

She shakes her head before moving away. Great, now she's pissed.

Why did I slam the door into Reno's nose?

Oh yeah, because I detest him.

That's why...and I didn't see him, scout's honor.

"Hoo, boy, you sure did piss her off, didn't ya?"

She's like a cockroach, I swear.

Yuffie grins, resting her chin on her hand, "You know, you still haven't thanked me for saving Fenrir for you."

"And you still haven't shaved Tifa's head."

She flicks her wrist, and there's a razor in her other hand. She raises her eyebrows, and smirks.

"Just waiting for the right opportunity. Maybe tonight, though, when you two are all cuddley wuddely upstairs asleep, I'll sneak in and…well, the rest will be history," she grins wide.

…grrr…

"I dunno, Yuff. Looks to me like there won't be any 'cuddley wuddely' tonight after the stunt he pulled."

I narrow my eyes…stay out of this Reeve…it's my birthday, and I can do what I want.

Yuffie shrugs, "Doesn't matter to me…either way," she taps the razor lightly against her cheek.

I turn my attention back to her, "Yeah. Just don't wake her up…she might kill you."

"Hell, she'll probably know it was you even if you don't wake her up, Yuffie," Reeve adds.

Ha ha! Do it now! I dare you.

She smirks, "Yeah, you're right…and then I can blame it on Cloud, since he never thanked me."

Bitch.

I growl, verbally, and she snorts, "Th…" I hate you I hate you I hate you, "th-tha-nk…s."

She grins, beaming, "Very good Cloud!" and tosses the razor carelessly over her shoulder, "Won't be needing that anymore!"

They're all against me, I swear.

"Alright you guys," Marlene's sing song voice interrupts the party, "It's cake time!"

Tifa comes out of the kitchen, carrying a small, circular cake precariously, a big '2' and '4' candles burning brightly. Someone hit the lights, and Tifa places the cake on the table.

"Sing, please," Tifa smiles, before starting herself, "Happy birthday to you…

"Happy birthday to you…Happy birthday dear Cloud—

"Spike—

"Demon blonde—

"Blue streak—

"Chocobo head—

Okay, that last one was entirely too long for that one little phrase.

"Happy birthday to you," the last line is shaky, and full of laughter.

You guys suck.

"Make a wish, Cloud," Tifa smiles at me, glowing in the candle light.

I smirk, before blowing out the candles.

Done.

Tifa removes the candles, handing me a fork.

"Um…"

"Well…not everyone likes this kind of cake," she smiles, as I take the fork hesitantly.

"Um…"

"What kind of cake is it?" Yuffie asks as I dig a healthy chunk out.

I take a bite.

Oh…oh euphoria.

"It's an ice cream cake…orange sherbert."

She does love me!

"Ew!" Yuffie squeals, "I hate orange sherbert."

Blasphemy! Oh who gives a damn! Look at this thing! It's beautiful! It's…it's…there's no way to explain this.

"I didn't know they made ice cream cakes in orange sherbert," Shera remarks, as Marlene brings out another cake.

"I know," Tifa beams, "I had to get it specially made."

"How?" Cid asks slowly, cutting the chocolate cake…the much less lower cake…the cake of the peasants.

Hee! …wait, a swordsman does not say 'hee'…that's…just…wrong. Even if it is orange sherbert ice cream cake…

Joy.

"..erm, I coerced them."

Barret raises an eyebrow, "…Coerce? You mean flirt, don't you..."

I drop my fork, and look up. Suddenly everyone's looking at me, and then Tifa, waiting for an answer. She flushes red.

No…she didn't…

No! The cake is tainted!

"No," she fumbles, "I just asked, okay? The end."

Yeah, Barret, take her word for it. It's just cake, back off. She did it for me, anyways.

"Oh dude, you so totally flaunted it," Yuffie giggles.

"Excuse me?" I ask, taking a precious pause from my now half eaten cake.

"Well, you know…" Yuffie starts, "When you got it, flaunt it."

I grunt, and then Yuffie steps dramatically to the side.

What's happening here?

She tips her head back and attempts to sing, "Show your assets, let them know you're proud. Your goodies you must push. Stick out your chest, shake your tush. Ven you got it, shout it out loud!"

"Yuffie," there's warning in Cid's voice as I stare at her.

…no…Tifa didn't do that...right?

Tifa pats my shoulder, "Cloud, just eat your cake…Yuffie's just confused."

I vaguely register Barret and Cid jumping Yuffie as she begins another verse, however I'm too enthralled at eating my cake to care.

Oh…my stomach. Groan…I knew I shouldn't have drank all that whisky on top of that stupid cake. I can't even remember what my presents were. Did I get any presents?

Sherbert…how I curse you to be utterly irresistible.

"Cloud?" Tifa's groggy voice sounds from my left, "You okay?"

Groan.

She giggles, "Too much cake?"

"You did that on purpose."

She giggles again, "It was payback, for how rude you were to Reno."

"Please, don't mention that," I'm sick enough as it is.

She sighs, before lying down to rest on my shoulder. My stomach makes a gurgling sound and she laughs.

"Tifa…"

"Hmm?"

"Did…you really…"

She sighs, irritated, "NO, Cloud…I did not flaunt it."

I yawn, "…you only flaunt for me, anyways."

"What?" she bolts straight up.

"Uh...I said good night, Tifa. I love you."

"Uh huh…and how much did you drink tonight?"

A/N: Argh! Don't kill me! The fact of the matter is, is that there's a whole different opening to this chapter that I cannot obtain! Ah well...but I'm back! Gosh, I can't believe I didn't update for so long! IM SORREH! I felt bad everytime I looked at a review, especially recently...tagged with WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO UPDATE WOMAN?! Or at least, that's what I was yelling at myself this entire time. Ah well, anyways! I hope you all enjoy Cloud's birthday...it wasn't as epic as Tifa's. And there is nothing more awesome than orange sherbert ice cream...oh! And credits to The Producers, for Yuffie's little outburst. I love the producers...hee! Thanks for the reviews loves, and it won't be so long to the next update PROMISE!