Sup, guys! Cheyenne, here. Sorry for the wait, but I hope this chapter makes up for it. According to Melissa, it's a little risque. I think it's absolutely funny. Prepare for some protective daddy Bat! So read, enjoy, and excuse any typos.

(If you can guess the reference to this chapter title, I'll love you forever)

That Ain't No Etch A Sketch

It was a bright and sunny Saturday morning as Bruce Wayne rolled out of bed. He rubbed his eyes lazily as he put on his slippers. Heading downstairs for breakfast, Bruce's head banged in remembrance of a wild night of drinking. It had been a rough couple of weeks lately. He had to deal with the most irritating house guest.

Tony freaking Stark. The playboy was staying with Bruce because he had some Stark Industries business meetings located in Gotham. That, and Bruce may have lost a bar bet.

But lucky for the Dark Knight, Stark likes to sleep in. It gives Bruce a couple of hours of quiet before he gets bothered by his ever exuberant peer. Downstairs, the billionaire was greeted with a plate of eggs sunny side up, two slices of bacon, and buttered toast. Alfred Pennyworth makes one hell of a housewife.

"Good morning, Master Wayne." said Alfred as he placed a hot cup of black coffee on the table. Bruce's favorite. The Dark Knight muttered a "Morning, Alfred." as he dug into his delicious food. A few minutes later, Bruce's favorite partner in justice, Dick Grayson came strolling downstairs to a humble bowl of Cheerios.

The young boy smiled at Wayne. "Hey, dad."

"Morning, Richard." the billionaire replied as he sipped his coffee. Dick sat down before his own plate of food. God, Alfred's food was always the best. As the boy ate, he noticed that someone was missing from the table.

"Where's Uncle Tony?" he asked.

"Probably sleeping off about six Jägerbombs and some random bar bimbo from last night." Bruce answered not giving much attention to his foul mouth. Dick laughed and continued to munch on his food. Thankfully, all was quiet. Bruce didn't have much to focus on today. He'll probably spend the day cooped up in his room and nurse his massive hangover whilst doing his best to avoid Stark. Ah, that sounds perfect.

Suddenly, as loud giggling noise was heard coming from the long hallway adjacent to the dining room. "Tony!" squealed a young woman. Stark's voice could be heard whispering compliments that Bruce has heard far too often. The man needs new material. The voluptuous woman entered the room and blushed as she walked in front of the three men to the back door of the manor. Bruce couldn't help, but notice that the first couple of buttons on her blouse were undone revealing some pretty tempting cleavage.

"Eyes up, Richard." he murmured when he noticed his son gawking. The dark haired boy nearly choked on his cereal.

"I wasn't looking..." he said, as Bruce rolled his eyes and turned to his dear caregiver.

"Alfred, can you take out the trash?" he asked pointing over to the overflowing garbage can in the far corner of the kitchen.

The nicely dressed man smirked and let out a chuckle. "Oh, come on, sir! The girl already left. Do we really have to slander her as well?" Dick let out a hearty laugh as Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. You know that's not what I meant, you sarcastic bastard. After having his fun, Alfred collected the trash bags and made his way to the front so the garbage truck could pick them up.

Unbeknownst to him, a tear formed from the bottom of the bag. A little white stick wrapped in toilet paper fell out and hit the ground with a tiny 'clack' Getting up to place his bowl in the dishwasher, Dick noticed it and went over to pick up the belligerent trash. "I think 'ol Al forgot something." He said holding it between his index finger and thumb.

"Richard, don't pick that up! It's unsanitary." Bruce said going in semi-daddy bat mode. "What is that anyways?" He picked at the rest of his food and dropped his fork when he heard Dick utter his finding out loud.

"Holy crap!" the words banged around in Bruce's hungover head. He turned to see his son staring in horror at him. "Is there something I should know about, dad?"

Bruce turned in his chair. "What on earth are you talking about?" Jesus, this boy has a really bad habit of being over dramatic. Where does that come from? Maybe Bruce should limit the time that Dick spends with that Wally West boy. There's no way he can be a good influence.

However, the Dark Knight quickly understood what made his son get all flustered. Underneath the toilet paper, was a pregnancy test. And there were two ominous pink lines on it.

x-x-x

"STARK!" Bruce shouted at the top of his lungs which caused Dick to shudder in slight fear. His dad never really raised his voice. Even when they were together fighting side by side. Dad keeps his cool. Always.

A few minutes later, Tony Stark came downstairs still wearing his bathrobe. It was gaudy like his personality. A rich crimson with a vibrant gold lining. The Stark Industries logo was sewn in the front over his heart. He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes with one hand and scratched at his facial hair with the other.

"Christ, Brucie. You're gonna give me a heart attack." he said chuckling at his own joke. Wayne didn't find it all that funny as he held up the pregnancy test in full view.

Bruce seethed. "Anything you wanna explain to me, Anthony?" he asked breathing heavily. Tony's eyes glazed over at the stick.

"What?" Suddenly, something clicked. "Oh. Oh..." Crap. Crap. Crap. Crap! Bruce's eyes darkened as he grabbed Tony by the sleeve and dragged him to the hallway. The playboy didn't fight back as Bruce pinned him to the wall with his forearm to Tony's throat.

"Do you really think I need this crap around my kid, Stark?" he spat with great malice. "Who was it? Sunset Bain? That crazy Russian girl? Or are you still messing around with Pepper? I have no idea what a smart woman like that could possibly see in you."

Tony rolled his crystal eyes as Bruce rambled on and on. There's no way this could possibly be his problem. If there is one thing Tony Stark can say honesty, he is always careful when it comes to contraception. Always. So who could this test possibly belong to? He looked over at his peer who kept asking him question after question.

This couldn't belong to Bruce. The poor guy hasn't had an actual date in ages. Alfred is clearly out of the question. So that only leaves... "Listen, Batsy. We both know that I'm never careless with things like this. How about we take a gander at that kid of yours?"

"You honestly think Richard has something to do with this?" His grip on Stark grew tighter to which the fellow billionaire fought back.

Clearing his throat, Tony shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, I don't like the idea any more than you do, alright? Richard's basically my nephew." he bit his lip and sighed. "But he's sixteen and a lot of sixteen year old boys have girlfriends. You can't keep babying him."

Just then, Bruce's eyes widened as he turned away from Stark and made a bee line towards Dick who was sitting anxiously on the kitchen counter. "Whoa, dad. Is it Uncle Tony's?" he asked innocently as Bruce placed the test in his line of vision with his free hand gripping his shoulder.

"Richard, it's okay. We'll figure it out. I just need to know." he said slowly. "Was is Zatanna? Starfire? Please tell me it wasn't Barbara Gordon! Do you know what will happen if James finds out?!"

"Dad, what are you going on about? That isn't mine." He tried to get out of his father's grip, but Bruce was much stronger than him. Especially in daddy bat mode. Now, Dick did have a thing with Zatanna. Nothing major. A couple of make out sessions here and there. Not that Bruce ever had to know about.

"Then who could it belong to, Richard?! It's surely not mine." Bruce exclaimed. He doesn't make it a habit to sleep with an excessive amount of women. Take them out for dinner? Yes. Woo them? Of course. But sleep with them on the first date? Bruce Wayne is a gentlemen thank you very much.

Stark walked in and sat down at the dinner table and watched the entire ordeal unfold. He hoped that it wasn't in fact Dick's. "Take it easy on him, Brucie. I could be wrong."

The Dark Knight finally seized Dick out of his grasp and took a deep sigh. "If it's not yours, and it's not mine, and it's not Richard's. Then who?!" The three males looked at each other and pondered. The front door closed as Alfred came strolling into the kitchen. He stared at the men.

"What's going on, gentlemen?" he asked confusingly. Master Wayne looked like he through a huge fit. (Something Alfred hasn't seen since Wayne was a child.) Young Richard was staring at the floor nervously tapping his fingers on knobby knees. As for, Stark... Well, he was just sitting down watching all of this with a sly grin on his face.

That's when the old man noticed the pregnancy test in Master Wayne's hand. Oh dear... "Sir, may I ask where you found that?"

"It fell out of one of the bags when you were taking the trash in." Dick said earnestly.

Bruce pinched the bridge of his nose. "I've been going insane trying to figure out who it belongs to. Do you know, Alfred?"

Mr. Pennyworth took a deep breath and stared at his fellow men. "I believe it may belong to me, Sir." All three males turned sharply at the elder. Dick even let out a loud 'WHAT?' Taking time to clear his throat, Alfred licked his bottom lip. "You see, when the three of you were out... I may have had a female friend over."

"Alfred, you're a God." Stark acknowledge. "A million years old and still getting women." He let out a hearty laugh as Bruce and Dick stood in awe.

The butler grabbed the test out of Bruce's hand and disposed of it. "It's possibly just a false positive. I doubt that old girl has it in her anymore." he chuckled. "Now, that's enough for today. Richard, you have plans with Wally today. As for you two." Alfred said pointing at Stark and Wayne. "You've got a whole night of drinking to get over. Upstairs."

Richard grinned as he went to his room to get dressed. "Be good boys, you hear?" he teased at his dad and uncle. Said two were trekking upstairs to their respective rooms in the manor.

"I can't believe that it was Alfred's." Bruce said on the way up. God, he just really hoped that this was all part of some booze induced dream.

Tony smiled as he opened the door to the expensive quarters. "Didn't think the old geezer had it in him."

Alfred's been a naughty boy!

So I hope you guys liked. Melissa and I REALLY appreciate the reviews so please keep 'em coming! Thanks so much for reading. Can't wait for the next update! By the way. Did you guys get the reference?

~Cheyenne~