Oh SNAP

Gah...math sucks. I need an accountant.

"At the rate you're going? I'd say about five years give or take a bit," Reeve says, scribbling some numbers on the corner of a napkin.

I nod my head slowly, glancing around the beach for familiar faces.

Reeve lays down the pen, picking up his coffee and sipping it.

He sighs, licking his lips and putting the cup back down on the table, "So...if you don't mind me asking, Cloud...why do you need to save up so much money? Well, I mean, technically you've got quite the amount already saved...but what's the purpose?"

I slowly turn my gaze to look back at him. He swallows nervously, and glances around before taking another sip of his coffee, and plasters a fake smile on his face.

"So, um, kind of weird, isn't it? What with Cid and Shera actually married and gone."

I nod my head curtly, glancing around.

"They went to some private cabin about fifty miles down the coastline," he gives a chuckle, "Wonder what they're doing, right now..."

"Something personal," I mumble, twisting in my seat to look around.

"What's up with you?" Reeve asks, "You're acting weirder than normal."

I turn my flat gaze back on Reeve, "Thanks."

"Seriously, though, you seem...antsy."

"I have a bad feeling," I say, shrugging it off.

Reeve's eyebrow raises, "A bad feeling? What could possibly happen?"

Don't say things like that dumbass; after people say stupid things like that its when 'what could possibly happen' happens. Der.

I narrow my eyes at him, and he changes the subject again.

"So...the airship should be ready to go in a little while. It's surprising that Cid is actually letting his crew fly it without him."

"I don't think Cid knows."

"Oh...that's why you think something bad is going to happen."

I shrug my shoulders, "Whatever. Thanks, Reeve...can I take that napkin?"

"Oh, uh sure thing. If you want a more accurate answer, stop by my office sometime this week, and I'll give you the details."

"Right," I say, standing slowly.

"You sure you're okay, Cloud?" Reeve asks.

"Yes, I'm fine," I say, turning and walking away.

I give a wave over my shoulder, heading back towards the resort.

Inside the resort I can see Yuffie talking with Tifa and Cecil. Grant is one corner talking to his offspring, and Barret is keeping Denzel and Marlene entertained. Vincent and Nanaki come off the elevator and move towards the desk to check out. That's right, I need to do that. I take a step forward, but am stopped by a small presence.

Benny.

He glares up at me, the slightest rosy pink hue on his skin; not to mention the pink tint to his blonde hair. At least Yuffie did one thing right in her lifetime.

"What?" I ask the boy.

He narrows his eyes in what he believes a menacing glare before replying, "If this isn't gone by Monday, you and your stupid evil friend are going down."

Empty threats, how I laugh at thee.

I cross my arms across my chest and glare down at the little pipsqueak.

He swallows, but stands his ground, "I'm serious. If I have to go to school looking like some type of cotton candy fluff ball, you're both dead."

Listen kid, you brought this on yourself. Not my fault.

"Right," I say, walking past the kid.

"I'm serious!" he yells as I head for the desk.

I make it to the desk where Yuffie and Tifa are leaning on it talking to Cecil.

"Hey," Tifa smiles warmly; she's wearing her blue dress.

I nod my head at her, and turn to Cecil.

I pass everything over to Cecil to check out.

"Oh! I've got to do that too!" Yuffie says, rummaging through her bag and placing a wad of paper on the desk.

Cecil stares at in disbelief, "Er..."

Yuffie grins wide, "Come on, Ce, you can handle it."

"I'm going to go see if we're ready to take off," I say, turning from them.

Outside I learn that it's going to be another half hour before we take off. I sigh, taking our bags up to the airship, and rest on the railing to observe the beach.

It's a nice moment of peace, but of course when Yuffie is around, such peace is not meant to last.

"...um...Cloud?" she asks hesitantly, coming to stand behind me.

I glance at her over my shoulder.

"Uh...I've done something bad."

I narrow my eyes; this does not bode well.

"What?"

"Well..." she pulls on her fingernail.

...dammit what the hell did she do?

"You remember...back when...you and Tifa got stuck in that cave and I had the camera and Vincent said I didn't take a picture but I said I did."

Oh hell, "Yes..."

"Well...I kinda did take it..."

And your point being?

"And, well, when I took all that stuff out of my bag, I think it was with that."

"Wait, why did you even have that picture?"

"To mock you of course, but anyways. So, I went to ask Cecil if he found it, and he said he didn't, but...there had been someone messing with it before he could go through it..."

Oh hell, "Who?"

"Well..." Yuffie bites her lip.

"Hey you guys," Tifa comes up beside of us grinning.

Oh crap oh crap oh crap, "Hey..."

Tifa tilts her head, amusement in her eyes, "Your voice squeaked."

"No...it didn't," I swallow.

Damn my squeaky, betraying voice.

She puts her hands on her hips, "Okay, what's going on...?"

"Er..." Yuffie twists to face away from her.

Oh hell no, I am not getting blamed for this crap.

"It's Yuffie's fault."

"Hey!" Yuffie yells, and smacks my arm.

"Whoa, slow down," Tifa steps between us, "What did you do, Yuffie?"

"Hey! How come you automatically assume that it is my fault, and that I did do something?"

"Because you always do something. I'm just trying to figure out if it really is your fault or not," Tifa sighs.

"Oh," Yuffie says softly, "Well..."

"Um, Cloud?"

I turn, looking down, "What is it, Denzel?"

He glances around frantically, eyeing Tifa nervously, "I...need to talk to you in private."

Tifa raises an eyebrow, "Oh?"

Denzel shrinks under her gaze, but he grabs my arm and pulls me away from the two. He pulls me around a corner, and ducks his head.

"Denzel? What's wrong?"

"Er...ya see...I um, overheard Yuffie talking about the picture–

"What?"

"And I know where it is."

Oh bless the child, "Where?"

"Well," Denzel averts his eyes, "That's the problem. Benny's got it."

Oh.

OH.

SNAP.

My teeth grit together, "Where is the boy?"

"Ehmahgawd! Benny's got it?!" Yuffie screeches.

Bitch! She's eavesdropping! Stupid ninja!

I turn the corner, almost running straight into Yuffie and Tifa.

Tifa's brow wrinkles, "Benny's got what?"

"Er..." Yuffie mumbles.

Dammit.

"It's a picture of you and Cloud in the cave!" Denzel rushes.

Tifa frowns, "What picture?"

Dammit that's right, she was asleep.

"Uh..."

"Cloud, why don't you tell her what picture?" Yuffie asks, crossing her arms.

You took it bitch! You tell her!

"Uh..."

"It's a dishonorable picture, that's all I know. I haven't seen it, but that's what Benny said," Denzel says.

"Wait, wait," Tifa shakes her head, "What cave– oh...no. Wait. Not...the rock cave?" she looks at me with wide eyes.

I nod my head slowly.

She's shaking now, "What...does that...picture...?"

Yuffie clamps down on Denzel's ears, and barks out, "You're in Cloud's shirt and only his shirt and he's squeezing your butt!"

Which I bet was kind of flashing the camera.

"And you could kind of see the cheeks!" Yuffie tacks on.

DAMMIT.

Tifa's turning very pale, very, very pale. She's shaking now, and she looks at me.

"Did you know...?"

I shake my head.

"Bullshit! You were awake when I took that picture!"

Tifa turns on Yuffie, "So you took it?!"

"He squeezed your butt and he was awake!"

She looks at me, and I'm at a loss for words.

I didn't mean to!

Well..I didn't mean to right when Yuffie was taking a picture!

Crap.

Tifa glares at me with fire in her eyes, with impending doom for a certain blonde-haired, blue-eyed male.

I think that's me.

She's got that 'I'm totally busting out my gloves for this one' look all over her face.

Oh son of a bitch! Are those her gloves?! Where the hell did she put them in that dress?!

As every great warrior knows, there are some battles you know you can win, and some battles you know you will lose. In the second case, you haul ass and get the hell out of there.

RUN AWAY!

"I...have to go ...to the bathroom," I say, grabbing Denzel's shoulder for protection and moving quickly across the floor.

"Oh no you don't!" Tifa spits, "Get back here Strife!"

"Run, Cloud," Denzel hisses out of the corner of his mouth, "I'll hold her back."

Denzel, so brave, but I can't do that to him.

"I can't."

"Go!" Denzel hisses.

Bam!

"Oof!"

Looks like I didn't get much say in the matter. See, what happened there? Tifa tackled me. We end up on the floor, and my head swims for a moment before I feel a sturdy force on my waist.

Now she's straddling my waist, and any other time I'd be fine with this, but considering circumstances...

This may not end well.

Now I know why I had a bad feeling.

She grabs my shirt, "Why didn't you tell me she took a picture?"

"It didn't seem important at the time–

"What?! I'm a highly respected mother figure in the community, and that scandalous picture is now in the hands of prepubescent boy!"

Denzel glances at Yuffie, "What does prepubescent mean?"

"You're not old enough, that's what it means," Yuffie mutters.

"You have got to get that picture back! Both of you! I don't care what it takes! I don't care if he shaves both of your heads!" Tifa says.

"What?! Why me?!" Yuffie yells.

"Because you took it! Oh! Oh no! Do you realize that my butt has been exposed to a young boy?! I'm doomed!" Tifa's head falls forward onto my chest.

"Tifa," I say softly, touching her arm.

She flinches, her voice muffled through my chest, "Don't touch me."

"...You're sitting on top of me."

"Shut up, Cloud."

I clamp my mouth shut.

"So! This is how my son got this picture!"

Oh bloody freaking hell.

Tifa sits bolt up, and practically falls off of me.

"Carla!" Tifa squeaks.

Yes, it is Carla, dragging her son in by his ear, and a photo clinched tightly in her other hand.

"I cannot believe you two conduct yourselves this way! And in front of another boy!"

"Oh, please, Carla, it...we were asleep! Our friend did it as a joke–

Carla covers Benny's ears, "Practically handing out pornographic pictures to small children!"

Tifa flushes bright crimson, "It is not that extreme."

Denzel looks at Yuffie, "What's pornographic mean?"

Oh dammit. I am not ready to have that conversation.

Yuffie squeaks.

Tifa stands suddenly, "You're just as bad! See what you've done? Exposing my son to that!"

"Son?" Denzel asks.

"Son?" I ask.

"Son?!" Yuffie squawks.

"If anyone needs to learn how to be a mother, it is you, ma'am. Discipline your child so that maybe people wouldn't have to dunk him in a vat of pink dye! Maybe then he'd learn it is wrong to take people's things, and that it is wrong to shave people's heads!" Tifa vehemently preaches, "Now, me and my family are going to go down stairs, and I'll take that picture!"

Carla holds it out blankly, and Tifa takes it sharply.

"Thank you," she says tartly, "Have a nice day. Come on Cloud, Denzel."

"What about me?" Yuffie asks.

Tifa doesn't even glance over her shoulder, "I'm not talking to you."

"I'm still coming!" Yuffie says, darting around Carla.

"Fine," Tifa grumbles.

That's my girl...she don't take shit from nobody...nobody.

"Cloud! Hurry up! I still have my gloves on!"

Especially not from me.

A/N: I am SO SO sorry it took so long to get this out. I want to hug all of you in apology! I AM SO SORREH! It's just been getting into a grove w/ classes, and drama shrama. UGH. For some reason I find Cloud saying 'Oh snap' highly entertaining. Anyways, I love you all! I'm so tired; I've got to get up at 7, and it's 12:20..ERK! BED TIME. Good night!