Stewie and Jillian walked in to the clam, holding hands.
They stood inside of the bar, at the entrance.
"Don't we have to seat ourselves" Jillian asked.
"No, no, I'm sure they'll have someone here to seat us" Stewie replied, waiting for a matradee.
Stewie started to get annoyed when several servers had passed him and were busy doing other things.
"Excuse me, sir" Stewie called, grabbing the attention of Opie who was passing by.
Opie was a mentally handicapped man, who worked with Peter at the Pawtucket beer factory.
"Yes sir, my date and I have been waiting a very long time and we would like to be seated" Stewie snapped, annoyed at Opie's appearance.
Opie babbled something that Stewie couldn't make out and ran off.
"I can't believe this place" Stewie remarked, rolling his eyes.
Stewie and Jillian then sat at a booth table and waited for a server.
Jillian sat down comfortably, waiting for Stewie to do the same. Instead Stewie sat down next to her, but got jelly on his newly acquired fur.
"Damn it, son of bitch" shouted Stewie, peeling his fur from the seat.
"Brian, are you ok" Jillian asked.
"Do you think I'm ok, I have jelly smeared all over my ass, which isn't even half as bad as my tail which won't stop wagging and I always have this strange urge to raid Lois's underwear draw" snapped Stewie.
Jillian began tearing up.
"No, come on Jillian" Stewie comforted her, trying to do what Brian would. "You want to play with my dinosaur toys?"
Jillian nodded her head, and Stewie placed a small, tin box on the table.
"This is a tyrannosaurus Rex" Stewie told her, handing his date the toy. "What our favorite kind of Dinosaur"
"The Thesaurus" responded Jillian.
Stewie slapped his forehead and ran his hand down his face.
The scene cuts to Brian, in Stewie body at the Griffin's house.
"What the hell, why do I have a strange urge to eat legos" Brian wondered, trying to adjust to Stewie's stubby legs. "His legs are so short, how the hell does he get around"
Brian tumbled over on his head.
"And his head outweighs the rest of his body" complained Brian, balancing his weight.
"Here honey, I'll put on your shows" Lois said, picking Brian up and bringing his to the living room. "Do you want to watch Elmo?"
"No thank you, can I watch Wings" Brian asked.
"Ok sweetie, here's Elmo" Lois replied, not being about to understand Brian.
"Huh, it seems that she doesn't understand how Stewie talks" Brian wondered. "No wonder why she hasn't called a therapist for him yet"
Brian started watching the television screen, which featured talking muppets.
"These wonderfully orchestrated songs and colorful characters" thought Brian, unable to look away. "It's irresistible"
Brian soon learned that being Stewie may not be as easy as he thought, but it still was a simple life.
The scene cuts away to Stewie and Jillian sitting at the drunken Clam. The two are surrounded by a stack of beer bottles. Both were very drunk and Stewie was very tired of being up past his usual bedtime.
"So then I said if you just lick it, it'll last longer" remarked Stewie, ending a joke that he had made up.
Both of them laughed together and then started passionately kissing.
"Hey Brian, how about we go back to my place" suggested Jillian, rubbing Stewie's head.
The scene cuts to Jillian and Stewie in bed.
"Ok, think Stewie, what would Brian do" Stewie thought as Jillian impatiently waited for him.
"So do you want to play monopoly" shot Stewie, thinking that would be the right thing to say.
"I was thinking more on the lines of this" replied Jillian, kissing him again.
"Yes, touching tongues is great, but what do you and Brian do most of the time" Stewie inquired.
"Wait…what do you mean Brian" Jillian responded, confused.
"I mean what do we usually do" Stewie said, correcting himself.
"Well the first thing is" started Jillian, closing the lights.
After a couple of minutes Jillian turned the lights to her apartment back on and sat up on her bed.
"So…that was sex" Stewie confidently said. "That was awesome. And you were almost as aggressive as Hitler was."
The scene cuts to Hitler at a table with two Nazi officers.
"Hey anybody want to hear a joke" Hitler asked.
"Yeah, sure, what is it" the officer replied.
"Why are Yankee dollars green?" Hitler began. "Because Jews pick them before they're ripe"
All three men laugh and hit the table.
"No but seriously kill every one of them" demanded Hitler.
The scene cuts to the Drunken Clam, where Peter and Joe sat at a table, drinking and laughing.
"Hey Horace, another Pat please" Peter ordered, still laughing.
"The rest of the beers that you guys drink are on the house" Horace answered back, handing the two men their drinks.
"Hey, thanks a lot Horace" Peter replied, gulping down his beer.
"No problem Pete, you Quagmire and Joe re my most loyal customers" exclaimed Horace. "Hey where is the little delinquent"
"In jail, he was caught drugging and contemplating to rape a teenage girl' Joe expressed. "Peter's daughter to be exact"
"And you're not mad at him" Horace asked.
"No, not at all, Quagmire's my pal, and I'm sure that he would have taken great care of her" assured Peter.
Horace walked away, leaving the two friends clanking beers in a toast.
"To the Clam" Peter shouted. "The place where we can get away life for a while"
All of the men in the bar cried "The Clam" and sipped their beers. It was a great place to enjoy with friends, enjoy with alcohol and enjoy during a hangover.
It had been about 17 beers in when Peter and Joe finally realized that they were wasted.
"Peter…Peter…whose gonna drive us" Joe asked while lying on the floor.
"I don't know but ah…I'm…wow, I…I like fast foods"
Joe threw up on the floor and Peter fell next to him.
Peter then got up, wobbling while he limped to the counter.
"Another Patriot Ale please" Peter asked, while throwing up on the counter."I feel worse than Spider Man did after getting his new black suit"
The scene cuts away to a Spider Man, lying on his bed, allowing the black suit to attach itself to his body.
"Alright, now to check this bad boy out" Spider Man exclaimed, pulling his pants down.
"Aw damn it" he yelled at the sight of himself. "It didn't work"