"No guys, you two are so drunk that you can barely walk" Horace argued as Peter and Joe asked for my booze.
"Please Horace, just one more drop" Peter pled.
"Come on, can we please jus have another one each" begged Joe.
"You son of a bitch, you think that you can drink more than me" Peter yelled.
"What if I do" Joe questioned, starring Peter down.
Peter punched Joe in the face and then crawled away. Joe crawled towards him, held his leg, and twisted it.
Peter screamed in pain and held his leg. Joe turned a table over and pushed it over on Peter.
Peter then threw up on Joe's face and smashed a beer bottle over his head. Joe held his bleeding head and punched Peter in the groin.
Peter stood up and kicked his friend in the face before falling over himself.
Joe, who was filled with anger loaded his hand gun and pointed it at Peter.
"No blaster, no blasters" Horace screamed and hid under the counter.
"Joe, what the hell are you doing" asked Peter, feeling betrayed by his friend.
Joe placed the gun down and started to cry. Peter joined him and they both started crying and hugging each other.
Horace took out his phone and started recording the scene that was before him.
"This is going on YouTube fellas" chuckled Horace. "This is even funnier than that video with those fat people falling"
Back at the Griffin's house, Joe and Peter sat down on a couch.
Lois and Bonnie applied carbon peroxide on the two men's wounds.
"I am extremely disappointed in both of you" Lois complained. "But I'm not surprised, that's what alcohol does, it makes smart people stupid and stupid people republicans"
"You two could have killed yourselves" added Bonnie, who pressed a cotton swab on Joe's forehead. "And you both have to go to court on Tuesday"
"What, why" Peter asked.
"Because Quagmire tried to rape Meg and you are her father Peter" Lois explained. "And what is even worse than that is that neither of you are going to drink again"
"No way Lois, you know that drinking is my favorite past time" replied Peter, who was very upset by Lois's demands.
"Well boys we knew that this would be hard for you" Bonnie said. "So we'll give you a choice, us or beer"
The scene cuts away to Peter and Joe at the Clam.
"I sure do miss Lois" Peter remarked, drinking some of his beer.
"Yup, the singles life is good" added Joe, who had finished his drink.
The scene turned out to be a flipbook.
"Hey Lois" chuckled Peter, holding a small book of him and Joe at the Clam. "It's an optical illusion"
"That's great Peter, but you have to go to court later today, and you need to try out your suit" nagged Lois, ironing Peter's outfit.
At the courtroom, Bruce was standing, facing the jury.
"Ok y'all, I'm representing the defense" he announced, twisting his mustache.
"Alright, so let's get this thing wrapped up because I'm not missing my Desperate Housewives" the judge stated.
Joe wheeled up to the front of the courtroom.
"People of the jury, this man has a record of raping and drugging people before" sneered Joe, pointing at Quagmire.
"Joe, what are you doing, you're my best friend" Quagmire cried.
"The job comes first Quagmire" Joe replied.
"Sir, in my defense, I only drugged the girl because she wouldn't shut up about stupid teen dramas" Quagmire complained to the judge. "I mean she talked about this show Degrassi all day. And the only reason why I drugged myself is because she's really ugly"
"Really, do you have a picture" the judge asked.
"Yup, right here" Quagmire responded, pulling as picture of Meg out of his pants.
The judge screamed in terror and hid his face.
"Judge, does it matter this girl's physical attraction, even though she looks like a disfigured version of Robert De Niro" Joe pointed out. "The fact is that he drugged her, and he is now admitting to drugging himself".
"Ladies and gents, 'specially the gents" Bruce giggled. "May I remind the court that this officer hangs out with the defendant? There is also footage of the officer brutally attacking a man in a bar"
Bruce placed a laptop on a table, in front of the jury and turned the video on.
The screen portrayed Peter and Joe beating each other up and then hugging each other.
"What a couple of queers" a voice from the back of the room shouted.
"You better be going somewhere with this" the judge boomed.
"Well it's already gotten a couple thousand views, and it is promoting a police officer getting drunk and beating a civilian up while on the job" Bruce responded, still playing the video.
"Objection, this has nothing to do with the case at hand" shouted Joe, who was severely embarrassed by the video.
"Well Mr. Swanson, he does have a point, it was the same night that you arrested the accused man, how do I know that you weren't drunk when you made the arrest" questioned the judge.
"Well…sir…I" rambled Joe.
"Exactly" the judge responded. "Mr. Quagmire, you are free to go, and Mr. Swanson, you are hereby on extended absence of your police duties"
"Yes" Quagmire screamed, running out of the courtroom with a smile.
Peter patted Joe on the shoulder and the two left the courtroom.
"Wow, I haven't felt this bad since that time I went to a Mensa meeting" Peter said.
The scene cuts to Peter at a table next to several older men.
"Giraffiti" a man asked."That's not even a word"
"Yes it is, you're just jealous because I made it up first" answered Peter.
"And what is it suppose to mean" the man shot back.
"When some on spray paints on a very tall area" Peter responded.
"Just get the hell out of here" another man yelled.
Back at the Swanson's house, Joe sat on his couch, sulking.
"Joe, wallowing about your problems isn't very helpful right now" said Bonnie, sitting down next to him. "You need to find another line of work"
"I don't even know where to start" Joe sighed.
"You could always be an IMAX screen cleaner" Bonnie replied.
The scene cuts to Joe, sitting on a latter, wiping a theatre screen.
As he was climbing down the latter, with his lifeless legs swinging in the air, the THX logo appeared on the IMAX screen and its load, booming sound threw Joe off of the latter and in to the audience.