The Incident Part II

That was nice.

My eyes open slowly, hearing birds singing outside of my window; that's a nice change. Usually I hear the dump truck. I guess they're running late this morning... I glance at the clock; or I am, at least. Wow, been a while since I've slept in this late. Course, it was a tiring night...after that whole thing with the stupid bachelorette party. And...other activities. Ahem...yes, moving on.

It's warm in the bed. That's one thing I've always loved about Tifa's bed. She's got a kick ass bed. I'm like, swallowed in her blanket. I don't see how she can get out of it every morning.

However I am alone.

And this perturbs me.

Greatly.

Usually I wake up before Tifa or with her so I can at least get a little moment. By moment I mean just laying there while she sleeps in my arms.

Yes I can be a sap. So sue me.

I take a deep breath, relaxing back down into my pillow to listen to the house. I can hear someone in the shower. It must be Tifa. I also hear movements downstairs. I'm surprised the kids haven't woken me up yet. Tifa must have let me sleep in, or kept them from waking me up. Or something more interesting got in the way.

Well...if it's like that then...

Heh... I guess I'll go say good morning.

I sit up quickly, because if I give myself time to think about actually getting out of bed I won't get up. I scratch the back of my head, finding my pajama pants and putting them on. I stand slowly and slip on Tifa's slippers (fuzzy, bright purple ducks. I can work these...I'm damn sexy) and shuffle across the floor slowly out of our room and towards the bathroom. Out in the hall I can hear Denzel and Marlene laughing about something; they sound excited but more importantly I know it's her in the shower.

I open the bathroom door slowly, peeking my head inside. The shower is going steadily, but before I make my presence known, I'm going to brush my teeth. Nothing like a nice good morning kiss tasting like I barfed in my mouth.

Nice.

After brushing my teeth, I tiptoe up to the curtain smirking slightly. I'm going to scare the crap out of her. She'll try to kill me, but I won't give her the chance. I'll woo her with my sexiness. I tell you, I'm rocking these slippers.

Okay, not really, but that's beside the point.

I really need some slippers. Or some bed socks.

That sounds stupid though...

What the hell am I thinking about bed socks and slippers for? I have more important things here at hand.

I reach up slowly, placing my hands on the curtain and in one swift and unthinking movement I yank the curtain back.

OH! Ouch! My eyes! No! I'm blind!

Why?! Why me?! Why freaking me?! What did I do to deserve this shit?!

You never freaking learn, Strife. If it didn't work the first time, it probably won't work the second time.

That is most certainly not Tifa.

"Huh?"

I'm like a deer caught in headlights. Hell, it's like a car wreck. You want to look away but you can't. It's just that bad

There's a moment of silence and stuttering, jaw dropping incomprehension.

And then...then it clicks.

Oh shit.

OH shit

"WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!"

I am reduced to sheer, animal instinct in order to escape with my life, and all my body parts intact.

Run run run run run-run for your freaking life-run run run run run–

"You bastard! I'm going to kill you!"

I tear out of the bathroom at top speed, well, as much speed as one can get in about four feet. I bounce off the wall to keep my speed up, wincing when the wood cracks beneath my shoulder. I can hear the shower being turned off, but more importantly (because this has to do with me keeping my life) loud, thunderous footsteps getting closer.

Run run run run-what is wrong with you?! Run faster you idiot-run run run–

"Spike!"

SHIT run run run run run run run–

I thunder down the steps, taking them two at a time. I'm surprised the slippers have survived so far. These things are weak; I should've burned through the soles at the speed I'm going.

I'm just glad I didn't think about reaching out and grabbing 'her' when I opened the curtain. That will save me some grief.

"I'm going to tear you apart!"

Or at least some limbs.

I hit the bottom floor running, but my slippers fight for a grip on the slick floor. In that moment of stationary running...well, more like frantic scrambling, I see Denzel and Marlene staring at me with open shock and what do you freaking know? Why it's Tifa, and she's standing before the stove with a confused look on her face and not in the shower. That would've been useful information about five minutes ago.

"Nice slippers Cloud." I hear Denzel say before I take off towards the door.

Yeah, I'll get you back for that comment later. I'm just a tad bit busy right now keeping myself alive. You know, priorities and everything.

"Stop him! Stop his stupid ass!"

Shit shit shit shit.

And of course the dutiful daughter does stop me. Thanks a lot Marlene.

And she's awfully conniving about it. Marlene extends her leg and kicks a chair out in front of me only just so slightly. I go down hard and roll onto my back.

"Daddy's here." Marlene says sweetly staring down at me. "I think he wants to talk to you."

Thanks for that memo, Marlene.

"Cloud? What on earth is going on?" Tifa asks, heading towards me.

She stops short though as a giant, white and black blur appears in the doorway.

"Oh hell no!" Barret has arrived on the scene wrapped in a large, fluffy white robe. "Don't you dare protect his scrawny little ass! He's going to die." Barret pauses, spotting Marlene. "And he made me curse in front of my little girl. His death will be a painful one," he spits, his eyes practically on fire.

Trust me buddy, I did not appreciate the view. It certainly was not what I was expecting.

"What happened?" Tifa asked, planting her hands on her hips.

That's right...please stick up for me. Protect me long enough so that I can escape unnoticed.

"He–

Barret cuts off, turning red, and lowers his voice.

He hisses, "He opened the curtain..."

"What?" Tifa asks, confused.

"He opened the curtain. I think you've experienced this at least once...and probably more judging by his behavior."

Hey in my defense I thought it was Tifa. Honest mistake. It's hard to tell the difference between a thin, brunette woman and a large, burly man when there's a curtain in the way, okay?

No I wasn't paying attention to the silhouette so shut your mouth.

"Wha–...oh. Oh. Cloud!" Tifa spits, turning her glare towards me.

I didn't do it on purpose, I swear! Who would do that on purpose?!

"What?" I ask.

Great job, mouth. You just dug our hole deeper.

"What? What do you mean what?"

What is what I mean, woman.

"Cloud!"

Fuck...mouth to mind filter did not work on that one.

Barret crosses his arms smugly. "Yeah, now ya going to get it."

"Shut up Barret. You stay out of this."

"Yes ma'am."

Ha! Told! You got told.

Well, crap, now it's my turn.

"Cloud, you just don't go around opening shower curtains on people, and don't you dare call me 'woman' in that tone."

Great, I'm getting treated like a four year old by my fiancé. That's got to be promising.

"Wait...why was Cloud opening shower curtains in the first place?" Marlene asks, looking genuinely confused.

Awkward...

"Er..."

"Um, he was going to clean it, Marlene. He didn't realize your papa was in it."

Nice lie, Tifa. That's totally believable.

"Yeah, sweetie, it was just an accident." Barret tries to reassure her.

Marlene gets a stern look on her face. "Then you shouldn't be giving him such a hard time, papa," she scolds. "It was just an accident after all."

Hell yes Marlene. Thank you. It was an accident. I meant to open the curtain but not on that. Ugh. How have I not hurled yet?

"Accident...wrong curtain if you ask me," Barret mutters.

I glare at him.

It was the wrong curtain...well, right curtain wrong person.

Wrong person.

Ew.

Shudder.

Shit, now I'm thinking about the time I pictured Barret in a dress which is not helping these mental images at all. Yeah, can't burn that one off the skull. It's imprinted there for life.

It's not fair! It doesn't matter if he's seen me naked, I'm better looking, and younger.

It's Barret for crying out loud.

Who do you honestly think suffered more here? I was expecting to see Tifa. Ti-fa. Not Barret. Shit.

"Why don't you two go watch some TV, okay?" Tifa prompts. "I'll call you when breakfast is ready."

That sends the kids running to the other room quickly without question.

But it also returns all attention to me. I'm getting tired of the spotlight, people.

Barret points a menacing finger at me. "I'll get you back for this."

I'd find that more intimidating if he wasn't in a robe. Course if I tried to intimidate anyone in these slippers it probably wouldn't work very well either.

I probably would've gotten away with it if wasn't for these damn slippers. No traction what so ever.

Barret turns around and heads back up the stairs, cussing and muttering the entire way up.

Tifa glances at me and sighs.

"You're crazy," she says, turning back to the stove.

There's probably some truth there. I won't deny it.

"It was an accident."

"I believe that."

Burn.

I sigh. She won't even help me up. It was an accident! It's not like I opened the shower up on another woman–

Oh...woman.

I should just stay on this floor and rot cause I'm obviously not succeeding at anything else.

I scratch the back of my head nervously. I've insulted her, and no one will hold a grudge like a woman. I just called her what she was! She is a woman, and that wasn't even supposed to go to my mouth. That was supposed to be stopped at 'Things you don't even think about fucking saying'. This is dangerous if my mouth-to-mind filter is broken, though.

Crap. One more problem to fix.

"...sorry..."

Tifa t urns slightly. "Did you say something?"

Oh you heard me woman, you know perfectly well I said something.

Oh thank God that one filtered.

"I said sorry," I sigh.

"For what? You should be apologizing to Barret, not me."

Oh drag it out, get your fill.

"Sorry..."

Tifa sighs, glancing at me again. "Fine."

Fine what? Fine I'm forgiven? Fine I'm sorry but sorry you aren't forgiven?

"Fine?"

She shrugs. "Fine."

Don't be difficult! I've had a trying enough morning as it is!

Question.

"Why was Barret in the shower?"

Tifa gives a little laugh. "You missed it. I was making pancakes, this is my second batch. Marlene accidentally gave her father a pancake batter bath."

"...how?"

"She was aiming for Denzel."

"Oh." Shouldn't we be trying to teach our children not to throw pancake batter at each other?

She sighs. "I know I should've woken you up this morning, but I knew you were tired and you looked so content sleeping."

She glances at me and smiles, and looks away.

Forgiven.

She shakes her head. "I swear Cloud, I don't know what to do with you sometimes."

Accept the fact that I'm an idiot? And a tad bit crazy?

"Are you ever going to get up off the floor?"

"Oh...yeah."

I stand slowly heading towards her. "You know...it was an accident."

Tifa rolls her eyes. "Duh. Of course I do. Think things through...I know that's hard for you."

Ouch. Maybe I'm not quite as forgive as I thought.

"Just be more careful next time, okay?"

"I don't think there will be a next time."

"Why?"

"I think he'll remember to lock the door."

A/N: BOWS down to the awesomeness of her reviewers. BOWS! I got 49 reviews for the last chapter. I cannot tell you how much I appreciate it. I can't believe we're almost to 1300. That's insanity! But I love insanity, so it's all good. At first it actually was going to be Tifa in the shower, but where's the fun in that? And obviously the "Incident Part II" should make more sense. Once again, I apologize for such a LATE update. I'm sorry, it's just been so freaking hectic! Those of you that know school and work will understand this. I'm always looking at these stories like, why don't they update?! But I understand, it's a crazy world. Anyways, I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and as always, I love you guys, and your reviews! Till next time, loves!

Also thanks to those who read Rita Boltspirit XD