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That night – and all through the early hours of the morning – I lay awake for hours, thinking. To be completely honest, I was mostly thinking about Bella.
She intrigued me, with her intoxicating scent and angelic face and radiant smile. Just imagining her made me feel strange… I couldn't quite place the emotion. I drifted back onto the bed, clasping my hands together over my stomach.
At that moment, I became aware of footsteps quickly approaching and sat up. Alice burst through the door, smirking.
"Don't think I didn't see you with that dreamy smile on your face," she said.
"What are you talking about, Alice?" I asked, trying to sound contemptuous.
"Oh, sure," she grinned knowingly. "Just pretend I didn't notice. And I know what it's about, too."
"And what would that be?" I said lazily.
"Someone whose name begins with a B…" she stopped and looked at me pointedly. "Don't tell me I have to go on."
"Bella?" I asked casually.
"Bravo, bravo!" she cried, and clapped her hands. "Edward's in love…" she sighed happily.
"Bella," I growled, "Is a friend."
"Right, just like Jasper's my friend," she said, patting my arm and nodding knowingly. "It's alright, Edward, it'll just be our little secret." She skipped away through the doorway.
I scowled at her back before laying back down on the bed. I put my hands behind my head and frowned, thinking. Was that how I thought of Bella? I couldn't be sure; after all, I'd never been in love before.
But no, that couldn't be what I felt. It was… brotherly love. Yes, I was sure of it. Romantic love was something I didn't plan to ever be involved in.
A mere friendship wouldn't harm anyone, would it? Still, I would have to be careful; I couldn't forget what a danger I was to her.
I would never be able to forgive myself if I lost control around her. After all, it would go against what Carlisle had taught me. Yes, it would be best for both of us if I stayed away.
My alarm clock rang with a shrill buzzing, and I woke form my trance with a start. I hadn't realized how late I was running. I quickly got dressed and hurried down the stairs, not bothering to brush my hair.
"Hmm, someone's running late," Alice commented with a devilish grin on her face. "Dreaming about someone, Edward?"
"What's this?" Esme appeared in the doorway, watching me with an interested expression on her face.
"Nothing," I snarled, glaring at Alice. "I've got to go."
I slammed the door behind me, stalking over to my Volvo and settling myself into the driver's seat with a sigh. I turned on the CD player and began the drove to school, determinedly focusing on John Mayer's silky voice.
I was able to make it through the first few periods of the day without any thoughts of
Bella. However, at lunch, I found my eyes inexplicably drawn to her face. Every time I looked her way, our eyes met, and we both looked down simultaneously.
I could feel a strange connection to her, even when we didn't make eye contact. It was as if we were both acutely aware of each other's presence, even from across opposite ends of the cafeteria.
I spent the time trying to keep myself from looking at her and picking my lunch to pieces. When the bell rang, I considered skipping class, but decided against it. I would have to face her eventually.
For some reason, as soon as I saw her sitting at the lab bench, a smile drifted onto my face. I quickly turned my expression neutral as I walked over.
"Hello," she said, smiling. I tried hard not to smile in return, but couldn't quite manage.
"Hello," I replied.
"How are you?" she asked earnestly. Again, I couldn't help but smile. What was wrong with me?
"I'm fine, thank you," I said. "And how are you today?"
"I'm alright," she said, a faint, rosy blush creeping up her cheeks. I grimaced in consternation and turned my head away.
"Are you okay?" I heard her ask. I was suddenly aware of her lovely voice as it rang in my ear, and I shook my head to clear it.
"I'm… fine." I said through clenched teeth.
"Alright," she said quietly, and her scent faded away slightly as she retreated back into her seat.
"Hey, Bella!" My head whipped around as I saw Mike Newton approach the desk, a foolish grin plastered on his face.
"Oh… er, hi, Mike," Bella replied. I couldn't help but notice that her tone was rather unenthusiastic.
"So," he said, lowering his head closer to hers – was it my imagination, or did she recoil slightly? – "Y'know, there's a dance coming up."
"Oh, really?" I heard her ask halfheartedly.
"Yup," Mike said, nodding vigorously. "I was wondering… did you want to go with me?"
At the words, I felt an incredible rush of unadulterated fury surge through my veins. My hands balled into fists under the desk. I had an overwhelming urge to reach over, to crush his head to a pulp.
Why was I feeling this way? What was causing this irresistible desire I had to severely injure him?
I quickly invaded Bella's thoughts, desperate to hear her answer. To my intense relief, she was absolutely revolted.
Oh, god, this is disgusting. What am I supposed to say?
"Er… Mike… I'm not sure that I can do that. I mean, I don't think it would be fair to Jessica," Bella said kindly.
"Jessica?" Mike cocked his head at her like a stupid little puppy, looking confused.
"Yes, Jessica. She likes you, Mike. I wouldn't be a true friend if I did that to her."
"Oh. Um…" He paused uncertainly. "Alright, then. I guess I'll see you later." I watched him walk away with a savage pleasure burning in my chest.
Bella and I exhaled simultaneously and immediately made eye contact. She gave a weak smile, and I laughed quietly.
"Unfair to Jessica?" I repeated.
"Why, yes," she said in mock indignation. "Of course."
"Are you sure there isn't… some other reason?" I said.
"Well, no… should there be one?" she asked mischievously.
If I had been human, I would have turned red. As it was, I merely felt embarrassed, although I wasn't sure why. After all, I'd just been asking to make her feel guilty about lying to Mike.
Right? Alice's words rang in my head.
Edward's in love…
Could I be? Was it possible? I really wasn't sure. But something drew me to Bella, something besides the scent of her blood. The way she smiled, the lilting tone of her voice, her intriguing thoughts and intelligent mind…
Perhaps Alice was right. Maybe I was in love. But I was a monster… while Bella was an angel. I knew it would be wrong to become closer to her, but I couldn't seem to restrain my desperate need to speak to her, to get to know her…
Love, I decided, was far more complicated than even Shakespeare made it out to be.