CHAPTER 2

It must have been around three in the morning when she had been woken from her sleep by Beth. The sedatives that Lucas had given her were still in her system and it was a little while before she was fully able to focus on where she was, what the time was, what the noise was and what the situation was. Oh no. It hit with a sudden rush. Harry was gone and their parting had been far from ideal. She lay there still in bed and strained her ears. Beth seemed to be downstairs talking to someone. And yet all she could hear was Beth's voice. Of course, a phone conversation. It was strange how long it was taking her to figure out such basic stuff. She took a deep breath. The phone call must be about Harry and the latest news. She figured Beth wouldn't come to wake her with the news they were both expecting so she decided to go downstairs to find out for herself. As she sat on the edge of the bed she felt the tears fall again. She might as well be comfy because the rest of her life was about to be confirmed as one of heart break so she slipped on the pyjamas she had left lying around that morning. Tip toeing down the stairs she could hear Beth's voice more clearly. Her heart was racing with the inevitable news that Beth was about to relay.

'Yes, thank you Malcolm, I'll let her know' and Beth's conversation ended.

Ruth sank to her knees at the bottom of the stairs. At least it had been Malcolm that had sent the news. He was after all the only person who really knew that there had ever been anything between her and Harry. And even then she had done her best to persuade him that he had been mistaken. Malcolm in all his clumsy kindness would have given the snippets of information that he knew she would so desperately need. Her erratic breathing brought Beth out of the kitchen.

She looked down at her friend with slight confusion. Yes Harry was a good boss and she loved her work on the grid but she wasn't sure she could ever feel like this if either Harry or someone else were to be in mortal danger. Maybe Ruth was just having a bit of a weak moment. None the less weak moments hurt like hell so she sat down next to her and put an arm round her.

'Beth just tell me quick' gasped Ruth in between sobs 'has Harry only just died? What's happening to Lucas? How did Harry die and...'

'Ruth' Beth forcefully interrupted 'look at me' and she waited while Ruth turned her tear stained face and red eyes in Beth's direction

'Harry is fine. He's been at the hospital with mild concussion but they have just let him go home. Malcolm is driving him now.' She paused to let this news sink in and waited for the inevitable whys and hows

'But how? I mean what? 'Stammered Ruth as the first glimmer of hope was allowed to sink into her heart

'Seems Lucas bottled it, couldn't pull the trigger, took the coward's way out and jumped' said Beth

'He wasn't pushed or anything?' asked Ruth and she hardly could believe she was asking such a thing. She supposed she just wanted to make sure she knew exactly what was going on. She wanted to make sure no suspicion lay at Harry's door. He had quite enough to contend with as it was.

'No no, CCTV footage confirms he jumped. I think that's why they held Harry at the hospital for so long so they could glean exactly what had happened up on the roof. Not that he hasn't got a nasty gash to his right eye. Should look pretty terrible in the morning Malcolm said.' Beth smiled and it brought the ghost of a smile from Ruth.

'And what's going to happen to Harry now?' Asked Ruth. Surely Harry was in for a worse time than if he himself had jumped.

' well seems that protocol states he must stay at his job till the powers that be find out and only when they suspend him will he have to leave. Malcolm says it's going to be a bumpy few days ahead while the whole thing comes to light'

'You can say that again' Ruth almost laughed as the relief that Harry was still in one piece flooded her soul. All this bottled up love that had finally sprung to the surface might one day be able to be relayed to him, though when that moment might arise she couldn't possibly say.

'Cup of hot sweet tea?' Beth asked. 'I think we both need it.'

The memory of hot sweet tea made (or at least started) by Harry made the idea even better and more fitting for the occasion.

'Absolutely' was her reply 'so will Harry be in tomorrow morning?'

'Seems so' said Beth 'unless his head is too painful but Malcolm reckoned that knowing harry he would be in. Seemed to think there were things harry wanted to leave in order till the inevitable suspension.'

'Of course' said Ruth trying hard to sound indifferent.

Beth made the tea and Ruth opened a packet of biscuits. It reminded Ruth of times at uni when she had stayed up all night chatting or being a shoulder to cry on for some heartbroken flat mate. She couldn't remember the last time she had chatted girl to girl and the prospect thrilled her. The comfort she had found in the news that harry was ok seemed to spur her on. Perhaps she could confide in Beth. Well maybe. Let's see where the conversation takes us she thought

Meanwhile...

Malcolm was just ending the conversation with Beth when he spotted Harry walking through the hospital exit towards the car.

'Just rung around to tell everyone the news' he said as harry got in. He wasn't quite sure where to take the conversation. Harry had been through one hell of a day and Malcolm wasn't stupid. He was fairly certain that Harry's actions were because he had never managed to stop loving Ruth. However that part of the conversation could wait. 'How are you feeling?'

'Exhausted, groggy, shattered. Mind you it's nothing a whiskey can't sort out' harry added trying to make light of a situation which really was about as bad as it gets. Albany was winging its way to the Chinese who were yet to find out it was nothing but a hoax. The 2 men were silent, then harry spoke

'Its like waiting for the proverbial to hit the fan but not knowing exactly when, how bad it's going to be and how far it might spread and yet there is nothing you can do to stop it!'

'Glad you can make light of it Harry' said Malcolm smiling. He had missed the banter the 2 of them used to have in years passed

'Did I do the right thing Malcolm?' harry asked suddenly and it was clear from the tension in his voice that Malcolm's answer meant everything

'Yes, personally I do' was his reply but he continued 'but many others will see it as a sign of weakness as well as treachery. They will certainly take you to task over it Harry'

'Loss of title and a jail term is what I am expecting' said Harry rather quickly and tried hard to make it sound like his emotions were well under control. Malcolm realised that this was about the most accurate assessment of the situation but actually hearing it tore at his heart the thought that his friend Harry could be heading for such treatment. The 2 men fell silent again as neither could see a way to lightening this conversation. They drove on like that till they reached Harry's house. Malcolm looked up at the dark lonely place and wondered why on earth Harry had been unable to bring things to some happy conclusion with Ruth. As they entered the whole place whispered of loneliness, of moments lost, of chances never quite taken.

'Whiskey?' Malcolm was brought out of his ponderings by Harry. Two glasses were poured and the men sat down. Scarlet, confused to be woken at such an ungodly hour, came over and lay down at Harry's feet.

'Did Beth say anything?' Harry asked innocently

Here we go thought Malcolm, I might finally be able to gauge where things stand with Ruth and you.

'Not much really. She had been up and about anyway. I think she was still calming down after the day's events. Ruth was flat out in bed apparently. Drugs take a long time to work their way out of ones system and I think all the emotions had got the better of her' he looked across at Harry who was staring intently at the bottom of his glass. If he didn't make things sound better, the fact that Ruth was fast asleep was not going to help harry one bit so he quickly added 'poor Ruth, I've never seen anyone so bad after you left for Lucas. She doesn't know the truth about Albany yet does she?' he asked

'Nope. She doesn't. Was going to try and tell her but we were disturbed. You should have seen her eyes Malcolm. It was as if saving her life was the worst thing I had ever done. Wasn't nice seeing her view me as a traitor. I am not though Malcolm, really I am not' Harry's voice was sounding desperate

'You don't need to tell me Harry' Malcolm soothed but really it was just Harry wishing he was saying it to Ruth.

'When she finds out about Albany it'll be better' Malcolm added.

'In some ways it doesn't matter that I've messed things up with her' continued Harry 'I think I really put the final nail in the coffin a month or so ago when I asked her to marry me'

Malcolm gave a look of astonishment.

'Thought that would make you wake up!' said Harry

'You asked her to marry you?' repeated Malcolm incredulously. 'I know she's the girl for you harry but you weren't even dating were you? I know I am not on the grid any more but I like to keep abreast of the entire goings on and when it came to 'Ruth and harry progress' I heard a big fat zero. Had you kept it very secret?'

'No you are right in your assertions. There was nothing going on' harry replied

'And yet you asked her to marry you?' Malcolm said

'silly really, I was just finding it so hard to see how to break through her coldness, and I found after she said she had not wanted another date all those years ago I seemed to be unable to find any confidence in trying to ask her out again. Felt I had nothing to lose by just asking a question which would at least show her exactly how much I loved her.'

'I can sort of see the logic in that' said Malcolm kindly 'but I know thousands who wouldn't' he added

'Even bought a ring and everything' continued Harry.

'Did you think she might have said yes? Malcolm asked hopefully.

'To be honest I don't know what I was thinking Malcolm. I look back now and realise I must have been out of my mind. Poor Ruth. She let me down so kindly but it was in a way that left me with no hope of ever getting back anything of what we had.' His voice was breaking slightly as he continued. 'Life's broken her and I don't think she knew how to love or be loved any more. Still, it means that my latest mess up results in me losing her respect. With the proposal I lost her love and that felt far worse.'