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Chapter 9 – This could kill me

It was an hour before Ella was able to escape the suffocating atmosphere of the kitchen. As soon as she had gotten in, Gemma had taken over, bossing the girls around as she smoked cigarettes. It had been strangely fascinating to watch the women interact with the Charming Queen. The reverence they showed her, the admiration in their voices but what really intrigued Ella was the fear in their eyes. Ella could swear she had seen some of the girls hold their breath when Gemma had first entered the room. The only other person Ella had ever known to have that effect was her father, Ray. And that definitely said something about the woman.

Ella's thought went back to the conversation she'd just had with Gemma Teller Morrow. After food had been served and eaten, the crowds had moved outside to enjoy the coolness of the night. Ella was sitting on the porch observing as people drunk, smoked and laughed. To the outside eye, this would have looked more like a big party than a wake.

"It's a beautiful house. Your mom had taste."

Ella turned around startled and saw Gemma Teller smiling at her. For some reason, Ella felt that although the words had been nice, the woman didn't hold a high opinion of her mother.

"Yes, she did."

Gemma nodded towards the bench. "You mind?"

"Knock yourself out."

Gemma sat next to her and lit a cigarette, scanning the crowd like a queen scanning her court, smiling as Wiz delivered the punch line of a story that was captivating his audience. "It's going to be a great turn out."

"Isn't that perfect?" Ella hadn't even tried to hide the sarcasm in her voice.

Gemma turned to her raising an eyebrow. "You sound like you have a problem with that?"

Ella let out a sad laugh "She would have hated it. All of it." Ella hadn't meant to say the words out loud but they had been out of her mouth before she could stop them.

Gemma pondered her words and shrugged. "Probably." She saw Ella's questioning look "I know your mum didn't like the club or anything to do with it. She probably thought the club was the reason for all her problems. It happens sometimes with old ladies. Things just don't take. But those people out there. They are all here because they love, respect and admire your father. They would put themselves between you and a bullet any time of the day because of that. That's the kind of family you've got here. It doesn't come often. But your mother never understood that."

Ella "It's got nothing to do with love. It's about power and fear. And you're right, she never understood that, neither do I. So please spare me the speech about family. My family died with my mother. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go feed the horse."

She stood up and stomped away. Girl is feisty, Gemma though with a smirk. I'll give her that.

"Are we going to talk about what happened today, Ray?"

Ray sighted but did not turn around. He was staring at the darkened land, his back to the crowds. His wife had loved that land. She had been born here, grown up running those fields, they had even gotten married in the small patio behind the house. Everywhere he looked memories of Nell seemed to follow him. He took a slow drag of his cigarette. He had seen the way his boys were looking at him after what happened this afternoon. Fear, disbelief incomprehension.

He knew they thought he had lost it and shot her out of rage because of his grief over Nell. Maybe they were right on some level. But the truth was that Ray Strickland had always believed in fair retribution. Lenny Cox had chosen to take refuge at his girlfriend's even though he knew that the Sons would be coming after him. That landed on him.

"There's nothing to talk about. What's done is done."

Pete stifled a sharp retort and took a deep breath trying to level with his bereaved friend. "Going around killing women, Ray? It is not what we do and it is not who we are."

"We do what needs to be done, Pete. That's who we are."

"You wanted to break him before you killed him, Ray. You wanted him to feel what you felt. Let's at least be honest with each other. These guys, they would go through fire for you and for this club. We both know that. But they need to understand what they're fighting for and they need to believe in it. They need to know they can still believe in you. "

"Are you questioning my ability to lead this club?" Ray spat with contempt

"I'm questioning your ability to make judgment calls right now. Look I get it, losing Nell…"

"Don't you bring her into this, you son of a bitch!" Ray hissed, pointing a menacing finger at his friend making him take a step back. It was the first emotion he had shown since the beginning of the conversation, it was raw and downright scary. "I'm the president of this club! I make the tough calls. If you can't get behind that, then, I suggest you think long and hard about whether you still deserve to wear that kutte."

"I love this club just as much as you do Ray. Maybe even more. And I would never compromise its integrity."

Ray let out a growl. "I really suggest you watch it Pete."

Pete shook his head bitterly "Or what? You're going to put a bullet through my brain too?"

Ray's face suddenly hardened his stare burning holes into Pete. "I just might." The words had been spoken softly but his voice was cold as death and Pete knew his president meant them.

Pete threw up his hands in disgusted resignation "You're going to lose this club Ray. Just like you lost her"

He let the words hang between them before walking away. Ray refrained the urge to lunge at his vice-president. There would be a time to settle this, but not with three other charters there. Not with Clay Morrow watching them like a hawk. He decided to join the Charming president who was sitting a few yards away. As soon as he approached, Bobby Elvis Munson stood up, nodding respectfully and gave him his seat.

"Everything okay?" Clay enquired innocently.

"Everything's fine."

"You and your VP seemed to be having a pretty intense conversation back there?

"My VP and I are intense people Clay. It's nothing for you to worry about."

Clay knew he was being told to butt out and although he didn't like it, he chose not to push it."Alright brother."

The matter closed, his Sergeant at Arms, Tig Trager called out to Ray. "Hey Ray, who's that sweet little blond with the tight ass talking to Wiz's wife? She belong to anyone?"

Ray looked over and realised Tig was talking about Darcy. There had been an understanding amongst club members that Darcy was not to be passed around ever since he had taken to sleeping with her. She was a sweet kid, she knew her place, didn't ask questions. She had been a good sweet butt." She's all yours."

Tig rubbed his hand, eyes flashing with lust. "Thanks man. Have a great night boys" he grinned at them before walking to Darcy. Ray continued to stare until he saw her turn around a confused look on her face. She looked at him and when he turned his eyes away from her, she understood she was being dismissed, permanently. Tears in her eyes, she took Tig's hand and lead him away seductively.

Kozik had been watching her most of the night. Even surrounded by all those people, she looked so lonely, almost lost. She was holding her head up high and trying to pretend that none of it affected her but somehow Kozik could see under all bullshit pretenses. So when he had seen her hurriedly make her way towards the stables earlier looking upset, he had followed her. He knew he probably shouldn't have but he reasoned with himself that he just wanted to make sure she was okay. He observed her cautiously approach the horse and pat his muzzle. She unlocked his box whispering words he couldn't here to the animal and they made their way out of the stables. When they reached the paddocks, she opened the fence and guided the stallion through the door. "Go on Storm." he heard her say.

She stood watching as the horse ran around the enclosed space and a contented smile crept up on her face and Kozik was reminded of the first time he'd seen her smile like that. Could it have been only a couple of nights ago? He had been holding her, dancing. Her body had been so close. It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Are you going to talk to me or you're just going to keep watching me like some creepy stalker."

She had felt his presence in the stables and known someone was observing her At first, she hadn't been sure it was him until she'd caught a whiff of his cologne. She turned on her heels to face him. She was taken aback by the genuine concern she saw in his baby blue eyes. It wasn't something she had expected to see.

"Hi." He looked down, rummaging his pockets to hide his embarrassment at being caught staring. He took out his cigarettes and lit one. "Are you okay?"

She cackled and looked at him pointedly, arching an eyebrow. "Seriously?"

He chucked derisively. "Sorry that's was a dumbass question." He held out his cigarettes. "Smoke?"

She took a few steps and accepted the cigarette he was offering. He brought his lighted to her and lit it for her momentarily gazing into her eyes. She held his stare for a minute until he averted his eyes. They stood smoking in silence for a long moment, until Ella couldn't hold it anymore. "Say something please, this silence is just... it's deafening." She pleaded.

"What do you want me to say?" he asked softly.

"Something, anything."

"What's his name?" He nodded towards the paddocks. "The horse."

"Storm."

"I never rode on one of those things."

She shot him an incredulous shocked look. "Really?"

"What? Not everyone gets to grow up in a comfortable and cozy ranch like you." He teased.

It had been aimed as a joke, but Kozik could tell that it was one that had hurt her. She looked away, replying sadly. "Yes that's my life. All ponies and fairy tales."

"Sorry. I didn't mean to make it sound like that."

As quickly as it had come, the moment of weakness disappeared and she stuck out her chin defiantly. "Sure you did." She said acidly. "Don't back out now."

"It never last long with you does it? One minute we're having a nice conversation and the next you just revert back to being a bitch."

"I didn't ask you to come here, Kozik."

He let out a sigh "It's called being nice, Ella. Might want to try it sometimes."

"Don't do me any favors!" she interjected.

He flicked his cigarette to the floor. "What is your problem?" he retorted, impatient.

She frowned in confusion."Excuse me?"

"You're so wrapped in your hate for us, you don't even see we're just all trying to help."

She threw her hands up in the air. "Oh please tell me you're not going to give me the "we're all one big happy fucking family" Kozik, I already heard it once tonight; I don't think I have the stomach for more." She wagged a finger at him angrily. "You guys are not a family, you are a criminal organization! You don't think I know what happened the other night? You guys show up at the club and the next day, there's a dead body on the car park, a few dead Mexicans in some warehouse north of town and a prospect who suddenly decides to go back to Arizona?" She paused catching her breath. "Does it ever matter to you? The people who get hurt in the process?"

"Those Mexicans were drug dealers Ella, they were not innocent. And the prospect, the arsonist, they knew what they were getting into.

"And that makes it all okay?" she questioned incredulously.

"Yeah. in my book it does."

She couldn't believe her ears, how could he not see how wrong this all was? "Kozik, you run guns for a living! You sell guns that end up in the hands of those same people! You can rationalize it all you want but you and the Sons are not any different. At the end of the day, you are all just criminals who don't give a shit who you hurt in the process!"

"You know I'm getting so sick of you acting like you above all that shit. You can think what you want of me, of my club, but at the end of the day that's what pays for that pretty comfy life you're living. And those people you hate so much? They might not perfect and they might be criminals but they are all just trying to be there for your family, you could at least appreciate that instead of acting like a superior spoilt brat! He spat venomously before taking a deep breath. "I'm sorry about your mum, really I am but you don't have to be alone. You just are."

He stormed off leaving a shell shocked Ella behind. She felt as if she had just been punched in the stomach. "You don't have to be alone, you just are." Those were the exact same words that Gillian had told her merely a few days ago, the night she was with Kozik. Could he possibly know? No of course, there was no way. But what was it about him? Why did he keep reading through her as if he knew her? Why did he see what no one else could see?

The truth was she hadn't meant to turn into a bitch. She just hadn't been able to help it. It was a defense mechanism she had perfected over the years and that no one had been able to move past. No one had ever wanted to. But Kozik, he kept pushing her, challenging her. It bothered her that he though of her as a spoilt brat. He was right, she had enjoyed the fruit of Ray's dirty business along the years. The ranch, the horses, the clothes but didn't care about any of it and she would have given away all of that a hundred times over if it brought her mother back.

Juan Ortega reached the porch and straight away he spotted the door was slightly ajar. He glanced at his friend Arturo standing next to him and they both took out the guns tucked in their waist before cautiously pushing the door open. There wasn't a sound in the house. But Juan could smell it in the air and his eyes widened in horror. It was the smell of dried blood. He flipped on the light and toppled over in shock. Lenny was facedown on the floor, two very apparent bullet wounds through the back of his head. His body rested on Tina, Juan's sister. She looked so peaceful, she could have been asleep if it wasn't for the black hole of a bullet burned on her temple.

"No, no, no, no, no." He kneeled near her, pushing Lenny's cold body and held her close to him. "You got to wake up hermanita, you got to wake up." He was sobbing uncontrollably.

Tina had been his little sister. Their father had died when Juan was 5 and Tina barely a few weeks old. Their mother had raised them alone until her death a few years back when Tina was 20. Since then, she had been his only family. He hated his uncle, Augusto, hated that they were blood related. Juan thought Augusto was weak, old and that he had no idea of how to lead a club. The Tacoma Mayans had gotten their ass handed to them by the Sons for years because he was unable to make the hard decisions. Juan also knew that Augusto had tried to lay his dirty hands on Tina once shortly after their mother had died. Tina had confided in Juan and he had taken a knife to his uncle throat and swore that should he ever try to touch his sister again, he would cut him ear to ear. He knew killing the president of a Mayan charter would be his death warrant but he had meant it. But Augusto had kept his distances with Tina and Juan had decided to do things the smart way and since then, he had tried his best to go up the club's ladder, bringing in friendly club members to earn him more votes and be able to lead the charter in a new direction until the day he would be able to out Augusto and take the gavel. That's why he had pushed for the ambush on the sons and that's why he had convinced his sister's boyfriend, Lenny to work with them. And when things had gone awry, Juan had ordered Lenny to disappear for a while and not contact Tina to protect her from any blow back. He had believed Lenny had obeyed, even Tina had confirmed that she hadn't hear from him that very morning. They had obviously both been lying to him. Juan gritted his teeth. There was an unwritten rule in the underworld. Retaliations didn't blow back on family. His sister had been an innocent in all this but she had been savagely executed and he knew exactly who the executioner was. The Sons of Anarchy. And they would pay for that in ways they didn't even imagine, he would hurt take what was taken from him. An eye for an eye.

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