Sorry this has taken me so long. Keep finding I am not sure where I am going with it! Let me know if its worth continuing with!

Chapter 3

Beth and Ruth sat around the little kitchen table, fingers wrapped around large mugs of hot sweet tea. Ruth took a large swig and felt the comforting heat as it travelled down her throat.

'Oh that is better' she said 'how about you Beth?' she added enquiringly. Beth had had a pretty eventful day too and had been as wrapped up in the whole business as Ruth.

'All I can say is that I am eternally grateful to Harry for having knocked me out with that gas. It was kind of him to protect me like that. Otherwise I might have been up against the board too!' she continued 'we so nearly got Albany back.' she added. 'Just a bit more luck and slightly better timings and the whole thing could have been swept under the carpet. It might help harry a little, the fact that he had a plan to get Albany back once you had been released'

This was news to Ruth. She hadn't realised that Harry had put in place a way to retrieve Albany. So he had wanted it back. He wasn't so callous as to hand over a deadly weapon for a life and then to be so selfish as to stop and do nothing more. She was vaguely comforted by this but it didn't stop her saying to Beth

'I don't know why he did it Beth. I thought I knew him but I don't think I do at all. In many ways I never want to see him again and I hope the enquiry give him hell. I mean what sort of spook is he if he just hands over a thing like Albany as soon as the going gets tough. It's hard to imagine how he made it this far in his career. I love my country and that's why I love my job and to think he has now turned out to be a weakling and a traitor just makes my stomach turn'

'I know what you mean Ruth but I have this feeling there is still more to all this than meets the eye. I know I haven't known Harry as long as you but I don't get the feeling he is a traitor. Maybe he is just sick of his officers dying and perhaps this time he felt there was a way round the situation which would save a life.'

'But he must have known that once he had handed Albany over, however good his retrieval plans might have been, there was a chance that things could go wrong, which they did and that a deadly weapon would be in the hands of people it really shouldn't be. Surely he saw that?' Ruth pleaded. It felt odd attacking Harry like this and yet her sense of patriotism was strong. In him she had seen someone to look up to, to admire. It had been an overwhelming thrill when the hero she had created had shown he felt the same way about her. In her more positive moments she saw him as so like herself that today's events were causing her much disquiet. She felt he really had been selfish in loving her. Had allowed her to be the cause of the most unprofessional behaviour she had ever witnessed in him. And yet despite all this, his impending death had brought all the love she had kept bottled up for so long, crashing down around her. It left more confused about her feelings than ever before. Never had she felt more intensely in love with him and yet never before had she felt he didn't deserve any of it.

'Well may be the life at stake was very important to him' ventured Beth and she could see Ruth face colour in the dimly lit kitchen. She pursued this line 'maybe he couldn't bear his life if that life was lost?'

'Maybe' came the whispered reply. It was frightening that someone was about to fall upon her secret and yet Ruth longed for someone to know.

'Might Harry be in love with this life?' Beth asked. She reckoned she would get more straight answers from Ruth if the conversation failed to put Ruth fairly at the centre.

'Yes'

'I see. And are we talking midlife crisis, pretty younger women kind of in love or in love in love?'

'The later Beth' said Ruth

'And can I ask if this love is returned?'

'yes you can' followed by a long pause then' yes it is'

she had said it.

The relief that she had said it brought fresh tears that tumbled down her cheeks. 'But I don't want to love him, not like this, not after what he's done' She sobbed

'Gosh I never knew' said a wide eye Beth 'never noticed anything and there was me thinking I could read everyone!'

'No, there was never anything to notice. I couldn't bring myself to let it happen' Ruth replied and Beth could hear the regret in her voice. 'I have never had a proper grown up relationship and the older I have got the less confident I have become in trying or even thinking of being in one. And he's my boss and everyone gossips about that sort of thing and...I just didn't know how to be with him.'

'Why?' the younger Beth who was happy with more of a love em and leave sort of life style couldn't quite get this

'The feelings I had for him and the feelings I could see he had for me frightened me. Mum and dad never went in for showing their love, if they even had any, and at uni I saw a side to men that didn't really make me want to seek out a relationship with one of them. When I met Harry I was already considered by some to be over the hill, too career focused to be of any catch. I wasn't ready to be loved. Being overlooked had become such a habit with me it was actually of comfort. But he didn't over look me, he could see my very soul and it scared me. I couldn't do it. And certainly not in the public gaze of the grid where everyone's latest conquest gets pulled to pieces over a cup of morning coffee. What Harry and I could have had would have been far above that' Ruth stopped. She felt he had probably been talking way too much.

'So as things currently stand he loves you, so much so that it seems he has thrown his life to the winds of fate to keep you safe. You love him but won't allow yourself to do anything about it. I suppose this treachery will be the perfect excuse to keep on avoiding the great unknown. That and he'll probably have a lengthy jail term, if not life and that will allow you to just walk away from the whole sorry affair completely. 'Beth felt she was being rather harsh to an already suffering Ruth but in her simpler world you just went for what you wanted and faced the fall out if there was any. She was beginning to see that for Ruth love was a big deal and perhaps this was the first and only time Ruth had loved. No wonder she hadn't known how to handle it and with no one to confide in probably hadn't helped.

'Harry has been so good about it all Beth. He's never once forced the situation, never asked for reasons as to why I couldn't face a future with him; he's just kept on giving me room to be me. He doesn't deserve being in love with me' she added

'Sounds to me like he should have just grabbed you into his arms and kissed you senseless till you couldn't manage without his arms and kisses' said Beth

'That's not harry's way' retorted Ruth though the idea sort of thrilled her. At her and Harry's age they didn't have all the time in the world to dance round each other like she had dictated.

'Well if the enquiry gets wind of this there will be hell to pay for both of you. Not that you were planning to run to his arms tomorrow morning because that doesn't seem to be your style either, but if it were I would advise you not to. You owe him big time and the kindest thing you can do is to steer well clear. The jury are bound to investigate whether there is anything between you two. So make sure that for Harry's sake they don't find anything. No familiar chats, nothing.' Beth felt she was still being a bit tough on Ruth but she also felt it must be said. Harry had clearly made a huge sacrifice and the least Ruth could do was to create a smokescreen that might get harry a few years less in jail.

'You're right. I do owe him that at the very least. Oh Beth, what can I do? It was only today when he left for what we thought would be the last time that my body and soul rediscovered how to be in love with him, yearned for his touch, for his loving looks, yearned for being his. And you say I must continue to shun him. You are right, I know you are but it just seems like yet another cruel twist of fate. Suppose I ought to get rid of this too' and she pulled out of her pocket the little photo she had lifted from his desk earlier.

'Definitely' said Beth and lent back in her chair to grab a box of matches. Before Ruth could say anything it was alight... and then gone.

'Get the enquiry over with, answer any questions they may throw at you in a way that deflects away from any romantic feelings either of you have ever had, nurture this rediscovered love but don't rush into telling him. He has enough on his plate at the moment and he needs to concentrate and give it all his energy if he's going to win at all. ' said Beth 'for the time being you have got to be grown up and strong. Use this time to strengthen your resolve to welcome his attentions if and when he is ever able to give you any. If he loves you this much Ruth then he's not going to be falling out of love any time soon so don't panic about that. Just promise me that when the time is right, and let's hope there is going to be time and that he isn't shut up for life, that you give him all the encouragement he needs to show you what a relationship can be like.'

'I will 'stammered Ruth. She couldn't quite believe she had been lectured to by someone a good few years her junior, that she had sat and listened and had agreed on everything. Beth was right.

'I can see the two of you have the makings of a wonderful couple' Beth encouraged 'now let's get some sleep'

The two of them trundled up stairs and before parting Beth gave Ruth a hug. 'Don't worry Ruth, all will be well'

Meanwhile at Harry's

'Harry I must be going' said Malcolm looking at his watch.

Harry was rather reluctant to end their conversation but he knew Malcolm must be tired. He too was tired though he doubted there was any chance of a good night's sleep. He walked Malcolm to the door and they shook hands.

'Thanks Malcolm for everything' he said

'Hang on in their Harry' Reassured Malcolm and with that he decended the steps to his car.

They had been deep in conversation, mainly about Albany, Lucas, the inevitable enquiry and of course Ruth. Since Malcolm had been visited by Lucas in the preceding days he knew he was going to end up having some part in the fall out over the coming weeks and he resolved to take this opportunity to talk to Ruth. In his eyes it seemed better for Harry to continue the appearance that there was nothing between him and Ruth so all conversations were out of the question. And it wouldn't be that hard he thought to himself. After all, the evidence of anything having happened amounted to one dinner years ago and after the hopeless proposal things seemed to be dead in the water. If he didn't care so much about Harry and seeing him happy with the girl he loved it would be comical to know two people so utterly mismatched when it came to actually sealing the deal. Lucky for the two of them that today's technology hadn't reached a stage where it could look into the secret feelings of a person's heart. If they could then Harry would be sunk. He was also keen to make sure that Ruth knew the truth about Albany. He had a sneaking suspicion that she didn't. Harry had his pride and he was probably scared that telling Ruth it was a fake would just look like he was desperately trying to win back her affections. Perhaps, he mused, the hands of fate, the ones who endlessly put a spanner in the works had actually all along been protecting these two lonely souls. Perhaps, just perhaps this whole process was in some way going to bring about a situation where Ruth could feel brave enough to let Harry love her and Harry could be brave enough to risk his shattered heart and try one last time to win his Ruth.