A/N: This is to kyd I would love to respond to your message accordingly but I can't figure out who you are (i'm terrible) so I have to reply here (I'd actually prefer specifics that cause you to feel this way. I'm not mad! And no one is allowed to attack you!) The reason I think Cloud seems OOC sometimes is because it is his head, which doesn't get projected to anyone else. I like to think Cloud's a bit more wild and expressive in his head...and remember I am a girl...I try my best to get a guy's mind right, but...I can only do so much. SO I really would appreciate it if you could just let me know what specificly makes him sound that certain way. I don't think he does (If I did I wouldn't have posted it) but I would appreciate any critque or suggestions. Just let me know.

To everyone. REMEMBER ALCOHOL INDUCED.

REALLY prepare for some REAL OOCness...MUHAHAHA

Let's Never Mention This Night Again

The first ten blocks are quiet, just the slight disgruntled mumbling from Reno every now and then. The night is cold, and my breath frosts up in front of my face with each anger fueled huff.

I am so pissed. They hired a stripper! For Tifa! Tifa's not that kind of girl!

I do not need these extra insecurities!

GAH!

Reno glances at me sourly. "You better hand that fucking bottle over Strife. You aren't hogging it all."

I wobble, trying to process what he's saying. Oh, the whisky bottle I took from the bar. I narrow my eyes, and then tip the bottle up to my lips and take a healthy gulp. Reno fumes.

He stops, and points at me. I stop too, looking at him.

"Listen. If I've got to walk five fucking miles with you I'm gonna be drunk."

"You're already drunk."

"Well, not drunk enough. Hand the bottle over!"

"Get your own."

"I would have my own if we were back at the bar! At your bachelor party! I'm not taking another step until you give me that bottle! Or get me my own!" Reno crosses his arms and glares at me.

He's just like Yuffie.

I shrug, turning around and walk back towards the bar, past him.

"Wait. You're going to go get me my own?" His jaw drops.

I pause, turning to look at him. "Sure buddy– Of course I'm not going to get you your own!" I take a page from Yuffie's book them and kick him in the chest.

He stumbles backward. "Ow! Shit man!"

"Blame your girlfriend." I start walking back towards Seventh Heaven.

"You asshole!"

I stop again, looking back at him. "This is your fault. You should've never hired me a stripper, or given Yuffie the idea of getting Tifa one! So the more time you spend whining about it the longer it'll take us to get to the bar. So move it." I face forward starting to walk.

I hear a scrapping noise behind me, and I glance over my shoulder in time to see Reno picking up a empty wire trash can off the sidewalk. He holds it over his head menacingly.

"Wait–

Too late.

"Screw you!"

Reno chucks the trash can at my head and I duck. It clatters against the brick wall behind me.

I straighten, glaring at him. "What's wrong with you?"

Reno's eyes go wide. "What's wrong with me?! You're the crazy one! You complain about strippers and you kicked me in the chest– hey...hey what are you doing?" Reno eyes me warily as I bend over.

I pick up a hefty brick beside of the wall, and I glare at him.

"You wouldn't...even you wouldn't, right? Strife, come on man. I threw a trash can! You could rip that thing in half with your teeth! Strife! Calm down! Put the brick down! I'm sorry! I'll fix the stripper thing, ok?! CLOUD!"

I chuck the brick at his head, and it really doesn't even come close to him considering my current state of inebriation. Still, he ducks and quivers and the brick sails past him gracefully, and I have the beginnings of a chuckle forming in my throat at his fear of my brick throwing.

That's when we hear the glass shatter.

We both look towards the sound of the glass, and we spot the jewelry store across the street with a shattered window. Oops.

Reno looks back at me, and I look at him.

I bolt.

Reno bolts in the other direction. It takes him about three seconds to figure it out. I hear him skid to a halt behind me.

"Shit! Wait up!"

"Run faster!" I hiss over my shoulder. I hear him catching up, and we cover seven blocks before hear sirens coming.

Up ahead I can see blue and red lights bouncing off the buildings. Reno reaches out, grabbing my arm and tugs to the left at the next block. We run as fast as we can up the next street, before heading towards the bar once again. The sirens fade past us but we still run for several more blocks.

Unfortunately my inebriation kicked in then (I'm lucky it didn't earlier). I see the crack in the sidewalk. I see it but I can't successfully execute the proper maneuvers around it.

That's part of the problem when it comes to being drunk. You can see things but you can't do anything about them.

My toe catches in the crack, and I topple forward, flipping head over heels before Reno plows into me. He curses as we roll across the sidewalk, and finally we grind to a stop.

I sigh as I lay there. "Ow."

Then something moves beneath me. "Get off you cow!" Reno punches me in the middle of my back.

I wince, rolling off of him to hold my spine. "Bastard!"

Reno takes a deep breath, sitting up and glares at me for the umpteenth time tonight. "How much do you freaking weigh? Damn! You're shorter than me and you weigh like a billion pounds! What does Tifa feed you?!"

"Hey. I am not shorter than you."

"Bullshit. So you don't care you're fat? You should work on that– ow!"

I kick his knee, and I stand slowly.

Reno groans, standing slow. "There's no way in hell you're blaming me for that."

I don't glance at him as I try to figure out where we are. "You're right. You're just an accomplis."

"Gah! That's bullshit! I didn't have anything to with that!"

"You threw a trash can at me."

"So?! It's not my fault your brick happened to trash someone's window!"

"You ducked. It missed its intended target." I look at him over my shoulder.

"What?! That was the worst throw I've ever seen! It wouldn't have hit me anyways."

"How would you know? You were too busy cowering with fear to tell where it was."

His jaw drops and I face forward again. "Come on." I take another healthy swallow of the whisky. "We've got less than four miles. If we hurry we can be there in– Agh! Get off!"

Reno jumps on my back, hitting me. He's like a rabid monkey!

I punch him in his side and he yells, his grip around my neck loosening. I lean forward once to get momentum, rocking back on my heels and flinging him over my shoulder. Tifa did that to me once. It was hot then. I like a woman in control.

Frick! He's ruining my sexy Tifa memories! I'll KILL him!"

Reno with his annoying Turk training bounces back up onto his feet quickly, even if it is a bit more messier than normal. Well, maybe not. Reno probably drinks on the job.

We glare at each other.

He points at the bottle. "Give me that fucking whisky or I'll be forced to extreme measures. I never knew you could be so annoying. And here I thought you sober was bad. Shit."

I point at him. "Listen. All I want is to make sure that you're stupidity doesn't lead to Tifa leaving me."

"Tifa isn't going to leave you because of a stripper!"

"I don't care. I'm not happy. And I'm getting married, so I should be happy!"

"No. You should be afraid."

"Hey. Just because you're jealous I'm marrying a great woman, and you're stuck with evil klepto psychotic ninja chick doesn't mean you should ruin my marriage!"

"What?! Trust me pal... I'll never be jealous of you! And you aren't even married yet!"

"I will be! And I'm sure you'll mess it up for me then!" Inner Cloud is having a blast today...all the stuff that I'd normally just scream in my head is finding its way out of my mouth. Nice.

Reno nods his head, holding his fists up. "Oh you better believe it. It'll be the best day of my fucking life!"

"Agh!"

"Gah!"

We go after each other at the same time. I swing with the whisky bottle and he ducks, elbowing me in the chest. We weave back and forth, probably looking like quite the spectacle as I kick Reno in the stomach. He rears back, and then comes forward, and head buts me in the chest. I stumble back, trying to kick his feet out from underneath him, but end up kneeing him in the face instead.

It's a little unfair since I am keeping the whisky from him. I really don't care about it that much I just don't want him to have it. This asshole brings out the worst in me.

So with my inebriation and handicap, Reno manages to get his arm around the back of my neck, and we fold over as he punches me in the gut. Something occurs to me in this moment.

"Wait! Wait hang on!"

"What?! Just cos you're losing now doesn't mean you can call a timeout!" He doesn't let me go, but he at least stops hitting me.

My voice is muffled since I'm still bent over staring at the ground. I'm practically talking into my chest. "I'll give you some whisky...how about that?"

Reno huffs, releasing me and pushing me backwards. "We start off like that once this shitty time out is over."

I lean over my knees, trying to catch my breath. "That's fine. Just... just don't punch me in the face."

"What?!"

I straighten. "Don't...punch me in the face."

"Why?! You already kicked me in the face!"

I glance up, noticing that he has a little bit of blood dripping out of his nostrils. Oh well. He deserved it.

"Because you idiot I'm getting married in less than a week and the last thing I need is a broken nose or a black eye!"

"Ha!" Reno laughs. "You think I care about that?"

"Honestly you should! Do you think fifteen years from now when I'm showing my kids the photo album from our wedding I want them to see me with a crooked nose and a black eye? Not to mention the fact that Tifa will kill me if I come back with a new bruise or scar on my face right before our wedding. And then Yuffie will kill you because you're the reason why my face was ruined and that would be the reason that ruined Tifa's wedding."

Reno's face contorts as he struggles. He sputters before finally forcing out a clear word. "Fine!" He points at me then. "But it's only because Yuffie scares the shit out of me and I really don't feel like pissing her off! It's not cause I care about you or your stupid wedding!"

"Good. Cause I don't want you to care."

"Good! Now give me that whisky."

"Come and get it."

"Asshole!"

Reno charges at me again but this time I get my arm around his neck, and I pummel him with the whisky bottle.

"Hey!" A voice from the outside world is yelling at us.

"Stay out of this dude!" Reno yells between punches. "I'm fine! I got this under control! I don't need your help!"

"Sir! Release...the other sir and put the whisky bottle down!"

Reno and I both look up at the same time, Reno still yelling. "Dude! Stay out of it! I've–oh... hello officer."

I stop punching Reno, and we stand there hunched over while the cop stares at us. He's got to be new...he looks quite a few years younger than me even though he's taller than both me and Reno by a good few inches.

"Officer...we're actually really good friends. We're just...messing around."

I take this as the cue to release Reno, and we both straighten. I can already hear Tifa's anger as she bails us out of jail.

Shit shit shit shit

The cop eyes us warily. "Uh huh...you two wouldn't know anything about a break in at a jewelry store about a mile away, would ya?"

Are you kidding me?!

"Uh...no..."

Then Reno opens his big mouth. "Yeah, actually we do!"

He's betraying me!

"We saw these guys in masks doing it! They ran that way!"

The cop stares at us. "Right."

"Hey! Edwards! Ya find someone!" A flashlight is coming up the street.

The cop's head turns.

Reno grabs my arm.

And we run.

"H-hey!" We don't look back, just keep running.

I guess if we were thinking sober we could've just told them that we associated with Rufus ShinRa...that might have gotten him off our backs.

Or not.

We tear down an alley, the cop's feet pounding on the ground behind us.

"Shit! Gotta be a rookie if he can keep up with us!" Reno huffs, as we run blindly across a street and into another alley. The cop is still on our tails.

"Is he still back there?" Reno turns his head around to look behind us.

I do the same. "I think we can out run him–

BAM!

OOOOOOoooooooooow! FUCK!

Reno and I bounce off the brick wall like rag dolls, and hit the ground hard. We groan, coughing.

I wince, looking at him. "Why didn't you say there was a wall?"

Reno holds his head in his hands. "Shut up."

I roll onto my knees, standing wobbly.

At least the bottle didn't break. I hand it over to Reno and he takes a quick swig as the cop comes to a stop in front of us, huffing, pointing his gun at us. Yeah, that makes me feel safe.

"You resisted arrest!"

"No shit." Reno stands, leaning against the wall. "Are you a rookie?"

"Hell yes I am, and I'm going to get a good first bust. Jewelry robbers."

Crap. "It's not that." I hold up my hand. "Really..."

"Then what is it, huh?" He's cocky. We have to get out of this but it's looking doubtful.

"I'm getting married... you can't arrest me."

"Oh I can't? If you're getting married then why run from the cops, huh?"

"Because it's his bachelor's party!" Reno yells.

"And I'm drunk." Note the whisky bottle, dude. I don't normally act this way. If I did I doubt Tifa would marry me.

"Come on dude...it's like...the eve of his wedding and you're going to arrest us? Why would a guy getting married be out throwing bricks at windows?"

"A HA! How'd you know it was a brick?"

I glare at Reno.

"I bet you needed a ring then, to marry your fiancé."

I shake my head. "No. I've got it here in my pocket." I reach for my pocket.

"Don't move scumbag!" The guy points the gun at me.

Great. "I didn't steal it. I promise. I bought it."

"Yeah, dude I was there," Reno adds.

"Yeah...when you stole it out of that jewelry store!"

Reno rolls his eyes, and holds his arms out. "Dude, just cuff me already. I'm tired of this bullshit, seriously. If you knew who I was you wouldn't be doing this."

"I have to wait on my partner...so we'll just wait. And no one is above the law."

Reno rolls his eyes again.

"Edwards! Ya got 'em?" Down the alley I can see a large figure walking. Great. I'm going to jail on the night of my bachelor party. Tifa is going to slaughter me! She'll probably just chuck her engagement ring through the bars of my jail cell, and not even bail me out.

Why me?

"Don't turn your head this time, rookie!"

Then Edwards does the unthinkable. He turns his head to scream angry at his partner. "I've got them!"

Reno reacts faster than I do. I still am in shock we get a second chance. Reno kicks the gun out of Edwards' hands, and Edwards' head snaps back towards up, his mouth falling open.

Too bad we're already over the wall. Reno does his crazy monkey wall climbing thing, and I kick off one wall, and off the opposite to vault myself over the obstacle.

I flip, and land as Reno yells over the wall.

"Ya wouldn't have caught us anyways, asshole!"

"How did they get over the wall?!"

Reno glances me. "How the fuck do you manage to vault a brick wall without a problem but you can't run up a sidewalk?"

I shrug. "Bad luck?"

"Maybe good."

"They're going around! Go around! They got away!"

Reno grins, and we start running up the alley, and out onto the street again.

We run for blocks, and I lose count. When the air is silent we finally slow to a stop with out tripping or flipping over each other.

Then I crack into laughter, and Reno starts laughing too.

"I...I can't believe... we got away! Wooo!"

I punch Reno's shoulder. "Shut up! They're still lookin for the robbers!"

Reno laughs, taking a large gulp of whisky and passing the bottle. There's still at least three fourths left.

I glance at the nearest road sign. "We got about three miles left, maybe two and a half."

Reno looks at the bottle.

"It'll do. Good thing we're going to another bar."

xxx

I can't believe we made it to our street. We should be dead. There's no way a human can consume as much alcohol as we have and still be alive let alone walking!

Well, if you can call this walking.

My mind is too warped to care that Reno and I have are arms thrown around each other so we can walk up the sidewalk. We lean off each other, and Reno swings the nearly empty bottle in his hand. It's been over an hour since we escaped incarceration.

I guess alcohol takes away the annoyingness eventually.

I don't think that's a real worddddd... oh well.

We stumble up to the bar, and I can see light shining through the window. I press my nose against the glass, and Reno stumbles beside me.

STRIPPER! AGH! NOW I remember why I hate him! The stripper is dancing in the middle of the room, unbuttoning his shirt. I see an assortment of women laughing and blushing as a thumping beat comes through the window.

Even worse...it's a stripper cop. Insult to injury.

Dude... dude..

We stumble back away from the window, and I grab the bottle.

"I'm goin... in there...and kicking that guy's ass. He's prolly gay...right?"

Reno snorts. "No. Prolly not... but there's...no way."

"No way what?"

"That...you'll beat him up! He's bigger than you are."

"So? No care... me... I don't... effin care. His ass is goin down."

Reno grins. He puts his finger up against my head like a gun. "Nope... you'll be dead... bang."

"Don't touch me." I shake his finger off my head.

It makes me dizzy... er.

"HA! Touch you?! I'm the only reason you're standing!"

"Bull shit." I push off of him, wobbling.

I take the last swallow of the whisky, and point at the window. "You're...going down." I take a step closer to the window, standing just beneath it..

And then the sidewalk starts spinning.

And I go down.

Reno busts into laughter... he bends in the middle, pointing at me and laughing, stepping backwards.

And then he falls.

But his laughter doesn't stop, and that makes me laugh.

Then the music gets louder, and I look up. There's a shadow in the window, leaning out over me.

"C...Cloud?"

"Tifa?"

The shadow leans forward, and the street lamp hits her face. "Cloud?"

"Tifa?"

Then a radiant alcohol induced smile breaks on her face like the sunrise. "Cloud!"

"Tifa."

"For fuck's sake! Shit! It's Cloud! You're Tifa! The end!"

Tifa leans farther out the window. "What are you doing here... Reno? Why are...did you walk here?"

"Tifa who is it?" I hear Yuffie's voice from the window.

Tifa turns violently. "It's Cloud! I gotta say hey! HANG ON."

Then Tifa puts a knee on the window sill. I think she's climbing out the window. I can almost see up her dress. Score.

Wait.

She is. Climbing out the window that is.

No. Wait.

She's falling.

Tifa grip on the window falters, and I see her eyes go wide as she loses her balance.

No. Not my stomach.

OW. My stomach.

Tifa lands on me, her elbow driving deep in my stomach which is still sore from where Reno was punching me.

Why was he punching me again?

Tifa giggles, coming into my face. "Hey, Cloud...how's your party?"

"Psychotic."

"Why are you here?"

"No...strippers. Leave. Tell him. To leave." It's getting hard to form sentences.

"Who, Ted?"

"No strippers."

Reno punches the air. "Mission complete! About time!"

Another voice drifts out the window. "Wait... wait a second. Ms. Lockhart are you ok?" Another body leans out the window.

Reno screams. "Shit! Run Cloud it's Edwards!"

"Edwards?" I ask, and it is.

It's the rookie.

STRIPPING FOR MY FINACE!

"Oh...you really are getting married. Did he steal your ring?"

Tifa gasps. "Of course not! Right?"

"I didn't steal it..."

"So don't arrest them Ted." Tifa looks up at him. I don't like the fact that she knows him by his first name.

"So you strip too?" Reno asks.

Ted Edwards shrugs. "Uniform works for both. You just better be glad I'm off duty now."

"This is the greatest night ever!" Reno whoops.

"Reno!" I look up, spotting Yuffie pushing stripper cop out of the way. "You shouldn't be here!"

"Shit! This is the worst night ever!" Reno starts trying to crawl away from the window, but Yuffie jumps out of it, gratefully missing me and Tifa. Yuffie catches him, sitting on his chest. "What are you doing?!"

"Cloud didn't want a stripper!"

"Well, duh. That's why we were going to keep it a secret!"

I let my head drop back onto the cement. A light turns on in a window in the building next door. I glance at Tifa.

"I think we woke the neighbors."

Tifa snuggles up against my chest. "Who cares? They're all biddies anyways."

"Wow...you really are drunk."

"So are you! Clod...Clow...Cloud...I love you."

I go to answer, but she starts snoring. I glance at Reno, and Yuffie is curled up on him as well.

Short lived anger.

Must have drained her energy.

Reno looks at me.

"Let's never mention this night again."

"Agreed."

A/N: This actually comes from an original story I'm writing... I really REALLY REALLY hate romantic comedies now (they're so cookie cutter it's sickening) and I was going for a more original feel. Obviously there's some stuff I left out from that story...the whole story focuses on memories, and these two guys who really don't like each other but get into quite a lot of trouble trying to get the fiance to not see the stripper. Do you think it's a good idea? I hope so.

ANYWAYS remember...mass amounts of alcohol produced such an outspoken Cloud... We won't see him again in this story...I also kind of wanted to show that even though Cloud and Reno HATE each other, they can reach a mutual understanding after consuming unholy amounts of alcohol. I'm sure they'll hate each other when they're sober XD The reason they fight over the whisky? Reno wants it because he's pissed and wants to drown that and Cloud just wants it to keep Reno from having it so he can piss him off. Boys will be boys

The cop thing? I had to make a stab at cops. Don't get me wrong... I respect them adn everything, but my sister is becoming a cop (LOLOLOLOL) and I had to make a joke about it... HEHEHEHEHE

QUICK UPDATE! ENJOY!

Also there's a minor Scrubs reference...hehe

OMG I just realized the title sounds like Reno/Cloud had a slash night! LOLOLOL!! WRONG SO WRONG! AGH! I just mentally blinded myself with bad images.