Thanks ever so much for the reviews/follows/ favorites. This story has gone over 100 followers and I'm ever so grateful that you guys are sticking with me and this story!

I re-wrote this chapter about seven times in the last month so I apologise for the delay. Truth is every time I plan for something, I get carried away by the characters and end up in a totally different direction. So I'm warning everyone, although I know where I'm going, I have no idea how I'm going to get there! But I'm enjoying the ride and I hope you are to.

Chapter XVIII

Go your own way

Ella was nervous. Ridiculously nervous. They had been gone for three whole days and even though she had tried to take things in stride and make herself useful, even offering to help Gemma in the office, she was getting impatient. She had started spending a lot of time with Jax as he worked in the garage and she had to admit she had enjoyed his company the last few days. He had told her a lot of stories about John Teller, his ideas, his aspirations for the club. Ella wasn't sure how that reconciled with the club as she knew it but it was nice that he had shared this with her. She'd also gotten to know Opie and his fiancée Donna. She'd spent so much time caring for her mother in the last year that she had almost forgotten how it felt to hang out with people her age. She did feel guilty that they were men risking their lives out there so that she would be safe, but if she had to be cooped up somewhere she was somehow glad it was in Charming. But it was all finally coming to an end. Jax had told her the night before that the men were making their way down and would hit Charming by nightfall.

He had finally stopped teasing her about Kozik, after she inflicted a serious butt whipping on him at the pool table but that didn't mean she had stopped thinking about the blond biker. She hadn't spoken to him since they'd left Oregon. Not that she hadn't wanted to. Several times, she had had to stop herself from calling him. But she knew they were dealing with a lot up there and she hadn't wanted to bother him. She'd missed him though. In a ridiculous, falling asleep thinking about him kind of way. She finally knew what she wanted. She wanted him. She didn't know how that worked with the club and her plans to leave Tacoma but she wanted Kozik.

She was sitting in the garage, pretending to read her book while Jax worked on a car. She didn't like hanging out in the clubhouse on her own, the deference the sweet butts and hangarounds showed towards her making her very uncomfortable mostly because she had never done anything to deserve it. So she'd taken the habit of hanging out with the young prospect here. Sometimes they talked, most of the time he just worked as she read. Or at least tried to because she was very aware that she had been reading the same page for the last hour as she kept interrupting her reading to look up at the compound entrance every few minutes.

"You know, you staring down the gates, it ain't going to make them ride in any quicker."

She looked down at Jax who was cleaning up grease from his hands a mocking grin on his face.

"You really got it bad, darlin'."

"Shut up." She scolded as she tried to suppress a smile.

He chortled as he opened a bottle of water and took a long sip right before they heard a familiar sound. He wriggled his eyebrows at her. "Guess I spoke too fast, uh."

She stood up in anticipation, her heart suddenly racing as she watched the bikes roll into the parking lot one by one. But as they did, her smile started to falter, her joy overshadowed by the sudden realization that someone was missing. Someone that should have been there, riding just after her father. But instead of Pete, she spotted Chance tailing her father and she knew without the shadow of a doubt that something had happened to Pete.

She glanced at Jax and realised he had come to same conclusion as he approached her, placing a supporting hand on her back. Her mouth went very dry as she tried to vioce her worries.

"Pete isn't with them." She simply stated.

She swallowed hard as they watched the men dismount, looking somber. Ella seeked her father as he scanned the lot certainly looking for her. He met her eye but didn't let on anything which knowing him wasn't surprising. he wasn't the kind of man to wear his heart on his sleeve. She continued to flick her eyes over the other members who were carefully avoiding her stare which only served to reinforce her fears for her godfather. When her eyes finally found Kozik, he held her gaze for a quick instant and right then she knew what had happened. She suddenly sensed a presence on her left side and turned to see Gemma looking at her with motherly concern.

"Come on, sweetheart."

The three of them made their way towards the men, Jax and Gemma flanking Ella on each side in case her legs betrayed. As they reached Ray, Gemma separated from them, patting Ray on the back on her way to Clay. Ella watched as the woman held onto her man for dear life. The Charming president pulled away and looked up at Jax.

"Prospect, get inside. Now."

Jax glanced at Ella and nodded his encouragement before doing as told. She watched nervously as all the men and Gemma made their way into the clubhouse leaving her alone with her father. Their eyes met and for a long moment, they didn't speak. She didn't need him to say the words, she knew them. But she did want to know how her godfather had died. So she just asked, voice trembling "What happened?"

Ray ran his hand on his face. "He was caught in cross fire. He took a bullet to the heart."

Her hands flew to her mouth to stop herself from screaming. Or retching. Probably both.

"He...he really loved you Ella."

She bit the inside of her mouth willing her tears away and nodded. "Where is he now?"

"Used club connections to have the ME rule it an accident but we had to cremate him. Avoid questions"

She had to close her eyes and take a deep breath to control the nauseous feeling that took over her.

"We'll have a memorial in a couple of weeks."

She didn't really know what she was supposed to say so she just nodded. "Okay."

He took a step towards her, putting his hand on her shoulder. "You're safe now. He made sure of that."

As hard as she tried she wasn't able to contain her tears and she decided to let them come. She felt her father arm pull her towards him as he wrapped his arms around her tightly. She could tell he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing as she sensed his hesitation. She couldn't remember the last time she had hugged her father. She didn't think she'd ever wanted to but as she quietly wept for Pete, she wrapped her arms around the only family she had left.

Kozik put down the shot glass, letting the tequila burn its way down his throat. The mood inside the clubhouse was dark. His own mood was even worse. All he wanted was to get hammered and forget about the last few days. But after being on the road for the last twelve hours, he needed to wash away the day before he could drink himself into a stupor. He turned around and spotted Gemma in the kitchen, probably putting some food together for them. He walked over to her.

"Hey Gem."

She spun on her stilettos to face him. "Hey baby." She whispered as she walked to him hooking her arms around his shoulder to pull him in a hug. "I'm glad you're in one piece."

"Thanks."

She pulled away and inspected his face. He knew her enough to know she was trying to get a read on him so he looked away avoiding her questioning eyes.

"Did you need anything sweetheart?"

"A shower. I was hoping I could use one of the dorms."

"Sure. Ella's taken Jax's but you can use any of the others. Let me get you some towels."

She escorted him to the dorm facing Jax's, letting herself in and opened the dresser taking out a clean towel before turning back to him. "Here."

"Thanks Gem."

She walked to him and put a hand on his shoulder. "You're okay sweetheart?". The look on his face must have been telling because she pointed to the bed. "Alright, sit down."

He knew better than to try and argue with her and sat at the edge of the bed.

"This about the prissy princess? Don't look at me like that, you two aren't exactly being subtle."

"I've been trying to figure out a way to get right with my club, right with my pres and right with her. I just… I don't know how to do it."

"This new patch on your cut? It's a lot of responsibilities. It's you between your pres and the bullet that's coming for him. It's being a man's right arm and putting that man first, day in, day out. Not a lot of people who can handle that. Now I see what you see in her, I really do. You and her it makes a lot of sense. She's beautiful, strong, she's got sass, she might not like it but she knows the life, she was born into it. She's exactly the kind of woman you need. But this isn't the kind of woman you just do casual with, we both know that. You got to be willing to go all in. The one thing you need to ask yourself is can you be the guy this patch needs you to be and be the man she wants. And I think you already know the answer to that."

She squeezed his arm and left quietly leaving home alone with thoughts. He took out his cut and his fingers grazed the newly sewn in patch.

The acrid smell of blood was everywhere. In the air, on their clothes, on every pore of their body. Capturing Juan Ortega alive had been the objective and it had been successful. They'd brought him to an abandoned barn on Ray's land. Most of the men had gone home whilst Happy and Ray took turns prolonging Ortega's suffering. Chance was standing by chain smoking with a sick smile on his face. He seemed to be getting off on the show.

Kozik wasn't sure how a man could withstand such a level of pain and still be alive, let alone conscious. But every time, Ortega slid to the verge of unconsciousness, Happy shot him with enough adrenaline to get a horse going. Kozik had never been a fan of torture preferring more direct methods to exact retaliation but this was the man who'd planned the ambush that nearly got them killed, he was the man responsible for the prospect, the Arsonist and Precious Pete's deaths. It was the man who shot him. But more than this, he was the son of a bitch who'd tried to kill Ella, running her off the road and hunting her down like an animal and in Kozik's mind that justified everything the man got. That was probably the scariest part of it all. The fact that he didn't think there was anything wrong with what was unfolding before his eyes.

Kozik barely winced when Happy ran his knife through an already open wound and as Kozik heard yet another inhuman sound coming from the sad shape that used to be a man, Kozik saw Ray make his way towards him.

"You didn't have to stay for this."

"Yes, I did."

Ray buried his hand in his pocket and held his hand out to Kozik.

Kozik watched as Ray opened his palm to reveal the Sergeant At Arms patch. Frowning, Kozik's eyes flicked to meet his president's stare on him. "What's that?"

"Chance is taking VP, I want you on my right side, Kozik."

"I don't know what to say." He really didn't. He had barely been in the Tacoma Charter for a couple of months and being promoted to an officer role, the SAA seat no less, was the last thing he'd expected. The fact that it was happening on the back of the death of a man he had considered a mentor and a friend left him with a bittersweet taste in his mouth.

"Then don't say anything. Just take the seat"

Kozik tore his eyes away from the patch in his President's hand and looked back at the man. "Thanks Ray." He finally voiced as he took the piece of fabric from Ray's hand.

Ray nodded. "Kill's yours SAA."

If someone had asked her, Ella wouldn't have been able to say how long she'd stayed in her father's hold on the parking lot. All she knew is that at some point, darkness had crept up on them and sweet butts and hangarounds had started to invade the lot, making their way into the clubhouse to welcome back the boys.

Ella took a step back meeting her father's eyes. They both looked worn out and Ella had to admit she was surprised that he hadn't let go of her. He had let her cry all she could, not saying a word, not trying to comfort her, just holding her close. She tried a weak smile and was startled when he'd reached out to her face and caressed her cheek, rubbing away the trail of tears. "We should get inside."

She nodded and they walked side by side to the clubhouse which during their absence had suddenly come alive with music blasting through the speakers and alcohol flowing. They had barely made it into the main room that Jax was offering both her and Ray a shot as Clay Morrow raised his glass towards her father.

"To Precious Pete. May he rest in peace."

The men raised their glasses as Ray nodded solemnly. "To Pete."

Ella swallowed her shot, suppressing a cough as the liquor coursed through her body. She wasn't sure what she was supposed to think or feel. She was too numb at this point; her head was still trying to process too many information to be able to think straight. She sat on a stool at the bar and tried to ignore the concerned looks she felt on her. It was as if everyone was just waiting for her to lose it. Well everyone except for the one person she really wanted to see but as she perused the clubhouse he was nowhere to be found. Several times, she had to fight the urge to just run out of there as people patted her on the back in misplaced solicitude. Jax spotted her and bent over the bar so their conversation couldn't be heard.

"You okay?"

She threw him a look that told him okay was a long way from what she was at that instant.

"Anything I can do?"

"No, thanks. I…I have a headache. I should just go lie down."

Jax opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by Tig "Hey prospect, stop flirting with the princess and keep them coming."

Jax looked at her apologetic. "I'll talk to you later."

Ella was about to step off her stool when Tig got closer to her blocking her exit. He locked eyes with her, his ice blue eyes starring daggers at her. "Think you got your bikers all mixed up, doll." he said his voice barely above a whisper.

Ella glared at him before stepping off from the other side. The whole interaction has only lasted seconds but it left her feeling dirty. But unwilling to let Tig get the upper hand on her, she pretended to shrug it off and holding her head up high, she made her way down the corridor to head back to the dorm.

As she approached, she noticed the dorm facing Jax's was open and saw Kozik seating on the bed. He looked…well he looked tired. Exhausted even. And sad. There was something different about him, something in his face, in his body as if he suddenly had a heavy weight on his shoulders. He hadn't even heard her coming in. She wasn't sure how long he had been there but after checking that no one was around, she knocked on the door lightly making her presence known.

"Hey."

He looked up and straightened up straight away "Hi."

"Are you okay?" she enquired as she took a few steps inside the dorm.

He stood up and walked to the dresser turning his back on her. "I should be asking you that."

She wasn't sure what it was but something didn't seem right. It was as if he was asking but didn't really care about the answer. She shook it off smiling weakly. "I've been better."

"I'm sorry about Pete, Ella. Really am."

"I know. I'm glad you're okay."

She took another step towards him and she swore she saw him flinch. He rummaged through his pocket taking out a smoke and lit it nervously. She searched his face for an explanation but it was completely closed to her. Remembering Gemma's advice in Rogue River, Ella checked the corridor before closing the door behind her keeping the world out of this conversation. "Kozik, is something wrong?"

He exhaled loudly not meeting her stare. "I saw you with Jax earlier. You two seem to get along."

She was taken aback by the left field comment and threw him a funny look. "He's a nice guy, but that's all." As her altercation with Tig came back to mind she continued incredulous. "You're not…you're not jealous are you?"

"I don't do jealous sweetheart."

"Well good. Because I'm not interested in Jax, Kozik."

"Maybe you should be." For the first time since she'd walked into the dorm, he locked eyes with her and Ella felt like someone had just slapped her. His look was one of indifference, his voice had sounded so detached, so cold, like he didn't really give a damn whether she was or not. "Excuse me?"

He buried his hands in his pocket and shrugged "I mean you two, it makes sense. You're the same age. He's the son of a president. He's going to be president of this club one day.

"Stop! Just...stop!" She said forcefully. She walked to him trying to meet his eyes. "What are you doing Kozik? Where is this coming from? I thought..."

He moved away from her. "What did you think Ella? That I'd be your boyfriend and we'd ride off into the sunset. Is that what you thought?

Every word that was coming out of his mouth was stabbing through her like a goddamn knife. "Don't fucking patronize me and don't talk to me like I am some child who doesn't know anything about life!"

He grabbed her arm with force and got in her face to keep his voice down. "You are a kid. You're a fucking kid. You're nineteen, Ella. I'm pushing on 30. We just don't fit."

He let go of her arm as if it was radioactive and she scoffed. "First you push me on Jax, now you bring up my age? It sounds to me like you're looking for excuses."

"I'm not. I got blindsided for a minute, it was a mistake. I… care about you Ella. But I got responsibilities to my club, to my president."

"When you left, things were heading somewhere whether you want to admit it or not. What happened Kozik?"

"Nothing happened. Just realised it wasn't worth it."

This hurt her more than she wanted to admit. He had spat those words as if they didn't mean anything to him, as if she didn't mean anything to her. She sniggered self derisively. "Spoken like a true Son." Fighting back tears she walked to the door, opening it and turned back to him forcing a smile. "And to think I didn't even have to sleep with you before you passed me over like some sweet butt. Congratulations on your promotion Kozik, you're going to make a great SAA Kozik."

She left without another word. She simply didn't know what else to say.

Well, I hope you enjoyed this. I know Kozik is being an ass at the moment but he really is conflicted! Before any of you ask if Ella can't catch a break, she will I promise, just bear with me!

To apologise for the long wait and because I almost finished it I will be posting the next chapter either later today or tomorrow. As always, please do let me know what you think it does really inspire and help me in equal measures!