Oh, no! Zeh angst ish back!
Title: Precious
Pairing(s): Goh/Gai, vague hints of Goh/Shin
Warnings: a little dark and angsty, mentions of non-con, weak attempt at heated make-out session, unbetaed.
A/N: This is set after chapter one of 'HHEB' – namely my story 'The Lake, the Tree, and the Harpist'. I strongly suggest you read that one first, if you haven't got the slightest clue as to what happened between Goh and Gai in that :) It explains a loooot…
Oh, well. Onwards with zeh ficcy. I found this pairing frustratingly hard to write; at least in this story. I figured their love-confession to each other wouldn't be all harp-play and happy moments soaring through the skies. Thus I wrote this… *doom*
Happy ending, though - Enjoy!
"… I'm ready to talk, now."
Gai never stopped practising his Earth-shattering abilities, even though he heard Goh's voice clearly. The training-field. This was where the bi-coloured eyed angel had finally found him, after trying to search him out for almost two weeks. And before the two-week hunt Goh had hid from Gai for nearly three weeks; three weeks he had needed desperately to collect his thoughts after some unplanned and unpleasant events.
No answer. The brunette didn't like being ignored, especially by Gai.
"I said-"
"I heard you, stop nagging!"
Above the two angels on the field the greyish autumn-sky rumbled with the sound of a distant thunder, approaching. A storm was brewing.
Goh leaned back against a tree, watched the other as he repeatedly smashed his fist into the ground, causing the rock and forest around them to shudder. Gai panted and tried to catch his breath, and proceeded to shut out his senior and oldest friend.
A soft panic had begun spreading in Goh's chest after one day of unsuccessful Gai-hunting. His other friends shared his anxiety. When a week had gone by, the brown-haired male had not been able to sleep properly; tossed and turned in his bed, dreamed of childhood memories in a lake, in a forest; all of them being cruelly ripped from his grasp.
"Gai! The weather looks really bad. I think you need to postpone your training for a while and go home. I'll walk you."
Gai huffed in annoyance, as if Goh was nothing but a nuisance. But he did pick up his bag, and turned around towards Goh; and started walking.
When Gai passed him by, not turning or making any notion of waiting for him, Goh quickly followed in his foot-steps. It didn't seem like his friend wanted to talk, at all. But wasn't it time? After the past incident with Shin and everything, Goh had both dreaded talking about their feelings, mainly Gai's, but he has also wanted the day to come, wanted the secrets to come out in the open.
He had expected Gai to confess, yell it out. Had believed he would come to him and… Talk to him in that way that simply defined their friendship: Gai being surprisingly gentle and understanding, coaxing the more reserved Goh to open up, share his doubts and small, daily victories with him. That was the essential part of the impeccable trust they shared.
They had never been overly mad with each other, even if they fought, bickered and disagreed nearly on a daily basis. But judging by the uncharacteristic, dark aura coming from the younger angel, Goh could tell that things were really bad between them. Really, really bad, this time.
"Gai… Won't you at least look at me?"
"I have to watch where I'm going, so no… Don't you have some place to be or something?"
Goh frowned at the cold, dismissive tone, even if he knew he deserved it for his past behaviour. It was so unlike Gai to talk to him like this, to seem that distant and bitter. The brunette was used to being crowded by the other; he was used to never feeling alone.
"Gai, I understand why you are angry with me…" Oh, but he was also uncertain. Nothing had happened between him and Shin in the end, except he had gained a lifetime promise of friendship.
"Sure you do…" Still nothing but ice-cold, sharply-spoken syllables. They were nearly at Gai's cottage.
"But, look! Nothing happened, I swear! Shin has met someone, an-"
"OH," Gai spun on his feet, faced Goh with furious lightening in his eyes. "Rejected, were you?"
Goh was left speechless by the sheer harshness it was hissed at him, stunned by the hatred in the other normally cheerful and bubbly angel's voice.
"So how does it feel? Now he's gonna kiss, hug and lie with someone else, someone who isn't you! How does it feel?"
"I… - It wasn't meant to be, so-"
"That's right. You and destiny!" Gai sneered and spat the word. "You just cannot lean back and enjoy the ride… You have to be on constant look-out for your soul mate and ignore the unimportant people right under your nose! And now that the supposed 'love of your life' has found somebody to fool around with for the rest of his immortal days you come strutting back, telling me you want to talk?"
"I thought this was what you wanted!"
"What? What do I want, Goh? An argument in this freezing weather with my so-called best friend?"
"No, to… to…"
Weren't you going to tell me that you love me? Didn't you want to confess?
Gai's eyes widened as he understood Goh's hesitation. But the shock quickly morphed into an irritated and hurt expression, masked by indifference.
"I see… So you decided to settle for the next best. Yeah, I get it…"
"That's not-"
"But it is, Goh! Look at us!" Gai yelled, gesturing widely with his arms, holding them open as if to invite Goh into an embrace; only that his eyes told him clearly to back off, fangs becoming visible in his anger. He was nearly feral-looking in the dark, autumn-weather.
Not that Goh was afraid. Never when he was this distressed and confused.
"Goh, no..!" Too late. Goh had gripped Gai painfully hard by the shoulders and slammed him into the thick, wooden wall of his house with an audible thud. Gai hissed.
"Don't you ever show me your fangs, Gai," Goh warned through clenched teeth. "You'll only regret it later…"
"Release me!"
"No!"
"Goh, what's the matter with you? You're hurting me!"
Goh released his steel-like grip on the other a little, but not enough for Gai to wrestle himself free, though he tried to. They ended up battling each other, a wordless brawl, onto the ground below them. Gai clawed and hissed, fangs glistening menacingly. Goh just held the other tight, almost like he wanted to pull the angered blonde into his body, into his heart and soul.
Gai cursed un-holily and showed an impressive amount of stamina, kicking wildly at the brunette on top, but eventually he gave up, shaking with multiple emotions, breathing unsteadily.
Goh remained on top, watched as Gai tilted his head away from him, chin touching the wet path under them in surrender. Like an animal would.
Nothing felt right at that moment. Goh hated the way the younger angel looked lying there, heart-broken and conquered in the mud. They were best friends, had always been so. They were always together, confided in each other, and they played and trained in the fields and mountains of Heaven – just the two of them.
Was all that about to change? Goh felt how the anxious ache in his heart intensified at the thought of it. Gai was loud, childish at times, cheated in games and in training, and he was out-going to the point where other angels were left gaping at the blonde's determination to befriend every living and breathing creature that existed.
Not that long ago Goh had merely felt that Gai admired him and liked spending all his time with him – and Goh had cherished the little ball of sunshine and energy in his life. But now… Gai was very infatuated with him, for all that Goh knew. And to keep the blonde in his life, should he give in? Give a relationship a chance? What would exactly change if they decided to do so, and how?
Goh knew that couples in Heaven spent most of their time together.
We already did that.
Couples also shared their secrets, like ambitions and insecurities, with each other.
But we already did that!
Goh stared down at the sniffing and softly growling angel under him. Gai looked like he was struggling to hold back his tears or a furious cat-like howl. So many emotions showed on his lively face, but none of them gave Goh the ease and amusement he usually felt. Goh could finally see how Gai had felt inside since he began pursuing Shin all that time ago.
Were we a couple all along? You really, seriously loved me all this time? Why couldn't I truly see that? You must hate me now…
"… Could you love me again, Gai?"
Gai made a sound like a dying angel, pained and sorrowful. He was still laying in silent submission, facing away from Goh, shaking with exhausted anger and shock.
"… Shin told you something he wasn't supposed to?" he murmured, eyes closed and his breath coming in trembling releases.
"He never had to tell me anything. I think I somehow knew all along." Goh closed his eyes, hands rested on each side of Gai's head. "And I'm sorry…"
"About what exactly? About courting Shin like a restless, unknowing adolescent in my presence, or about fighting me and forcing me down onto the mud and dirt, or-"
"About everything, alright?" Goh snapped, then sighed. He realized he was still on top of Gai, but instead of pulling off his childhood friend and loyal companion and sitting up, he lay down next to him; felt how the mud soaked his blue robe. "You never deserved any of this. Had anyone else treated you like I did, I would have hunted them down and killed them."
Their eyes locked, both of their worlds were vertical, upside down.
"You are precious to me, Gai. And to know that I've caused you pain and suffering… I-I can never forgive myself."
"You can't hunt yourself down o-or kill yourself, though," Gai muttered, flushed and feverish-looking in the coldness of the wet dirt under their bodies. "That's sinful even to think about."
"I won't," Goh assured, shivering in the cold autumn of Heaven. "But I'll travel everywhere, Hell and Heaven alike, to have your forgiveness and trust again."
"I'll never stop trusting you, Goh. I would trust you with my life, anytime, anywhere," Gai said, strays of blonde hair covering his left eye, sheltering him from the view of the gathering storm-clouds. The skies above them rumbled, threatened them.
"… But how will you forgive me?"
Gai sighed, a wistful look in his visible, baby-blue eye.
"Just kiss me. Kiss me once, on the lips, and you're forgiven."
When Goh didn't react, Gai flushed in embarrassment and shame, taking the lack of immediate lip-to-lip contact the wrong way.
"I s-swear, it's not some sort of t-trick! I just a-always imagined it happening after a duel of ours, wanted it… I-I understand if you're t-thinking that I'll want m-more, but-"
Goh silenced him with the kiss Gai had longed for since childhood, determined to make it everything he had fantasized it to be; and more…
He kissed Gai in what had to be a clumsy way, lips a bit stiff in the beginning as he pressed their mouths together. But the sensation and revelation of finally experiencing it, after centuries of imagining his first, real kiss, had him groan and part his lips around the soft skin of the other. He gently slipped his tongue in between Gai's lips, never truly invading the smaller angel's mouth, but tasted the sensitive, pink flesh, and was met by the shy, curious tip of Gai's tongue as it carefully and needily poked his. Goh growled softly, continued with his exploration.
Gai moaned longingly, but willed his legs and arms to remain locked against his body, locked to the ground. But it was difficult when every primitive and matured instinct alike screamed at him to wrap himself around the elder of the two, to caress and return the pleasure.
Goh gently kissed his companion's bottom-lip, cursing his own inexperience in silence. He had never shared himself in acts of love, had saved himself for the right person, had always felt it to be right to wait for his destined lover. But now, while Gai squirmed under his exploring tongue and their breaths mingled, he wished he knew how to give real pleasure, knew how to express this enormous feeling inside of him, this feeling that threatening to rupture and consume him.
Maybe it was also because now, while he gently held Gai down in the pouring rain and let his breath tingle over the blonde's shuddering and swollen lips, he understood his destiny.
Gai knew all along, Goh mused, kissed Gai's forehead, lips lingering a little longer, adoring. Gai knew I was his soul mate. But he let me figure it out on my own. He didn't want to force me. Because he loves me.
Goh looked at Gai, the petite angel panting, white clouds of mist colouring the icy, rainy air. His eyes were closed and his white, muddy robe looked dishevelled.
"You're so beautiful, Gai."
"… T-took you long enough, b-bastard," Gai's lips, swollen from kisses, split into a shaky grin. "And of course I'm b-beautiful. I'm the best-looking angel out there, I'll have you k-know."
"Cocky brat," Goh laughed, voice unsteady but relieved, the ache in his heart eased slowly with the knowledge of having healed the hurt and pain between his friend and himself. But also relieved with having found his soul mate, his one true love, at the very same time. He frowned, kissed Gai's nose softly. "Maybe it had been easier for you if you had simply told me."
"I'll get over it, Goh." A confident grin. Gai licked his lips, absently. "Besides, that wouldn't have been fair to you."
"I could have handled it, Gai," the brunette murmured, eyes fixated on the smaller of them's full lips and playful tongue. "I would have survived. You could have told me…"
The thunder roared over them.
"Nah," Gai grinned and pulled Goh closer. "You're too precious to me…"
~ ~ ~ FIN ~ ~ ~
Meeeh, mushy ending. But me liiikes xD
Am I alright at writing kisses? *shifty eyes* No, seriously, do you guys get nauseous from reading them, or do I write these kind of scenes alright? Do tell me.
This story was written whilst listening to 'Precious' by Depeche Mode, which also named my fic. This incredible song is just so Saint Beast-romance! *drools* Here are the lyrics but go hear the song as well – it's really pretty and a little sad:
Precious – Depeche Mode
Precious and fragile things
Need special handling
My God what have we done to You?
We always try to share
The tenderest of care
Now look what we have put You through...
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
Angels with silver wings
Shouldn't know suffering
I wish I could take the pain for You
If God has a master plan
That only He understands
I hope it's Your eyes He's seeing through
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
I pray You learn to trust
Have faith in both of us
And keep room in Your heart for two
Things get damaged
Things get broken
I thought we'd manage
But words left unspoken
Left us so brittle
There was so little left to give
Mmm, I love it to pieces :') *sniff*
Anyhoo, now I can openly declare that I have written a Gai and Goh story – and they deserved one after that darn prequel of mine… I ish proud and satisfied! More stories for these two guys will come later, as well. Less dark, obviously! I seriously REALLY need to learn how to write mindless fluff :3
But for now I'm off to write more crack x'D More 'Rock-Soup'-alicious stuff coming up!
Don't forget to leave a review! Take care 'till next time :)