"WAKE UP, MAGGOT!" A loud, booming voice stirred me from my sleep. My door was being attacked by a barrage of violent pounds. "THE NEW RECRUIT'S COMING SO GET YOUR FRILLY FRENCH ASS OUT HERE!"

I moaned loudly in protest as I covered my head with my bed sheets.

More pounding assaulted my door. "I'M COMING IN THERE, MISSY!"

"But I'm naked." I groggily lied. I just want to go back to bed. Is that so bad to ask?

I heard a long silence on the other side of my door. After a few seconds later I heard an uncomfortable cough. "Well, uh… Just get out here soon… OR ELSE!" The intruder then marched away.

Good. Now I can- Wait… That's right. The new Scout arrives today. I hastily jumped out of bed, not before experiencing a long moment of vertigo of course, and got dressed. When I finally put my plain red masquerade mask on I heard big, hurried footsteps approach my door. The only people I could think of making such a racket would either be Soldier, perhaps Demoman and-

"Spyress!" Heavy burst into my room, scaring me half to death. His expression was of excitement and joy, but that did not alter the rapid beating of my heart. "The train iz here!"

"Merde!" I cursed to myself as I scurried past Heavy and out of my room towards the front of our base. I wanted to look professional in front of the new mercenary, not incompetent.

Luckily, as I arrived, I saw a young red shirted boy exit the train with some luggage. He looked naïve and uncertain, and it made me think for a moment… This may be my chance to get along with the newcomer and perhaps 'make up for lost ground'.

I saw my allies giving me questioning looks when I strutted up to the young boy as the train departed. Maybe I can make the Scout comfortable with his new surroundings by being friendly. I gave him a warm smile and extended my hand. "Welcome to RED team, mon cher."

The boy bore brown hair and dark green eyes. Those eyes looked up at me in hope instead of nervousness as he took my hand a shook it vigorously. He pepped up a tiny bit. "My name is-"

"Shush." I pressed a finger to his lips. "We are not allowed to share our real identities, Scout."

"Oh yeah…" He blushed. I gave him a good-natured chuckle and shook my head.

"Come." I wrapped my arm around his shoulder. "Let's get 'ou acquainted with zhe team."

It felt a little like déjà vu when I escorted the new Scout towards RED base where our comrades waited for us. It almost feels like I got off that train years ago… "Um, hiya." The Scout shyly greeted.

I shook out of my reverie and noticed that we were already in front of the team. I fixed my tie and introduced Scout to everyone. "I'm sure you know zhe people 'ere by reading zhe files 'ou were given, no?"

"Well yeah." The Scout laughed nervously as he eyed everyone. "But I didn't expect da Spy bein' a girl." He pointed out.

Fluidly I took out my disguise kit and retrieved a cigarette from it. "Neither did anyone else." I lit up the drag and inhaled deeply. "By zhe way, call me Spyress."

"Sure thing!" The Scout brightened up, more confident in getting along with everyone, I presume. "So uh, where do I go ta hit da sack an' put my crap?" He asked aloud but eyed me as he spoke.

"Are 'ou asking moi to take 'ou to your quarters?" I flicked the ash from my stick suavely, then, took a puff from it. "If zhat iz zhe case then there should be no problem in doing so."

RED's new Scout doesn't seem as hyperactive as the last, especially when he accepted my offer without having a huge ego and outright refusing. So there we were inside the base after introducing him to everyone individually. I found myself striking conversation with him as we travelled.

"Eet doesn't seem 'ou are as excitable as the ozzer Scouts. Why iz zhat?" I inquired almost out of the blue as we walked through RED's courtyard. Scout carried his own luggage around even though I offered. Indeed he is quite a gentleman.

Scout chuckled to himself. "Lady, I'm probably the wildest Scout 2fort's ever had!" I peered over my shoulder as we trekked and saw his sunny expression. "When I drink my BONK!, lookout!" He finished with a punch in the air.

I couldn't help but stifle a laugh at his enthusiasm. I'll have to see it to believe it. The wildest Scout ever in my presence, hm? We arrived outside Scout's room faster than I thought. Maybe it only appeared quick because we were having a delightful exchange?

"So this is my room, right?" Scout turned the doorknob and entered the dorm like he just discovered Wonderland. He observed the room for a moment and then plastered a broad grin across his face. "This is awesome!" He laughed as he jumped onto the bed, which to my surprise was awfully creaky.

I approached the Scout lazily until I noticed something glossy and shattered underneath his bed. I bent down under the mattress and covers, causing the Scout's curiousness to rise as he looked over at me. I ignored his stare and reached into the horizontal crevice only to find a broken picture frame. I got up, dusted myself and the frame off, and then discovered something heart-wrenching. Upon closer inspection I saw it was a very wrinkled and creased photo of the old Scout. I dipped my head solemnly and slowly put the picture frame back where it came from.

"What was dat?" Scout asked with much naivety, leaning over his mattress.

I got up from my knees and forced a smile as I replied, except I stared at the floor instead of facing Scout. "Eet was 'olding your bed together." I fibbed. "So I decided to put eet back. I recommend you don't remove eet." I finished, exhaling a cloud of smoke emotionlessly.

"Oh." Scout shrugged. "Anyways, thanks for helpin' me out earlier. I'm not too sure about how these guys work so it's kinda intimidatin', ya know?"

I made eye contact with the young adult and giggled out of irony. "Oh, mon cher. I was much more intimidated zhan you are right now when I first joined."

"Really?" Scout asked in amazement. "But you're so cool! You could probably kill a guy in cold blood and not bat a 'lash!"

I swallowed hard but kept my happy demeanor. I then decided to keep the incident with the BLU Sniper to myself and brush it off as nothing. "Everyone iz scared and doubtful at some point, no?" I finished, exhaling a puff of smoke. I tried to avoid his comment by asking a question based on previous events. This tactic works most of the time. I hope it doesn't fail now.

Scout seemed blind to my trick as he happily replied. "Yeah, I suppose so. But still." He scratched his head and guffawed nervously. "You're pretty rad for a Spy."

I raised a brow in question. "What's so awful about Spies?" For a moment I felt offended.

"I'm not trying to back ya up inta a corner! I jus' heard from some guys back at training saying stuff like, 'everyone in that war sees black and white except for Spies who only see grey.'" Scout changed his voice as he quoted.

"Are 'ou inquiring zhat us Spies backstab our own allies?" I crossed my arms and leaned on my left leg, showing a hint of my agitation.

Scout waved his arms in front of him quickly. "No, no, no!" He rushed himself. "It's jus' that I was told dat by my old friends back at the academy. I guess it's just a stereotype that all the guys made up…"

Scout seemed pretty regretful after his obnoxious statement and for some reason I gave in to pity. I straightened myself out as I walked up and placed a hand on Scout's shoulder. "Eet's alright, monsieur." I grinned at the comment in my head, ready to use for dialogue. "I'm probably just snippy since I'm a woman. You know 'ow we are when we're PMS-ing ."

Scout chuckled heartily at this and brightened up again. "'Must be useful in battle!" He commented with a cackle.

"Oh, yes." I over-exaggerated, purposely sounding like I was faking seriousness. "I've killed thousands of men with my nagging abilities along with my unexplained rage. I simply run up to people and face-stab them because zhat's how I, should I say, 'roll'."

Scout was in tears, as I expected. He was kind but still immature and I knew that his childishness would perk him up from any sort of blues. I'm not too good with humor but keeping this boy ecstatic is no harder than catching the BLU Spy. I need to get along with this guy anyway since he's my new teammate. I inhaled the nicotine from my drag as Scout found his breath. "Dude, I dun care what those guys back at trainin' said. You're awesome!"

I gave him a small smile and blew a cloud of smoke through my lips. "Glad 'ou think so, garcon. 'owever I must be on my way. I 'ave to prepare for today's battle, and so must 'ou. Au revoir." He gave me a blank stare before I left him to his room. It was true I had to prepare for today's mission but I really just wanted to converse with everyone else to see how they appeal to our new Scout. Besides, I felt a little awkward after telling that sort-of sexist joke. I'd never insult myself for kicks and giggles before…

I chose to check out the lounge for allies first but found no one. I mentally face-palmed myself afterwards when I realized that I was the only one who used it. With I grunt of dissatisfaction I then checked the dining room and sure enough I found the whole team having breakfast. Why hadn't I thought to check here before?

Still brushing myself off from the dust I collected underneath Scout's bed, I took a seat at the table next to Pyro and Demoman. Everyone was eating except for me and Pyro. Unlike the BLU Pyro, RED Pyro and I get along. I just can't look at it the same way ever since my encounters with BLU Pyro. Chasing me down with persistence and shouting out incoherent words the whole time… I do believe I developed a phobia of pyromaniacs since I got here.

"Mornin' Spyress." Engineer, who sat across from me, removed his hardhat with a tip of his head, revealing a bald dome. I bowed my head appreciatively with a smirk of acknowledgement.

"Aye there lass!" Demoman shoved my shoulder with his arm, drinking booze as usual. "Wot's wit ye and that lad? Ye 'ave a ting for Scouts er sometin'?" He guffawed loudly, obviously drunk.

I rolled my eyes and rubbed my shoulder tenderly. "Non." I put out my cigarette against the table's surface and disposed of it into the opening of Demoman's drink. He glared at me as I smiled devilishly, leaning over the table with a hand supporting my head. "But I suspect 'e will be a credit to our team."

I heard Pyro chuckling beside me as Demoman tried to get my cigarette out of his bottle without spilling any alcohol. Medic cleared his throat and I responded by looking at him from the corner of my eye."Vhy do you believe zhis, Spyress?"

Paying no mind to the irritated Demoman anymore, I focused on Medic's inquiry. "As calm as 'e might appear, Scout 'as informed me zhat 'e iz zhe craziest Scout 2fort 'as ever saw." I smiled at Medic's confused expression. "Indeed, zhe boy iz either incredibly skilled or just a'ead of 'imself."

"Ya really think the dag's got wot it takes?" Sniper took a sip of his coffee and leaned forward in his seat, glancing up at me from under his hat.

"We should give zhe boy a chance." I yawned and sat back in my chair carelessly. "Besides, eet's not like 'e's so naïve to zhe point of being a burden." I lowered my vision to my lap as I continued. "Also, I want to make 'im feel more comfortable zhen when I first came here…"

The room suddenly died in silence. Even Demoman ceased his poor attempts in trying to retrieve my drag to purify his booze. Without budging my head I looked at everyone sitting around the table. Soldier, Sniper, Medic and Demoman appeared stiff and timid. Everyone else look at me sympathetically.

Sniper, who pulled his hat over his eyes, brushed the hat out of his face and stared at me apologetically. "Alroight, I admit I was skeptical at first cuz you were a Spoi. An' I guess it was wrong of me ta judge ya by a class I've learned ta hate… 'Never really got to apologize fer that so, sorry sheila."

I put my arms down and glanced over at the guilty ones. "Want to explain yourselves too? Or would 'ou rather be imbéciles arrogants and keep your prides?" I almost furrowed my brow angrily, not that I really felt anger as much as hurt from remembering how stressful my first day was.

"Natürlich, Spyress." Medic began without any signs of tenseness whatsoever. "Soldier and I were a bit vorried to have a voman on zhe team." Soldier grumbled to himself along the lines of, 'Stupid Nazi' and 'Damn commie ego'. Medic didn't notice this and continued, nonetheless. "I'm not ashamed to admit we had sexist views. For zhat, Ich entschuldige mich demütig."

Since I understood most German language I knew that Medic just apologized to me and I gave a positive nodded in response. I think me and just about everyone else at this table flinched when Soldier spontaneously slammed his meaty fists on the wooden stand and jumped out of his seat. "I AM ALSO SORRY!" After his startling outburst we all watched him as he sat back down in his chair like nothing happened.

I wasn't too sure how anyone could start up a conversation after that but of course, once again, Demoman found a way. A drunken way. "Hell I jus' thought ye were perty!" He broke out in uncontrollable laughter. "Then again, when I'm drunk, everytings perty!"

I pinched in between my eyes and did something I learned from the academy, but never used in the field so far. Swiftly, as the Demoman was basically choking on his own chuckles, I swung a hand and hit a certain area of his neck to knock him unconscious. He hit the table, booze still in his grip. I brushed my hair with my fingers as everyone looked at me shocked. "Like I said, I appreciate your confessions as I was still kind of sore about eet." I half-lied with an amused smile. I peered over at the Demoman for a brief second before I looked back at the rest of my team. "'e passed out from too much alcohol conzumption. Remember zhat."

My allies agreed without retaliation. He was a good teammate but my lord what he an obnoxious drunk. Once again, I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard tiny quick footsteps echo from the hallway outside. "Hey guys!" Scout burst through the doorway with wild abandon, carrying a bunch of six pack drinks towards the fridge.

"What in tarnation are you up to Scout?" Engineer shouted in alarm.

"What's in your arms, city boy?" Soldier asked more calmly than I expected. He was still demanding though.

Scout was already putting the colorful cans away in the refrigerator by the time he finally peered over his shoulder. "'Just stockin' up on sum of my fuel." He informed us gleefully, turning his attention back on putting away the beverages. "That administrator lady said she'd give me more of this stuff if I ran out. Cool huh?"

I rubbed my chin, pondering. "Oui… I see."

MISSION STARTS IN TEN MINUTES

"Better hurry up ya ankle-biter." Sniper called to Scout playfully as he got up from his seat to put his mug in the sink. "Yer gunna have to get your weapons for today's match."

Scout had two packs left in his hands when we began to exit the room. I stopped at the doorway before leaving, whistling for Scout to look at me. "Monsieur, before you leave zhe room, please wake up Demoman. 'e blacked out after getting too drunk."

Scout's face twisted into disbelieving confusion after looking at the heap of flesh on the table. "Uhhh, sure?" He replied with uncertainty.

I giggled and lit a cigarette up, taking in the sweet nicotine as I inhaled the stick. "Je vous remercie, Scout." I then left the boy alone once again. By giving him responsibility perhaps I can judge his skill and performance as a member of RED. I exhaled and removed the drag from my mouth, heading towards my room so I could equip my weapons. More importantly, today, we'll see how he works in the field of war.

I cursed to myself a thousand times in my head. Gripping my bleeding bicep as I leaned against the wall in BLU's sewers I couldn't help but let the cigarette in my mouth drop to the ground. The pain was too great to grip the stick with my teeth and not break it from me biting down too hard. Damn their new Sniper. Of course I should have expected BLU's recruits to arrive today. Our team would have won the war too easily if they didn't restock on people soon. Still, how could that dirty bushman see through my disguise as their Spy? Maybe I got careless and disguised in the open…

I gritted my teeth at the seething pain. I have no clue if the bullet went through my arm or stayed in it but the pain definitely felt like a mixture of unbearable stinging and inflammation. However, the point is I can't move my arm. If I can't use it then I'm just as useless as a bow without its arrow. I sighed in defeat, hoping no enemy was around to take advantage of me in this position.

Out of nowhere a red blur zoomed across my field of vision. "Gottagettheintelnow,now,now!" I heard a voice shout throughout the sewers in slurred English. I stood there astonished from the moment, and then realized that the voice belonged to Scout. My arm still hurts like hell on Earth but I can't help but feel shocked at his inhuman speed.

"Bon sang!" I cried out in frustration and slid to the ground, feeling the rhythmic pulses of pain spread throughout my body. I hit the wall with the back of my head on purpose and started to wonder why Scout hadn't stopped to help me.

I believe I sat there for thirty minutes gripping my arm as hard as I could before Medic and Heavy entered the sewers. I saw them through the strands of hair covering my face and gave them a weak smile.

"Mein Gott!" Medic cried out and rushed over to me. I saw Heavy look down at me with concern over Medic's shoulder as the doctor kneeled over me to observe my wound. "Vhat happened to you?"

"BLU Sniper." I barely answered, trying to sound like I wasn't struggling to speak. I didn't want to sound weak in front of them, not trying to imply I have a reputation to keep.

Medic examined my bicep, noticing the fact that blood had completely covered my left sleeve. He barely touched the hole in my arm but I screeched through my teeth, causing him to move his gloved hand away. "Vell," Medic sighed. "Zhe bullet has pierced through your upper bicep so zhere's no lead poisoning to really vorry about. Zhe Medigun should fix you up." He finished, deploying a wave of red energy onto my body.

I heard something in my arm shift as it was healing. Apparently that was normal in the healing process when using the Medigun. I sighed in relief as the warm wave did its job in fixing up my limb. I stood up, wobbly at first, and shook the Medic's hand. "Merci, doctor."

He readjusted his glasses and smiled. "It's mein job, but you're welcome."

"Girl iz good now, da?" Heavy asked me in a 'kind giant' way.

I nodded with a smile. "Oui, 'eavy. I will be fine." Suddenly I remembered Scout and stopped the Medic as he began to turn. "Oh Medic, did 'ou 'appen to see Scout recently? 'e was literally flying through 'ere fifteen minutes ago."

"Ach…" Medic groaned, trying to think of the events throughout today. "Nein, vhat about you Heavy?"

Heavy rubbed his five O' clock shadow and tried to recall anything to do with Scout. "I saw tiny man drink soda when battle started. " Heavy scratched his head, searching for more info. "Dat's about it."

The soda… No, it must be an energy drink. Scout's remarkable speed earlier came from a can filled with sugar and artificial flavors? I wanted to investigate further into the matter but now would be inappropriate. We have a mission to comple-

THE ENEMY HAS STOLEN OUR INTELLIGENCE

"'ou two should go defend our intel." I suggested to the pair, speaking hastily. "I do believe Scout will-"

WE HAVE TAKEN THE ENEMY'S INTELLIGENCE

I frowned as the announcer interrupted me in mid-sentence. Medic and Heavy laughed at this. "Don't vorry, liebe. We'll go defend our intelligence." Medic chuckled. "Let's hurry, Heavy."

"Very well, doktor." Heavy obeyed as they exited from the way they came.

I didn't expect Scout to steal the intelligence so quickly. I'll have to question him later on how he gained such agility. Focusing more on the mission I disguised as the enemy Soldier and worked my way up BLU's stairs, plotting the whole way up. Maybe I'll go tango with the BLU Sniper for shooting me earlier…

No casualties on either team today. I don't know why but it was comforting to know. My attempt to get back at the BLU Sniper was not a failure or a success. Actually we were at a draw. With his kukri to my neck and my balisong to his we were pretty much at a stalemate. The only way we got out of it was me taking out my dead ringer, lowering my guard on purpose and getting sliced by the blade. BLU Sniper laughed when he thought he killed me. Just to mess with him though I uncloaked a fair distance away from him, smirked mockingly and then ran off. My only guess is that he's pissed. Funny thing is he looked no different from the last Sniper other than the fact he wore blue tinted aviaters instead of yellow ones.

Dragging myself into the base, being that I was somewhat tired from today's brawl, I suddenly remembered Scout and how he basically led us to victory. I need to ask him about his… BONK!, I think it was called? I was about to enter the wreck room where, as usual, everyone would be celebrating, but froze as I heard heavy panting coming from behind me.

"What's up?" Scout wheezed. He was clearly tired.

"What 'appened to you?" I asked him coolly.

"Just crashin', I think." Scout smiled, still trying to steady his breathing.

"Non, I mean what 'appened earlier today when 'ou zipped past me? Did 'ou not see me dying?" I questioned him in a calmer tone than expected.

"Oh my god, you were dyin'?" He panicked, recovering from his fatigue. "I was so freakin' hyper I couldn't make sense of nothin'! The world kept spinnin' but I somehow pulled through and got the intel."

"What exactly is in those cans you put in the refrigerator today?" I exhaled a cloud of smoke from the cigarette I lit up a while ago.

"Somethin' called 'isotopes' or whateva." Scout shrugged. "It sure does get the job done though!" He grinned.

"Radiation…" I thought out loud. "'ou 'ave been sucking down gallons of radiation for how long now?"

The Scout looked confused but replied anyway. "Er, it's a new product that jus' came out. That lady said she'd be givin' it to every single Scout if it worked out." He returned to his sunny air, permanently out of his 'crash' phase. "'Guess it did! Anyways, I'm gonna go celebrate with the guys. Seeya there!"

I stared after him as he left with a hop in his step. My final analysis on this Scout is that he's naïve, gullible, peppy and kind. Though these are good things to look for in a person, I suppose, it's certainly a downside around here. Hopefully Scout will mature as his time here progresses or else he's going to be killed sooner than I originally thought.