The Misanthrope

Chapter 10

xXx

Just as Eren stepped out of the shower and wrapped himself up in a large and soft towel, there was a knock on the bathroom door.

"I've found some clothes for you," Levi's voice was different than usual and Eren frowned. He opened the door to get the clothes, and found Levi doing his best not to look at him directly.

"Levi..."

"These will fit, I think," the man interrupted, shoving a folded pair of trousers and a shirt to Eren. "Ordered them via Hanji and she must have messed up something because they're too big for me."

"Oh... okay..."

"I'm gonna make that tea now," Levi murmured and hurried to his kitchen.

The boy stared after him, feeling a twist of regret in his stomach. As much as he was attracted to Levi, he'd rather they stayed the way they were before, just so everything would be normal. Normal and without that awful tension.

He closed the door and dressed himself, pausing shortly to sniff the shirt. It smelled like fresh laundry and soap. And faintly Levi.

Stepping out, Eren went directly towards the dining table, where he sat down and watched Levi working around his kitchen. He really was avoiding him.

"Levi, please..."

The man froze for a moment, but then continued his motions in a stiffer manner. "Yeah?"

"Please... Let's not do this..." Eren felt miserable. Honestly, he would rather suffer in silence and alone, without anyone knowing, than this. Anything but this. "You can't even look at me."

Levi's shoulders slumped, but he still didn't turn.

"I'm sorry for what happened in there. I don't know what came over me," Eren tried lying. He did know what had come over him.

Levi shook his head and sighed. He finally turned to look at the boy. "You..." he trailed off.

Eren waited for him to continue. It was clear that he was searching for his words.

"You can't undo that," the older man said slowly, frowning.

"Then forget about it... Forget I said anything," Eren tried desperately.

"I can't forget about it Eren," Levi sighed, looking very uncomfortable. "I should, but I can't."

Once again, Eren noticed Levi's eyes and the way he was looking at him. He felt naked under that gaze and he shifted on his chair, trying to get more comfortable.

"Does it bother you that much," the boy asked.

He was startled when he heard a humorless chuckle from Levi. "It doesn't. That's the issue."

They stared at each other for several moments.

"My mom said that I'm too young to understand stuff and that you're too old for me. And that you'd never feel the way I do," Eren suddenly began to talk; his words making Levi's eyes grow a bit wider. "I ran away because I couldn't handle it. I couldn't handle knowing that you'd never, ever return my feelings. I can live not knowing, I really can. But now, this... I'm daring to say that I see something in your eyes, and I've seen it several times, and I know it's not just... It's not just... You don't just see me as a dumb kid."

The boy blinked a few times, to compose his feelings. "Now it's even worse. I see that you feel something and you deny me..."

"You think this is a walk in the park for me?!" Levi nearly barked.

Eren's jaw clicked shut.

"It was easier to ignore your looks before you decided to talk about your feelings!"

"You asked me about my feelings! And why should you ignore me?!"

"Because I can't be an old pervert on top of being a heartless bastard! I don't want to be that guy! I don't want you to be fifteen when I'm thirty-two! Why can't you be at least twenty? I can't have feelings for a brat like you!"

"I'm not a brat!" Eren yelled, an angry tear running down his cheek.

"Yes you are! Look at yourself! Pining over a guy who least deserves it!"

"Why don't you deserve it?"

"Because! Because..." Levi trailed off once again. He shot Eren a pained look. "You just... You don't know me well enough. You don't need me or my emotional baggage."

Eren stood from his seat and walked up to Levi. "Then tell me about you... Tell me everything. Tell me about that old man you've talked to on the fair. And then leave me to decide if you deserve me or not. Even though you already know my decision."

The older man just blinked at him.

"See, now I didn't sound like a brat." Eren was proud of himself.

"You just ruined it," Levi smirked.

The tension seemed to lessen.

xXx

After settling in front of the fireplace, Levi on the sofa and Eren on his spot on the rug, the older man began to talk. He talked about how Erwin convinced him to enlist. He talked about the good times and the bad times while he was a recruit, and later when he'd joined the Scouting Legion.

He talked about the horrors he'd seen on their missions, about the comrades they'd lost.

They were already on their second pot of tea when Levi finally came to the part about his squad and the old man.

xXx

"The man that came to me at the fair... His daughter was in my squad. Petra," Levi's voice was morose. "She wasn't just my subordinate. She was my friend."

"What happened to her," Eren asked, already fearing the answer.

"Not just her. My entire squad died. I left them to die."

"I'm sure you didn't -"

"We were on a mission outside the walls and while we were riding through a forest, we got attacked. After killing several titans, I hurried after Erwin, to stay back on track with our plan. He convinced me to do so, to at least refill my gas tank."

Levi just continued to talk, seemingly not noticing that he'd interrupted.

"It was an aberrant. One of the rare classes that seemed almost intelligent. Like it had a plan of some sort. But I was confident they would manage on their own. I left them."

"I left them." The man repeated, staring at the flames inside the fireplace.

Eren shifted in his place, feeling a knot of dread in his chest.

"I had this feeling... I hurried back but... I was late... Gunter, Auruo, Erd..." His voice trembled. "... Petra... All four of them. Mangled. Their eyes still opened and... Staring at me. Like they were asking me 'why'. Why did I let them down?"

Eren couldn't bear it. Levi's voice was so deeply hurt, sad and hollow that it broke his heart. Levi cared about the members of his squad. They were his friends; his good, if not closest friends and they've all died. Every single one of them died.

His eyes burning, Eren took a shivering breath and looked at Levi. The man was now silently watching him, his eyes dark and filled with pain of unshed tears.

So Eren cried instead.

"I'm sorry," he wept, a stream of tears running down his cheeks. "I'm so sorry... Levi... It's terrible..."

"Eren," he said softly.

"I should have known... You're a hero and yet you're alone... Everyone died... It's not fair... I'm so sorry," the boy continued to cry mournfully. His vision completely blurred, he moved from his spot and kneeled before Levi, gripping his arms.

"It's not fair," he repeated. "You didn't deserve it..."

"They didn't," Levi whispered. "And you don't deserve to be this sad because of me, either."

Shaking his head, Eren reached towards the older man and embraced him tightly, hiding his face against his neck. Levi tensed for a moment, but then slid his arms around the boy.

Eren found himself awkwardly kneeling between Levi's legs, but he couldn't have cared less, not at that moment. He felt Levi's arms gradually tightening around him and he reciprocated, his heart beating wildly. Levi's breath was warm and steady against his ear, tickling just a little bit. Eren wanted to cry even more, his chest burning with emotions.

They moved. Their hands moved. Levi's slid through his hair, petting gently and holding him closer and closer still. Young trembling fingers tentatively touched Levi's neck, the soft and warm skin under the fingertips.

When Levi started to pull back, Eren placed a hand to the back of his neck, keeping him close.

"Please Levi... J-just..."

Levi slid a thumb under his eye, wiping the trail of tears.

The boy's heart skipped a beat. How he loved this man. He wanted to remove all the pain and misery that Levi had ever experienced. He wanted to kiss it all away, undo it all, just...

He closed his eyes, trembling from the gentle touch against his cheek. "Levi, I..."

The thought and the words got interrupted by warm lips claiming his. A shiver shot through Eren's body, finally settling in his chest, where it spilled into warmth and ache that he'd never felt before. Afraid to open his eyes, Eren relaxed into the touch, feeling Levi's mouth moving gently as he pressed slow kisses against his lips.

He was barely aware of the motion when Levi slid off the sofa together with him and laid him down on that soft fur rug, never stopping the kisses.

xXx

To be continued...